Breaking Early

Lessons From the Edge

For years, everyone at Edgewood has been blessed to be in the company of a very precious couple. P and G have been married for 73 years and have lived at Edgewood for the past several. Yes - like so many others - P and G are my favorite residents!
P's health has been failing for some time, and a week ago Tuesday he passed on into the arms of Jesus. (He'd been yearning to go Home for so long!)
Monday was his funeral, and G asked me if I would sing. I'd gone up to their apartment last Tuesday to say goodbye to P, and at that time I knelt by his bed and sang Amazing Grace for him. She wanted me to sing it at the funeral, too.
And as I came to the last verse - singing about our eternity praising God in heaven - I was overjoyed to have nearly everyone in the church singing along with me.
The pastor closed with prayer, and then I sang one more time. Goodbye For Now, by Kathy Troccoli. It was a gift I wanted to give G and the rest of her wonderful family. To recognize their pain in the loss of P, but to remind them of the hope we have.

The hope of Forever.

It was a beautiful way to end P's service, and I was so happy with the peace God brought to people through it.
P was 96 years old. He and G have been husband and wife for 73 of them. Seventy-three and a half, actually. He will be missed tremendously.
But because of the gift of God through Jesus Christ, we know we're simply saying, Good-bye for now.

This Time, I Didn't Laugh

I've seen this picture on Facebook often, and I chuckle each time it comes up.
I mean, how many of us mothers - if we're being honest - wouldn't say there have been days we've wished we really could...?

But I recently entered a home and saw this very quote on a picture hanging in the entry way. Initially, I was going to chuckle at the silliness of the idea. But then I thought, How do the children who live in this home feel when they see that picture?
I don't know. Maybe the kids in that home have an exceptional sense of self-worth, and are incredibly confident in their mother's love. I hope so!
Maybe they're mature enough to understand the humor behind the statement, and realize their mother would never really want to keep them out.
But what if they don't?
What if they aren't?
What if that funny quote actually causes those children to feel like their home would be a happier place if they weren't a part of it?

Those questions in my mind kept me from laughing at the picture this time. Made me consider the importance of the messages we send our kids. Even if unintentionally.

I'm all for us moms sharing a laugh with one another. We need to know we aren't alone in our struggles, and I think laughing at them (the struggles, that is!) is a healthy way to relieve stress.
But decorating our homes that way?
I think there are better options.

Am I over-reacting?

Contentment

Monday night when we sat down to have family prayer time, Brian read from Hebrews 13.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have

Hebrews 13:5a

And we decided he could stop right there. Those 16 words gave us plenty about which we could think and talk!

We all agreed the "love of money" is not our personal struggle. But that "content with what you have" concept? Now, there's a challenge!
So we spent time talking about our greatest area of dis-content, and how we might be able to guard our hearts - so we might learn to always be content with what we have.
I recalled a statement I heard when I was in MOPS years ago. The speaker repeated over and over, "Comparison is the killer of contentment." It resonated with me then, and still rings true today.
Think about it:
*Your home is just fine - until you take a walk through that other neighborhood; where the houses are bigger, the yards are more manicured, and the fixtures are newer.
*Your wardrobe satisfies you - until you browse through several catalogs and see all the new items which marketing says you need.
*You're even happy with the quiet movie nights you spend with your husband - until your neighbor or co-worker tells you about the cruise she and her husband are taking again this year. Just like they did last year. And the year before that!

So we asked the question, If comparison is the killer of contentment, what can we do to keep contentment alive?
And the conclusion we reached was this: Give thanks for what we have.
Something very real happens in my heart when I start giving thanks. God brings me contentment, AND He opens my eyes to more things I have for which I can be thankful. It's a wonderful snow-ball effect of being content and thankful.
So, I've made a decision. The next time I start feeling discontent about working (because that was my "greatest area" in our discussion Monday night) I am going to give thanks to God. I'll start by thanking Him for providing me with a job I LOVE, and we'll see where HE takes me from there. I know it will be good. Because everything with Him is good!

Do you struggle with being content? What do you do to keep contentment alive?

Twenty Things I Did Right

At this very moment, there are sheets sitting on the couch.
Matthew was supposed to put them away last night after we folded them.

In the kitchen is an empty cake box on the counter, and the mixer is sitting there, too.
Elizabeth forgot to take care of them after she did some baking last night.

Also in the kitchen there are a few pans in the dish rack, which Joshua didn't take care of when he unloaded the dishwasher.

Honestly? Part of me wants to rant and rave about their inability to do a complete job.
I mean, seriously! How many times do I need to tell them to do what I've already told them to do. A hundred times!
How many times do I need to tell them to do what they ALREADY know they're supposed to do?

But something happened at work recently which is changing the way I'm going to approach my kids on this oversight.
My boss came to me about something I'd neglected to do. It didn't seem like a big deal to me, and I was happy to take care of it right away. But the way she belabored the point of the task needing to be done made me want to *nicely* yell, Did you notice this and that which I did? Have you seen this other thing I took care of? And what about that? Did you see that thing over there? Oh, and by the way, I had a feeling you were going to want this other thing to be handled soon, so I took care of it yesterday.
You noticed this one thing I didn't do, but have you seen the twenty things I did right?

