He Got Me, Too. (And so did HE!)

I didn't plan for the titles of my posts between yesterday and today to work out as they did.
The fact of the matter is, most of the time things work out well in my life, it's because I didn't plan for it.
God is in the details, and HE works it out.

Anyway, yesterday I shared that Matthew "got me" by calling me out on something similar to which I have chided him all these years.
And today I'm sharing that Brian "got me" 26 years ago when we were just kids, saying "I do!" to a lifetime of love and adventure and crazy and challenges and we-had-no-idea-what-we-were-getting-into.
Whew! Twenty-six years, three children, a son-in-law, four homes, three major career changes (for Brian), brain surgery and depression (for me), and one faithful God - who has seen us through it all.
And HE has surely seen us.
Right from the start.
It's funny, now that I'm thinking about it I am not sure I have ever shared here the fact that Brian is the one the Lord used to lead me to saving faith. So, at the risk of being redundant I'll tell the story now.
(It's a great story. Well worth repeating!)
We were freshmen in college, and Brian was on my Hall Council committee. (He chose my committee because he thought I was cute!) And although I had a boyfriend, Brian caught my eye (Because he was cute, too!) and I began being interested in him.
Over time I became single and started spending more time with Brian.
One of the first things he asked me was if I went to church. And I told him I did. (Because I did. That is, when I was growing up I "did" go to church. Nevermind that I hadn't gone since arriving at college. That wasn't what he asked. *ahem*) Then he asked if I would like to go to church with him sometime, and I'm all, "Of course!" Thinking, I would go anywhere if it meant spending time with this very cute guy.
So we started going to church together.
In fact, we started going a lot of places together.
And with all that time side by side, we also started talking a lot about God and the Bible and what it meant to be a Christian. It was through those conversations that I began to understand, I was NOT a Christian.
That is, I grew up going to church. I knew the basic Bible stories. I knew the (surface) meaning of Christmas and Easter. I had gone to church camp almost every summer when I was a kid, I was in the youth choir and youth groups at church, and I did all the things typical church-kids do, so I assumed I was a Christian.
Somehow, though, I had missed the part about having a relationship with God through Jesus.
I mean, I knew Jesus died on the cross to forgive the sins of all mankind. I just didn't know I needed to respond to Him. In my mind, salvation was just a fact of history. Not a choice I needed to make.
But through Brian's testimony and witness God revealed the Truth to me. HE wooed my heart to His. And HE invited me into a relationship I could not refuse.
I often laugh at the irony of it.
This boy-crazy girl, chasing after another cute guy - who introduced her to the greatest love of her life.
So, yeah. He got me.
And so did HE!!!

Silver Anniversary

I can hardly believe it, but today is my 25th wedding anniversary.
Yes, on August 7, 1993 - these two KIDS got married!!!

This was one of my favorite pictures...

Well, and this one. *muah!*

Ahhhh, but this one. This one is my absolute most favorite wedding picture.

It's kind of crazy to me to consider that it's been 25 years already. And yet, I can hardly believe our life together - all the things we've been through - has fit into just 25 years.
Oh, how much we have seen and grown and loved and messed up and forgiven and been forgiven and learned and tried and tried again.
I laugh when I remember how we thought we knew so much 25 years ago today - when, really?
We were so clueless.
I mean, at the ages of 21 and 22 we knew a little about what it means to love another human being.
We knew a little of God's faithfulness. We knew a little that He is good. We knew a little that we could trust Him.
But now we have learned what real love is.
Joyful, celebratory, life-giving, selfless, forgiving, gracious, unconditional love.
Over the past two and a half decades, we have experienced God's faithfulness in very dark moments.
Now we know He is good all the time. Now we know that we can trust him with everything.

Oh, how much has happened - how magnificently God has shown Himself to us - over the past 25 years.
It makes me so excited to ponder the next 25!!!

What's LOVE Got to Do With It?

So I've been thinking about love lately.

The outlook for lasting relationships in today's world, that is.

