HIS Timing: Perfect, Once Again

I wish I could plan things out as perfectly as God does.
Wish I had that knack for knowing exactly when to begin a thing so that details will fall into place just like they should, precisely when they're needed.
You know, like HE did with Mary? Causing her to become pregnant at just the right time so that when she and Joseph were in Bethlehem for the census "the time came for the baby to be born" (Luke 2:6). In that moment years and years of prophecy were fulfilled, according to every detail and God's perfect plan.
Anyway, I'd love to be able to plan things out perfectly like HE does.
Like He did today. Er, June 30.
I mean, I guess I don't know when He started this perfect plan.
But it delights me.
HE delights me!
See, the thing is, I just left part of my heart my son eight hours away from home. That is, Matthew is now living in Houghton, Michigan. A proud new student at Michigan Technological University.
Eight.hours.away.from.home.
No plans to be back in this neck of the woods until Thanksgiving.
The nest is empty.
My heart is working on acceptance.

And as God would have it, this morning my daily Bible reading was Leviticus 23-25:23.
I read about feasts and offerings, and the Sabbath Year.
All fine. Though nothing terribly inspiring or moving.
Until I got to the last verse for the day.

The land must not be sold pemanently, because the land is mine and you are but aliens and tenants.

Leviticus 25:23

Go ahead and read that again, and tell me if you hear what my mother's heart heard.
I heard, just as the land did not belong to the Israelites - rather to God - so my son is not and was not ever mine. He belongs to God. I am an alien in this land, and simply a care-taker of that precious human being whom GOD created. And if Matthew belongs to God, I can trust HIM to care for him always. Even when he's eight hours away from "home" and has no plans to return for three months.
That sentence - that "final word" for the day - absolutely blessed my heart.
And what made it even better was the consideration of God's hand in delivering it a just the right time. Two months ago I* decided to begin a chronological read-thru-the-Bible plan. I intended to get started on it July 1. But for some reason I* went ahead and began on June 30. Such that, on August 23 (after leaving my son at Michigan Tech on August 22) I would read Leviticus 25:23.
*Only God could move in me to arrange for such a perfect plan. I love that HE knew what I would need. And I love that HE worked it all out.

Whatever you're facing today, I pray you are approaching it with full confidence that God is working out every little detail.

Peace in the Midst of It

Oh, how quickly things can change.

Monday I was at the grocery store getting, uh, groceries. I pulled my phone out of my purse while I was standing in the check-out lane and saw a message asking me to "call when you have a minute." Figuring I had at least a minute until it would be time for me to put my items on the belt, I made the call.
Which is when I learned that our governor had just issued a shelter-in-place order for Michigan.
Which meant we had a decision to make about our house guest.
That is, Brian and I are in the process of becoming foster parents and are presently hosting a boy who needs a new foster family. He's been transitioning on a few-days-at-a-time basis so he could get used to us, but the governor's order necessitated that this boy either go back - or stay - for the next 15 days.
Our hearts were blessed tremendously by his enthusiastic deisre to stay.
But that meant - within a matter of an hour - I went from "able-to-come-and-go-as-I-please" (albeit cautiously, finitely, and less often than I typically would) to "shelter-in-place."
With a young boy (who is adorable, but also very needy).
24/7.
For the next two weeks.
(Or more, as additional decisions and proclamations are made.)
And can I just say? The past 36 hours have been a perfect mix of moments-more-precious-than-I-could-have-hoped, and oh-boy-this-is-gonna-test-my-limits.

As I've thought about it, I imagine I am not the only one who is feeling this way. I trust that all of us who are facing by-the-minute changes are experiencing a wide array of thoughts and feelings. Some which delight, and others not so much. So in the midst of it, may I encourage you to cling to the promise found in Philippians 4:6-7?

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Because I am convinced: The only way I am going to survive the endless wave of changes, the constant flow of questions, the perpetual need for reassurance, the plethora of the-world-is-coming-to-an-end news stories, and the continual requests for help (not to mention trying to counsel and comfort feelings a little boy shouldn't have to experience) is by laying it all at HIS feet and trusting HIM to help.
I know that God is faithful. And when I trust in Him, I know His peace will guard me.
What a blessed assurance I have in HIM.
I pray the same for you, my friend.

Practicing What I Preach

Last week when I was in Florida I had the opportunity to speak for a Ladies' Night Out at my mom and dad's church.

We looked at Psalm 22 and examined the ups and downs David experienced in the midst of struggle and faith. At one point in the psalm David is remembering how God had been faithful to David in his past, and I asked the women present what they do to keep remembrances of God's faithfulness in their lives. I admitted that I am not much of a "journalist" anymore, but that I do try to record moments of God's faithfulness here on my blog.
So, I've got to do it.
I have got to write about what God has been doing.
Because some day I am going to need to come back here and be reminded that HE is trustworthy.
And maybe you need to be reminded about that Truth right here, today.

