Permission to Rest

The truth is, my days have been full and I just didn't "have it in me" to make a video devotion.
Rather than force something, I'm choosing to rest.
And because I have a feeling I am not the only one who feels this way, I want to extend the offer to you, as well. May the peace of Christ rest upon you today!

I Scrubbed the Floor

I scrubbed the floor of the shower this morning before I took my shower. Figure I saved a good five minutes doing it this way. That is, I didn't have to change into grubby clothes first, didn't have to set aside what I was already doing to go take care of a chore, and didn't have to rinse my work space when I was finished. Just spray, scrub, turn on the shower, and hop in.

See, the thing is, I spoke for a group of MOPS moms last week. And as we were sitting around the table talking, the topic of how-can-I-get-things-done/how-can-I-be-satisfied-when-I-don't-get-things-done came up. I listened to these mothers of pre-schoolers bemoaning their never-ending list of chores and duties, and the struggle it is to do everything in the midst of caring for children - and I remembered being in their shoes. Wanting to get it all done, so I might feel like I was "good enough".
As if I had to prove my worth by having clean children and a sparkly house.
Well, see, the other thing is - I think the reason I could understand their struggle (besides remembering young motherhood) is because not a lot has changed.
OK. A lot has changed.
My life is no longer filled with diapers, sticky fingers, temper tantrums, and toys over which to stumble. Today the pressures come in much different shapes and sizes. And from different sources.
But they're still demanding, and they still leave me feeling like I can't do it all.
Ahhhh, but there's where the other change has come.
Today I know I can't do it all.
And by the grace of God, I'm OK with that knowledge.
My Father has convinced me that HIS love, HIS presence, HIS goodness, even HIS delight in me is not dependent on my performance as a keeper-of-my-house. God doesn't mind when my shelves are dusty. HE is comfortable sitting at the table with me even if there is clutter on the counter. And HE doesn't base my worth on the shiny-ness of my floors.
So I won't, either.

Oftentimes while I'm showering I think, Argh! I need to scrub these walls and floor. But I have A, B, and C to do when I'm finished getting dressed today. And then D, E, and F this afternoon. When am I ever going to get to cleaning the shower?
But today I took a couple of minutes before I got into the shower and I scrubbed the floor.
Maybe I'll quickly do one of the walls before my shower tomorrow.
And another one the next day.
For now, though, I am going to be satisfied with what's done.
And I am going to rest in the knowledge that God loves me. (No matter what my house looks like.)

If you relate to this struggle, may I invite you to join me in getting parts of work done in the pieces of time you can do them, and giving yourself a pat on the back for a-little-bit-of-a-job-well-done?

Fast-Forward 18 Years

It happened again.
One of those moments in which I found myself "remembering when", and smiling at the realization that God's grace and faithfulness have consistently carried me through.
That is, yesterday morning I served at church by caring for children, so their mommies could have time with other mommies. And as I always do on those mornings, while I was getting ready for the day I was praying for the babies. Asking God to bring peace and give grace to the children, the volunteers, and the mommas - that all might have a joyful morning. (A prayer I am also whispering for this morning - as I speak for some sweet MOPS moms!)
Anyway, as I was contemplating how the morning would transpire (Always plenty of crying now, at the beginning of the year!) my mind went back to when my Josh was three years old. Almost every time I took him to the nursery on a Sunday morning - no matter how pleasant his disposition may have been up to that point - he would put up a fight.
Like, seriously.
As I attempted to pass him over the half-door he would spread out his arms and legs to brace himself in the doorframe, thinking his strength would keep him from going into the nursery. And leaving me feeling like some wicked mother for forcing her child into the loving arms of a sweet servant, when said child clearly wanted no part in it. Of course, by the time I returned to pick him up, Josh was playing and having fun and was totally happy to be in the nursery.
But those first moments.
Oh, they were hard on my momma's heart!
So, as I said, I was thinking about that memory yesterday, after I had just spent the previous evening with my family at Josh's apartment having dinner and playing games. And I smiled as I thought about my 21-year-old son, grown and learning to make his way in the world - but still needing mom 'n dad now and then. I smiled as I recalled his fits over being taken to the nursery, him not realizing at the time that life would get a lot harder. And I smiled - I'm still smiling - as I pondered the faithfulness of our God through each day and every challenge we've faced over that past 18 years. Ahhh, yes. GOD is good!

And if you're reading these words as a mother of babes, if the heartache of tearful transitions and woeful cries is what you're experiencing these days, please hear my heart for you.
It's hard. I know it is! But God is faithful, and HE will bring you through this time.
Keep holding on to HIM, dear sister.