Now it's my turn.
Matthew took the sheets downstairs and put them through the washer and dryer, just like he's supposed to. He brought them upstairs and helped me fold them, just like he's supposed to. And he put his own sheets back on his bed.
Elizabeth didn't ask me to make the cake. She did it herself. She rinsed the bowls and utensils which were used in the process. Looks like she even wiped the counter!
Joshua put away all the dishes which were in the dishwasher. Every plate, bowl, cup, lid, container, fork, spoon, and knife. All of them! And he did it without being told.

When I consider the things my kids have done right - particularly when I list them - my attitude changes about the things they haven't done yet. And I am thankful. My reminder to them to finish their jobs is going to be a lot more gentle now.
*Thankful for the fact that God even uses my frustrations to grow me.*

God is Faithful

Lessons From the Edge

GOD is all over the details.

OK, this is not a new lesson for me. God has shown me His involvement in my details many, many times. But He did it again this week, and I can't resist sharing!
I went into work Tuesday at 12:30. I immediately wrote a list of the announcements I needed to make and then went into the dining room to share them with the residents. Then, I checked my mailbox on my way back to my office.
In my mailbox I found a note which said MH had called to cancel for the birthday party we were having that afternoon - due to car troubles. And I'd just announced to the residents that MH would be there. Now, with less than two hours until the party, I was wondering what kind of entertainment I'd be able to conjure up. I can only tell jokes and sing silly songs for so long. They weren't going to be happy with just me. But, surely, there was not enough time to find a replacement! Oh, me of little faith.
I went back to my office and called MB. Explained my situation and asked if there was any way she could come play the piano and lead a sing-a-long during the birthday party in *ahem* less than two hours.

She said yes!!!

And the birthday party was a success.

Not to mention the fact that MB charges $15 less than MH, so I added a few dollars from my activities budget to my birthday party savings, went out the next day, and bought a Black Jack table cover for the Vegas Party coming up in January. Oh, happy me!

Has something unexpected come across your path recently? Fret, not!
GOD is all over the details.

A Shopping Surprise

Over the past couple of weeks, I have had a few opportunities to take Joshua shopping for clothes.
And I didn't cringe with every passing moment.
I didn't get frustrated.
Didn't agonize over looking for one.more.thing.
Why, I didn't even wish to be done - just for the sake of being done.

In fact, I think it's safe to say, I enjoyed taking him shopping.

There was a day - not too long ago - when I would never have thought I'd make a statement like the one above!

You see, my past experiences shopping with Joshua have been anything but enjoyable. We disagree on an amount to spend on a particular item. I think something should be good enough, and Joshua says it isn't. So we argue, both thinking we're right and the other is completely wrong, and I just wish the shopping experience would be over. (Pretty sure Joshua feels the same way in those moments.)
We usually end up getting one item and leave the store frustrated. And when Joshua asks me to take him shopping for something else in another week or two, I think, We just went shopping! How could you need more already?

So this time, we took a different approach.

We had Joshua make a list of everything he needs for the rest of the season. I looked at the list with him and gave him a dollar amount for each item, which I would be willing to spend on such an item. We added the numbers, and came up with his budget.
I explained to Joshua that he could use the money however he wanted. If he chose to spend $40 on an item for which we budgeted $20 - so be it. But that would be less money to spend on something else. Conversely, if he was able to find sales - which brought him under budget for an item - he could end up getting more clothing than he planned.
It was up to him. I wasn't going to say NO to any item he wanted. It was his budget, and he could use it however he wished. BUT, this budget was the only money he was getting. Period.

So we shopped. And, honestly? I never expected it to go as well as it did. My son rose to the occasion. He took ownership of the decisions, paid attention to prices, valued them - even, and seemed to understand the benefit of looking for sales.
At one store he was trying on jeans and when we were talking about a buying decision, Joshua admitted he didn't like them A LOT. They were just OK. I told him I only buy something which is just OK if the price is AWESOME. And that's all I said. Joshua realized these jeans were a few dollars over the budgeted price and chose to pass them up. (Found an under-budget pair which he actually liked at the next store!)

In the end, Joshua got all the clothing items he wanted (plus a couple extra) and had $8 left from the original amount we said he could have. So I gave him $8 cash and told him he could use it however he wishes.

I love happy endings.

Have you found a new way to do something which has been troublesome in the past?

Am I Done Yet?

My house smells wonderful right now!

Freshly baked bread (almost) ready to come out of the oven. Yummmmm!

But this culinary adventure has not been without frustration.
The recipe said to bake the bread for 50-60 minutes, so I set the timer for a little past 50 and got involved with other things. When I heard the familiar beeping noise of a timer going off, I rose to test the bread. Took one loaf out of the oven, noticed the top was nicely browned and had the cracked look that "done" bread usually has, but I decided to test it anyway.
A thorough search through my utensil drawer produced no bread-poker-tester-thingy, so I resorted to a knife. And discovered the bread was not done, in spite of how lovely it appeared on the top. So I returned it to the oven to give it five more minutes.
Another beep, another test, and another conclusion the bread was not yet done. *sigh*
Back into the oven. (This time with foil on top, cuz I didn't want the top to burn while the insides were baking.) Back to waiting.
Have I ever mentioned I do.not.like.waiting? I kept thinking, Alright, already! I have other things to do besides babysit this bread. Can we be done?!