I mentioned in my video on Monday that Brian and I are on the cusp of a new thing, and I have been praying for God's leading. For the past three months I have been holding on to the hope I see in James 1:5, and I have been asking God for wisdom - asking Him to give it to me generously.
In the midst of seeking wisdom, Brian and I have also been researching information and doing our best to learn about and understand what's ahead of us. Yet we were experiencing delays, and for a time it seemed we were going nowhere.
And then that call came last week while we were in Florida.
But it was a call which was going to take us in a direction different from the one in which we thought we were headed. Which is when my "LORD-please-lead-us" prayers began increasing in frequency.
Wanting to be following the path HE has prepared for us, I asked friends to pray for wisdom. And one resulting conversation raised many questions about whether this particular path was the way to go.
Which is when my "LORD-I'll-go-wherever-You-lead-but-please-make-it-clear-to-me" prayers multiplied in number and intensity.
This is also the time when I think God took over my phone.
That is, I'm pretty sure the text messages I have been receiving are in response to my prayers.
There was the one which came immediately after the questions were raised. The one that seemed to indicate the concerns were unnecessary. (And which prompted us to have a meeting that flat-out exterminated the concerns.)
The next day another one came with encouragement for the direction we're heading.
And yet another - which was intended for somebody else - that offered a behind-the-scenes celebration for the decisions we're making. (Actually, there were two of those texts.)(And although the sender meant for them to go to somebody else, I am confident God planned for me to see them.)
As I have reflected on this whole scenario, I have become more convinced God has been orchestrating every step. Even the ones which seemed to me barriers that were only slowing us down. The things I thought were holding us back I now think were God's hand redirecting us to where we are presently. I believe HE knew then what we know now, and HE orchestrated the circumstances so we would be free today to follow the path HE has created.
Yes. That is what I believe.
Our God knows what we don't, and HE sees what we can't.
As we submit to trusting Him and following His lead, I have full confidence that HE will work out the details and make our way straight.
HE is trustworthy.

Some day I might need to be reminded of this Truth. So I'm recording it here for that day.
And if you need to remember it, too, welcome to this recollection of the faithfulness of God.
May HE encourage your heart with grace and truth.

I Don't Wanna

"I don't wanna!"

At least once a week those are the words I hear coming from my husband's mouth with regard to doing his workout. And I immediately know I've gotten my cue to spur him on with encouragement to do what he doesn't want to do. To get up anyway, or get dressed anyway, or get out the door anyway - and go to the gym. He and I both know he's happier when he's done a workout.
So, I respond the same way, every time.
"That's OK. You don't hafta wanna. You've just gotta do it."
And here's where I admit that I am a frequent utterer of that phrase, too. When my alarm goes off and it's a workout day, I often roll over and groan, "But I don't wanna!"
And the other day when I found myself in that position - protesting to no one in particular, because Brian was already out of bed and at the gym - I had to provide the encouragement myself. But by the time I made it to my workout space, I was already thinking about calling it quits. So as I got down on my knees to stretch I prayed, I don't wanna do this, God. But if You'll help me, I can do it.
For the next 20-30 seconds I just kept repeating, If You'll help me, I can do it.
And there - stretched out on the floor, repeating my petition, being completely honest about my inability to carry out the task in my own strength - I realized I was in a position where I need to put myself a lot more often.
That is, it occurred to me that every time God is leading me to do a hard thing, whenever He is asking me to take an uncomfortable stance, or when I think I know a better way than the way He is guiding me - and I have a desire to say to HIM, "I don't wanna!" - I need to get on my knees and confess, I don't wanna do this, God. But if You'll help me, I can do it. Because I know, just like He has gotten me through every difficult thing I have ever faced before, so He will take me through each one I've yet to encounter.
God is faithful like that.
And when I surrender my weakness to His strength, oh, what a wonderful outcome HE produces.
Do you know what I mean???

Say That Again?

Yesterday as I walked into the grocery store to do my weekly shopping I was met with a smile.
I returned the gesture, and was anticipating the usual greeting.
"Welcome to Meijer!"
As I passed the greeter I did, indeed, hear the expected words. But then she said something I've never heard her (or any of the other greeters) say.

"Enjoy your shopping."

If it's possible to do a double-take with your ears, that is exactly what I did next.
I thought, What? Did she really just say that?? Enjoy my shopping??? And I went on to label the greeting as silly.
Non-sense.
Ridiculous, even.
Because I hadn't come into the store for enjoyment. I was simply fulfilling a duty. Collecting a list of items which would allow me to go home and fulfill another duty - making meals for my guys.
And she wanted me to "enjoy my shopping"?
I mean, really. What's fun about getting groceries???
Yet as I walked on, another Voice whispered to my heart, Why not? Why not enjoy shopping? What's so silly about finding joy in mundane things?And before I could do anything about it, I found myself agreeing with that Voice.
Then my spirit was saying, Yeah. Enjoy your shopping! What the heck. Enjoy everything!
Thus, my attitude changed on a dime.

I chuckled to myself as I considered how quickly the Spirit of God can convict mine. And I smiled at the thought that He knows what is best. That He knows exactly what my heart needs to hear.
Yes, Lord. Please keep telling me the things I need to hear!

And, as it would go - I did find joy. I encourage you today to enjoy yourself in every little thing you do.

HE Has Time

Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through.