Coming Full Circle

I had an interesting conversation in the check-out lane at Meijer yesterday afternoon.
A few lanes over there was a young child half babbling, half screaming and I overheard the cashier and the woman in front of me commenting about it. I chuckled and chimed in, "Ahhh, it's fun to make noise." They agreed, and then the woman ahead of me in line noted that - while the noise-making can be cute - she does not miss her kids being that age. What with the temper tantrums and diapers and all the other unpleasantries associated with that time in life.
"But now they're teenagers," she said, "and they're driving me nuts in other ways."
I smiled and nodded, because I fully understood her observation. Then I said, "I get that, because I've been there. The crazy thing is they keep growing, and things keep changing. Tomorrow night we're going over to my 21-year-old son's apartment for dinner and a family game night. I am so looking forward to it!" And in that moment I realized that we have truly come full circle in this parenting gig. Having survived the baby days and the toddler years and the pre-school stage and grade school and the teens - now that two-thirds of our children are no longer living under our roof - we're all coming together under one of their roofs to enjoy one another and have fun.
Honestly, 19 years ago - when I was up to my armpits in diapers and young-mother angst - when older and wiser women told me, "There will come a time when you'll miss these days!" - I couldn't imagine I would make it to today. I was too caught up in the struggle of the moment to believe it would ever pass. And envisioning the today I'm living right now seemed waaaay out of reach.
Yet, here I am.
Wow.
And thanks be to God!!!
Full disclosure, though? I don't miss those days.
Oh, some many of the moments? Yes.
But not the entire day!
*wink*

How about you? Caught up in the middle of a struggle which seems like it will go on forever?
Hang in there, my friend. It will surely come to an end.
And, remember - God is faithful. Hold on to HIM!!!

OK. I'm Saying It.

There are a number of things mothers-of-grown-kids said to me when my children were young, which I swore I would never say to other young moms when mine grew up.
Because - although the words had the best intentions behind them - they did little to encourage me.
And sometimes actually did the opposite.
I mean, now I totally see the wisdom behind their words because I've made it to the other side.
In fact, there have been times when I have been tempted to say the very same things.
You know, like, "This, too, shall pass."
When? Because I keep waiting, and it's still happening.
And, "We've all been there."
Oh? So I shouldn't feel this way, because I'm not the only one? Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because it doesn't. Now I just feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed, irritable, tired, fill-in-the-blank.
Or, how about, "There will be a time when you'll miss these days!"
So not true. I still don't miss those days.
Oh, lots of the moments - to be sure. But not the entire day!!!
Indeed, those are among the statements I pray I will never say to a mother of young children.
But this past weekend I found myself thinking a thought I had when my kiddos were little, and recognizing that it may be helpful for me to verbalize it for a few moms of young 'uns out there today.
So, here goes!

I was outside cleaning the porch and washing windows. Partly delighted with myself for getting it done, and partly ashamed that it has taken so long. (Can it still be considered "Spring Cleaning" if July hasn't arrived yet?) Anyway, I was doing it. And I was astonished at how dirty the porch was.
See, the thing is, years ago Josh turned our porch and its immediate area into a bird sanctuary.
Several bird feeders fill the space and - up until he moved out several months ago - Black Oil Sunflower seeds consistently filled the feeders.
And something I've learned about birds?
They're messy and they don't clean up after themselves.
What that means specifically for our situation is that we have more sunflower seed shells filling the landscape than I could ever count. And in case you were wondering, mertyle doesn't grow well when buried by sunflower seed shells. Some of the weeds managed to push through, but the mertyle is being choked out. What once looked like semi-decent landscaping just looks like piles of shells now. With some languishing mertyl and weeds mixed in.
So as I was sweeping sunflower seed shells off the porch (Because they got all over the porch, too.) into the mertyl (Because, why not? It's dying, anyway.) and recalling all the times I had wished our porch entrance looked nicer, I remembered how much joy came to my son when he could claim that all the birds in the neighborhood liked our house best. Because no one else took care of feeding them with as much love and attention as he did.
Seriously.
This kid used his own money to buy the best bird seed - because he researched and found out what the birds really liked. He would fill the feeders every night, and only at night, because he didn't want to do it when the birds were around - so as not to frighten them. Josh would even adjust the curtains by the porch to give the birds more privacy in their feeders.
Is it any wonder they all flocked to our house day after day, season after season?
They had the best possible advocate and care-taker in my son.
And we?
Had a messy porch with terrible looking landscaping.
But cleaning up the mess and making plans for a nice front porch (Because Josh has moved out, the birds have moved on, and Brian and I want to create a beautiful space.) caused me to remember the thing I've heard (and thought!) so many times. "You can't have nice things when you have kids!"
And, you know? In many ways that's a true statement.
But as I reflected on my son's joy in caring for his birds - while cleaning the mess they left behind, even as I anticipated a lot of work in making the space beautiful again - I can honestly say, it's OK.
It has been totally worth it.
And if I had it to do all over again, I would still opt for a messy front porch - if it meant my son finding joy in caring for God's creation. If it meant my son could be delighted in learning about what birds like to eat, how they migrate and nest and survive, and caring for their little birdy needs.
Yeah. All that wins out over my desire to have a presentable front porch.
So, for what it's worth, mother of young children (especially boys!), don't worry about having "nice things" right now. For today, let your kids be kids and seek to find joy in seeing them finding joy.
Even if it means a messy front porch.

There. I said it!

So Much Fun

Oh, how things change.
How the passing of time, and a differing level of responsibilities, and growth in perspective, and an increasing appreciation of life - affects the way we see and respond to circumstances.
That is to say, I had a very long day Monday.
And it was wonderful!!!