And it was just about right then - at the end of that thought - when God showed me His involvement in my bread-making exploit.
As I considered the reality that I am not a good wait-er; as I recalled my desire to get to the end of a journey, more than happy to skip over the bumps and curves and obstacles along the way; as I recognized my bent toward just wanting to be done - it was as if God were speaking through the not-yet-done bread in the oven.
His words to my heart sounded something like this, Karen, dear, I know you don't like to wait. I know you would like to KNOW when that bread will be done so you don't have to keep getting up and checking. I know you would like to KNOW when you're going to be done, when your trials and testing will be over. Oh, little one, I know everything about you!
That's why I want you to trust Me. That's why I want you to surrender all of your concerns and your angst about waiting to Me. Because I know what you need. I know what is necessary in your life to make you more like My Son. And I am working it out. In MY time. And My time is perfect, you know.
I love you, child. Keep trusting in My love.
What can I say? My Father knows what I need to hear!
Did He have anything to say to you through what He said to me???

Ahhhh. The bread is done now. Out of the oven and on the cooling rack. Looking forward to sharing it with my family for dinner. It's going to be yummy!

And so worth the wait!

Beauty and the Beau ~ The Tale Continues

We had a visitor this past weekend.
Elizabeth's beau, Nick, came to stay for a couple of days.

It's so sweet to see how happy she gets at the thought of his visits. :) And, to be honest, I enjoy them, too. Nick is a delightful young man. Thoughtful and polite and a joy to have around.

Saturday morning I walked into the family room to the two of them plus Nick's big black dog sitting on the couch; and Elizabeth using my sewing kit to perform some kind of surgery. Seems the big black dog had holes which needed mending, and Elizabeth was only too happy to help.
So, while Nick played the X-Box, Elizabeth stitched and the two of them chatted away. What a cute picture it was!
So cute, in fact, I grabbed the camera after surgery was complete to share the moment with you.

I must say, I am so thankful for the relationship these two are developing, and their openness to seeking guidance. Brian and Nick talk openly about this growing relationship. Elizabeth is eager to ask me questions and seek input. I know Nick talks with his own parents. And there are other significant adults building into the two of them.
So, so different from my own experience as a teenager stepping into the world of relationships for the very first time. Of course, I thought I knew everything back then, so I probably wouldn't have been open to discussion, anyway.

But as I look at Beauty and the Beau, I see two God-fearing kids who are humble and seeking to build a relationship which honors and pleases HIM. Oh! That fills my heart with joy!

I Love What God NEVER Does

Happy Thankful Day!

The Stone was Rolled Away

Have you ever been concerned about something?

Worried, even?

About something really BIG?

The other day I read about a few women who had such a concern. Here's their story:

When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus' body. Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb and they asked each other, "Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?"

~Mark 16:1-3

It was customary for the living to care for the dead by anointing their body with spices. And because Jesus meant so much to these women, they were especially eager to take care of Him. But what about the stone? Who would move it?
I've read that the stone in front of Jesus' tomb was likely between 5 and 6 feet tall, and up to a foot thick. Certainly too big for three women to move!
What ever would they do???

My suggestion would be to keep reading.

But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away.

~Mark 16:4

God had already taken care of the stone!
In fact, He'd done a lot more than roll away the stone. He'd made a way for all of mankind to be reconciled to Himself. Jesus was not there. He is risen! The tomb was empty. What a sight for those dear women.

Besides my relief in making it to the resurrection, this passage in Mark encourages me because it reminds me that nothing in my life - no concern or worry or struggle or hardship - is too big for my GOD to handle. I am trusting there will be a day when I will look up and see that the stone - which is very large - has been rolled away. And though I don't particularly like waiting, I have learned God's timing and His purposes are perfect. I can trust Him.

And so can you.

Is there a very large stone in your way today? I pray God will use these words to encourage you, too. May you know with confidence that your Father in heaven sees you, knows what you need, and is able to roll your stone away.

It's the Little Things

OK. Please allow me a moment to tell you how happy Matthew made me yesterday.

I *might* not have gotten out of bed right when my alarm went off, so I *might* have been a tad late getting into the shower. Which means I *might* have been a bit behind schedule when I got out of the shower. Which, of course, means I was probably a few minutes behind in going to wake up Matthew.
But when I peeked into his room, Matthew was already out of bed. In fact, he's been getting up on his own most days recently. (It's a nice change!) So I went back to my room to continue getting ready.
Some time later I went to the kitchen - just to remind Matthew that he probably ought to get into the shower. In the past, he has moaned about having to get out of his comfy position (He's usually snuggled up in a blanket.) but yesterday he hopped right up, rinsed his cereal bowl, and got into the shower.
Back in my room, I was listening to the water, waiting for Matthew to turn on the shower. (He has a habit of sitting in the tub under the hot water coming out of the spigot, and he completely loses himself.) I was just about to tell him to turn on the shower but as I raised my hand to knock on the bathroom door, he turned the shower on. So I went back to my room, making note of the time for purposes of knowing when he'd been in the shower "long enough".
I'd made my bed when I glanced at the clock and noticed five minutes had passed. Decided I ought to inform Mr. I-love-to-stand-under-hot-water that his time was up and he needed to turn the shower off now. But as I turned to walk out of my bedroom, I heard Matthew turn the shower off. And, I'm telling you, I got a great big smile across my face.

