HIS Timing: Perfect, Once Again

I wish I could plan things out as perfectly as God does.
Wish I had that knack for knowing exactly when to begin a thing so that details will fall into place just like they should, precisely when they're needed.
You know, like HE did with Mary? Causing her to become pregnant at just the right time so that when she and Joseph were in Bethlehem for the census "the time came for the baby to be born" (Luke 2:6). In that moment years and years of prophecy were fulfilled, according to every detail and God's perfect plan.
Anyway, I'd love to be able to plan things out perfectly like HE does.
Like He did today. Er, June 30.
I mean, I guess I don't know when He started this perfect plan.
But it delights me.
HE delights me!
See, the thing is, I just left part of my heart my son eight hours away from home. That is, Matthew is now living in Houghton, Michigan. A proud new student at Michigan Technological University.
Eight.hours.away.from.home.
No plans to be back in this neck of the woods until Thanksgiving.
The nest is empty.
My heart is working on acceptance.

And as God would have it, this morning my daily Bible reading was Leviticus 23-25:23.
I read about feasts and offerings, and the Sabbath Year.
All fine. Though nothing terribly inspiring or moving.
Until I got to the last verse for the day.

The land must not be sold pemanently, because the land is mine and you are but aliens and tenants.

Leviticus 25:23

Go ahead and read that again, and tell me if you hear what my mother's heart heard.
I heard, just as the land did not belong to the Israelites - rather to God - so my son is not and was not ever mine. He belongs to God. I am an alien in this land, and simply a care-taker of that precious human being whom GOD created. And if Matthew belongs to God, I can trust HIM to care for him always. Even when he's eight hours away from "home" and has no plans to return for three months.
That sentence - that "final word" for the day - absolutely blessed my heart.
And what made it even better was the consideration of God's hand in delivering it a just the right time. Two months ago I* decided to begin a chronological read-thru-the-Bible plan. I intended to get started on it July 1. But for some reason I* went ahead and began on June 30. Such that, on August 23 (after leaving my son at Michigan Tech on August 22) I would read Leviticus 25:23.
*Only God could move in me to arrange for such a perfect plan. I love that HE knew what I would need. And I love that HE worked it all out.

Whatever you're facing today, I pray you are approaching it with full confidence that God is working out every little detail.

Just Like That

Some 21 months ago a young boy was removed from his home.
Roughly three months ago my husband and I became involved in his case as foster parents.
And many of the moments in the course of those three months have been filled with conversation, anticipation, skepticism, and angst regarding the ambiguous future. The wondering when he would ever get to be with his parents again.
Hearts broke over the separation. The wait. The unknown.
Explanations didn't statisfy.
Reasoning wasn't adequate.
And prayers often felt empty for this little boy.
Then the day came.
We had crossed boxes off the calendar counting down to court day. The hearing was held, the judge made a ruling, support services were secured, and the caseworker gave the go-ahead.
And within an hour a little boy's life turned upside down again. (This time, with a lot of Yaba-daba-doooooooo expressions.) He bid farewell to the friends he had on XBox Live. He gave hugs and said good-bye to our family. He grabbed his bags, and just like that - he walked out of our world.
To go home. Where his heart longed to be.
********************************************************************

Yeah. That experience was so prolonged, and then it happened so fast.
And in many ways, the future is still uncertain.
What will our relationship with Foster's family be like? Will there be one at all???
When will we have our next foster child? What will that relationship look like?
How will my heart handle the coming and going of these children?
What else is going to change in my life?
Ahhhh, so many questions. And I do not have the answers at this moment.
But I do have faith.
I know that God knows. Just as HE knew Foster would go home yesterday.
And I am choosing to trust HIM with every bit of the unknown.
Just like that.

Like the Lily

I walked out to get the mail yesterday and saw this:

I leaned in closer, and saw this:

And I seriously almost started crying.
Not because I was angry at the deer or rabbit or other critter which so greedily ate my lilies to the ground. (Though I was.)
Not because I was upset that the pest repellant I purchased seemed to have failed.
(Though I was.)
Not because I am still bitter about the critter who ate my flowers last year.
(Though I am.)
Rather, I almost started crying because my heart felt just like that obliterated lily.