~Luke 19:1

What does that statement say to you?
I looked at several translations of scripture. I looked at the meaning of the Greek words. And the only interpretation I can find is that Jesus was passing through Jericho.
On His way from point A to point B, He had to pass through.
No intention of tarrying or spending time there.
Just passing through.
It may be interesting to note that "point B" was Jerusalem. Jesus was ultimately on His way to the cross. So this was an important journey He was taking through Jericho - for it would lead to our salvation. Thus, one would expect that this "passing through" also came with some level of hastiness.
How surprising, then, to get to verse 5 and hear Jesus say to a short tax collector who had climbed a tree to get a glimpse of Him, "Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today."
Wait.
What???
Jesus, I thought You were just passing through. You've got important work to do. You're on a journey to Jerusalem. Spending the day at Zach's house was NOT on the agenda!
I mean, I trust Jesus knew He had to get to Jerusalem. And yet He said He must spend the day with Zacchaeus. "Must" as in, it was necessary. There was need of Him to do it. Spending the day with Zacchaeus was right and proper. It was a must.
And so He did it. Jesus spent the day with Zacchaeus. Even though He was just "passing through."
Zach needed a Savior, and Jesus had time to stop and meet that need.
Much like He did in the previous chapter when people were trying to hush a blind beggar. The man was calling out to Jesus for help and those who were leading the procession told him to be quiet.
Leave Jesus alone.
He had important things to do.
Yet Jesus stopped and called the man to Himself. Jesus asked the man what He could do for him. Then He healed the man's blindness.
Jesus had time to stop and meet the man's need. Even though He was on an important journey. Even though others didn't think the man was valuable enough for Jesus' time.
Even though.
HE had time for these men who needed Him.
And, guess what?
HE has time for you, too!

Nevertheless

Sunday I started a reading plan for Advent. And I'm loving it.
But it started off kind of strangely.
That is, the instructions say, "Take your time reading over the passage and when a word or a phrase lights up for you, stop and meditate on it. What do you hear? Why do you think this word or phrase has arrested your attention right now? Take your word or phrase with you as food for the day."
Easy enough, right?
Unless you're me, and you over analyze everything.
See, the first reading was Isaiah 9, which begins, "Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress." And when I sat down to read it - after I had intentionally placed myself in God's presence, and asked Him to speak to me - NEVERTHELESS lit up for me.
I was just so taken by that word.
But I thought to myself, That's silly. It cannot possibly be that the first word I read is the one God wants to use to speak to me. Besides, I'm sure He will use a much more spiritual and profound word. I mean, an adverb? Really??? Thus, I continued reading. Waiting for that word or phrase which God would use to capture my heart and attention.
And it was a delightful hunt. Isaiah 9 has such beautiful imagery. Followed by frightful prophecy. Yet, for all my reading and in spite of how long I searched, nothing arrested my attention like "nevertheless".
So I finally gave in. I acquiesced that maybe, perhaps, God could speak through the first word I read.
Even if it was just an adverb.
And I asked Him what He wanted to say.
That's when I discovered what a beautiful, hopeful, life-giving word "nevertheless" can be.
It's true: Isaiah 9:8-21 details a lot of sin and arrogance and reason for God to maintain His anger. Nevertheless, He made a promise in verses 1-7.
That promise was His Son, who came to the earth and lived a sinless life.
His Son did not deserve to die.
Nevertheless, He went to the cross to pay the penalty for all of sinful mankind.
This One - the Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace - took upon the sin of the entire world and He died. He was buried. The punishment for our sin was upon Him.
DEATH.
Nevertheless, He rose from the grave! He conquered sin and death in His victory over the grave and secured eternal life for all who would put their faith in Him.
We deserve God's wrath - His upraised hand against us.(See the second half of Isaiah 9:12, 17, and 21.) Nevertheless, by His grace He saves us through His Son. His Promise.

So, that's what God's Spirit showed me when I asked Him what was so special about that adverb.

When HE Lets Me Do it My Way

Sometimes I think God lets me do stupid things in my own power so I am reminded that I need to trust fully in HIM.

For example...
Yesterday I had a lot to get done in the morning.
My Precept group was meeting for the last time before our holiday break, and we were planning a potluck. I had decided to make something in the Crock Pot to share with my Precept sisters. That way I could bring a warm dish which would stay warm, and which would travel easily. Besides, these dear ladies always seem to enjoy the Crock Pot dishes I make. So I had a plan, and all was good.
Until a few days before - when I realized I had an appointment to get my hair cut at 10:45 the same morning. Because getting my hair cut at 10:45, driving home to pick up the Crock Pot, and getting to church by 11:30 just wasn't going to happen.
But I put a little thought into it and figured out that I could put the recipe together a bit earlier than necessary, take the Crock Pot to church to finish cooking in our meeting room, go get my hair cut and be back at church with minutes to spare. I was quite pleased with how creatively I had come up with a solution to my problem and *might* have secretly patted myself on the back for not stressing about how to get 'er all done.
So yesterday I was well on my way to successfully pulling off my plans - in the van, on my way to church, on time, with the Crock Pot - and its contents smelling so good! - when I realized I had neglected to bring my Bible study materials. And I panicked.
I thought, I can't go to Bible study without my homework and notes and stuff! But I can't turn around and go back, because I don't want to be late for my appointment. And there's no way I'll have time to go home after my haircut. Maybe I can just remember the stuff I wrote in my notebook. No. I need to go back. But I've already wasted time sitting through two lights. I don't want to be late. But I'm going to Precepts. How could I have forgotten my Precept notebook? What was I thinking? Do I have enough time? Oh, for crying out loud, Karen, stop arguing with yourself and turn around to get what you should have remembered!
(Am I the only one who has internal conversations like this?)
So I carefully turned around (Didn't want to spill the contents of the Crock Pot!) and I went home. Praying every second of the way. I asked God to work out the details of the lights for me so I wouldn't be delayed by them again. And I thanked Him every time He faithfully made the way. I prayed the doors at church would be unlocked and our room open so I wouldn't waste time looking for people with keys, and I thanked Him for meeting each of those needs. I asked Him to get me through traffic and safely to the hair salon on time so I wouldn't inconvenience Clayton by my forgetfulness. And I thanked Him for even giving me extra time upon arrival, so I could read over some Bible study notes before going in for my appointment.
As I took a deep breath - thankful for everything God had just done for me - I realized, God, You let me do that, didn't You. When I left home without my folder, You knew it. And You let me go. You could have nudged me - could have kept me from forgetting. But You let me go in my little flurry of getting things done, let me rely on my own ways and wisdom. You let me do it my way - so I would be humbled and recognize that I need to trust You for everything. Every little thing. And You let me see that when I trust You, You are faithful in every detail. In.every.little.thing.