*I didn't have to drag Matthew out of bed.
*I didn't have to nag him to get into the shower.
*I didn't have to tell Matthew to turn the shower on.
*I didn't even have to tell him to turn it off!

Some moms might read these words and have no idea why they make me so happy. But those moms whose kiddos practically run from responsibility, who can't seem to stay focused on a task, and who somehow manage to bring their dear mother to her wits end with their inability to follow through - those moms will understand. It's the little things.
And sometimes the little things are HUGE.

Hang in there, you moms who understand me. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. *big grin*

There Will Be a Resurrection

Lessons From the Edge

Imagination can take you places.

So, last week I had a Chat With the Activities Director meeting. A time to just sit with the residents and listen to their ideas and feedback. And I asked if they had any suggestions for trips they'd like to take. (I was thinking of suggestions like going out to dinner at a local restaurant, or attending a craft fair. You know, reasonable things like that.) And one woman piped up, "How about a trip to Las Vegas?!"
I laughed at first. Sure. Like we could take a trip to Vegas!
But after I thought about it for a moment, I got an idea. I may not be able to take the residents of Edgewood to Las Vegas, but perhaps I could bring a bit of Vegas to Edgewood! And so was born my latest party plan.
On January 30, 2013 we're going to have a Las Vegas Party at Edgewood. We'll have BlackJack and Bingo. Hopefully a Color Wheel and maybe Poker. And any other games I can come up with/learn about/borrow. I'm going to borrow some decorations from another Activities Director friend, chips from my brother, and I'll buy prizes for the residents to get with their winnings. So much to figure out and plan, but I am totally geeked about having this party. Because I know the residents are going to have a blast.

It reminds me of the time my family ate dinner under the dining room table and pretended we were camping. And the time our neighbors came over and we had a luau in January - imagining we were warm in the sun, when there was snow all around us outside.

Las Vegas is almost 2,000 miles away from Edgewood, but in a couple of months it's going to be a lot closer!
Because, imagination can take you places.
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By the way, if you have any suggestions for me about decorations or games for a Las Vegas party, I'm all ears! ;-)

Words of Wisdom

...from my inspirational calendar. :)

If the world seems cold to you, kindle fires to warm it.

~Mathilda Gage

My Filters Might Need Fixing

Have you ever struggled to understand what God was trying to say to you?

Ever wondered if you might be the one confusing the process, because of the filters through which you're hearing Him?

No? Please tell me how you do it!!!

Because I think I might need to do something about my filters.
Last week at Edgewood I was overcome with delight by several encouraging words and blessed interactions I had with residents. Some of them thanked me for the work I am doing. Some told me how much they enjoyed the activities we're doing. One woman said I'm the "best" Activities Director they've had since she's been there. (And she's been there for 14 years.) Another woman told me she was so thankful that I was at Edgewood, as I helped her getting around her apartment. I heard these things, and my heart smiled. BIG.

I say all this - not to make myself sound wonderful - but to help you understand my struggle.

You see, I realize if I heard these things under different circumstances, I would hear them as confirmation that I am doing what I need to be doing; that I am where God wants me to be. But as it is, I am having trouble hearing it this way at Edgewood.
Not sure how much I've expressed it here, but I often feel bitter about the fact that I have to work. I feel stretched too thin - wanting to give my best at Edgewood, then feeling like I have very little left to give when I get home. To be honest, I get tired of feeling like I'm "always" working - when I'm getting paid for it, and when I'm not. Oh, how I wish I had more time to devote to my speaking ministry. I miss other ways I used to serve before work, and I think, If I didn't have to do this, I could do that!
Sunday when I was at church, I heard a woman talking about how she is able to bless a single mom by watching her son after school so he has a safe place to stay while his mom works. And I thought to myself, I want to be able to do that for someone! Why do I have to work? I want to be a blessing, too!

Even as I write out this post and read over my words, it seems so easy to see.
I am a blessing.
I am making a difference in the lives of people.
It is good for me to be at Edgewood.

But, why is it so hard for that which is in my head to get to my heart?
I'm certain God is speaking to me. I so want to understand what He's saying. Perhaps my filters need fixing. Maybe I need to let go of expectations?
I'd love a neon sign, LORD. Of course, a billboard would do!

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And, of course, just about the time I'm almost ready to say I'll make Edgewood my focus, a dear friend recalls that we met because I spoke for her MOPS group, and she says, "What a blessing that you speak for MOPS!"
Really???
Waiting for that sign...