This thought process started with a conversation I had recently with one of my honorary daughters.
She was telling me about some relational struggles she's having and how hard it is to persevere when most of her generation is telling her to just quit. To send him packing. To get rid of the difficulty and start afresh with somebody else. ***read that: Someone with whom there are no problems - which will make for a suitable replacement - until said stand-in reveals he has issues, too. At that time, previous suitablity becomes null and void and must be re-replaced with another proxy who will suffice until inevitable complications surface. Repeat ad infinitum.***
I was simultaneously pleased and saddened.
Pleased that my girl recognizes the madness.
Saddened by the reality of the whole situation.
It seems like our world has become a place where struggle is taboo and comfort is to be elveated above all else. Where the most important factor in a relationship is our personal "happiness", with no room for personal character growth via strife, conflict, or serious effort. For many people, a relationship in 2018 is a situation in which you shouldn't have to give up your preferences, where the "other" is expected to please you in every way, and offenses are unexcusable.
And it breaks my heart.
Because there is no way a relationship can survive those standards. And standards like those are going to produce shallow people whose lives are based purely on feelings, and who will never make it in an imperfect world.

My honorary daughter and I were talking about romantic relationships, but the current state of affairs isn't limited to those connections. We see it in families, neighborhoods, peer relationships, in the church, and at work. If one party offends another, today's world allows the offended to righteously declare that they have been wronged and move on to find someone who will treat them better.
Nevermind addressing the offense, dealing with the differences, and growing through the process.
Nah. That's too much work!
The thing is, I remember a time - some 25 or 26 years ago - when somebody told me about lasting love, which makes for a lasting relationship.
It's love that has a will.
It makes a decision, doesn't depend on feelings.
It stays in the mix when times get rough.
And it commits to seeking the best outcome for everyone involved.
I have lived and received this love in my marriage, my family, and my friendshps - and I have seen it in the lives of many people around me. It isn't easy, but it is possible.
And it is imperative for a lasting relationship.

So that's what I've been thinking. What do you say about it?

The Need to Confess

When you think someone is upset with you, so you examine your actions to discern why such upset-ness may have occurred, and in your heart you know what you did - and the Holy Spirit convicts you of selfishness and wrong-doing, so you resolve to confess and apologize, but later you see the aforementioned upset person - only they don't seem upset AT ALL...

Does that mean you're off the hook for the need to confess and apologize???

Ummm. Yeah. I don't believe so.
That is, I don't believe the Holy Spirit convicts us unnecessarily. When HE speaks to a heart, a heart ought to listen. Even when the offended doesn't seem, uh, terribly offended. Because I think sometimes the act of confession is for our own cleansing more than it is for the other's consolation.
Thus, I shall be eating humble pie and making an apology momentarily.

Thank You, Father, for caring enough about the condition of my heart - and your standard of holiness - to convict me of and cleanse me from all unrighteousness.

Thanks. I Think.

*groan*

"I am so stupid!" I complained.

And then my knight in shining armor asked, "What happened?"

So I explained that I had just typed out a message to send to a friend on Facebook and instead of hitting "enter" to send it, I inadvertently clicked on the "x" in the upper right corner. And a message popped up informing me I hadn't yet sent the message, and asking if I really wanted to leave the page. Annnnd, I clicked on "OK" without thinking through what I was doing.
The result?
The message was gone, and I was left groaning - and condemning myself for my stupidity.
"Oh," he said. And I looked at him with an invitation to keep talking.
"Well, I was going to argue with you about being stupid. But..."
We locked eyes, laughed, and said simultaneously, "That was stupid."

It's great when we can avoid arguments. *wink*

(More Than) Dance Lessons

Almost six weeks ago, Brian and I started taking dance lessons.

At his suggestion.

I know! Amazing, isn't it?
(There is a reason I call him "Mr. Wonderful".)
OK, full disclosure - his friend invited us to the class. It wasn't all Brian's doing.
But he could have said no to his friend without ever telling me about it. And he didn't.
Mr. Wonderful.

It has been fun learning how to dance with Brian. And I am looking forward to the next time we get to go to a wedding reception - and really dance.
(I mean, we have A LOT of practicing to do. But we'll get there.)

The interesting thing to me, though, is that learning to dance is only secondary to what this class is really teaching me. That is, this is the first time I have danced when I am not supposed to memorize a routine and perform it to the best of MY ability.
This time, I am simply to learn various steps - and follow Brian's lead.
When our lessons first began, the whole idea of following his lead sounded wonderful to me. Our instructor described the man's role as thinking ahead, planning the next steps, and guiding his partner through them. All I needed to do was follow his lead.
No planning.
No charting a course.
No copious amounts of thinking.

Just look pretty, follow along, and enjoy the ride.

