HE Listens

So, my van died last Sunday.
Which meant Brian and I were quickly looking for a vehicle to replace it. And this activity made me a bit uncomfortable, because 1) we weren't planning on getting a new vehicle (I mean, we've talked about it randomly over the past several months. But it still felt like a sudden and unexpected purchase.) and 2) I don't like spending large amounts of money. We scoured websites, and debated the pros and cons of various options. And through it all I felt quite unsettled about being able to make the best choice.
Nonetheless, Brian came across a van which seemed like it may be a good fit for us. And we made plans to go for a test drive Tuesday afternoon.
So Tuesday morning I prayed, and I asked God to close the door if this one wouldn't be a good one for us. I asked Him to lead us to the best decision. And I believed He would.
We were in a bit of an anxious rush Tuesday afternoon trying to fit too many things into too little time, and Brian drove right past the exit we were supposed to take. Then we came to the exit we thought would be a good substitute, only to realize as we were on it that it was not the one we thought. Oh, it was marked with the right numbers, but it was a detour and did not put us where we thought we were going. So we found ourselves in a sort-of-familiar-place and figured out where we needed to go. But as we were going there we discovered that the road was closed, traffic was re-routed, and going was slow. (All of this happening while we're under the pressure of getting through with the test drive and back home in time for Brian to participate in a video meeting for work.)
My mind went back to the prayer I had prayed, and I asked, God, are You closing this door? Are these delays and detours Your doing? Are You leading us in this moment away from buying this vehicle? (Because, yeah, sometimes it takes me a few minutes to recognize the obvious things HE puts in front of me.)
So when we finally made it to the place where this van was, I had already made up my mind that this was not the one for us. And after inspecting and driving it, Brian came to the same conclusion. Which was a good thing, except now we had no leads on a vehicle.
Then came Tuesday night, and my participation in a prayer meeting on Zoom. As everyone was gathering and the host asked how we were all doing I let out a heavy sigh, which led to a brief explanation of our dead van and the search for a replacement. During the last portion of the prayer meeting I was asked to pray about my need for a van, then someone else would pray for my need and present a request of their own. And on it would go - each person praying for the need of the person who had just prayed, then voicing their own prayer which would be prayed for again by the next person. It almost caught me off guard when the organizer said, "Karen, will you begin by praying about your van need?" but I was happy to oblige. So we prayed for God's provision of a vehicle.
And here's where it gets really good.
Because another thing happened Tuesday night.
An individual about 20 minutes away from us posted his van for sale. The very make and model Brian was most interested in us getting. And Brian found that listing.
Yesterday morning Brian contacted the would-be seller and made an appointment for us to take a test drive. And I continued praying that God would lead us to make a wise decision.
We got to the seller's house and he tossed us the keys to the van and as we got in Brian said, "Hey, 242!" There was a sticker in the back window which indicated to us that the seller most likely attended a church with which we are familiar, and somehow that increased my confidence that we could trust him. Not that going to a particular church makes a person a "good" person, but it felt like a nudge from God that this was a good thing. Everything about the van checked out, we had a good conversation with the seller, and later in the day Brian talked to him again and made a purchase agreement.
That van now sits in my garage.

The thing is, I know God is so much more than a van-provider.
There are bigger and more pressing needs in this world than how I am going to get from point A to point B on any given day. I get that!
But I was delighted by how clearly God lead us in this buying decision over the past couple of days. As I looked with hind-sight (and as He continues to show Himself in various details) it was so obvious to me that God was listening and leading. And I thought, maybe somebody else needs to be encouraged to pray - trusting and believing that God hears and acts.

If that someone is you, I pray you will boldly approach His throne of grace today!

HIS Agenda

HE Will Speak. You Can Listen.

I Scrubbed the Floor

I scrubbed the floor of the shower this morning before I took my shower. Figure I saved a good five minutes doing it this way. That is, I didn't have to change into grubby clothes first, didn't have to set aside what I was already doing to go take care of a chore, and didn't have to rinse my work space when I was finished. Just spray, scrub, turn on the shower, and hop in.

See, the thing is, I spoke for a group of MOPS moms last week. And as we were sitting around the table talking, the topic of how-can-I-get-things-done/how-can-I-be-satisfied-when-I-don't-get-things-done came up. I listened to these mothers of pre-schoolers bemoaning their never-ending list of chores and duties, and the struggle it is to do everything in the midst of caring for children - and I remembered being in their shoes. Wanting to get it all done, so I might feel like I was "good enough".
As if I had to prove my worth by having clean children and a sparkly house.
Well, see, the other thing is - I think the reason I could understand their struggle (besides remembering young motherhood) is because not a lot has changed.
OK. A lot has changed.
My life is no longer filled with diapers, sticky fingers, temper tantrums, and toys over which to stumble. Today the pressures come in much different shapes and sizes. And from different sources.
But they're still demanding, and they still leave me feeling like I can't do it all.
Ahhhh, but there's where the other change has come.
Today I know I can't do it all.
And by the grace of God, I'm OK with that knowledge.
My Father has convinced me that HIS love, HIS presence, HIS goodness, even HIS delight in me is not dependent on my performance as a keeper-of-my-house. God doesn't mind when my shelves are dusty. HE is comfortable sitting at the table with me even if there is clutter on the counter. And HE doesn't base my worth on the shiny-ness of my floors.
So I won't, either.