I understand that my circumstance yesterday might not strike everyone as an encounter with the Almighty. But, I'm telling you, there is no room for doubt in my mind that HE was at the center of it.
And my heart is fully delighted.

God and the SoS

Yesterday I had an appointment at the Secretary of State's office to renew my driver's license. Just before I left the house I jotted a few things on a piece of paper which I needed to pick up at the grocery store. And for "some reason" I glanced at the grocery list from Monday which had fallen out of my purse. In so doing, I noticed an item which I'd forgotten to get Monday and I quickly added it to my new mini-list. Then I looked heaven-ward and whispered, Thanks, Lord. You've always got my back, don't You!
And with an extra spring in my step because God's faithfulness delights me, I grabbed my Precept materials (Because I was going to work on the current study while at the SoS, then go straight to church for Precept class.) and headed out the door.
Upon arrival at the SoS I went inside and sat down - thankful I had an appointment because there was already a long line of people - and opened up my Precept folder. Which is also just about the moment I realized I didn't have the envelope with me which contained all my paperwork for the license renewal. The envelope I had intentionally put on the table Monday night with everything in it, so I could easily grab it and have everything with me which was necessary for an expeditious visit to the known-for-taking-hours-to-get-through-Secretary-of-State-office.
Yeah. That envelope.
I picked up my Precept stuff, but not the envelope.
With a heavy sigh I gathered up my things and left the building. Realizing there was NO WAY I could make it home and back again before the If-you-haven't-arrived-within-ten-minutes-of-your-scheduled-appointment,-your appointment-will-be-canceled-and-you-will-need-to-reschedule time was up.
And suddenly I found myself thinking, Wait a minute, God. I thought You had my back. How is it that You noticed my grocery oversight, but not the envelope? Huh, God? How???
If my heart and mind hadn't been racing trying to figure out how I was going to re-schedule a new appointment this week, I might have heard His Spirit whisper, Trust Me, dear one.
As it was, however, my heart and mind were racing.
Not doing much listening.
So when I got home and picked up the elusive envelope (Which was sitting right on top of my Bible!), I wasn't prepared to discover that I was going to need to turn right around and go back to the SoS.
When I got onto the SoS website to reschedule, I found the next available appointment isn't until the end of September - which is past my birthday - which means I would be driving on an expired license if I waited for an appointment. And I wasn't going to do that.
My only viable option was to go back with my paperwork, and wait in line.
Thus, I gathered up my things again (Including the envelope this time!) and plodded back through the door, resigned to the idea that I would most likely miss attending Precept.
And musing once more, Thought You had my back, God.
Yet as I made the second trip to the SoS His Spirit managed to convince mine that maybe - just maybe - HE was working something for good.
It wasn't the lady I sat next to when I arrived though. She was number 67, 61 was being served, and it was only a matter of minutes until her number was called and she was on her merry little way. However, the lady who filled that empty seat was with me for the next almost-two-hours until it was my turn. And it didn't take me long to understand that God had orchestrated our meeting.
She was a believer, so there was no eternity-altering conversation. But the time we spent together was mutually-encouraging and God-honoring. We prayed for each other just before my number was called, and I trust that some who overheard our discussion may have been built up, as well.

As it turned out, I made it to Precept for half of the video lesson - and was inspired by the message I heard. And through it all God convinced me He does, indeed, have my back.
Even when I have to wait to see the evidence.

One More Lesson

OK.
One more day of processing, and then I think I'll be ready to move on.
That is, God has been working in me off-screen and I am thankful. But part of how He has wired me is that I do a good amount of mind-heart reconciliation through writing, thus blogging often is a tool God uses to help me work through my "things".
And right now my mind and my heart need to have a talk.
What I mean to say is last Thursday when Josh and Matthew and I were sitting around Josh's bed petting Mindy and freely allowing our tears to flow, I realized something.
I didn't care one iota about the countless times Mindy had peed on the carpeting in my house.
The scratches on the window sill and the wall underneath it (Which are there from all the times Mindy ran to the window and got up on her back legs - using the wall and window sill to support her front legs - so she could look out to see who was coming up the driveway.) didn't bother me.
I wasn't even upset about all of my scrapbooks which are each missing a corner because Mindy chewed up the whole stack of them when she was a puppy.
Rather than rehearsing in my head the list of all her transgressions, Thursday afternoon I was focused on giving love to that dog. I was remembering so many of the precious moments I had with her, the ways God spoke Truth to me through her, and especially the blessing her companionship had been to Josh.
Yeah.
Especially that - as my heart broke for his breaking heart.
The thing is, every time Mindy peed on the carpet I was sincerely, truly, and absolutely annoyed.
I was put out because I was always the one who had to clean it up, and I was miffed because she knew better. Because she could do better. And I secretly suspected she was doing it just to aggravate me. Thus I would give her the stink-eye, and do my best to make sure she knew I was NOT happy with her for doing what she did.
But sitting with her as she lay dying, I truly did not care about any of those moments.
They didn't matter!
All that counted Thursday afternoon was that Mindy had been a blessing to my family, and I wanted to give her love.