My day "began" at 6:30 Monday morning, when I clocked into work.
Punched out at 3:00.
From there I did my weekly grocery shopping. Must have been in Wonder Woman mode because I was through the store, cashed out, car loaded, driving out of the parking lot at 4:04.
Then I went home, put groceries away, and started making dinner so I would be ready to receive two charming young boys into my care at 5:00, while their parents attended parent/teacher conferences at school.
Yet, for as exhilarating as it was to accomplish all that, the wonderful part didn't really begin until my young charges arrived.
What I mean is, as soon as the boys entered my house they were ready for adventure. Full of excitement and energy, and eager to get down to the business of having fun. We went downstairs to see what there was to do, and found a couple of cool things to explore. But then the decision was made to try a game of hide-and-seek, so we went back upstairs and took turns - well - hiding and seeking!
When that game became uninteresting, we went back downstairs and started playing foosball.
(To gain the full affect of the scenes I am attempting to describe, insert lots of laughter and horse-play and shrieks of delight.)
Not too long into our game, Brian got home and came downstairs to see what was going on. Annnnd now, the teams were more "even" and the real fun began around the foosball table. Even a bit of very young trash-talk between the brothers.
After our raucous game ended, we all hurried back upstairs for some more hide-and-seek.
This time the teams consisted of the boys vs. Brian and me. We had a blast pretending we couldn't find the boys' hiding spots, while also acting surprised when they discovered our location.
(Except that one time when we hid in the bathtub, behind the shower curtain. We stiffled laughter as we listened to them searching. Finally, my "sneezing" led them to us - and we all enjoyed a moment of celebration.)

The thing is, after mom and dad took the boys home and I had some time to reflect, I felt like I had a better understanding of the blessing of aging maturing. I grasped the reality of how our outlook changes over time. (I still don't miss "those days". Several of the moments, yes. But not the entire day!!!)
Honestly, I well remember the days when another game of hide-and-seek, or one more shoe to tie, or yet another moment of yelling (even if it was all in fun!), or "just one more" of just about anything had me completely worn out and ready to quit.
Or explode, depending on how the rest of the day had gone. *ahem*
But Monday - even at the end of a super long day - I felt simply delighted having two young boys vying for my attention, running around my house, making too much noise, and having the time of their lives. Because I'm on the other side of being "mom". Because I'm more relaxed now than I was then. Because God has given me the grace to enjoy the moment.
And now I am really looking forward to some day, when my children have children and they need me to play my role as Grandma. It's going to be so much fun!!!

How Can You Tire of a Miracle?

The cruise schedule for today is a "Sea Day".
So, while I'm sailing along the beautiful blue seas, here is something for you to read which I originally posted on September 4, 2013. Whether you're a mom whose miracles come in the form of children, or someone whose miracles come in another way, I pray it blesses your heart.

The rabble with them began to crave other food, and again the Israelites started wailing and said, "If only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost - also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!"

Numbers 11:4-6

We never see anything but this manna!
Does that statement cause anyone else to do a double-take?
Or am I the only one?
Back in Exodus 16, manna came on the scene for the very first time. The Israelites had been grumbling because they were hungry. They accused Moses of bringing them out of Egypt and into the desert to starve them to death. But God told Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you." (Ex. 16:4) And that is just what He did. In the morning when the dew was gone, "thin flakes like frost" covered the ground. And they tasted like wafers made with honey. (Read Exodus 16 for all the details.)
And that was it! Every morning - through no effort of their own - the Israelites were provided with bread from heaven. God performed a miracle for them every.single.day. Can you even imagine what that would have been like?
*yawn*
*stretch*
Hmmmm. I wonder what's for breakfast today? Oh, look! God gave us manna again!
Every morning. Another display of God's faithfulness and power in the miracle of manna.

Yet, somehow by the time we make it to Numbers 11, they're tired of it. "We never see anything but this manna!" And I'm left thinking, What? How can you tire of a miracle???
I understand, these men and women were tired. Probably scared. All that walking through the desert likely made them a bit *ahem!* irritable. But part of me wants to grab their shoulders, look them in the eyes, and plead with them, "C'mon, folks! This is God we're talking about. This manna He's providing is a miracle. Do you hear me? A miracle! You wake up every morning and - Bam! - there it is. How could you possibly be tired of this?"
Standing on the outside looking in, I could see the wonder of what HE had done. In my heart I just wanted the Israelites to embrace the miracle, and honor God for His power and faithfulness.

Just as I came to that realization, God met me with another one: Sometimes I'm just like them!

Fellow mom, are you ready for this?
Motherhood is a miracle.
Our children are miracles.
They're gifts!
Yet, there are moments, days, weeks even - when I am so tired of motherhood. Sometimes I want to legally change my name so I no longer feel compelled to respond whenever someone wails, "Mmmoooooooommm!" There, in the midst of the trial, my view is clouded and I neglect to see my children as the miracles they are. Do you know what I'm talking about?
That's why on the day I was reading about the Israelites despising manna, I felt like God was opening my eyes. In the same way I wanted to plead with the Israelites, I believed God wanted to plead with me. Karen, I understand you get tired. I know motherhood can be scary when you can't see what's around the corner. And you get irritable when you have to go through the same thing over and over again. But I want you to remember, dear one, these children are miracles. Do you recall at their birth when you would marvel at their little toes and eye lashes, and wonder at how I could do such an amazing thing? They've grown bigger, but they're still miraculous. Darling, when you're tired of motherhood, please pause for a moment and remember the miracle.

