Thank you for the comments about me being a nice mom for letting the kids bring Lucky into our house. My "kind" act may seem a little less remarkable when I tell you the kids already have pet mice, so I'm used to them. (And, yes, I do hold them on occasion, and I even think they're cute!)
The ironic thing is, for most of the day today I have been feeling far from "nice." Maybe because I stayed up too late last night and had a headache for most of the day. Maybe because I took the kids with me on errands this morning and one or the other of them was constantly complaining or wandering off in another direction. Maybe because my husband has been working long hours this week and I'm tired of feeling like a single parent. (How do you single moms do it???) Or perhaps it's because I just moved into a new house, things are still kind of a mess and my emotional wick is shorter than usual.
Whatever the reason, for most of the day today I have been pretending to be nice. That is, I have been trying to behave contrary to my feelings. This is the kind of day when I have to take frequent deep breaths, when I rely on a lot of self-talk like, Relax, Karen. It isn't really a big deal, and when I must regularly remind myself of what is True.
Honestly, there were times today when I felt like the most rotten person on planet Earth. These kids are great. They are gifts. I am blessed to have three healthy children! How can I possibly be so irritated with them? What's wrong with me??? And so I battle with myself, fighting between who I am and who I long to be.
Over the past few mornings I have been reading about the events leading up to Jesus' crucifixion, marveling at His perfect love. He was betrayed and abandoned by His closest friends, yet His love never faltered. He was mistreated and ridiculed, but He never turned His back on those He came to save. I want to be like Him. I've had a line from a song running through my head lately, I'm so tired of me. Jesus, I want to be like You! Yes, that is my heart's desire.
I have my first speaking engagement of the year coming up Tuesday night. It's been three and a half months since I've spoken and I am so looking forward to getting back into it. The thought did cross my mind today, Perhaps God, in His goodness, is allowing me to have a day like today in order that I might be more ready to relate with the women to whom I'll be speaking next week. He is always working things out for His good purposes and perfect plan. It wouldn't surprise me if He were up to something good today.
Yes, even in the midst of my yuck, He is still good. I am so thankful God's goodness is not affected by my circumstance. Aren't you?