And now that we're on the other side of Thursday and all it's pain, I'm wondering if God has one more lesson for me which He wants to speak through that dog's life.
That is, I realized as I sat by Mindy's side that my change of heart came from my change in perspective. I wasn't upset with her for her failings, because I was acutely aware how precious - how fleeting - was the time we had with her. Loving her being became more important than despising her doing.
Am I the only one who needs to read that statement again???
Loving her being became more important than despising her doing.
And therein, I believe, may be the final word God wants to speak through Mindy's life.
Oh, that by the power of His Spirit my heart may elevate the value of a person's being over the value of their doing. Yes, LORD, please work in me these changes of perspective which are pleasing to You. Please make me more like Jesus!

HE Knew. HE Knows.

"I'm going to rest, and wait for God to lead."

Wow.
I had no idea what was in store when I wrote that statement two weeks ago.
That is, I rested. I did rest.
And it was good.
I spent time in the Word.
I spent time doing fun and frivilous stuff. (Might have become addicted to a new word game... *ahem*)
I just spent time being. Not concerned about "doing". And it was good.
Very good.
And although my mind was completely unprepared for how this two-week rest would come to an end, I absolutely believe God used the time to ready my heart.

Last Wednesday evening Josh brought Mindy over to the house, very concerned about a sudden change in her behavior. She had vomited and was extremely lethargic. She didn't even wag her tail in expectancy of being petted when somebody entered the room, let alone get up to greet newcomers at the door. Something was definitely wrong, so Josh planned to contact the vet in the morning.
Thursday morning found the two of them at the MSU Vet Clinic (Our vet told him to go there right away.) and after probing, an ultrasound, and needles it was determined that Mindy had a growth in her abdomen which had begun to produce internal bleeding. Most likely cancer.
The surgery for thousands of dollars with a prognosis of "may extend life a few weeks to a few months" was not an option. So Josh brought Mindy back to his apartment to spend time with her - after an infusion of fluids, anti-nausea medication, and pain medication.
Matthew went over between classes to see her.
And I joined them when I got off work. Walked into Josh's bedroom to find Mindy on his mattress, and the two boys hoovering over her in tears as they anticipated what was to come.
My own tears quickly followed.
Brian left work early Thursday afternoon and came over, too. Then the three of us (Brian, Josh, and me.) sat beside Mindy petting her and loving her as her abdomen continued to fill with blood. Much too quickly, her breathing became labored (Because her lungs didn't have enough room to fully function anymore, due to the collection of blood in her abdomen.) and we knew it was time to go back to the clinic.
Oh, how hard that was to do!
Every move was a huge effort.
Picking her up off the mattress.
Leaving the apartment.
Getting into the van.
And ESPECIALLY getting out of the van once we arrived at the clinic.
Because every step brought us closer to the decision to which nobody wanted to give voice.
"Yes. It's time. We're going to do it."
We all knew it was the best thing. Allowing Mindy to keep going was only going to allow us to not make the hard choice. She wasn't going to get better or feel better, only worse. And so, after much grace and patience on the part of the MSU Vet Clinic staff, we sat outside - Mindy on Josh's lap - and said good-bye to our dear little dog.

I still know we made the right decision. To free Mindy from her suffering was the most humane thing we could do. But the same pain which caused the majority of my tears that day still gets them to flow even as I type these words and re-live the memory. That is, the suffering of my beloved son who lost his cherished pup too quickly. I can't even put into words the way it felt to watch his heart breaking and his world come crashing in - as the inevitable became reality.
My 21-year-old man-child became a toddler again in my eyes and I just wanted to gather him up in my arms and kiss him and promise him the owie would go away soon.
But I couldn't.
Because this kind of owie can't be healed by a mommy's kiss.
So I pretty much just stayed by his side, rubbed his back on occasion, and prayed. Prayed that the Spirit of God would comfort and heal him, and do all the things I only wished I was able to do.
And that's where I see God has been preparing me over the past two weeks as I have been resting.
HE has been leading me to rest in Him. To be.
To not be concerned about doing.
And I think that is what Josh needed more than anything else on Thursday. There was nothing I could do or say which would make the events of the day less painful. But as Brian and I were leaving his apartment Thursday night after we'd taken him home, he said to us, "Thanks for being with me today." (And I literally just remembered his statement as I was coming to this point of writing this post.)
Indeed. God knew what we were going to be facing this week, and HE prepared me for it perfectly.
How comforting it is to me to realize HE knows what's still to come - and to have confidence that I can trust Him every step of the way.

HIS Grace is Amazing

So, Josh and Mindy moved back in Monday night.
Just staying for a couple of weeks while they're "between apartments".
And yesterday morning when I went downstairs to do my work-out, I took one look at the floor and let go of a great big Really???-We're-back-at-it-again? sigh.
Yup. Right there in the middle of the floor was the evidence.

Mindy peed on the carpet.