That is, prior to going out to check the mail I spent much of the morning feeling defeated.
I wrestled with concerns for a little boy whose future is uncertain. I battled with the desire to express compassion in the face of angry outbursts. Because, honestly, when animosity is coming at me - kindness isn't my first thought. I contended with choices between what to allow and what to limit. *read that: how much screen time is too much screen time* And I fought with urges to find a way to become all-powerful and just make everything all-right.
I felt like I was failing at every turn, and looking at those lilies with a sense of I'll-always-lose-to-those-nasty-critters-so-I-should-just-give-up had me feeling the same way about the struggles I'm trying to work through with Foster.
So I looked at the would-be flowers, and I wanted to cry.
Thankfully, God led me into the living room moments later (Which has become my husband's work-from-home base.) and coaxed me to be honest about my heart condition.
Brian suggested I take time and go for a bike ride.
So I did.
And as I pedaled I prayed. I poured out my heart to God and begged Him for wisdom. I told Him everything I was feeling and I asked Him to be my Help. It was so good to expel physical energy while simultaneously putting voice to the needs of my heart. I went a longer route than originally planned, but I think that may have been God's leading - HIM knowing I was gonna need more than "a few minutes".
By the time I parked the bike back in the garage I felt peacefully certain that God is good and is still in perfect control of the world.
Then I remembered that a couple of days ago Matthew came to me with deep apologies for getting too close to my flowers with the weed wacker. I realized it wasn't a critter who destroyed that little patch of lilies after all. The pest repellant may, in fact, be working. And the rest of my flowers are probably not in danger of being wiped out. Because my son was solemnly sorry for his mistake, and I am sure he'll be more careful in the future.
*wink*

Maybe God Sees COVID-19 Differently

I watched a bit of my governor's COVID-19 Update from last Friday, and it got me to thinking.
Governor Whitmer invited some religious leaders to attend the daily conference to "offer prayers for unity" and something one of them said made me wonder if God might be looking at this situation differently than we are.
He prayed, "We know You do not wish this terrible evil upon us...We know that You encourage the efforts of our brilliant researchers in looking for treatments for the symptoms and a vaccine for the virus." And somehow, claiming to KNOW those things just didn't sit right with me.
Because, to me, the implication of knowing that God does not wish for us to be in this circumstance and knowing that He is rooting for smart people to come up with a solution is that God is neither powerful nor in control. Or, maybe He is powerful and in control, but uninterested in helping us - opting, instead, to "encourage" scientists to find a solution to our problem.
So, maybe He's weak.
Or maybe He's withdrawn.
Or maybe we need to look at our present circumstance in a different light.
What if the God of the universe - the Creator of the world and everything in it - what if He, Himself, could put an end to COVID-19 in the blink of an eye just by willing it to be gone? What if He doesn't need anybody to come up with a vaccine or treatments or any other thing? What if He isn't looking for us to rely on ourselves and new normals and safe practices and mitigations and all those other buzz-words we're throwing around these days? What if God in His holiness and wisdom and perfect authority has allowed COVID-19 to become a pandemic among us (not necessarily a "terrible evil upon us") so that we would be brought to our knees in recognition of the fact that we can't rely on ourselves? What if He has allowed a tiny virus to devastate us - to strip away our confidence in our selves and our things - so that we would surrender our wills and our lives to an almighty God who is the only One worthy of our trust?
What if God is more concerned about our hearts and our relationship with Himself than He is in bringing an end to COVID-19?
What if COVID-19 is a tool He intends to use to bring the world to Himself?

I mean, maybe I'm way off in my wondering, but I believe God is good and powerful and in control.
And if He didn't wish for us to be going through what we're going through I believe He would end it here and now.
But He hasn't.
Instead, He's allowing it. And I think we would be wise to seek to understand why, and to respond obediently in accordance to His ways.