May these words speak to your heart as they spoke to mine!

Gettin' my "Grandma" On

Monday afternoon I had the fun opportunity to babysit a couple of young boys at my house while their parents attended parent/teacher conferences. My guests were ages 4 and (almost)8. And, I'm telling you, it's been a while since I've had that much energy and noise in my home!
I put aside my chores (That is, getting dinner ready.) so I could play with the boys - and in the short 90 minutes they were here, those little guys nearly wore me right out.
First, I taught them how to play Foosball. OK, I didn't teach them "how" - as in they learned the rules and proper techniques. I mean, I taught them "how" - as in we crowded around the table and they grabbed at the handles and spun the guys around and sometimes actually kicked the ball, and once or twice even scored a goal. But mostly they just yelled and laughed and ran around having fun.
Then they got interested in the work-out equipment they found downstairs. Especially the 90-lb dumbbell. "Wow! That's heavy!" they said. "But I bet my dad could pick it up!" they said. And they rolled the medicine ball around on the floor to each other. Ahhh, who am I kidding? They're boys. The truth is although I suggested they roll it, the ball somehow found itself with quite a bit of air time. But that was OK. They were excited to see something new, and they were having fun.
Soon enough, they were finished with the basement and wanted to go outside. So we got our coats on and went out to play.
The swing on the deck was good.
The swing on the tree branch was better.
But their favorite thing was raking leaves to jump in. Seriously, I was with the younger one on the deck swing when I saw the older one with a rake in his hand - actually raking leaves. And I'm all, Hey! If you want to rake leaves (If you don't realize that is a job NOBODY around here wants to do!) let's do it!
So "4" and I joined "(almost)8" and we got a pile of leaves going. When the pile got nice and big (to a 4-year-old) the proclamation was made that it was time to jump in them. And I kinda questioned it because the leaves were kinda wet and I thought, Hmmmm. Would Mom approve? But then I reasoned, Ahhhh. They're having fun. And we'll only be out here for a few more minutes. They aren't going to catch a cold from getting a little wet. That's an old wive's tale!
So I joined them in the leaf pile.
After a short time we found ourselves back inside, downstairs playing with the medicine ball again. And one of the boys discovered a jar on the countertop with Hersey's Hugs inside.
You know what happened next, don't you?
He wanted to have one. And it was almost 6:00, and his mom would be back soon to pick him up, and I knew if I let him have one his brother was going to want one. I also knew they'd be having dinner as soon as they went home. So I asked, "Would your mom say it's 'OK'?" (I didn't really expect him to say, "no". *wink*) So when he said, "Yes," and I reasoned a little tiny Hersey Hug wouldn't ruin their dinner, I said, "Yes," too.
So I gave them each a Hug, and we went upstairs because Mom had just arrived.

And as we bid the boys farewell, Brian looked at me and chuckled. "Look at you, gettin' your 'Grandma' on!" And I'm all, "Wha????" And he says, "Come on! You've gotten soft. You know you wouldn't have given our kids candy before dinner. You're going to be such a good grandma!"
And I joined him in the laughter, because as I considered all the little things I'd let go over the past 90 minutes I realized he was right. Something about getting older and having grown-up kids does cause one to soften up a bit. *grin*

Late Night Ramblings

Have you ever thought your child was home, called him to set the table for dinner, and discovered he isn't home, after all?
So then you figured he must be at work, because where else could he be?
But then you think, Wait a minute! I don't remember seeing him this afternoon when I got home from picking up the van. And you start to think, What if he got into an accident after he dropped me off at the shop to pick up the van?
But you know that's a ridiculous thought, because - surely - you would have seen the accident when you were driving home the same route he would have driven.
So you try to dismiss the thought.
But it lingers.
And as the evening progresses you consider texting or calling your child, just to be sure he isn't dead is at work. But you think you're being silly, and you tell yourself, Of course he's fine.
Except your anxious mother's heart is arguing with the rational part of your brain. So you can't go to bed when you want to because you'll just feel better if you see him walk in the door after work. Because even though he's totally fine, and the police would have contacted you by now if he'd been in an accident, and you're over-reacting by worrying, and all that stuff - you just want to see him with your own eyes.

Then, like music to your ears, you hear the garage door open and close - and you walk out and see your son cuddled up on the floor with the dog. And you rush over to him and hug him and tell him you love him, and you're so happy to see him.
You confess the worry you've been battling for the past few hours, and he says, "You know, you could have called me."
Then you're all, "But I thought I was being silly. And you wouldn't have been able to answer, anyway..."
And he says, "You thought I was dead, and you didn't even call me???"
And you're left trying to figure out how to convince your son you really do love him, even though you didn't call...

Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah. Me, neither.
Good night. My son is home, and I'm going to bed now.
*wink*

To Every Mother of "Just One Child"

I had the wonderful opportunity to speak for a MOPS group yesterday morning. And after the meeting I had a conversation with one of the moms - which I want to share with you today. In the hopes that you are, or know someone, who needs to be in on it, too.

This particular young woman has a daughter and, unless God decides to perform a miracle, it looks like she won't be having any more children. So she wanted to ask me, since she only has one child - is it wrong for her to feel overwh... That is, she wondered, because she has just one child - and not two or three or four like other moms, shouldn't she be more rela... Er, see, she wanted to know if I thought since she doesn't have a bunch of kids if, if she should...
"never get frustrated, or feel overwhelmed, or want to cry?" I said, finishing the question for her.
Yeah. That was what she was trying to ask.
This dear young woman was feeling guilty for feeling overwhelmed - because she only has one child.
As if somehow it isn't OK to struggle until you have several kids. As if somewhere there is a rule saying all mothers of single children must have it all together all the time. As if it is unacceptable for someone to think they have a hard time when their time isn't as hard as someone else's.
As if, my big toe!!!
I sort of got onto a soapbox and shared with her rather passionately my belief that wherever we are in motherhood, with whatever number of children we have, we're going to face struggles. That a mother of one isn't "less than" because she doesn't have two and yet feels overwhelmed. And a mother of two isn't a "failure" because she has trouble managing the day, while another mother who has three children seems to be getting along quite nicely. And so on.
The thing is, I think mothers are way to prone to being driven by comparison and feelings of guilt. And I think this dear young woman was stuck right there in the middle of it. So we talked about letting go of the guilt, and not believing the lies our enemy tries to feed us. And we prayed, and we hugged. And that was all good.
But I can't get her out of my mind now.
So I wanted to write this post for her - and every other mother like her.

Dear Mother of "Just One Child",
When I was a mother of just one child, some days I felt like a rock star if I was showered and dressed by 2 in the afternoon. When I only had one child I sometimes cried myself to sleep because I didn't know what I was doing and I couldn't get her to stop crying, either. Before I had my second child, I was tired and unsure of myself and some days I didn't think I was going to make it to the next day. When it was just me, hubby, and baby there were times when I longed for it to be just me and hubby again. Because, darn it! One kid was difficult!!!
AND, I was amazed by and so thankful for the precious little human God had chosen to give me.
(For the record, I had the very same feelings when I had my second child. And my third.)
See, motherhood is a challenge - because it is a challenge. Regardless of how many children call you, "Mommy." Please don't beat yourself up because someone else - who has more children than you do - looks like she has it down. Please don't listen to the lie which says you should be able to handle this gig perfectly, since you only have one child. Or the one which says you have no right to be tired and overwhelmed, because there's only one little person depending on you. They're lies! Nothing more.
Instead, please join me at the foot of the cross with every other mother who is willing to admit she cannot do this mothering thing alone. Here, where we are free to be real, where there is no judgment or condemnation, where the King will lift us up and make us new.

Dear Frustrated Mother in the Parking Lot

Oh, precious young momma, I saw you today. Trudging through the slushy mess with those two little guys and your cart full of groceries. Ahhh, those fellas couldn't have been older than three. And I wondered when I saw you, are they twins? Or are you babysitting one of them? Or are they brothers, nine-or-so months apart?
Whatever the case, I could tell they were having fun.
I mean, that is, because I heard you before I saw you.
The noisy boys laughing and carrying on, like little boys do.
Little boys who are enjoying a slushy, messy parking lot.

Truth be told? I didn't only hear the boys before I saw all of you.
I heard you, too.
Trying to reign them in.
Then I found you in my eyesight, just about the time one of your charges face-planted in the slush. Just about the time you reached down and grabbed his coat to hoist him back up onto his feet. And I heard the tone of your voice change. Caught the frustration level increase, and chastisement enter in. I heard you saying very loudly, "Bobby, Michael, Joey... whoever you are, stop this nonsesnse!"
I sighed and I thought, Oh, precious young momma, this is a hard day, isn't it? I mean, no day is fun when you have to take two toddlers to the grocery store, and I bet you're exhausted right now. From the looks of that cart, the three of you have been all over the store!
Yeah, I remember grocery shopping with my kids. Honestly one of the most draining activities of my young-mother-life. So I understand the volume with which you are speaking, and I get that you just want those boys to act like little gentlemen - not little boys. But, dear one, they're boys and that's OK. The dirt will come out in the wash. The boots will dry. It's going to be alright.
I'm not going to say these days are going to go by so fast, or that you're going to miss them. Not going to tell you it's going to get easier, either. But I will say this: You're going to make it, friend. I know, because I have been where you are, and I am making it, too. God has been ruthlessly faithful to my kids and me, and I am convinced HE is the One who is bringing us through these days. And so, along with these words from my heart to yours, I am praying the God of the universe will draw your heart to His and fill it with peace and joy.