Oftentimes while I'm showering I think, Argh! I need to scrub these walls and floor. But I have A, B, and C to do when I'm finished getting dressed today. And then D, E, and F this afternoon. When am I ever going to get to cleaning the shower?
But today I took a couple of minutes before I got into the shower and I scrubbed the floor.
Maybe I'll quickly do one of the walls before my shower tomorrow.
And another one the next day.
For now, though, I am going to be satisfied with what's done.
And I am going to rest in the knowledge that God loves me. (No matter what my house looks like.)

If you relate to this struggle, may I invite you to join me in getting parts of work done in the pieces of time you can do them, and giving yourself a pat on the back for a-little-bit-of-a-job-well-done?

HE Knows What We Need

Oh, how I love how HE knows me!

Yesterday afternoon I had various thoughts running through my mind - some good, some not so much - when I looked into my backyard and got distracted.
That is to say, I looked out and saw a patch of pink.
So I grabbed my phone and went to take a closer look.
This is what I saw:

The moss roses my friend gave to me, all blooming and beautiful and full of pink-ness.
It made my heart happy just to enjoy their color.
But then I noticed something else.
The zinnias which are growing right behind the moss roses were very busy. That is, they were being visited by about five or six, maybe seven little butterflies. So I stepped back to watch them - and started taking their pictures, too.

Some were flitting around from flower to flower, while others seemed content to sit on one for a few moments and just suck nectar - or whatever it is butterflies do when they're sitting on flowers.
The thing is, as I watched the butterflies I was impressed by their butterfly-ness. They didn't care about the wind which blew the flowers about. (And sometimes made it tricky to get an in-focus picture!) The stalk of zinnias which somehow got uprooted and was laying on the ground didn't seem to bother them. Nor did they pay attention to the phone which kept zooming in to capture the moment. (Maybe because I have a pink case. Yes, it probably just looked like another flower to them. *wink*) Rather than becoming agitated by their surroundings, the butterflies simply did what butterflies were made to do.
And as I pondered the butterflies being butterflies, it was as if God was speaking to my heart again.
The same message HE has been conveying repeatedly over the past couple of days.
(Seriously. It's everywhere!)
You need not worry about your life, or what you need to do, or how you're going to get it all done. Just trust in Me, dear one. When the wind is blowing or things seem to be falling apart or strange things come into view, fear not, My child. Only trust in Me to protect you and lead you and care for you. I've got this!

Ah, yes. I love how HE used my affinity for all things pink to get me out in the backyard - so I would notice the butterflies and hear His tender exhortation.
What is HE speaking to your heart today???

HE Knew. HE Knows.

"I'm going to rest, and wait for God to lead."

Wow.
I had no idea what was in store when I wrote that statement two weeks ago.
That is, I rested. I did rest.
And it was good.
I spent time in the Word.
I spent time doing fun and frivilous stuff. (Might have become addicted to a new word game... *ahem*)
I just spent time being. Not concerned about "doing". And it was good.
Very good.
And although my mind was completely unprepared for how this two-week rest would come to an end, I absolutely believe God used the time to ready my heart.

Last Wednesday evening Josh brought Mindy over to the house, very concerned about a sudden change in her behavior. She had vomited and was extremely lethargic. She didn't even wag her tail in expectancy of being petted when somebody entered the room, let alone get up to greet newcomers at the door. Something was definitely wrong, so Josh planned to contact the vet in the morning.
Thursday morning found the two of them at the MSU Vet Clinic (Our vet told him to go there right away.) and after probing, an ultrasound, and needles it was determined that Mindy had a growth in her abdomen which had begun to produce internal bleeding. Most likely cancer.
The surgery for thousands of dollars with a prognosis of "may extend life a few weeks to a few months" was not an option. So Josh brought Mindy back to his apartment to spend time with her - after an infusion of fluids, anti-nausea medication, and pain medication.
Matthew went over between classes to see her.
And I joined them when I got off work. Walked into Josh's bedroom to find Mindy on his mattress, and the two boys hoovering over her in tears as they anticipated what was to come.
My own tears quickly followed.
Brian left work early Thursday afternoon and came over, too. Then the three of us (Brian, Josh, and me.) sat beside Mindy petting her and loving her as her abdomen continued to fill with blood. Much too quickly, her breathing became labored (Because her lungs didn't have enough room to fully function anymore, due to the collection of blood in her abdomen.) and we knew it was time to go back to the clinic.
Oh, how hard that was to do!
Every move was a huge effort.
Picking her up off the mattress.
Leaving the apartment.
Getting into the van.
And ESPECIALLY getting out of the van once we arrived at the clinic.
Because every step brought us closer to the decision to which nobody wanted to give voice.
"Yes. It's time. We're going to do it."
We all knew it was the best thing. Allowing Mindy to keep going was only going to allow us to not make the hard choice. She wasn't going to get better or feel better, only worse. And so, after much grace and patience on the part of the MSU Vet Clinic staff, we sat outside - Mindy on Josh's lap - and said good-bye to our dear little dog.