Spot, the Snapping Turtle

Have I mentioned here before how much Joshua loves his critters?
Oh, does he ever!!!!
Last week Joshua made this video of Spot - the snapping turtle which has been his pet for the past 13 or 14 months. Since making the video, Joshua has had another turtle lover contact him with questions about his own turtle. It has been a delight to see Joshua excited about offering help and advice to this other young man. He takes it all so seriously - wanting to word everything correctly, and give just the right suggestions. I guess it's his way of paying someone back, as Joshua has often been the beneficiary of other people's turtle knowledge.

All that to say, here's a cute little video for your viewing pleasure. And for those of you moms out there with a son who is constantly bringing critters home - hang in there! One day you will be delighted to see him growing in responsibly caring for his critters - and eagerly sharing his knowledge with other critter-lovers.
I'm sure of it! :)

Jesus Stopped

Lessons From the Edge

Our stories are for sharing.

We have a lot of veteran's at Edgewood (As you can see in the picture above.) and this past Tuesday we had a ceremony to honor them. A (large!) group from the Michigan State University ROTC came to Edgewood for the program. They began by presenting the colors, then several of them gave short speeches before announcing our veteran's by name and presenting each of them with a flag.
It was a wonderful ceremony. The speeches were heart-felt, and everyone was touched. But it was what happened after the ceremony which made the greatest impact. The cadets stayed in the atrium and talked with our veterans and other residents.

Here, N is showing the Purple Heart he received from World War II.

D has a way of telling captivating stories.

R was eager to tell about life in the Air Force.

And this young man sat down to talk with H about his experience in the Army.

To some, it may not seem like a big deal to have someone with whom they may swap stories. But, I'm telling you, our veterans LOVED the open ears and eager listening provided by these young cadets. I haven't heard the atrium that noisy in a long time - as story after story was told, memories re-lived, and lessons shared. And to be honest, I can't really say who received the greater blessing: our vets who got to tell their stories, or the cadets who were able to listen.

One thing I can say with certainty, however, is this: Each of us has a story and - just as we benefit from telling it - so others can be encouraged by hearing.
What story is sitting in you today which someone else may be waiting to hear?

Our stories are for sharing.

I'm Learning to Laugh

I remember laughing frequently at dinner when I was a kid.
I have an older brother and an older sister who picked on each other A LOT. And my brother was generally goofy anyway, always cracking jokes and doing silly things. Hasn't changed much, now that I think of it. Between the two of them, we laughed a lot.

As a mom (with control issues *ahem*) I have not been a fan of goofing around at the dinner table. I am much more in favor of calm conversation and compliments for the chef. So when I heard my father reflecting on how much he enjoyed our crazy family meals, I wondered how it could really be possible. How could he revel in that chaos? (My father is the one from whom I believe I inherited my control issues...) I wondered, Is it a factor of his age - and the reality that his memory isn't what it used to be - which allows him to remember the chaos with such fondness?

Or, could it be the silliness we experienced at the dinner table really was as fun as we remember it to be? Could it be the noise, bumped tables, and occasional spilled milk are all a part of future fond memories?

These questions are making a big difference for me.
Especially at the dinner table.
I have caught myself loosening up. I have watched both of my boys acting very silly - really cracking themselves up - and found myself laughing right along with everyone else.
Sometimes I look at Joshua and see my big brother. The goofiness. The joy in making other people laugh. The love of being the center of attention. I remember how much I enjoyed laughing at with him at my childhood dinner table, and I find the same joy at my adult dinner table.
And, honestly? It feels good.
Letting go of the need to be in control of every moment is freeing. Recognizing the value in goofiness and the ability to express oneself in a silly way is - dare I say it? FUN!

Oh, I wouldn't call myself "cured" from my control issues and uptight tendencies around chaos.
But I'm learning to laugh. And it feels so good!

Throwing Security Aside

Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (that is, the Son of Timaeus), was sitting by the roadside begging. When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”
Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”
Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.”
So they called to the blind man, “Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling you.” Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.
“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.
The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”
“Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.

Mark 10:46-52

Oh, how I love the Word of God! Not only for it's encouragement and hope, it's teaching and direction, but also for the way it digs into my heart and causes me to change.

This particular passage raises several questions for my heart.
*Why were people rebuking Bartimaeus for calling out to Jesus? Do I ever discourage people from seeking Him?
*Bartimaeus shouted all the more. Do I have the courage to keep going when others are mocking me?
*Bartimaeus wasted no time responding to Jesus' call. Do I drag my feet when Jesus calls me?
*It was Bartimaeus' faith which made him well. Do I believe Jesus is able to do great things in my life?

These are all great questions!
However, if we stop there, I believe we're missing a gem.

Some time ago when I was studying this passage I learned in interesting thing which changed the way I see Bartimaeus.
Did you catch what he did with his cloak?
He threw it aside.
At first glance that action may not seem like such a big deal. He wanted to get to Jesus, so he quickly got rid of anything which might hinder him, right? A good idea, to be sure. If Jesus is calling, your best move is to get up and see what He wants!
But there's more to it. Bartimaeus was a beggar. His cloak was significant. It was probably the only "thing" he had. It would have been is bed at night, his shelter from the rain and sun, even his "collection plate" for the alms which passers by would offer him. His cloak was his security!
(If you can say a beggar has security...)
Yet, when Jesus called, Bartimaeus threw his cloak aside. He was so confident in Jesus, he immediately let go of that which had previously meant security to himself.