Love,

How Sweet

So, when my grandma lived with us in 2015 she and Josh developed a very sweet relationship. For one, he put up and maintained bird feeders outside her window - and each evening he would go into her room so she could tell him about the birds who'd come to visit that day.
They both loved bluebirds, but bluebirds don't hang around our neighborhood very much. So Grandma never saw them at her feeders. Still, for some reason those little critters often found a place in Grandma and Josh's conversations.
I remember one night just a few days before Grandma died. Josh went into her room after work and she struggled to focus on him, but he leaned in and told her, "I saw a few bluebirds at work today, and I thought of you." Oh, if you could have seen how her face lit up.
It took work, but she managed to say, "That's nice, Josh!"
And his face lit up, too.

Last week Josh and I were talking about one of his recent fishing outings and he started to tell me a story. He had seen a few bluebirds while he was wading through the river and then he paused, looking like he felt a little embarrassed.
"Well, this is sort of silly."
"Ahhh, tell me," I begged.
So he kept going.
The bluebirds flew overhead and off to the side. Josh followed their path and cast his pole where the birds had flown over the river. And he caught a good fish.
This is the silly part: Josh said he sort of felt like Grandma Peggy had shown him through the bluebirds where to fish.
I just smiled, and held back a tear.

Not that I believe a dead person has any control over bluebirds, knows where fish are swimming, or even cares what's happening here on earth. But my son - my 19-year-old son - who keeps to himself more often than not, had just shared a vulnerable moment with me. A tender moment and memory of my grandmother. And my heart got filled right up to overflowing.

Hang in there, fellow-mom. Not all the moments are hard ones!

Seeing from the Other Side

Yesterday a friend asked me if I have thought about writing another book.
And the truth is, I have.
Actually, last summer when I had the night shift driving home from Colorado - and everyone else in the van was sleeping - I came up with the title, sub-title, and eleven chapters.
I haven't taken it any farther than a memo on my phone, though.

But due to recent events, and things I've almost said, I'm thinking maybe I ought to get writing.

The thing is, my kids are getting close to being grown up.
They're 21, 19, and 17 now.
The struggles I had with them when they were small don't weigh heavy on my heart and mind anymore. (We've moved on to other struggles!) And as God has been growing them up, He's also been maturing me - and helping me differentiate between things that matter, and things that don't.
In fact, it has come to the point where I almost told a young mother, "This, too, shall pass."
Another time I almost said to parents of a new-born, "You'll make it. Just nap when he naps."
*grimace*
Those are two of the statements which made me cringe during my kids' younger years - every time someone spewed said them to me.
But, but, now that I'm on the other side, I know they're true statements. Having gone through what those young parents are presently going through, I now know the hard times won't last - and the little-ness of their little treasures won't, either. And, like all the grown-women and grandma's who have gone before me, I am eager to encourage them with sage advice and words of wisdom. Which I am certain will alleviate their distress and help them enjoy the moment.
The good thing
The problem is
No, it's definitely a good thing.
The good thing is, before those words came out of my mouth I remembered how they sounded to me when I was an irritable mother in the midst of the struggle. Although now I trust the words were always spoken with good intent - and in accuracy from hind-sight - at the time they did little to nothing to encourage me. Rather, I fell deeper into my pit of mommy-guilt because I wasn't enjoying.every.moment. And I seemed always to feel just a little more of a failure each time someone implied (Unintentionally, I'm sure.) that they made it through whatever I was facing, so I ought to buck-up and face it, too.
I didn't need sage advice and words of wisdom when I was an irritable mother. I mean, maybe later they would have been good to hear. But what I really needed first was for somebody (preferably one of these "older" moms who had been there) to tell me that what I was going through really was hard. That it was OK for me to feel overwhelmed. I needed her to tell me she had cried, too, and sometimes she didn't want to be a mommy anymore, either. My heart was longing for her to validate me, and to assure me that I wasn't a failure. Oh, if she would put her arms around me and pray, and affirm that God was still crazy in love with me - even when I was a slobbery mess.
Yes, those kinds of words would have been so much more valuable to me than the advice to "enjoy them now" because "they're only young once" and "this, too, shall pass."
I mean, I'm seeing the younger years from the other side now, and I know those words are true. But when I was an irritable mother, those words didn't offer the grace I needed.

So that's why I'm thinking maybe some day I'll write,
"When I was an Irritable Mother: A Grandma's Guide to Giving Grace".
What do you think?