I still know we made the right decision. To free Mindy from her suffering was the most humane thing we could do. But the same pain which caused the majority of my tears that day still gets them to flow even as I type these words and re-live the memory. That is, the suffering of my beloved son who lost his cherished pup too quickly. I can't even put into words the way it felt to watch his heart breaking and his world come crashing in - as the inevitable became reality.
My 21-year-old man-child became a toddler again in my eyes and I just wanted to gather him up in my arms and kiss him and promise him the owie would go away soon.
But I couldn't.
Because this kind of owie can't be healed by a mommy's kiss.
So I pretty much just stayed by his side, rubbed his back on occasion, and prayed. Prayed that the Spirit of God would comfort and heal him, and do all the things I only wished I was able to do.
And that's where I see God has been preparing me over the past two weeks as I have been resting.
HE has been leading me to rest in Him. To be.
To not be concerned about doing.
And I think that is what Josh needed more than anything else on Thursday. There was nothing I could do or say which would make the events of the day less painful. But as Brian and I were leaving his apartment Thursday night after we'd taken him home, he said to us, "Thanks for being with me today." (And I literally just remembered his statement as I was coming to this point of writing this post.)
Indeed. God knew what we were going to be facing this week, and HE prepared me for it perfectly.
How comforting it is to me to realize HE knows what's still to come - and to have confidence that I can trust Him every step of the way.

HIS Grace is Amazing

So, Josh and Mindy moved back in Monday night.
Just staying for a couple of weeks while they're "between apartments".
And yesterday morning when I went downstairs to do my work-out, I took one look at the floor and let go of a great big Really???-We're-back-at-it-again? sigh.
Yup. Right there in the middle of the floor was the evidence.

Mindy peed on the carpet.

In a huff I went back upstairs to gather the necessary cleaning supplies. 

And both times I passed the guilty subject (And she knew she was guilty. I could see it in her expression.) I gave her my best stink-eye. 

I was not happy with that animal, and I wanted her to know it. 

I even announced her transgression to Brian and Matthew, in the hopes that they would share in my indignation. (My level of maturity is staggering, isn't it?!)

When I came back up again to put the cleaning supplies away I let another stink-eye stare fly. 

And on the way back down, I did it one more time.

Except that time my angst was interrupted by a Voice speaking so loudly to my heart, I could almost hear it with my ears. The Voice said, Hmmmm. I bet you're thankful I don't treat you this way every time you fall short. 

And just like that, I knew God intended to use Mindy's mess for good. 

In the tender and gracious way HE always does, God reminded me that HE never holds my sin against me. HE forgives me for free, and HE refuses to bring it back up.
Even when I fail in the same way over and over, again.

So before I started my workout, I sat on the bench with my elbows on my knees and my head bowed low, and I thanked God for HIS grace - which is so amazing.

(And then I said, "OK. I think I've learned my lesson. Now, can You do something about this dog???") *wink*

It's My Pleasure

Oh, the stories I could tell about the faithfulness of GOD.

*peaceful, grateful, delighted sigh*

See, the thing is, I had a rough day at work earlier this week.
OK. Maybe I'm being too extreme when I say it was "rough".
The truth is, it just wasn't "great" like they usually are.
For starters, it was cold and rainy, and being in the drive-thru window was a little miserable. (PSA: When you're at the window of a drive-thru and it's raining, go ahead and turn off your wipers. Otherwise they *might* repeatedly flick water on the drive-thru attendant and even splash his/her glasses. Just sayin'.) At one point, I handed the wrong drink to a guest and realized my mistake too late.
I felt terrible, she was not happy, and my apology seemed to be meaningless to her.
As the day went on - try as I might - it was just difficult to feel sincere in my enthusiasm. Ya know?
So the next morning as I drove to work I was praying. Asking my Father to help me do things correctly. Recognizing my inability to do anything apart from His grace. Believing HE could keep me from re-entering the funk I was in the previous day.
Amen.
And then, can I just tell you what HE did???
All day long (My shift was 6:30-3:00.) my Father was slipping me love-notes in the form of four little numbers.

1111

I mean, I only saw it on the clock once. But there was an unusual number of people that day whose bill or change due was $11.11. And each time I saw those numbers I smiled as I just knew God was reminding me of His presence. HE was assurring me that HE had heard my prayers in the morning, and HE was helping me. In the midst of taking orders, and handing out drinks, and offering smiles and kind words - God was showing me His faithfulness and HE made sure I knew it was Him.
And each time 1111 popped up in front of me - and I smiled and whispered a prayer of thanksgiving - I could swear I heard Him whisper back to my heart, It's My pleasure.

