Monday, May 22, 2017

Friday, May 19, 2017

When Time Won't Stand Still

One week after my girl left for Colorado, moments after I completed a discussion monologue about how to take on adult-like responsibilities for oneself, the very day my baby turned 17 years old - a.k.a. yesterday - Josh gave me hope that all this growing up isn't really happening.
That is, Josh sold his Jeep several weeks ago and has yet to buy a replacement vehicle. Which means most days he is scheduled to work - I drive him in. Because I usually have places to go during the day for which I need to use my van. Most of the times I've driven him to work he has been opening - so nobody is there when we arrive.
But not so yesterday.
Co-workers saw me bringing him to work.
And as I dropped him off, Josh mumbled, "I don't like you bringing me to work. I feel like a kid."
And there - for just a moment - I looked at my physically-adult-but-developmentally-not-quite-there-yet son - who wants so much to be a man and do manly things, who is anxious to be able to have the freedoms of an adult yet doesn't seem eager to tackle the corresponding responsibilities - and thought, But you are, aren't you? Aren't you still my little boy?

This new phase of parenting is a tricky one. Trying to convince a man-child that he needs to listen and learn - because he really doesn't know everything he thinks he knows. Attempting to teach "adulting" to one who would rather just go fishing all day. Wanting to do it all without losing one's ever-loving mind. All the while seeing a small blonde-haired, blue-eyed toddler in one's memory, just wanting to pick him up and never let him go - assuring him that Mommy will always be there to make sure he's OK.

Yeah. That's pretty much what it's like in my world right now.
Looking at my man-child, remembering my toddler - trusting that if I could teach him to walk and run, I can also show him how to fly.

Karen

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Who Am I?

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday which got me thinking.
And helped me discover an answer to a really big question.

Who am I?

That question was raised as my friend and I were discussing the stresses and struggles of trying to handle the multiple roles we have. Especially when we are playing two or three or more of those roles simultaneously.
For example - when we are serving with our family at a church function: We may be a wife needing to support her husband, while we're a mother who needs to restrain redirect rebuke manage her children, at the same time as we are a Sunday school teacher who ought to be a good role model, while also being a small group leader trying to make sure group members are plugged in to an activity - and attempting to be all these things to all these people all at the same time?
Well, it can be overwhelming.
And sometimes we end up blowing a gasket and damaging our witness.
Can I get a witness???

So, what's a girl to do?

My friend and I decided we need to be convinced of our identity in Christ first.
And make our moves from that position.
As I pondered that thought I said, "Yes. I am a child of God - first!" A child of God.
If I am a child, it follows that I don't know everything, can't do everything, need help.
And if I am a child of God, then God is my Father and it follows that HE is the One who knows everything, can do everything, will help me.
Therefore, in answer to the first question, I am a child of God.
And in answer to the second question, I need to surrender myself to HIM. That is, I need to accept my position as a child, and God's position as my Father. Once that's settled, I need to seek and accept guidance from HIM, being obedient to HIS direction, and trusting that HE will work in me that which is good and right.
Oh, that sounds so simplistic.
Too easy.
Almost too good to be true.
But if my heart would just be humble enough to accept that plan, to believe that's who I am...
I have a feeling I'd be feeling peaceful a lot more often.

What do you think???

Karen

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Feeling Helpless from Afar

So, my girl?
Made it to Colorado just fine. Thoroughly enjoyed her roommate's companionship on the road-trip, was having a nice weekend with her roommate's family in Denver, and was looking forward to getting moved into her apartment and starting her internship Monday.
That's the report Elizabeth gave me when we spoke on the phone Sunday afternoon.
And my momma's heart was happy.

However.

But.

In spite of that good report.

Just a couple of hours later, she called Brian because as she was driving up the mountain - the engine quit. And she needed some advice.
Brian called our insurance company to get the car towed to a repair shop. And her roommate's family said she could borrow their car for the time being. Our responsible young lady even took it upon herself to say she would pay for whatever work was necessary on the car. And it seemed as though the small hurdle would be conquered.

However.

But.

In spite of that hopeful outlook.

Monday afternoon I got a text from Brian: Ouch! The Camry is dead.
Seems that little car got to protesting after the drive out west, and up the mountains, and just plopped right down and blew its little engine. (Guess it never read the story about the little engine that COULD.)
Since none of us wants to pay $7,000 to put a new engine in an old car, well, now we have to (help our girl) figure out what to do with a car that doesn't have anywhere to go. And can't get there, anyway!
Additionally, we're going to need to (help our girl) figure out how to get a new car - or decide if she can get by without one.
If she decides to do without, then there's the detail about how she'll get herself and her stuff back to Wheaton at the end of the summer.
And at this point, I'm thinking it's a good thing I know God knows how it's all going to work out. HE knew the summer would begin with this unexpected (to us) obstacle, and HE knows how it's going to end. HE is bigger than the mountain that killed the car, and the 1,300 miles separating me from my girl right now is not too much for HIM.
So, I choose to trust. Although I feel helpless because I am not "there" with my girl, I choose to trust in the One who IS.

By the way, if you know anyone in the Denver/Vail vicinity who needs some scrap metal - tell them I can hook 'em up with a lot of it! *wink*

Karen

Monday, May 15, 2017

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Choosing Well

I could write a blog post tonight (Tuesday, as I'm writing...) for someone to read Wednesday.

But my daughter invited me to watch a movie with her and her friends.
And tomorrow she's leaving for Colorado - where she'll be until August when she goes back to school, where she'll be until next May when she graduates. And Who knows where she'll be after that???
So, I hope you won't take it personally when I say I am choosing to spend the evening with my girl, instead of thinking about a blog post.

Because Who knows how much longer she'll call this house "home"??!!

Karen