In a huff I went back upstairs to gather the necessary cleaning supplies. 

And both times I passed the guilty subject (And she knew she was guilty. I could see it in her expression.) I gave her my best stink-eye. 

I was not happy with that animal, and I wanted her to know it. 

I even announced her transgression to Brian and Matthew, in the hopes that they would share in my indignation. (My level of maturity is staggering, isn't it?!)

When I came back up again to put the cleaning supplies away I let another stink-eye stare fly. 

And on the way back down, I did it one more time.

Except that time my angst was interrupted by a Voice speaking so loudly to my heart, I could almost hear it with my ears. The Voice said, Hmmmm. I bet you're thankful I don't treat you this way every time you fall short. 

And just like that, I knew God intended to use Mindy's mess for good. 

In the tender and gracious way HE always does, God reminded me that HE never holds my sin against me. HE forgives me for free, and HE refuses to bring it back up.
Even when I fail in the same way over and over, again.

So before I started my workout, I sat on the bench with my elbows on my knees and my head bowed low, and I thanked God for HIS grace - which is so amazing.

(And then I said, "OK. I think I've learned my lesson. Now, can You do something about this dog???") *wink*

He Got Me, Too. (And so did HE!)

I didn't plan for the titles of my posts between yesterday and today to work out as they did.
The fact of the matter is, most of the time things work out well in my life, it's because I didn't plan for it.
God is in the details, and HE works it out.

Anyway, yesterday I shared that Matthew "got me" by calling me out on something similar to which I have chided him all these years.
And today I'm sharing that Brian "got me" 26 years ago when we were just kids, saying "I do!" to a lifetime of love and adventure and crazy and challenges and we-had-no-idea-what-we-were-getting-into.
Whew! Twenty-six years, three children, a son-in-law, four homes, three major career changes (for Brian), brain surgery and depression (for me), and one faithful God - who has seen us through it all.
And HE has surely seen us.
Right from the start.
It's funny, now that I'm thinking about it I am not sure I have ever shared here the fact that Brian is the one the Lord used to lead me to saving faith. So, at the risk of being redundant I'll tell the story now.
(It's a great story. Well worth repeating!)
We were freshmen in college, and Brian was on my Hall Council committee. (He chose my committee because he thought I was cute!) And although I had a boyfriend, Brian caught my eye (Because he was cute, too!) and I began being interested in him.
Over time I became single and started spending more time with Brian.
One of the first things he asked me was if I went to church. And I told him I did. (Because I did. That is, when I was growing up I "did" go to church. Nevermind that I hadn't gone since arriving at college. That wasn't what he asked. *ahem*) Then he asked if I would like to go to church with him sometime, and I'm all, "Of course!" Thinking, I would go anywhere if it meant spending time with this very cute guy.
So we started going to church together.
In fact, we started going a lot of places together.
And with all that time side by side, we also started talking a lot about God and the Bible and what it meant to be a Christian. It was through those conversations that I began to understand, I was NOT a Christian.
That is, I grew up going to church. I knew the basic Bible stories. I knew the (surface) meaning of Christmas and Easter. I had gone to church camp almost every summer when I was a kid, I was in the youth choir and youth groups at church, and I did all the things typical church-kids do, so I assumed I was a Christian.
Somehow, though, I had missed the part about having a relationship with God through Jesus.
I mean, I knew Jesus died on the cross to forgive the sins of all mankind. I just didn't know I needed to respond to Him. In my mind, salvation was just a fact of history. Not a choice I needed to make.
But through Brian's testimony and witness God revealed the Truth to me. HE wooed my heart to His. And HE invited me into a relationship I could not refuse.
I often laugh at the irony of it.
This boy-crazy girl, chasing after another cute guy - who introduced her to the greatest love of her life.
So, yeah. He got me.
And so did HE!!!

It's My Pleasure

So, I haven't even set foot in Chick-fil-A this week.

Because I've been at church for VBS!

Lemme tell you about my week at Vacation Bible School.
Initially I was going to be in a room with 3rd and 4th grade girls.
In my imagination we were going to have fun girl-time for several minutes each day as we wandered between activities. We were going to have significant conversations about God, and grow in our relationships with Him through Jesus. The time we spent together was going to be engaging, yet calm. Intriguing, yet orderly.
That's what I do each Sunday morning.
It's what I requested and was granted.
It's my comfort zone.
It's what I wanted.
But it isn't what God planned.
Because it isn't what I needed.

Rather...
Due to the abundance of 3rd and 4th grade boys who registered for VBS, my room was turned into a girls AND boys class. (Now, I raised two boys. I'm not afraid of them, and I don't think they have cooties. But put me in a room with 12 or so of them between the ages of 8 and 10, and I get a little nervous!)
So I probably don't need to mention there were times when our little room of nearly 30 kids got kinda loud - and at times it felt like pandemonium was going to rule the day.
But, I will.
Because it did.
I mean, somehow (That would be, by the grace of God alone - through the faithful prayers of His servants.) we managed to make it from one activity to another (Even when I took us to the wrong one once!) and we covered all the lessons, and we had good discussions, and all that. But it wasn't what I had anticipated or expected or planned. And part of me felt like I was failing.
Then - on top of my fear of failure, God began addressing the needs HE saw in me.
That is, in the tender, gracious, undeniable way HE always does God alerted me to the pride which was lurking in my heart. Time and time again - even in the middle of moments when I was delighting in His love and sharing it with the kids - God's Spirit would call my attention to my sin and HE would beckon me to put on humility, instead.
Sometimes I wondered if anyone could hear it echoing in my heart.
Daughter, please put your self away. I Am the focal point. The glory is all Mine. You needn't be concerned about what they think of you, or how anyone may be evaluating your performance. None of that really matters. Just keep your eyes on Me. Keep pointing these precious children to ME.
And when I did that?
When I surrendered my will to HIS...
When I trusted HIM to reach the children in spite of the noise...
When I believed HE is able to work in ways I do not understand and did not plan...
 When I listened to my Father and did what HE said? Oh, the joy!