When HE Speaks Through the Struggle

In January I hit a major goal in my workouts.
Five-minute planks.
If you read my posts about it, you may recall that I took lots of baby steps (and prayer!) to get there.
And knowing what went into that effort, maybe you can understand my surprise (and disappointment) when I discovered I was doing them wrong.
That is to say, for some odd reason when my family was at the airport waiting to begin our vacation Brian suggested doing planks. Always one to accept an invitation to fun *insert eyeroll* I agreed to it. (There was hardly anyone else in the gate area. Small airport. Sunday morning. You know!) And we both assumed the postion.
As I was in my plank Matthew said my backside was too high. At first I scoffed because everything felt right to me, but he had a better viewpoint so I took his word for it.
I lowered my butt until he said my back was flat.
And can I say? I had a harder time holding that plank. Only went for 4 minutes. (But I hadn't worked out at all the previous week... So I attributed the difficulty to losing progress.)
However, Brian and I visited the ship's gym a couple of times and I discovered the struggle didn't come from a too-busy-to-exercise-week. The gym had a huge mirror and I got right up beside it to do my planks - where I could see for myself what my posture looked like. And, sure enough, Matthew was right. My butt was too high. To have a straight back only meant I needed to go down an inch or two, but the difference felt very significant. And holding it was a lot harder!
Nonetheless, I wanted to do my planks correctly so I kept monitoring myself in the mirror and prayed for strength to keep going. And dropped to my knees by 4:15.

Now that I'm home and returning to my routine I am finding it super challenging to hold planks for 4 minutes 30 seconds. Getting back to 5 seems so far away. (And the mirror I found to keep an eye on my posture prevents me from "cheating". Not sure if I'm happy about having the accountability, or not. Ignorance was so much easier!)
But as I have been in the middle of the struggle, praying for friends and for God's strength to carry them through their challenges - as well as for me to push through to 4:30 - HE has shown me Truths which I might not have seen if I hadn't faced the realization that I was doing planks wrong.
1) Doing what "feels right" doesn't make something right. I seriously feel like I am arching my back when it's straight. It feels much better to lift my backside an inch or two. But the mirror shows me what is true about my posture. Just like God's Word shows me what is True about life.
2) The fact that something is difficult doesn't mean I shouldn't do it. Confession: More than once, I have considered scrapping this exercise thing. Because it's too hard! But then the Voice of my Savior penetrates my heart, So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10) And I am reminded that HE will help me with so much more than just the physical endurance I need to keep going for a few more seconds. So I hold on. To Him!
3) Joy can be found on the other side of the battle. Monday I had (barely) made it through my first two planks and by the time I got to the third one I thought I would be satisfied if I just made it to two minutes. But I was praying for a friend who is trying to quit smoking, and as I asked God to strenghten her resolve to keep quitting I decided to push myself to three minutes. And I considered more this friend's need to not quit quitting, which motivated me to also keep going. I prayed, and I strained, and I was shaking like a mad woman - but with God's help I held that plank (with a flat back!) for the entire 4 minutes and 30 seconds. And when I was finally able to fall onto my belly I thanked and praised God for giving me the strength to hold on. I praised Him with a joyful heart for His faithfulness through every difficult circumstance in which I and all my friends ever find ourselves. HE is good and HE is faithful, and going through struggles helps me remember that Truth.
So I will press on to get back to 5-minute-planks, trusting in the One who is faithful in every moment.

With what struggles do you need to trust HIM today?

The Second Saddest Verse

13“ ‘Now your impurity is lewdness. Because I tried to cleanse you but you would not be cleansed from your impurity, you will not be clean again until my wrath against you has subsided.
14“ ‘I the Lord have spoken. The time has come for me to act. I will not hold back; I will not have pity, nor will I relent. You will be judged according to your conduct and your actions, declares the Sovereign Lord.’ ”

Ezekiel 24:13-14

Last week I wrote about my feeling that Ezekiel 22:30 has got to be the saddest verse in the Bible.

Today I am convinced that Ezekeil 24:13 is a close second.
Go ahead and re-read it. Then let's reason through it together.

The context of the verse is Jerusalem's blatant unfaithfulness to God, by way of acting as a harlot with the idols of the nations around her. That isn't new information.
What struck me in this verse - and what makes me feel it is so sad - is the tone with which the LORD is speaking to His people. Can you hear it?
I tried to cleanse you
In other words, HE sent prophets to His people to point out their sin and call them to repentance.
HE re-sent those prophets when His people didn't listen.
HE gave warnings.
HE tried to reason with them even though they were rebellious.
HE told them what was going to happen if they didn't turn from their sin and return to the LORD.
HE bared His heart to them, telling them He has no pleasure in the death of anyone who dies - practically begging His people to Repent and live.(Ezekiel 18:32)
Indeed, HE did everything good and reasonable and even beyond-what-was-rational to cleanse His people. **Read that: The LORD told His people what He expected of them, i.e. faithfulness, before they entered the Promised Land. And He'd been repeating Himself solidly for over 800 years.
And their response?
but you would not be cleansed from your impurity
The LORD did everything HE could do.
Several times He relented of His wrath (which had been completely deserved).
He tried to cleanse His people, but they just weren't having it.
And so...
So He declared that He was going to let His wrath be the vehicle by which His people would finally be cleansed. They would go through the fire (quite literally).

How sad!