They Don't Know

This morning I had a few minutes of quiet.
I sat in the presence of God and just enjoyed being silent. Ahhhhhh.
And in the midst of the peaceful moment I heard, uh, something.
I am not going to call it noise, since that word usually has a negative association.
What I heard was delightful.
I heard birds singing. They were chirping and carrying on as if they had not a care in the world. The sound was sweet to my ears, and I quickly discovered it was also sweet to my heart. So I sat in the silence and I enjoyed the birds' song. As I listened, however, I thought, They must not know.
The birds were singing so joyfully, I realized they must not know the current status of the world.
Clearly, they don't know everyone is stuck at home - discouraged by the known, and fearful of the unknown. They must be unaware that most of the world is feeling a sense of despair because of sickness and uncertainty, and being told to shelter-in-place, and staring at the same walls and people day after day.
Indeed, the birds were singing so sweetly, there was no way they could have known.
Then I glanced out the window and I realized the flowers don't know, either.
They stood so lovely and full of color. They didn't look at all like the grey sky above, nor did they act as if they were disappointed with staying in the same place for.their.entire.life.
They just sat there, all beautiful and stuff, and brought joy to my heart.
And in that moment it was as if God said to me, You're right, darling. They don't know. They aren't bothered by any of it. Because I am taking care of them, providing everything they need. And do you know what, dear one? Just as I am tending to the birds and the flowers, I will always care for you. Fear not, My child, I am with you.
So I am choosing today to be a little more like the birds and flowers.
Although I do know, and even though my feelings of being overwhelmed and discouraged are very real at times, the faithfulness of God is more real. And because of HIM, I am not going to fear. I will live today trusting God and not worrying about tomorrow.
Ahhhh, I am so thankful they don't know - so I could learn.

I Surrender

Whew.
I am in a season which I truly didn't see coming.
Actually, I guess we probably all share that sentiment right about now.
As I am trying to understand what God is doing - how HE is shaping my life and refining my character, and as I seek to be obedient to His work (and try not to cry and whine about how difficult it gets sometimes...) I am facing the reality that my posts here will be irregular, and maybe sparse at times.
(Such a hard thing for a Type-A personality like mine!)
I find great joy in writing posts on my blog. It delights me that God often takes the things through which I am going and about which I write and blesses others. I love being used by Him here!
But the truth is, sometimes I get too caught up in thinking about blogging. Even though writing posts and encouraging people is a good thing, there are occasions when I need to step back. And now seems to be one of those times. Not sure if God is doing it to ease my stress at the moment, or to humble me. To remind me that I have limits, and that the world will - in fact - carry on quite adequately, even without my two cents' worth.
Whatever His purpose, I am trusting it is good. And I am choosing to submit to it.

So, until the next post, may you keep your eyes fixed upon HIM - and may your heart remain faithfully surrendered.

I Will Trust HIM

Ummmm, WHY?

I saw something yesterday I've never seen before.
I mean, I have seen them, but not in the context in which they appeared yesterday.
That is, I saw tears. Running down Foster's cheeks.
And, until that moment, I had never seen him cry.
But yesterday some feelings came up for Foster and the only way he could express them was to cry. He tried to put words to the emotions inside of him, and with prompting he was able to get some of it out.
In the end, however, tears were the best way. So I gave him tissues and sat by his side, trying to assure him it was OK to cry.
As I sat there, I was also praying - begging God to give me grace and wisdom to lead this little boy through the feelings he was having. Asking Him to heal the circumstances. Wondering WHY He was allowing this sweet little boy to live in these circumstances.
Actually, I've found myself wondering, WHY?, with an increasing frequency in recent days.
There's the circumstance we expected to play out smoothly - because it has been done hundreds of times before. We can think of no (earthly) reason for all the delays and hurdles which have caused frustration along the way. And certainly, no one expected the HALT which just forced itself into the works.
I'm witnessing various individuals go through trials with work scenarios, family relationships, personal battles, and physical challenges. Not to mention the economic and health-related adversities so much of the world is facing right now in the face of COVID-19.

One of those individuals simply said, "I'm stuggling with my faith."