And that action of Bartimaeus' causes me to ask my heart, Am I clinging to an old form of security, rather than trusting fully in Jesus?

Are you?

The Difference Between Need and Want...

...is $3.

Matthew approached me recently - very sweetly - and asked if I would buy him something from his book order. (Not just 'something,' actually. He wanted a specific book. The next release in a new series to which he has taken a liking.)
While I am absolutely delighted with Matthew's love for reading, I am also a big believer in utilizing the library. He reads and reads, and if I were to buy every book he wanted - well - I couldn't. Not enough money!
Anyway, I asked him about getting the book from the library. He placed a phone call and learned the library doesn't have the book yet. And Matthew didn't want to wait for it. He said he needed a book right away because he finished the last one he was reading, and he's supposed to read 100 pages per week for his language arts class, so he really needed me to buy this book for him, because - clearly - he couldn't get it from the library. Not sure he comprehended the fact that a book from the book order would take a couple weeks to come in. Wasn't feeling the need to argue that point. *wink*
The book he wanted was $12, and I asked Matthew how much he would be willing to contribute toward the purchase of said book. (I know he has money!) He shrugged his shoulders and offered $3. When I smirked at his not-so-generous suggestion, Matthew reminded me that he really needed the book. I said I'd think about it.

Fast-forward approximately 36 hours.
Although I didn't understand why Matthew couldn't wait for the library to get the book (OK. I understand not wanting to wait. Believe me. I understand that! I just mean, he could certainly pick another book to read in the interim.) I decided I would help him get the book. Except, my counter-offer was $6. When he was getting his things ready for school in the morning I got $6 and said, "Here, Matthew. I have $6 you can use to get that book you need. You'll have to contribute the other $6."
His reply? "Oh, I don't want to buy it anymore."

So there you have it. For $3 the book was a need, but for $6 it was a want.
An unwanted-want, that is! *wink*

How BIG is the Gospel?

Lessons From the Edge

Simple appreciation makes a significant impact.

We had a party at Edgewood this week.

A Halloween party.
And - while I had wonderful support from the kitchen staff, and some great volunteers - I worked my hiney off!
There's always just so much to do. Planning, purchasing, organizing, checking and double-checking, decorating, promoting, and then carrying it out and cleaning everything up. *phew!* Even with great volunteers it makes me tired!

So Wednesday, after everyone had left and I was alone in the dining room wiping down a couple final tables, I was surprised when the door opened.
I looked up and saw F. You would know him from 50 yards away because of his great big smile and hearty Hello! I returned his greeting and he told me he just wanted to come in and thank me for the Halloween party. He said, "You work so hard. You just work and work and work. Thank you!!!" With that, F smiled his great big smile, waved at me, then turned and walked away.
And if I had a mirror, I think I may have discovered a smile on my face as big as the one I love so much on F. The notice he took of my efforts, and the time he took to express it made me forget how tired I was in the moment. In fact, even as I think of it now - I'm smiling. :)

Simple appreciation makes a significant impact.

Warning: Objects in Conversation...

...are more shallow than they appear.

The other night I was in the kitchen making dinner, and Elizabeth was in the dining room working on a school project. She paused for a moment and asked me, "Mom? Have you ever had a friend you needed, and they knew you needed them, so they could be mean to you because they knew you would never leave them?"
It took me a minute to process Elizabeth's question and I was wondering why she was asking - perhaps looking for some advice, or maybe just needing to unload?
As I thought it over, I recalled an unhealthy relationship I'd had in junior high. Yeah, it was a "friend" I "needed" and she knew it. Only it wasn't really a friendship, rather she was popular and I wanted to be accepted by her so I did what she wanted and she treated me like, well, *ahem* like that, and I just took it.
Because I wanted to feel accepted.
And if she was paying attention to me - even if it wasn't nice - I felt accepted.
In a pathetic sort of way.

I shared my little story with Elizabeth in hopes my vulnerability might open some doors to good conversation. Perhaps help her through whatever she was facing.
When I had finished speaking she smiled and said, "Yeah. That's like me and hot glue."
Elizabeth was using hot glue for her project and was frustrated because she kept burning herself. This "friend" she needed was being mean to her, but she couldn't leave it because of her need.

Uh, yeah. Not quite the deep conversation I was anticipating. *wink*

What Are You Worth?

I remember hearing a story like this when I was a little girl:

A young boy was feeling badly about himself. He didn't make the cut for the baseball team, the girl he liked had a crush on someone else, and his project didn't get selected for the science fair. He told his dad he felt worthless.
The boy's father got big eyes and said, "I sure could use an extra hand at work! If I give you a million dollars, will you cut off your hand and give it to me?"
Shocked at his dad's suggestion the boy replied, "No way! I'm not going to cut my hand off for any amount of money!"
With a satisfied look on his face the father commented, "See? You aren't worthless after all. Your hand is worth more than a million bucks, and that's just a small part of who you are!"