Yet one day - they would know that HE is the LORD.
And once again, we see the wrath of God coming for the purposes of reconciliation.
But, what if?
What if God's people had listened to Him and allowed Him to cleanse them the first time around?
Obviously, allowing God to do His work would have been the better option for the people of Jerusalem. That's easy for us to see.
But here's where we need to make application. See, I don't believe God gave us His Word simply so we could contemplate what would have been the better choice for them. I am sensing His Spirit speaking directly to mine. And I'm asking Him, "Is there some impurity in my life You're trying to cleanse?"
Oh, I don't want to miss His work.
I want to participate with Him in my transformation - not work against Him.
I don't want to bring His chastisement upon myself because I was too stubborn to listen.
Because, how sad would it be if God gave us His Word, and we studied it and we learned what happened to the people of old, and we even grieved for the choices they made and the pain it brought to God's heart, but we never let the Word affect our lives today?
That would be so, so sad!

So I must ask, is God speaking to your heart through this Word today?

Psalm 31 and Me (And You!)

14 But I trust in you, Lord;
I say, “You are my God.”
15 My times are in your hands;
deliver me from the hands of my enemies,
from those who pursue me.

Psalm 31:14-15

OK, I haven't done any background checking, so I do not know what was going on in David's life when he wrote Psalm 31. But one read through it and you'll know - things were not good for David at this point in time. Honestly, would you use words like anguish, sorrow, grief, distress, groaning, affliction, and contempt to describe your circumstances - if all was well with them?
I think not.
Happily, in that regard I cannot say I relate to this psalm. However, God's Truth goes far beyond identical circumstances into the minute details of each of our lives.
And because of His all-encompassing Truth, I can say I relate to this psalm.
Specifically, the verse quoted above.
What I mean is, I was coming into this week rather harried. I've so much to do, and I didn't see how I was going to be able to get it all done. Most of it is good, good stuff (Like getting ready to take a cruise with my husband next week!!!) but there was just so much. And in ways, my list of things to do did feel like an enemy which was pursuing me.
An enemy who would try to steal my joy.

But I trust in you, Lord;
I say, “You are my God.”
My times are in your hands;
deliver me from the hands of my enemies,
from those who pursue me.

And there, in the midst of it, my God - in whom I trust - swooped in and reminded me that my times are in His hands. HE reminded me to ask for help. HE reminded me to trust. HE reminded me that not everything on my list "had" to get done. (Anyone notice that I didn't post a video devotion yesterday? Yeah, that was HIM freeing me from "should" and giving me rest, instead.)
The thing is, I stopped my pursuit of getting-it-all-done long enough to acknowledge God might have a better idea. And I asked HIM to direct my steps, to order my path, to lead me, to help me.
And can I give a witness here?
HE DID IT!
OK, the week isn't over yet. There are still lots of things to do. But my God - in whom I trust - calmed my heart, delivered me from the enemy who was threatening to steal my joy, and is helping me navigate through the stuff. Indeed, my times are in His hands.
And I continue to see that when I surrender my times to Him? He works it all out.

What enemies are pursuing you today? God will help you if you ask Him!

HE is Faithful

I just have to give God praise!
Last night I spoke for chapel at the women's shelter of the Lansing City Rescue Mission. Speaking for chapel is something I have been doing monthly for the past 2 or 3 years. (Another senior moment - I honestly cannot recall what year I began...) But I think this time I labored over the message more than I ever have before.
Which isn't a bad thing.
Actually, it has proven to be very good.
For the past several weeks I have been thinking about it, praying about it, and making notes about it. I've asked others to pray for me. I have been "on alert" for input, and have frequently felt God's Spirit nudging me in different directions.
Finally, Monday afternoon I had the opportunity to sit down and formalize what I intended to say.
Then Tuesday at the beginning of my Precepts class we were reviewing the previous week's chapters and somebody pointed out what God did to Ezekiel in chapter 3.

"Moreover, I will make your tongue stick to the roof of your mouth so that you will be mute and cannot be a man who rebukes them for they are a rebellious house. But when I speak to you, I will open your mouth and you will say to them, 'Thus says the Lord GOD.'"

Ezekiel 3:26-27

She marveled at how God would shut Ezekiel's mouth and only allow him to speak when HE said so.
And that immediately became my prayer.
LORD, please shut my mouth except for what YOU want me to say!
I asked my Precepts sisters to pray thus for me, and I repeated that prayer for myself until the moment I walked into chapel last night.
And may I just say? HE is faithful!!!
The feedback I was getting from the women as I spoke told me that they were engaging with the message, and I could sense HIS presence among us. I had a couple of conversations with women after chapel at which time I found out God had spoken specifically to hearts and needs.
And I was so encouraged!
But it was when I was driving home - in the quiet of my van, with time to reflect - that I really became aware of God's hand (or mouth-glue, as the case may be). In my preparation Monday I thought it necessary to give instances of how we might be "like" the Israelites - though we don't build altars or worship statues of silver and gold. However, as I was driving I realized I had completely skipped over those examples, and it was as if God's Spirit said, That's because it's My job to convict hearts. I didn't need you to make suggestions.
Then it occurred to me I had left out some other statements from my notes, and I remembered a section I had completely cut out prior to putting the "finished" stamp on my talk. HE shut my mouth.
Honestly, I cannot even recall the exact words I used in several parts of the talk I gave.
But I know that I asked God to allow me to only speak the words HE wanted me to speak - and I believe that is exactly what HE did.