And my first reaction in each of these moments is to wonder, WHY?
Why, God? Why have You allowed all this...stuff? Why not just wave Your loving hand over the earth and make it all better? Why must we struggle, God? WHY???
Then His Spirit reminds me of the Truth.
He brings scripture to mind, like Proverbs 3:5-6.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

He causes me to remember Job and Joseph and David and Daniel and other biblical heroes who faced trials - whose faith was tested and proved - who emerged more resolute on the other side.
I remember episodes of God's faithfulness in my own life.
He speaks to my heart to remind me of the times His plan didn't make sense to me - when I questioned His actions, because I couldn't discern His ways. Until He had brought me to the other side of the struggle and I was able to benefit from hindsight.
Indeed, in the middle of my WHY? God brings me to a place of rememberance.
Of recognizing who HE is: faithful, and good, and unchanging.
Then before I know it, my heart is aching to trust the One who is trustworthy. Though my mind cannot explain the reasons WHY?, my soul experiences the peace which surpasses understanding because my spirit knows: just as HE was faithful in the past, so HE is today, and will also be tomorrow.
Thus, I choose to dismiss my questions. And I abandon myself to trusting God.

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."

~Isaiah 55:8-9

Peace in the Midst of It

Oh, how quickly things can change.

Monday I was at the grocery store getting, uh, groceries. I pulled my phone out of my purse while I was standing in the check-out lane and saw a message asking me to "call when you have a minute." Figuring I had at least a minute until it would be time for me to put my items on the belt, I made the call.
Which is when I learned that our governor had just issued a shelter-in-place order for Michigan.
Which meant we had a decision to make about our house guest.
That is, Brian and I are in the process of becoming foster parents and are presently hosting a boy who needs a new foster family. He's been transitioning on a few-days-at-a-time basis so he could get used to us, but the governor's order necessitated that this boy either go back - or stay - for the next 15 days.
Our hearts were blessed tremendously by his enthusiastic deisre to stay.
But that meant - within a matter of an hour - I went from "able-to-come-and-go-as-I-please" (albeit cautiously, finitely, and less often than I typically would) to "shelter-in-place."
With a young boy (who is adorable, but also very needy).
24/7.
For the next two weeks.
(Or more, as additional decisions and proclamations are made.)
And can I just say? The past 36 hours have been a perfect mix of moments-more-precious-than-I-could-have-hoped, and oh-boy-this-is-gonna-test-my-limits.

As I've thought about it, I imagine I am not the only one who is feeling this way. I trust that all of us who are facing by-the-minute changes are experiencing a wide array of thoughts and feelings. Some which delight, and others not so much. So in the midst of it, may I encourage you to cling to the promise found in Philippians 4:6-7?

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Because I am convinced: The only way I am going to survive the endless wave of changes, the constant flow of questions, the perpetual need for reassurance, the plethora of the-world-is-coming-to-an-end news stories, and the continual requests for help (not to mention trying to counsel and comfort feelings a little boy shouldn't have to experience) is by laying it all at HIS feet and trusting HIM to help.
I know that God is faithful. And when I trust in Him, I know His peace will guard me.
What a blessed assurance I have in HIM.
I pray the same for you, my friend.

Corona Thoughts

I was on the schedule to teach the lesson at chapel tonight at the women's mission.
But "In light of the growing concerns of the spread of COVID-19" chapel services have been cancelled until further notice, so that close contact within group settings may be limited.

On the fourth Sunday of the month I always go to a local assisted living facility to lead a church service.
But they "aren't having any visitors, Bible study, church or live music at this time."

I was scheduled to speak for a MOPS group on April 1.
But "Following guidance from the governor, the Macomb County Health Department, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and Michigan Department of Health and Human Services...we are canceling all of our MOPS meetings due to the potential spread of Coronavirus."

