*great big, satisfied sigh*
I have just had a wonderful weekend.
The house was quiet, and I got tons of scrapbooking done. (I'm now working on events from 14 months ago, but I feel good about it. Really. I was back-logged 26 months when I got started!)
But that isn't the part of the weekend which has me smiling today. The part of my weekend bringing me this joy is the time I spent with Brian.
We went to dinner and a movie Friday night. Went out to dinner again Saturday (Using up gift cards we received for Christmas...) and took a nice walk around our neighborhood. Surrounding those events, we spent a fair amount of time just sitting and talking.
As we sat talking after our walk Saturday, Brian said, "It's been nice just hanging out with you this weekend."
I smiled at him and agreed, but he wasn't finished talking and what he said next rather took me by surprise. He said for the past couple weeks he has felt neglected by me. Brian said sometimes he wondered if I even noticed him.
I'm sure my mouth was hanging open as I was listening to these words, because it just wasn't clicking with me. I know I don't always give him all the attention he wants, but I do my best and to hear him say he wondered if I even noticed him seemed a little extreme. It wasn't making sense to me.
We spent the next little while talking about his thoughts. I apologized and tried to explain my perspective. In the end, Brian said he knew he shouldn't have kept this all to himself for so long. He said he had told God, "She listens to You. You tell her!" And God answered (as Brian put it), "I'm not talking to her about this, buddy. You've got to do it."
So he did.
And I was glad.
But after our conversation had ended I couldn't stop thinking about it. I wondered, How can I be enough? How can I be all the mom my children need, and all the wife Brian needs? I'm trying, but I'm not enough. And then His Spirit reminded me we've been over this very thing before, and I prayed, Lord, I need You to make me enough. I know I cannot do this without You. Please help me to be all they need me to be.
That night, every time I woke up (which seemed to happen more often than usual...) I was thinking about Brian and about the conversation we had. God was reminding me that, yes, I do need to be more intentional about loving Brian.
I think about him and pray for him all day. (The kids have posted papers all over the house which say "11:11," and they point it out whenever it's on the clock. Sometimes Matthew will even say something like, "Mom, look at the clock in 1 hour and 5 minutes so you can pray for Dad.") I realized that because of how much Brian is on my mind when he isn't around the house, it simply never occured to me that I may be neglecting him when he is home. Though I didn't mean to shut Brian out, God was showing me I had been doing it.
Sunday morning as Brian and I were getting ready for church, God had one more thing to say to me about the matter. I was reaching into the pocket of my skirt (Which I haven't worn since last summer, or maybe the summer before!) and I found a scripture verse I'd left there. Or, which God had placed there "for such a time as this." It was 1 Timothy 6:20, "Guard what has been entrusted to your care."
I smiled at Him and said, Yes, Lord. I will guard this marriage. I will love my husband. Thank You for making me enough.
A little while later I told Brian, "He's speaking to me about you now. I think you just needed to go first." And I gave him a great big kiss.
You already knew I am not a perfect mom. Well, I am not a perfect wife, either. That's why I am so glad I serve a perfect God. He knows just what we need, and He brings it about at the perfect time.