All glory to GOD!!!

When Will We Know?

I had intended to write a light-hearted post today, reflecting on how my kids are growing - and how I am growing older. But I just finished my Precepts homework for the week, and I am feeling anything but light-hearted at the moment.
My Precepts group is going through the book of Ezekiel this semester, and this past week we looked at chapters 4-7. (It is not a light read, by any means. But you may be interested to take a look.)
A quick background: Ezekiel was a priest/prophet and wrote this book while in exile in Babylon with most of the rest of the people of Judah. At the time of this writing, Jerusalem had not yet been destroyed. You may (or may not) know that Judah's captivity came after God had repeatedly called upon His people to repent from their evil ways and idol worship, lest destruction come by His hand. Yet they refused to listen.
OK. With that history in mind, chapters 4-7 of Ezekiel are filled with prophecy regarding what is about to happen to the land of God's people. Destruction, doom, death, and disaster are all foretold. And these things are said to come because of the ways and abominations of the people. It is very difficult to read - knowing the terror could have been avoided if they had just listened to the LORD.
And then?
Then came the application question: Might God do this to your nation? Why?

Oh, LORD, have mercy!
So many do not know. But they will.

That was the prayer which flowed from my heart in response to the application question, as I considered how severely the United States has rebelled against the ways of the LORD. We have gone so far astray, and we desperately need God's mercy.
I realized, however, most people have not studied His Word. Most people in this nation are not familiar with the history of rebellion and judgment and restoration through which God's people have gone/are going. To be fair, most people simply don't know. But I reflected further on what I have been studying and my heart reminded me - Though they don't know right now? They will.
That is to say, even though some people may not know what God says because they haven't studied the Bible - I believe everybody knows within their heart if they are rebelling against God by going their own way, doing their own thing, following their own system of what feels right to their self.
Each of us knows when we have done wrong.
And in case we miss the knowing, Ezekiel painted a picture of how it would become clear to the people of Judah. The phrase, Then they will know that I am the LORD is repeated several times in chapters 6 and 7. And this is what I saw as I marked that phrase:
Ezekiel 6:7, 10, 13 When disaster comes to the mountains and the slain fall among them...
Ezekiel 6:14 When the land is desolate and wasted because of the LORD's outstretched hand against it...
Ezekiel 7:4 When their ways and abominations are brought upon them...
Ezekiel 7:27 When they are dealt with and judged by God...
...then they will know that [HE is] the LORD.

Oh, that the United States would turn from our rebellious ways in submission to God - before His righteous hand of judgment has to fall upon us, that we might know HE is the LORD.

HE Will Help You

I've come pretty far.
The older version of me would have had a fit that I had less than two cups of catsup for the sloppy joes - when the recipe called for four. But the current me shrugged it off and said we'll survive.
The older version of me would have cringed at the glare on my face from the lighting on today's video and immediately re-recorded it. But the current me shrugged it off and said I'll survive has guests coming over and doesn't have time to re-record it. Haha!

Anyway, hoping the glare won't detract from whatever God may have to say to you today. *wink*

When HE Speaks Through the Dog

OK. I have this exercise goal.
I am working up to holding a plank for 5 minutues. And the way I intend to get there is my adding 5 seconds to one plank on each of the three days a week I work out.
That is, when I work out I do three sets of five exercises. And the first exercise is always a plank. So, I figure on Monday I'll increase plank #1 by five seconds, Wednesday #2, and by Friday I'll be doing #1,2,& 3 at the new time. Then continue the increase the next week until I'm up to 5 minutes, each. (This week I'm working up to 4:15.)
Um, I forgot to mention that I don't like to exercise.
Getting up early to exercise causes me to not like it to a greater extent.
And, yesterday I had somewhere to be early-ish, which made it not likely that I would get up early-er to work out.
BUT, there's this goal-thing I've got going on, and I didn't want to interrupt it. So I decided I would go ahead and get up early-er to work out. (Sometimes, being anal is good for my health!)