Seems to me I thought the story was a bit ridiculous, but I understood it's point. The boy's worth couldn't be derived from his accomplishments or popularity. He had worth simply because he existed.

It's been quite a while since I originally heard that anecdote, but I found myself needing to remember it the other day.
I was feeling badly about myself. I got an email which hurt my feelings. Something someone said made me think they didn't like me. And it looked like a speaking engagement to which I'd been looking forward wasn't going to work out. Found myself paying attention to negative thinking and it was definitely affecting my outlook. I was feeling worthless.
Fortunately, before I got lost in a pit of depression God reminded me from where my worth comes. It isn't derived from my accomplishments or popularity. My worth comes from Jesus.
I practiced telling myself the Truth, and began singing. (Because singing is very effective therapy for me. *grin*)
Even though I wasn't immediately swept into a feeling of euphoria, I remembered my worth. The Creator of the universe loves me so much He sent His Son to earth to pay the price for my sins (and yours!) so I (we) could be reconciled to Himself. I matter to God - not because of anything I've done, or can do - but because He loves me. Period.

And that Truth right there? Is powerful enough to pull me through those moments when depression starts to rear its ugly head.
How about you? Whether or not you struggle with depression issues, when you're feeling down how do you handle it? What are you worth?

I Think I Get it Now

Have you ever heard an "older" woman say to a "younger" woman who is in the middle of a struggle with her children, "Oh, dearie! Enjoy them now. There will come a time when you'll miss these days!"?
Perhaps someone has spoken those words to you!

Honestly, until recently I have always thought those women-who-have-gone-before-me couldn't remember what "these days" were really like. Figured in an attempt to maintain their sanity they had simply blocked the hard times from their memory.
Selective memory, you know. A survival mechanism.

But a few recent conversations with fellow moms-of-older-kids has shed some light on that statement for me. I think I get it now.
When my kids were toddlers I could buy them and dress them in whatever clothes I wanted. They didn't care about current trends, name brands, or particular styles. I told them they looked adorable, and they believed me!
But NOW? I dare not go shopping without them for fear I will get the wrong style. And when I do take them out to get things, I rely on the faithful prayers of my husband to get us through.
Picky, picky, picky!
I mean, seriously! How can this color of jeans really feel better than that color? Why does it matter if the cuff on the sleeve goes this way or that? What difference does it make whether the jacket zips or buttons???
I walk through the store, trying to be patient. Really trying! But I find myself at a loss to understand how a human being can be so picky about their clothing. It's in those moments when I remember "these days" and - forgetting the tantrums, the missed-potty accidents, the drawn-out bedtimes, the arguments over toys, the fits about snacks, and the agony of clean-up time (Am I missing anything?) - I remember how in "these days" my kids were so easy to clothe, and I realize how much I miss them.

*****You caught the sarcasm, didn't you? *wink*

God & Details

BTW, Kaira, I moved to the side just for you! *wink*

Lessons From the Edge

Heaven is going to be glorious.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Revelation 21:4

If I could add to that list, I would like to add that there will also be no more dementia or other mental disease. Because the past couple weeks at Edgewood the pain of death and dementia and mental disease have been real.
*One beautiful woman lost her battle with cancer.
*Another woman had to move to a facility where she could receive more care because of a mental disease which has progressed too far for us.
*And as I was leaving work Wednesday, still another woman was being moved to an Adult Foster Care because her dementia has gotten so much worse than when she first moved to Edgewood.

I look at these women whom I have come to love, and I get so sad.
Yes, the one who lost her battle with cancer was a believer. I know she is resting in the arms of Jesus now. In fact we prayed together just days before her passing, and I know she was looking forward to being with HIM. Still, her husband is alone now, and my heart is sad for him.
And, yes, the two other women had their quirky characteristics. To be honest, many of our residents were bothered by these women because of their mental issues. But I love both of them. I have delighted in them. And I am going to miss them so!

The things I see at Edgewood - the progression of mental and physical deterioration - truly sadden me. I hear residents talk about the perils of aging, and how they wish they could do things like they did yester-year. And I am tempted to adopt a negative attitude about this aging process.
But then God reminds me that HE is redeeming this world. HE is making all things new. I remember we are NOT alone to face the aches and pains of aging, or the confusion of a demented mind. God holds our hand and walks us through the trials of this life. And there will come a day when He will wipe away all our tears, when death and aging will have nothing to say to us anymore because the old order of things will have passed away. Oh, how I long for that day!

Heaven is going to be glorious.

Have You Ever Seen a Fire-breathing Turtle?

Remember the computer apps class I mentioned a couple weeks ago, in which Joshua has fun photo-shopping pictures?
Well, he did it again.

Among Friends

You have no idea how over-the-top excited I am!
On March 15 & 16, 2013 my home church is going to be hosting Kathy Troccoli's Among Friends Conference, with special guests Jennifer Rothschild and Dr. Jeanne Porter.