Now - to this mother/household engineer - letting somebody else do all the thinking and planning sounded pretty close to heaven. I was all for it!
But five weeks of dance lessons and an increasing amount of practicing at home has shown me something about myself I had not previously realized: I am not very good at following.
Rather, I am prone to anticipating moves ahead of time and *gasp* trying to plan what's coming next.
(My poor husband. Dancing is not his forte, and I am not making it any easier on him...)
It's good, though.
We're talking about how we need to communicate the dance steps - how I can "listen" and he can "speak". We're spending more time in each other's arms. (While dancing to Barry Manilow tunes, no less!)
And we're having fun.

Looking for a good way to invest in your marriage?
I recommend dance lessons. *smile*

P.S. For those of you in the Lansing area, check out the Center for Social Dance.

If My Math is Correct...

...Starting today, I have been married longer than I was single.

I remember a somewhat intense conversation with my mother shortly after Brain and I were engaged, in which she was questioning my readiness for marriage. Was I old enough? Mature enough? Ready to take on the responsibilities of life "on my own"? And I combated her questions with the fact that when I was going to get married I would be the same age as she was - when she was married and pregnant with my OLDer brother.
Yeah. I really felt like I'd gotten her with my logic.
Needless to say, Brian and I did get married. Nearly 22 years ago. When we wanted to. When I was almost 22 years old. And, honestly? There have been moments when I've remembered back to the young woman I was at that time and have wondered, Why on earth did my mother let me get married when I was so young? I didn't know anything!

Fortunately, God has been around for all of eternity - and HE knows everything. HE knew the challenges Brian and I would face starting right on our honeymoon, and continuing through to the struggles we are encountering today. Though neither of us were prepared for the work we would confront as a married couple, God knew how to equip us. HE surrounded us with the right people at the appropriate time. HE led us to the places we needed to be. And HE filled us to overflowing with the grace we needed. For ourselves, and each other.

I've been a married woman for more than half of my lifetime. God has also been loving me for those nearly 22 years, and the roughly three-and-a-half years before that when I started following Him, and the 18+ years before that when I had no idea I needed a personal relationship with Him. And He has no intention of stopping. So - the way I see it - I have Brian's love for the rest of our lives on earth, and I have God's love for all of eternity.

And if my math is correct, that's a really long time!

Who's thankful with me for the enduring love and faithfulness of our Father in heaven???

Indirect Communication 101

Me: I had a crazy dream last night.
*Insert/imagine dream summary here.*
Hubby: Sounds stressful. Did it make you feel like you needed to curl up in all the blankets?
(Emphasis placed on "all.")
Me: It was. *pause* Oh. Did I steal your blankets?
Hubby: Just looked at me. Didn't need to say anything.
Me: Oops. Sorry.

It's how we roll.

For the record: I am really not a fan of indirect communication. Therefore, when I want to complain about his snoring, I come right out and say it. *wink*

I Can't Believe...

...I fell for it!

I have taken on a new addiction over the past several days.
Last week I was helping my grandma clean out some drawers in preparation for her move, and she gave me a Jumble book. You know what I'm talking about, right? The puzzles which have four scrambled words for you to figure out, and then a corny riddle-of-sorts to solve.
Well, I happen to love these puzzles. And now I have an entire BOOK filled with them.
Sitting on my kitchen table.
So, yeah.
I sit down frequently and go through several pages.

Sunday night Brian and I were sitting at the table together and I had my Jumble book open. Now, Brian doesn't get into these puzzles to the extent I do, but occasionally he humors me and tries to participate. However, Sunday, he was blowing my mind.
I was working my brain, unscrambling words like a crazy woman, and having a great time. But then I got stuck. Just couldn't see the word within the jumble, and I peeked at the answers in the back of the book.
Once.
Or twice.
OK. Maybe three times.
Then Brian's brain seemed to kick in. Because as I was about to cheat get help again, he blurted out the answer. And I'm all impressed (and jealous) and telling him how smart he is. And a couple minutes later, he did it again. And again!
Of course, at this point I am starting to think - Alright, Buddy. Slow down. Give me a little more time. If you can get these answers and you don't even like this game, surely I can solve them, too. Just hold your tongue and keep your smart-self to yourself. *hmph*

But then he could no longer contain his laughter, and Brian blew his own cover.

I looked up from my puzzle and took note of Mr. Smarty-pants' computer screen. He'd found a website that allowed him to enter the letters with which I was struggling, and it unscrambled them into the word I needed. All Brian was doing was typing in letters and reading the answers to me. Acting as if it was his own wit and wisdom coming up with the correct responses.
And, to think I'd been sitting there all impressed (and annoyed) that he was figuring out the puzzles which had me stumped.

Such is life with my clever man. *smile*

Not So Fast!