So there I was: hopping out of bed when my alarm went off, getting my clothes on, heading downstairs, annnnd, seeing a puddle on the carpet - left there by my dog. I was not happy.
I turned around and went back stomped upstairs to get the necessary cleaning supplies, glared at the dog, and went back down to take care of business. The whole process set me back about 10 minutes, or so, and when I finally got to my workout I felt irritated, taunted, and rushed. (Remember, I don't like getting up early. So when I planned my morning I neglected to add 10 minutes for doggy clean-up.)
BUT, I had a goal to pursue so I got down to business. And as I began my first plank, I began to pray. (Honestly, praying is the only way I can make it through those things. And when it comes down to the end, and I am ready to give up, and I don't think I can make it another 10 seconds - let alone 90 or more! - ahhh, that is when I get really passionate about begging God to strengthen the ones for whom I am praying. It's a good thing, really.)
Anyway, I was just beginning the plank and the prayer. I wasn't struggling to hold on yet. Actually, my struggle at that moment was with my feelings of irritation toward the dog. (It's hard to pray when you're feeling irritable. *ahem*) So the Holy Spirit stepped in and took over my prayer.
It went something like this:
HIM: Karen, dear, you're upset, aren't you.
Me: Well, duh! She peed, AGAIN. She knows better. I'm tired of cleaning up her messes. It's so annoying!!!
HIM: Ahhh, yes. She did wrong, again. She knows better. You had to clean up after her. Hmmmmmm.
Me: Yeah. It's so annoying!!!
HIM: *Graceful silence*
Me: What? Don't You agree it's annoying???
HIM: *Loving look of silence*
Me: Oh.
Time passes, and my spirit listens to His.
Me: I get it. You have to clean up every mess I make when I sin. When I do the very things I know I shouldn't. When I know better, but I let my flesh have its way instead of being obedient to Your Word. Yet, when I confess, You always forgive me. And You always will. You never get annoyed. Your grace, Your mercy, Your patience just keep flowing toward me.
You don't agree that it's annoying when I have to clean up after Mindy, because You never tire of caring for me.
Father, thank You. Thank You for this unending love You pour over me. Thank You for the blood Jesus shed on the cross so I could be forgiven. Thank You for reconciling me to Yourself through Him. Thank You, Father. Thank You!!!
HIM: You're welcome, darling. I'm glad you understand what I wanted to say this morning. I knew you would. (Psalm 139:2)

Once Upon a Work Night

I love, LOVE it when God shows up unexpectedly in the middle of my circumstances.

I was at work last night, anticipating a typical evening of rushing around trying to get everything done - while trying not to look like I'm rushing, but that I have all the time in the world to spend on the individuals under my care. *ahem*
I had successfully completed my first task when seemingly out of the blue a young lady appeared behind me, and told me that she was supposed to be trained by me that evening. And I'm thinking, Wait. What??? This is my fifth official day "on my own" and I'm supposed to be training you??? I still have a cheat sheet in my pocket to make sure I don't forget what to do. How can I possibly help you?
After further discussion I learned that this young lady had already been trained on the other wing of the building and just needed to learn the particulars of the "south side".
And my level of oh-my-gosh-I'm-going-to-ruin-her pressure went way down. *wink*

With the knowledge that she already had a certain amount of knowledge, I decided it would be OK to ask her questions while we did our tasks - as opposed to telling her things she had already learned. So as we worked I inquired about her family, I found out about her college plans and dreams, and I heard about some of her struggles. Along the way she overheard me praying with one of our residents, and through our conversation afterwards I discovered that my co-worker is a Christian as well.
Therefore, later in the evening when she was talking about her sturggle some more I felt confident that she would be willing for me to pray for her, too. And she was. So I held her hands and asked God to give her peace in her situation, courage and grace to do what she needs to do, and favor with the one who will be listening to her plea. It was a tender moment, and I was grateful to God for bringing me to it.
As the evening continued, so did opportunities for me to speak into this young lady's heart and life. I was amazed at how God lead our conversation, and I was delighted to be His instrument of grace. Honestly, I was also kind of surprised this scene was happening at all - since my initial thought was that I had nothing to offer. But, as HE does, God made it plain to both of us that HE was behind our meeting, HE was orchestrating the circumstance, and HE had a good plan.

In what ways has God shown up in the midst of your moments?

HE's Right on Time

I cannot count the times God has shown His faithfulness to me.
A number simply does not exist which describes how often God has come through, has demonstrated His goodness, has exhibited how trustworthy He Is - even when I felt like time was running out.

Somewhere in the midst of those moments I stopped asking for blueprints and neon signs - tangible things I would have liked to possess so I could see with my own eyes what I knew God could see with HIS - and I started to rely on faith.
Knowing HE sees what I cannot.
Trusting HE would work out the details in time.
Believing HE had a good plan.
Not realizing how valuable those moments would be years later - when I had to trust for someone else.
Especially when that "someone" was my baby girl.
Now HE's gone and done it again. And my heart is rejoicing!
I know I have shared in this space some of my struggle in watching Elizabeth and Phil trying to get prepared for life-on-their-own, as they seek jobs and wonder where they're going to live after they're married. (In 31 days!) I have seen them applying for jobs, going to interviews, getting the you-are-a-nice-person-but-we-chose-someone-else responses. I've seen them praying. And I've seen tears, too.
To be honest, there have been occasions when I have questioned their future. When I have wondered if they were going to be "ready" in time for their wedding. There have been days I have entertained concerns of What if? and How long?
Thankfully, God responded with assurances of Remember when? and Trust Me.
Well, I do remember, so I chose to trust. And I prayed for my kids - knowing this is not the last time they're going to need to wait on God's timing, His will, His plan. I asked Him to use the wait for their good, to grow their faith. Even as my heart was longing for an end to the delay, I prayed for the grace to trust. Grace for me, as well as for Elizabeth and Phil.

OK. That's enough back story.
Phil just got hired by a company in Lansing, and we are all doing a happy dance!
And somewhere in the background, amidst all the shouts of joy and exclamations of thanksgiving rising from my heart, I could swear I hear the voice of God saying, See, dear one? I may not move according to your time preferences, but I told you I could be trusted.