God has used the ministry of Kathy Troccoli to draw me closer to Himself - to make me authentic in my relationship with Him - and I am eternally grateful for what HE has done through her. It is for this reason I am so excited this conference is coming to Michigan. Because I want other women to be drawn close to Him; to hear about and experience hope.

Kathy and her events administrator were at Trinity (my home church) last week sharing their vision for this conference. Listening to them boosted my enthusiasm for what is to come.
Better yet, for who is to come!

I know many of you who read Surviving Motherhood are nowhere near Michigan. But lots of you are! And it is my hope and prayer that you will be one of the who at Among Friends this coming March. Please consider this your personal invitation to come. And if a blog post isn't personal enough, send me your phone number and I'll call you to invite you. Really!

For more more information visit the Among Friends website.

My Interpretation

The other day I was at church preparing for an event that evening when Joshua called. He wanted to know if I was home from work yet. I responded by saying, "No, honey. I'm at church right now and won't be home until probably 9:30 or 10:00 tonight."
In all his teenage charm, my son let out some sort of grunt and hung up.

A moment to think about the time and my son's schedule allowed me to realize Joshua was calling me from cross-country practice, looking for a ride home.

Another moment to consider the grunt he'd just uttered led me to my interpretation. I think he was trying to say, OK, Mom. I'm sure I can find a friend here who will give me a ride home. I'll figure it out. No problem. Oh, and thanks for all the times you drop what you're doing to come and pick me up. Love you!

Yeah. I'm sure that's what he meant! *wink*

HE's Here

Oops! I stopped recording just a touch early. But you know the drill...
Have a wonderful, JesusFULL day!

Lessons From the Edge

There is joy in giving.

We took another field trip this week. Went to Kean's Store in Mason. Partly so some residents could shop, largely so they could reminisce.
On the way home, L suggested that if we were able to stop by Dairy Dan's, she would treat everyone to an ice cream cone.
I took a quick vote, and everyone agreed.
Next stop? Dairy Dan's!
I pulled into the parking lot, parked the bus, and took orders. Then I went to the window, paid for our ice cream, and - two by two - brought ice cream cones back onto the bus for everyone to enjoy. And did they ever enjoy them! The smiles and squeals of delight would have made you think you were with a bunch of little kids, not adults in their 70s and 80s!

While I fully enjoyed the enthusiasm of my senior friends (and the soft-serve twist I was consuming!) it was L's response which fueled my greatest delight. (You see, her typical stance on all-things-money is that she doesn't have enough of it, and everything is too expensive. So it was a surprise to hear her offer to buy ice cream for everyone.) When I looked into her eyes and gave the most sincere expression of thankfulness I could, she gave back a huge smile and said with cheer, "You're welcome. I've been wanting to do this for the longest time!"
And the distinct sparkle in her eyes confirmed for me, there is joy in giving.

Let's Think About This...

A typical morning in my house involves a lengthy process of getting Matthew out of bed, several reminders for him to stay on task, knocks on the bathroom door telling him his shower has been long enough, a count-down to when he needs to leave for the bus, and - finally - a frantic sixty seconds of throwing a lunch in his back-pack, finding a coat, and getting shoes on before heading out the door.

Oh, I forgot to mention the four or five times I say, "Do you have everything ready to go?"

I can't count the times I have talked to my son about getting to bed earlier so wake-up isn't so hard, and having things set out and ready to go so getting out the door isn't as difficult. So, last week when Matthew was going through another of his panic moments and Elizabeth said, "Why doesn't he just get ready earlier so he doesn't go through this every morning?" I laughed and responded, "What a great idea! We should think about that!"
Later that evening, when Matthew was calm, I said, "Elizabeth had a great idea this morning. Let's think about this..." And I went on to explain what she said. We talked about how frustrated he gets in his morning panic moments, and how much better it would be to be prepared and ready ahead of time. Even if that meant getting out of bed a couple minutes earlier. Even if that meant going to bed a little earlier.
I guess since it was Elizabeth's idea - not mine *ahem!* - Matthew was more willing to give it a try. And I'm OK with that. These past couple mornings haven't been perfect, but they haven't been panicky, either!

*happy sigh*

HIS Way

We had a great Bible study at Edgewood Monday, looking at Matthew 8:1-17. We talked about how amazing it would be to see such healings, to experience the power of Jesus like that. And how we would want to run around and tell everyone about what He had done in our lives.
It was so simple. The leprous man said, "If you are willing, you can make me clean." And Jesus said, "I am willing. Be clean." A statement of faith, and a healing granted.

But then we asked the question, What if He wasn't willing?
What if we asked Jesus to do something - to heal or deliver or take away our pain, and what if He knew the best thing for us was to endure our circumstance?
What if He knew we needed to live through the situation for the benefit of what we would learn?
What if facing the hardship would ultimately draw us closer to Him, or grow our faith, or shape our character in a way nothing else could?
What if HIS way was not our way, and what if He wasn't willing?

Would we, in the midst of our trial, be amazed by His power and wisdom? Would we want to run around and tell everyone about what He was doing in our lives? I suppose those responses are more likely to come with hind-sight. But I pray God will lead me more and more to trust Him in the midst of the pain, that I might praise Him for HIS way. Even when it is so far from mine.