He burnt the pasta.
Not quite sure how a person burns pasta while boiling it but, apparently, you can.
(And to his credit, he kept the burnt portion out of the main meal.)

And the garlic was clumpy.
But I promised him - it's always clumpy when I saute it, too.

Really, those were his only two offenses. And, somehow, my husband thought those errors ought to be enough to eliminate him from consideration for future dinner-preparation responsibility.
And I'm all, Wait a minute, buddy. Not so fast! For all the times I have messed up a meal and suggested I should be fired, for all the times I have forgotten to buy an ingredient at the store and offered to turn in my resignation, for all the times I have made the wrong decision and just wanted to hand over my "mom hat" - and for all the times YOU have been gracious and have given me yet.another.chance.to.get.it.right. Oh, you'd better believe I'll give you another chance at making dinner.

P.S. I love you!

Lessons From the Edge

'For better or for worse' is beautiful.

I've written about B and U here before. They are the couple who lives across the hall from the Activity Room. B has suffered a couple strokes, and the last one left him unable to use the right side of his body, and unable to speak very much. Because of our close proximity, I have witnessed many of their trials as they navigate through growing older and dealing with the effects of B's most recent stroke. Sometimes U just has to leave the apartment for a while - or have B leave - so she can gather herself together and have a little peace. And I totally understand her need to do so!
Well, on Monday, U was given a break she hadn't planned on. And wasn't wanting.
That is, B was taken to the hospital. Turns out he had a minor infection and just needed antibiotics and some time to heal. But U was beside herself while he was gone. She missed him so.

Wednesday afternoon I was by the front office when an ambulance pulled up with B. They were bringing him home! But U didn't know he was coming.
Since I was in the right place at the right time, I had the privilege of taking B back to his apartment and I just wish I'd had a camera with me to capture his homecoming. U was outside sitting under a tree reading a book when I found her and said B was home. She got right up and came inside where I saw B sitting there with his left arm stretched as wide open as he could get it. U approached him with her arms spread open, and then these two wrinkle-y folks embraced and gave each other the sweetest kiss I have ever seen.
All B could manage to say was, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." But I'm pretty sure he meant something like, "I love you, U. I'm so glad to be home and see you again. And I am so thankful to have you as my gracious and loving wife. Thank you for sticking with me through all of life's ups and downs." Yeah. I'm sure that's what he would have said if his words were cooperating with his heart.

'For better or for worse' is beautiful.

Disclaimer: The ideas and opinions expressed in this post are my own, and may not necessarily reflect those of Vista Springs Living Centers.

Pillow Talk

Last week Brian and I were laying in bed talking when I decided I was too tired to keep up the conversation. I said, "I'm going to roll over now and go to sleep. And...if you get the urge to rub my back, please go ahead and do it."
(Just trying to set my hubby up to make it look like this loving thing was all his idea. Totally selfless. Yep.)
And I rolled over.
And waited.

No response.

So I tried again. (very sweetly)"Even if you get the teeny tiniest little urge. Go ahead and just rub my back."

Annnnnnd, he did!

Yes, friends, you may steal my tactics idea.

You're welcome.

That Was a Good Come-Back

Brian: Ha! I have done everything!
Me: Everything?
Yeah.
(doubtful) Really?
Yep. (put-off) Don't you believe me?
Well, you haven't made dinner tonight.
(justified) Ah, but that wasn't on my list.
Oooooh. You mean you've done everything on your list.
(playfully arrogant) Yes. That is exactly what I mean.
(with a touch of sarcasm) I'm so sorry. I should have listened more clearly.
(after a moment of silence) That was a good come-back.

I love that we can have fun, even as we work on our communication skills. *wink*

I Have NEVER Fixed the Brakes

My bed gets made *almost* every day.
"My" bed, in which my husband also sleeps.
And often times that makes sense to me, because he gets up before I do - to go work out. I'm the last one out of bed, so I make it.
But that isn't always the case. Sometimes I'm up and out of the house before Brian, and when I get home the bed looks just like it did when I left.
Minus my husband's hunk of studly body, that is. *wink*
And so I confess, there has been more than one occasion when I have been making the bed after a long day of work (OK, I know - at that point there are only hours until it will be time for me to go to bed again and mess it all up. But I like a made bed. Don't judge.) and I have grumbled in my heart something like, Really? Why can't Brian ever make the bed? Is it written somewhere that bed-making is MY job? He sleeps in it, too, after all.
Typically, my grumbling gives in to a self-righteous mental rant of all the things I always do around the house and for the family. *cue the woe-is-me music*