What I Wish I Would Have Heard

So the other day I was chatting with a friend on Facebook - via the comment section of her post. She was at our mutual dentist's office and I said something about liking the massage chair they have in the waiting room. I mentioned that I love sitting in it while Matthew is getting his ortho adjustments. Ahhhhhhhh.
And she replied that she wasn't able to enjoy it because she was "chasing the baby" - but realized she'll have a chance some day.
My initial reaction was to say, "Yes. You will." And then I was tempted to advise her to enjoy these moments because they'll go so fast. *Gag!*
Fortunately, before I typed such hypocrisy my memory took me back to a day at the pool when I was chasing kids. When I was looking longingly at the moms who got to sit around enjoying one another's company, seemingly relaxed and care-free. When one of them said to me, "Your time will come," and I didn't feel consoled by her words.
I remembered another time when an older mom tried encouraging me (At least, I think she was trying to encourage me.) by saying, "Oh, we've all been there." Except rather than being encouraged, I felt like her words were telling me I needed to suck it up - because I wasn't the only one who ever went through whatever I was going through at the moment. (In retrospect, I understand that was the faulty thinking of my depression.)
In light of these memories I paused before I finished typing my response. I didn't want to say anything which might in some way discourage or discount my young-mother friend. So I asked myself what I would have wanted to hear at that moment if I were in her shoes.
And I wrote, "Yes. You will. Until then, I pray God will give you the grace to stay in the moment and trust Him through each one." Because even as I wanted to encourage her to not wish these days away, I understand the desperation one can feel when it seems like "this" will never end. And I wanted to direct her gaze toward God as the One who will help her through every "this" she encounters.
Because I have been through a lot of "this."
And I have found that HE is faithful!

Hmmm. After writing these words it occurred to me that someone reading them - even now - may be in need of the same encouragement. If you're the one, I pray God will encourage you with the knowledge that HE sees you, HE knows what you're facing, and HE will be faithful to see you through it. May God give you the grace you need to stay in the moment and trust Him through each one.

Never Give Up

Full disclosure: I am not a big football fan. I had nothing riding on the Super Bowl. Didn't even know who was playing in it until I asked the girls in my Sunday school class this past weekend. And, going into the game - I didn't care who won.

Having said that...

What a great football game!
Er, more appropriately, what a great fourth quarter and overtime period.
Like I said, going into the game I didn't care who won. But I had heard something recently about Tom Brady being in or near his last season, because he's old. (*Gasp!* He's six years younger than I am. But knowing that he's old like me kinda gave me a soft spot in my heart for him.) And I heard that he could set some kind of record for the most Super Bowl wins, or something like that. And my softened heart thought it would be great for him to make that achievement. AND, I'm a sucker for the underdog. So when the Patriots were so far behind, well, I really started pulling for them.
In the midst of my rooting for the underdog, I had to answer to my son who had completely written them off. I kept telling Matthew there was still hope. That as long as there was time on the clock, there was still a chance for them. I told him this was a perfect example of why you should "never give up."
And he rolled his eyes at me.
Which made the result of the game even sweeter. *wink*

Motherly sarcasm aside, Sunday night's game really did make me smile. To see a team come from so far behind - when any reasonable person would have said the game was as good as over - just blessed my heart. Maybe because I think it is such a great lesson for my teenage son to learn as he gets ready to engage this great big world on his own.
And, maybe because I have been in so far behind myself.
So far behind plagued me as a young mom, trying to get a grip on raising kids.
Still haunts me now as I attempt to navigate parenting adult-children.
Some days I feel like the game is as good as lost.
Do you???
Thus, my sentiments for this year's Super Bowl victory.
I am reminded that we need to keep trying. As long as there is still time on the clock, we have a chance. We're only defeated if we throw in the towel.
So, fellow mothers-in-the-trenches, huddle up and let me hear you say it.
Never give up!!!

Confessions of a Dependent Woman

I had lunch with a new friend yesterday.
We've met face-to-face a couple times, been Facebook friends for quite a while, and done our share of texting. But this was the first time we were able to spend any significant time together in person. And what a joy it was to watch God at work - breaking down walls and opening hearts.
See, this dear woman has been through some rough stuff in her life and is therefore a little gun-shy when it comes to trusting people and forming friendships. In spite of that fear, she felt comfortable being open with me and sharing her true self. And when she expressed her own surprise at how much she was sharing - because she believed I was "safe" - I suggested what I thought may an explanation for why she felt that way about me.
When I was a young mother struggling to hold myself together, I was living a lie. Every day when I left the house, I wore a mask trying to convey that I was a perfect mother - just like I thought everyone else was. Although on the inside I was a mess, I tried to portray confidence and happiness outwardly. And, wow! Was that ever a tiring charade to play!!!
So I shared this confession with my friend and explained to her that, by God's grace, I got over trying to be who I am not. I told her that by His gentle (and sometimes painful) refining fire, He is transforming me to be more like Jesus - and that I no longer feel I must try/pretend to have a handle on life.
I am fully dependent upon my Lord. For everything!
"So, you see," I told her, "I know I don't have it all together, and I don't expect anyone else to pretend to, either. Maybe that's why I feel safe." After further conversation we agreed: Any "together-ness" we have, anytime we get it right, or live virtuously, it is only by the grace of GOD and all the glory goes to HIM.

Without HIM, I am a hopeless mess. But with HIM - all things are possible!

How to Help Moms in the Grocery Store

Have you ever been to a grocery store?
During any of your visits, have you ever observed a mom shopping with her young children?
Ever seen her scrambling to keep them in line?
Or frustrated, because she's failing?
Maybe you've been that mom?
Taking for granted that you answered "yes" to the first four questions, have you ever reached out and tried to give that mom a hand?