So, in spite of not going the way I originally believed it would, my week at VBS resulted in joyful fellowship with my Father, more hugs from my new young friends than I can count, and delightful memories which I'll cherish for a very long time to come.
Dare I say? This week was even better than a peach shake with a side of waffle fries!

It's My Pleasure

So Monday I was at work - making eye contact, smiling at guests, speaking enthusiastically, and making connections. I was moving as quickly as I could while still doing my best to not rush people or make them feel pressured. My recollection is that I was even being successful in order accuracy and efficiency.
From the outside, I imagine everything looked splendid.
But I knew it wasn't.
That is, on the inside of me I didn't feel enthusiastic. The words I spoke came at the expense of a whole lot of effort. The smiles weren't necessarily sincere. And I frequently found myself glancing at the clock to see how much longer I had to work.
I couldn't put my finger on any one thing which was causing me to feel this way. It just seemed like I was in a funk, and I wanted nothing more than to get out of it.
Then something wonderful happened.
A woman came to my register and ordered a salad.
Nothing else. Just a salad.
Which totaled $8.89.
The majority of people pay with credit cards, so I was anticipating she would do the same thing. However, when she pulled out her wallet and reached for a bill I readied myself to accept payment and collect her change. But when I saw her retrieving a $20 bill my heart skipped a beat. The smile on my face became ultra-sincere. I nearly let a tear roll down my cheek. And as I was tending the money a loving voice echoed in my heart, Yes, dear one, I am with you.
Then I looked my guest in the eye, I smiled at her brightly, and I said, "You're change is $11.11."
She got her salad. I got kissed by the King.

Responding to His Nudge

So, Friday I mentioned 11:11 and the joy I have in knowing God's faithfulness. Particularly when He makes that number show up at moments when I need encouragement from Him. And it truly is a delight to my heart when HE provides that comfort.
But the whole 11:11 thing started off as a prayer cue between Brian and me when we were college students - and it remains a prompting God uses to have me pray for my husband.
It is also a story I have shared many times. And as I have told others about God's nudge to have me pray for Brian whenever I see 11:11, I have heard tales about how He has made specific numbers significant in their lives.
So, I began praying for these friends at their "appointed" time, as well.
3:33 for one.
And 4:44 for another.
Well, Sunday afternoon I "happened" to look at the clock at 4:44 and as I prayed for Jody I smiled at the thought of God's amazing love and care for His children. Because I've been seeing 4:44 quite frequently in recent weeks - even in the middle of the night sometimes - and it just makes me so happy to know that HE is thinking of her, and calling me to pray. So I grabbed my phone and sent her a quick text. I figured - if God is nudging me to pray for her so often, perhaps she could use the encouragement to know about it.
What I wasn't expecting was the encouragement I would get in return.
That is, she texted back right away to let me know that she had seen 11:11 and 1:11 on her clock the day before and took it as God's nudge for her to pray for me. She recogninzed that God had us on each other's hearts, and wanted to share the encouragement.
Ahhhh, what a blessing.
To be called on by God to lift up another, and to find that He is calling others to lift you up, too!
God's faithfulness and care will delight me all of my days.

Some Things Never Change. Thankfully, Others Do!

So, it's been about two months since Josh moved out of our house, and into an apartment.
In the beginning we saw him frequently, often right around dinner time.
But in recent weeks Josh-sightings have been somewhat rare. (That is, since I have been working at Chick-fil-A I am gone more frequently during the day, so when he does stop by I am often not home.)
And that distance called for a special dinner invitation last week.
We made plans for Josh to join us Friday, and I was looking forward to feeding my boy some good home-cooking again.
(Ended up changing plans to Saturday, because he had a better offer - or something - Friday. *wink*)
So he came over Saturday evening for dinner, and he brought Mindy along. (Did I mention that our dog moved out with him?) And I noticed how some things never change.
That is to say, when we sat down to eat Mindy found her way to the space between my chair and the wall. Her usual spot from her pre-apartment-days.
Additionally, when we sat down to eat Josh had disappeared into the basement for something. And when he made it back up - and the rest of us were seated at the table - he was in search of a charger for his phone, which meant he blew through the kitchen looking for said techno-gadget.
His usual behavior from his pre-apartment-days.
As I thought about my efforts to prepare a nice dinner for my son I got a little huffy at his perceived indifference, and I might have rolled my eyes.
My usual response to his pre-apartment-days behaviors.
When he finally made it to the table (Phone plugged in and charging.) we all held hands and started to sing the blessing.
And I shouldn't have been surprised to see that God's faithfulness is just like it has always been since long before those pre-apartment days.
Because Brian randomly chose the "Every Day" song for us to sing. (Have I mentioned before my absolute dis-belief in anything "random"?) With a twinge of annoyance still in my heart I joined the guys singing, "Every day is just a day until You come my way. Things change when I stop to thank You..."
And instantly God changed my heart.
Indeed, I quickly recognized I had so much for which to give HIM thanks. Another day of life, everything I need, a home, a good meal, my husband and both of my sons sitting at the table with me.
Yes, even that son who sometimes does things which annoy me. God reminded me I can give thanks for Josh - that silly annoyances are meaningless. I am thankful for the gift he is to my life. For the ways God is growing him. For the promises I still believe HE is working in that young man.
Ah, yes, there is so much for which I can give thanks. And, truly, things change - my heart changes - when I stop to thank HIM.
Yet, for as delighted as I am that some things change, I am forever grateful that HE never changes.
My God is always faithful, and I am eternally glad.