As HE so often does, God gave me pause during one of those grumbling episodes for a brief perspective check. I'm not sure how it happened. (It certainly wasn't anything of MY doing, so I can only attribute it to the power of the Holy Spirit.) All I know is suddenly I was thinking about all the things Brian does do around here.
We just got new windows, and Brian took care of coordinating, ordering, and paying for that whole ordeal. He put up the Christmas lights outside. Whenever we have issues with the car or van, he always takes care of it. He's also my go-to guy whenever I'm having computer problems. These are not "every day" things like making the bed is, but they're bigger things - and I simply don't want to deal with them.
In as much time as it took for me to list off the things Brian does - which I DON'T do - God stopped my grumbling and changed my heart. HE gave me the ability to be thankful for all the things Brian does, rather than to focus on the things he doesn't.
And then, the funniest thing happened.
Last Friday I noticed the brakes on the van making a terrible noise. (I usually drive with music on, so I have no idea how long I'd been missing whatever was happening with the brakes.) I told Brian there was a problem and left the van home on Saturday so he could "look at it".
And Saturday afternoon he told me, "I fixed the brakes."
Just like that.
It was that easy!
All I had to do was mention the problem, and it was fixed.

Sunday morning as I was making the bed again, instead of grumbling I thought about how thankful I am for my husband. He does so much for me!

Being thankful is a much better place to be than grumbling. What are the things you have to be thankful for today?

I Dreamed a Dream

Brian and I spent last weekend at a marriage retreat in northern Michigan.

It was amazing.
If you live in Michigan and you're married, you really need to go. I believe they're having another retreat in March. Check out this website for details/contact information.
And don't wait long because space is limited.
You're welcome.

So, back to this past weekend. We spent some time thinking about/remembering the dreams we had when we were kids, regarding marriage and relationships. And over the course of two days, good time alone with God, and several conversations with my husband I realized just how much I dreamed of being pursued. Cherished. Wanted. Delighted in. But I was only able to "dream" about that as a teen. Because my real-life relationships (as opposed to those in my dream world) were all sabotaged by my stupid decisions. *Read that: When I gave in and became sexually active, I believed my boyfriends only wanted me for that reason.
And since I wanted to be wanted for me, I always broke up with them.
But I kept on dreaming that someone would cherish me.

As the weekend progressed, God unveiled another problem with my dream. That is, I feared people wouldn't love me if they knew about the unacceptable things I'd done. It surprised me to recall how many times I'd lied - even as a little girl about things like wetting the bed - because I didn't want people to know the truth. I didn't want to appear less desirable.
I wanted to be wanted.
And I began to understand my desire today to do things "perfectly" had grown from my belief that I could not/would not be cherished if I didn't do everything right.
Then Jesus stepped in and reminded me of the Truth:

HE knows everything about me.
Every.single.thing.
The good, the bad, AND the ugly.
And HE cherishes me.

Jesus knows all my imperfections. He saw me every night when I wet my bed. He knows about each time I gave myself to one of those guys. Jesus saw me each time I lost my temper and yelled at my children. He is completely aware of everything about which I feel shame.
And still, HE cherishes me. HE delights in me. Jesus loves me!

Know what else?
None of the things which have brought me shame are news to Brian. He knows about all of them, too. And as we processed these memories together this weekend, my husband reminded me again that he cherishes me. He delights in me. He loves me.
And the sex? Well, yeah. He loves that, too! *wink*

Living my dream,

We Were Just KIDS!

Twenty years ago TODAY, this picture was taken.

Twenty years ago.

We were just kids! I look at this picture and I think, How is it that my mother and father allowed me to get married when I was practically still a baby?

It makes me laugh to remember how I thought I knew so much about love and life when Brian and I got married.
Oooooooh, I had so much to learn!
And I? Am so thankful God paired me up with a man who would patiently and graciously learn right along with me.

Smiling at the thought of what the next twenty years will hold for us.

I Didn't Get Paint on my Clothes

So, how did you spend your Fourth of July???

Besides celebrating my dependence, I spent several hours working on a rental house with Brian and one of our friends. Yes. We know how to have a good time! Though, our anniversary at a rental beats this most recent episode.
Anyway, we went to this house to get work done, and get it done - we did! In spite of the fact that it was nearly 100 degrees outside, the house is not air conditioned, and we only had one working fan. Oh, was it ever HOT in there!
Even so, I wiped down walls and cabinets in the kitchen in preparation for painting. Only stopped wiping the walls long enough to wipe the sweat off my head and arms and neck and...you get the picture.