Monday when I was shopping for our weekly groceries I came across one such mom and her son in the meat department. I'm guessing Little Man had brought along a new toy. It looked kinda like this:

And he was using it to touch just about every.thing.
I could tell the mother was tiring of Little Man's propensity to pick items up with his grabbing toy. In fact, even if I hadn't seen her with my eyes, I would have been able to assess her emotional state by the weariness I heard in her voice.
From an outsider's view, I didn't think Little Man was causing any harm. But I could so relate to that mother. I knew she was feeling like the entire store was watching her, judging how well she could, or couldn't, control her son's behavior. Been there. Done that. Don't wanna go back!
And so, in an effort to let her know that Little Man's behavior wasn't bothering her fellow shoppers I leaned toward her and said, "Excuse me. I could use some help reaching something. Do you think your son could assist me?" When she got Little Man's attention and he came toward me I feigned being unable to reach a roll of sausage, and asked if he would please help me.
Oh, if you could have seen the pride in his face as he maneuvered that grabbing tool over the sausage, picked it up, and successfully delivered it right into my hand. It was a precious sight.
I then thanked Little Man profusely, gave mom a wink, and carried on with my shopping.

Annnnnnd, my point?

I have been grocery shopping without my children for about 12 or 13 years now. And I still haven't forgotten how difficult some of those trips were! As a mom who's been there I am prone to notice other moms who are there right now, and my heart goes out to them. But I don't think it's enough for just my heart to go out. Moms need tangible support. So my habit has become to watch for moments like the one I saw Monday, and to reach out in word or deed to give that mom encouragement.
Maybe it's a knowing smile and a whispered, "Hang in there!" Sometimes I talk to the kids and compliment them for being a good helper in the store. Occasionally, I get to do something fun like I did with Little Man.
The point is, all moms need encouragement - and maybe especially so when they're grocery shopping with the kiddos.
So, for the love of humanity and the well-being of future generations - when you're in the store please pay attention to the moms with children. If it looks and sounds like all is well, carry on. (Smiling at her and commenting about how adorable her children are would be acceptable, too.) But if she's getting frazzled and it seems as though angst is rising please extend a gentle gesture to let her know she isn't alone, and you aren't thinking poorly of her.
Your kindness will go a long way.
For her and the kids!

Don't Attempt This Alone

Whew!

I'm whipped.
But I feel so good!
I went outside a couple hours ago with the intention of bagging some leaves. Two bags, and then call it quits - was my plan. Because, well, it's a job that has to get done, and nobody wants to do it. So for the past few days I've been filling up two bags at a time and feeling satisfied that progress was being made.
Thus, I went outside to do my two-bags-worth. And just when I was nearing the end of my second bag Matthew came home from school and got right into leaf-bagging with me.
Then I'm all, Well, I can't stop now. Not when I've got help! I'll just do another bag or two since Matthew's out here with me. So I plugged along, cramming those bags until not one more leaf would fit.
And as I worked longer than I had planned I realized, it's a lot less "painful" when you've got help. I mean, I was doing the exact same thing I'd been doing before - in fact, more of it - but somehow the burden seemed lighter with Matthew by my side.
The result? There's alotta bags o'leaves sitting in the garage right now. I'm probably going to have some sore muscles tomorrow. And I don't even care, because I feel so accomplished for all the work Matthew and I got done together.

The thing is, as Matthew and I were out there working on the leaves together, I began to think about you. My mom-friends who take on the hard work of raising children every single day.
This motherhood gig isn't something we can do two-bags-per-day!
And I was reminded how important it is for us to be there for one another.
Moms encouraging moms.
Women letting other women in on our struggles and imperfections.
Sisters holding each other up in prayer.
Friends offering a hug, a shoulder, and sometimes a casserole and chocolate pie.
Being a mom is tough stuff. But the journey is more bearable when we walk with someone else. I know, because I've tried it both ways.
And so, my friend, please allow me to exhort you today: Don't attempt this alone.

Who do you have in your life with whom you're sharing your burdens?
Or are you trying to make it through all by yourself???

I Quit! And that's OK.

BTW, that noise in the background?
My son, washing dishes. A.K.A., Me NOT washing dishes.
Beautiful sound, isn't it??? *smile*

The Difference Between Toddlers and Teens *Addendum*

Several months ago I had fun writing this post about some of the differences I have seen between how my kids used to be, and how they are today. And this past weekend, I encountered a difference which I hadn't included on my original list.
So, for those of you who may benefit from knowing this one ahead of time, here it is:

Toddlers will proclaim in a loud voice that they "don't love you anymore," when you've done something they particularly do not like. However, those words won't stick with you for long - because you know they aren't true. It will just be a matter of moments until that toddler is at your side, holding your hand, and exchanging I love yous with you again.

Teens will proclaim in a loud voice that you "don't even care how they feel," when you've done something they particularly do not like. Those words will make your heart sink - because you know they aren't true. And you're wondering if your teen will believe you when you say, "I love you," and tell him that you do care.

Yeah.
So that was a piece of my weekend.
I'm telling you, parenting is not for wimps!
LORD, please give each one of us the grace and love we need to raise these children. Oh, we need you in every moment of every day. We cannot do this parenting thing on our own. Please fill us and lead us with Your wisdom and mercy.