Am I normal?

OK, I'm having "a moment," and I need to vent to someone who I know will understand. So, I'm turning to you. (Yes, I've already prayed!)

I laugh when I consider my last blog - how I considered the night to be so strange because it went incredibly smoothly. Tonight was much more "normal." There was arguing, complaining, procrastinating, blaming, threatening, and disobeying. Right about now, I'd like to get used to "abnormal."

I was feeling so discouraged tonight. Though I was still loving my kids, I wasn't liking them much at all. All the petty bickering and mindless complaining they were doing had me at my wits' end. I began to imagine life without them and wondered, "What if?"

"If I didn't have kids..." Wouldn't life be easier if I was alone? If there were no one at my feet saying, "That isn't fair!" If no one splashed water out of the bath tub onto the floor for me to clean up. If no one asked me to do things I don't want to do. Wouldn't life be easier then?

I just spoke to a wonderful group of ladies at a MOPS meeting last night. Tonight, as I was going through this thought process, I rememered sharing with these women about another time when I went through a similar "What if?" series. My conclusion that time was, "If I didn't have kids...I wouldn't be changing." I know God is using them to make me into the woman He wants me to be. I know there is a reason for these trials I face. I know God is good, and all this stuff is for my ultimate good.

But tonight I was feeling rotten. I just sat there thinking about how "easy" it would be if I didn't have kids, and I prayed, "Lord, please remind me how precious these children are. Remind me how much I love them. Remind me how much You love them. Remind that I am blessed to have them and to be their mother. Remind me how empty my life would be without them."

When they were finally all in bed and my husband asked me, "So, what do you want to do now?" I answered him with a simple statement, "I want to cry." And I told him about my thoughts, and I did cry.

I don't want to wish these days away. I don't want to spend my days waiting for the time when raising my children will be "easy." (My mom says that day will never come, anyway!) I want to live each day to it's fullest, and love my kids to the fullest in every day. God knows just what I need in my life to make me holy. I don't like that I struggle with my kids, but I have confidence God knows what He's doing.

I'm not the only mother who feels this way, am I? I'm not the only one who feels a little crazy sometimes, am I? - Waffling between, "These kids are driving me nuts!" and "My life wouldn't be complete without them!" Please, someone tell me I'm normal!