I Pray

I have a list of prayer requests in my Precept folder.
We pass a fresh sheet of paper around the room each week so requests may be shared and updated - and every day before I begin my study I pour over that list with the Lord.

I read articles and opinion pieces on issues ranging from the recent vote on the abortion survivors bill - to the UMC conference decision - to the unrest in Venzuela, and my heart breaks over the brokenness in our world. So I come to God and beg for mercy. For healing. For transformed hearts and renewed conviction that His ways are right.

I receive a monthly prayer calendar from Compassion International, and every day I read a new request and bring it before my Father - believing that He has the wisdom, the power, the grace to meet the need.

I regularly find prayer requests in my email folder from various sources and organizations, and I stop to pray for them before going on to another message. Because I believe God is listening.

I get a text from a friend, "I really need prayer. Please pray that we can keep our emotions down." I reply, "Praying for your emotions." And I do pray. Knowing God knows the specifics of the moment, and exactly what is needed in the situation.

Three days a week I do my planks, and I pray for those who need strength and grace to get through some overwhelming struggles.

As I am out driving and I see yellow cars, I pray for a particular young lady - because God has given me that cue to pray for her, and I know He is thinking about her and He knows her need. (Many yellow cars this week!)

I pray before I write blog posts, and before I respond to posts on Facebook - because I want my words to reflect HIM.

I pray all the time, about everything, because I believe in God. HE is my hope. My only hope. I believe HE listens and moves and works. And I don't want to try making it through a single day without Him.

And just as I'm finishing writing this post, I get another text from that friend. "Thank you for the prayers! Amazingly enough exactly when we got into a heated discussion you and two other people had just checked in on me saying you were praying. That is a big God thing! Since then we were able to calmly talk and it was very good. Thank you so much!"
And I say, Thank You, LORD! Thank YOU for listening and loving and moving on our behalf.

How about you, friend? Have you called upon the LORD today?

Turning Mountains into Molehills

The plan for today is to spend the afternoon into late night in Oranjestad, Aruba. Brian and I will take a Monutain Bike Adventure, tourning Aruba's historic and natural treasures. How appropriate, then, that I share this post from September 30, 2015 about mountains.
I totally did not plan the mountain-to-mountain thing when I scheduled this post for today. It just "happened" to come up this way. God is so clever! *wink*

"What are you, O mighty mountain? Before Zerubbabel you will become level ground."

~Zechariah 4:7

I spent a good amount of time yesterday talking about this verse with the women in my Precepts Bible study. The context is that God is encouraging Zerubbabel that he will, indeed, finish the work of re-building the Temple. Even though the Israelites have been facing opposition in the reconstruction. Even though progress has been stalled for 14 years. And even though Zerubbabel is just a man.
None of that matters because God has promised the completion of the Temple - "Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit," says the LORD Almighty. (Zechariah 4:6)
Zerubbable faced a mountainous task of leading the recently-back-from-being-exiled-scared-of-their-oppressors-down-hearted-would-like-to-find-a-rock-under-which-to-hide-people of God in the re-building of the LORD's House. It was overwhelming. Certainly too much for a guy like Zerubbabel to handle. Which is probably why the LORD gave Zechariah such a vision of encouragement for his pal.

So, the question for today: As you seek to follow God, are there any great mountains you face?

Unchangeable

*sigh*
It is good to listen to this song and be reminded that our God is

unchangeable, unshakeable, unstoppable.

Because I just got off the phone with my dad, and I wanted to remember that God is still on His throne. Nothing has changed with Him.

What I mean to say is, I just got off the phone with my dad for the second time today. And it was painfully clear that he didn't remember our first conversation from a few hours earlier.

He has Alzheimer's disease, and things are always changing. I know I need to expect the differences in his behavior and abilities, but when they show up they remind me that more are on the way - and my mind begins to run to the possibilities of what is going to happen. I get concerned for my mom. And I wonder what I'll be able to do to help. 

I speculate about what the future holds, and consider how long the future might last.

Even though I have been around people with Alzheimer's quite a lot in my work over the past seven years, it's a whole new thing when the person affected is your dad. 

At the same time, I am still adjusting to the change of having a married daughter. 

I had the delightful opportunity to spend the afternoon with her at her apartment, talking about life and the new things she's experiencing. I listened to her hopes and struggles. She told me about the things which are going well, and the challenges she and her husband are attempting to conquer. And while I still felt urges to step in and solve problems, God's Spirit held me back and led me into my role of listener and supporter. It's a new gig, and I need Him to show me what to do.

And in the midst of it all, I am holding on to the hope that HE is unchangeable.

How does God's steadfast nature bring you comfort?