Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Dear God

Dear God,
Do you remember when Elizabeth was born, and I was getting ready to leave the hospital? And I wondered who these crazy people were who thought it was OK to send a BABY home with me? After all, what did I know about being a mother???
Do you remember the tears I cried as we struggled to figure out how to nurse?
What about the sleepless nights when I wanted to call it quits? Do you remember those?
Oh, and how about when Joshua was born? Remember the frustration I had in learning how to change his diapers? Boys are so different! It was laughable in the hospital, but it got old pretty quickly. You saw those tears, too, didn't you?
Then Matthew came along. Remember how I struggled to be a mommy to THREE children? Oh, the trouble I had keeping two occupied while I cared for the third!
Those days were really hard, LORD.
As the children grew, the challenges grew, too. Do you remember that? Do you remember how we struggled through potty training, setting boundaries, and adjusting to school and homework? Remember that day when I sat outside the kitchen door and actually questioned Your wisdom in giving me children?
I imagine you overheard me thinking about how I'm so jealous of You. You have perfect wisdom and You always know the right thing to do; the right amount of and approach to discipline. You always know how things are going to turn out, so You never second-guess the way You are shaping Your children. And You do everything with love. Perfect love. Oh, how I wish I could be a mother like you are a Father!
God, I know You remember all these things. You have been watching over me and my children all this time. And You have been faithful. Those angry outbursts from Joshua, which I thought were going to do me in? They don't happen anymore. The bickering over toys and clean-up time? You've brought us past it. Even the endless battles over bath nights are behind us. I've been a mommy for over seventeen years now, and I am so, so very thankful for Your faithfulness through it all.

But, God? I'm still struggling.

The challenges are new, and I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing. We have to chose a college for Elizabeth. Joshua's teen-age angst is too much for me most days. I desperately want to understand Matthew's heart but I don't know how to get there. My babies aren't babies anymore, God, but mothering is still hard!

You knew this would happen, didn't You? And You know how it's all going to be resolved.
Father, thank You for Your faithfulness over the past seventeen years. And thank You that I can have confidence in Your continued faithfulness for the rest of our days



Kaira said...

I love you. This makes me a little teary. <3

Sara K. said...

So thankful for your tender heart and your transparency as you cry out to the Lord! Thinking of Prov 3:5-6! Right there in the boat with ya, sister. :) HUGS!

Karen Hossink said...

Kaira - I love you, too. :)

Sara - It's good to be on this journey together. Hugs right back atcha!