What are you waiting for today?

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

So, I've had a request for a garden update.
And truthfully, as I think about what to say, I'm feeling a little jealous of Ms. Contrary - because when asked, she seemed to know exactly how her garden was growing.

With silver bells and cockleshells, and pretty maids all in a row.

I, on the other hand, can only say I am going to have pretty Zinnias all in a row.
The Alyssum seems to be sparse, and I don't know what has happened to the Everlasting.
Ironic, isn't it, that the Everlastings seem to have disappeared?
Actually, I had more seeds for the Everlastings so I re-planted them last week - in the hopes that they will show themselves in due time. (It's the optimist in me!) The other part of the equation is, there are some green-things making an appearance along the back of the flower bed, and I *might* have dropped some seeds there. Or, they might be weeds trying to invade my flowers. And since I am not entirely sure how my garden grows, well, I am letting those green-things grow - in case they're flowers.

***At this point in writing, I pause to pray because my daughter is outside talking to my husband, and she's in tears, and I have a feeling I know the topic of discussion, so I am asking God to lead and speak. Then Phil walks through the kitchen and goes outside, too. And Brian invites him to join the conversation. So I step outside, as well, because it seems like it's time for a family talk.
Throughout the conversation I glance in the back of the yard at my little garden, and as we're drawing our chat to a close I am in amazement at the picture God had me drawing as I wrote this post.

See, the thing is, what we were talking about was Phil and Elizabeth's future. About finding jobs, and real adulting. About needing to have it all in place before they get married in October. About the pressure each feels to perform, to know the unknowable, to do that which is out of their control, and to have wisdom to operate within the areas where they do have influence.
And, man! It's so hard.
It's so unknown to them.
At this point all they see are some green-things, and Elizabeth and Phil don't know what is going to come of them. They know the future is on its way, but they don't know what it holds. They know that for which they are hoping, but they don't know if those are the seeds which are going to grow.
And I sat there with them - heart aching, as I wished I could just give them a blue-print to live by and follow for the next four months. But then I thought about my little garden, and this post, and the fact that I was going to write something about God knowing what those green-things are in the back row. About the truth that I don't need to be concerned about it, because HE already knows.
And, bam! Just like that God impressed my heart with the Truth that even as He knows about my flowers, HE also already knows the future for my daughter and her husband-to-be.
HE knows.
HE sees.
HE makes a way.
HE is faithful.
HE is good.
And we can trust Him. Even when we don't know.

Ahhhh, Mary, Mary, quite contrary - I may not know how my garden grows, but I know the Gardener.
So I am not worried!

The Attentive Gardener

Ahhh, it has finally warmed up for good (I hope!!!) and I am enjoying getting outside and tending to the plants and flowers all around my house. I've been weeding and feeding and transplanting and weeding and raking and counting buds and weeding and pulling off dead stuff and searching for new life and weeding some more.
Two nights ago it rained, and yesterday as I walked around the house to look for weeds which needed to be pulled (And sprouting trees. Ugh! Those little helicopters from maple trees get everywhere!) anyway, as I was walking around the house I was so happy to see more growth appearing. The hostas are beginning to show their leaves. The flowers on the mertyl are blooming. Just about all the trees have buds. Even a climbing flowering vine-type-plant which I divided (and thought I might have killed because I cut the roots) is standing up and producing green leaves.
It seriously brought me so much delight to see how everything is growing. Further, the growth - and the anticipation of how beautiful it's all going to be - increased my desire to kneel down and bend over and get my fingers dirty by digging up weeds.
Because I want those plants to be as healthy and beautiful as possible.
I am looking foward to enjoying them all summer long. (Oh, yeah! Did I mention how well my new lilac bush is doing? I think it's going to produce some delicious smelling flowers this year!)

So, what's the point?
This isn't a garden blog...
The point is, as I was admiring my plants -so pleased with their progress - and as I was diligently searching out weeds and dead stuff which could ruin their beauty, I was reminded of two things.
One, Gardening 101 should be a required course for all seminary students. Because there are sooooooo many sermon illustrations waiting to be discovered in caring for plants.
And, two, God is an Attentive Gardener.
As I was tending my plants, God spoke to my heart and convinced me of this: The delight HE finds in watching me grow into the woman HE intends for me to be, and the care HE puts into weeding out sin in my life and pruning away the dead stuff and every other thing HE does to make me grow in beauty - far outweighs what I'm doing in my yard for my plants.
I thought of how intently HE must watch over me, over all of us(!), and I couldn't help but give thanks for His perfect care. For the weeding HE graciously and tirelessly performs in my heart, for the precise removal of dead things which would hamper my growth, for the nourishment HE provides through His Word and the growth HE spurs through His Spirit. Ahhhhh, Lord. Thank You!
The love, the tenderness, the time, the patience, the fullness of His care for us amazes me!

Come to think of it, perhaps Gardening 101 ought to be a required course for every new believer.
Oh, how HE has used it to inspire my faith and trust in Him!

HE Knows