About mid-afternoon, our friend had to leave. After his departure, I was able to get more comfortable and Brian and I went to town with the painting. We're quite a team, you know, and the kitchen is finished. *Yea!*
And the really good news is, I didn't get paint on my clothes. Granted, there was paint on my arm and shoulder and legs and feet. But my clothes got off scot-free!
Er, that is, they just got off.
Once Royce left the house, I stripped down to the bare minimum. It was that hot! *wink*

This Is Love

So last week I had a terrible headache and felt sick to my stomach. I went to bed feeling miserable.
Brian came to bed shortly after I had lay down. I must have been making pathetic little whimpering noises, or something, because he asked, "Is there anything I can do for you?" I really didn't think there was, so I said, "No."
After a little more tossing and whimpering, Brian said, "Do you want me to clean the toilet for you?" What a guy! And what could I say, except, "Yes, please."

So, he did.

And I used it.

Ah, yes. Cleaning the toilet so your wife can have a fresh place to vomit.

This is love! *wink*

Communication 101

Picture this:
I'm laying on the swing on our deck, reading a book on a lazy Sunday evening.
(Are you jealous?)
My husband walks onto the deck looking a bit sheepish and says, "I'm not sure how to say this."
To which I reply, "Use words." (I know. I'm brilliant.)
So, he smiles and says, "Wouldn't it be fun to clean the utility room?" and I - in a moment of pure honesty - say, "Uh, NO."

Well, what would you have said???

The look on Brian's face told me that wasn't the answer for which he'd been hoping. So I decided to give him a little communication lesson. I explained to him the question he asked me was not equivalent to the thing he really wanted to know. Because - really - why would he want to know if I thought it would be fun to clean the utility room? When I'm relaxing and obviously fully engaged in the book I'm reading devouring? What could be more fun than that???

My dear husband wasn't getting it so I tried to make it as clear as possible. I said, "The question you meant to ask would have sounded a little more like this: 'I'm going to go downstairs and clean up the utility room. Will you help me?' You simply asked the wrong question."
So Brian puffed up his chest and said, "I'm going to go downstairs and clean up the utility room. Will you help me?" What could I do now? So I sat up, put my book down, and said, "OK."

The two of us made great progress on cleaning that room. And half way through it - as I was reading a poem I'd found which Elizabeth wrote when she was about 7 years old, and as I chuckled at a picture of Matthew making a silly face at about age 2 - I said to my darling husband, "You were right. This is fun!"
Later, I smothered Brian with kisses as I told him how much fun I had cleaning the utility room with him. But I do hope he was paying attention in class, so he might learn how to ask the right questions. *wink*

The Good Side of Insensitivity

or...

How Too Sensitive and Insensitive Live in Harmony

a.k.a.

A Day in the life of Karen and Brian

If you have deduced from the alternate titles offered above that I have been known to be too sensitive, you would be correct. Before I started learning how to think rationally, Too Sensitive me often found herself in tears - feeling wounded by the "thoughtless" words of another. Too Sensitive me heard other people's words mostly as critical, and as reminders that she was not "good enough". For anything.
And, while I am soooooo thankful for the relief I have found through a combination of anti-depressants and re-training my of thinking, I am still very in tune with sensitivity. Not just what I hear, but also what I say.

So, last weekend when reflecting on something I had said to my husband, I felt I needed to apologize.
You see, Brian took advantage of some time off from work to do the grocery shopping for me. What a nice thing to do, don't you think? Me, too!
When he got home and I was putting things away, I came across a few things which were not as I had requested. And I asked him about them. Honest mistakes. I could return the items and make corrections. Not a big deal, really. End of audible conversation.
The conversation in my head, however, kept playing. And I started kicking myself. Why did I have to point out his mistakes? Brian did a nice thing by getting the groceries for me. Why did I draw attention to the few things that weren't right? I should have let them go unnoticed. Now he probably doesn't feel like I appreciate what he did for me. Ugh! Why did I do that???
So I approached Brian to apologize for bringing up the mistakes. I told him I really appreciated that he did the shopping and I wasn't trying to make him feel bad by asking about the few items. He merely shrugged it off and said it hadn't bothered him, then walked out of the room. Seconds later he poked his head back in and said, "I'm insensitive. Remember?" And we laughed.

Ahhhh. We're perfect for each other!