I know I am not the only one affected by numerous cancellations and changes in plans.
We're all in this together.
I also know it is easy to become disappointed, disturbed, and even angered by the elimination of so many things which we feel we need, require, must have, and can't live without. While I have been dealing with my own feelings of letdown, however, I have also been gifted by God with hope. In the midst of the frustration, HE has been speaking faith.
That is, His Spirit is beckoning mine to wonder things like, What if this virus isn't actually going to be the end of us? What if God has plans, rather, to use the entire situation for our good???
To be honest, I do have sincere concerns beyond the virus, itself. I mean, what is going to happen to our economy? I look at everything closing down, people not working yet still needing to earn money because they're still living - and living costs money - and I wonder, How are we going to make it? I think of my boss at Chick-fil-A, and business owners like him, and I wonder how deep of an economic impact these closings are going to have on them.
Even things like the movies.
I just saw "I Still Believe" (Which is really good, by the way. Really, REALLY good! As in, you should go see it when we're finsihed with this whole social distancing thing and the movie theaters open back up.) and I think, Man, what a bummer. The timing of that release and this pandemic. And I wonder what the economic impact will be for the movie makers.
Yet, in the middle of my questioning there HE is lifting my head, causing me to ponder a different thought. It's like He's asking me, Karen, dear, do you believe I am still on My throne? Do you trust Me? Do you have faith that I am in control and that I can take this circumstance - which the world sees as a tragedy - and use it for the good of mankind and the glory of the Godhead? Do you, dear one? Do you? Because I am. And I can. I will.
So with HIS assurance, with confidence that my Father can be trusted, my heart has begun to beat with a different rhythm. I am still asking Him to bring an end to the spread of the Coronavirus. I will continue to pray for healing of the sick and peace for the frightened. My petition remains that He would halt the devastation. But I am surrendering to the reality that there may be something good which HE will work from this trouble. I am believing God may use the pain of loss, the fear of uncertainty, even the discomfort of scarcity to humble us and draw us closer to Himself. Indeed, that is my hope and prayer.
Father, even though I cannot see and I do not understand, please use this earthly struggle for Your kingdom purpose. Work in us that which is pleasing to You!

Practicing What I Preach

Last week when I was in Florida I had the opportunity to speak for a Ladies' Night Out at my mom and dad's church.

We looked at Psalm 22 and examined the ups and downs David experienced in the midst of struggle and faith. At one point in the psalm David is remembering how God had been faithful to David in his past, and I asked the women present what they do to keep remembrances of God's faithfulness in their lives. I admitted that I am not much of a "journalist" anymore, but that I do try to record moments of God's faithfulness here on my blog.
So, I've got to do it.
I have got to write about what God has been doing.
Because some day I am going to need to come back here and be reminded that HE is trustworthy.
And maybe you need to be reminded about that Truth right here, today.

I mentioned in my video on Monday that Brian and I are on the cusp of a new thing, and I have been praying for God's leading. For the past three months I have been holding on to the hope I see in James 1:5, and I have been asking God for wisdom - asking Him to give it to me generously.
In the midst of seeking wisdom, Brian and I have also been researching information and doing our best to learn about and understand what's ahead of us. Yet we were experiencing delays, and for a time it seemed we were going nowhere.
And then that call came last week while we were in Florida.
But it was a call which was going to take us in a direction different from the one in which we thought we were headed. Which is when my "LORD-please-lead-us" prayers began increasing in frequency.
Wanting to be following the path HE has prepared for us, I asked friends to pray for wisdom. And one resulting conversation raised many questions about whether this particular path was the way to go.
Which is when my "LORD-I'll-go-wherever-You-lead-but-please-make-it-clear-to-me" prayers multiplied in number and intensity.
This is also the time when I think God took over my phone.
That is, I'm pretty sure the text messages I have been receiving are in response to my prayers.
There was the one which came immediately after the questions were raised. The one that seemed to indicate the concerns were unnecessary. (And which prompted us to have a meeting that flat-out exterminated the concerns.)
The next day another one came with encouragement for the direction we're heading.
And yet another - which was intended for somebody else - that offered a behind-the-scenes celebration for the decisions we're making. (Actually, there were two of those texts.)(And although the sender meant for them to go to somebody else, I am confident God planned for me to see them.)
As I have reflected on this whole scenario, I have become more convinced God has been orchestrating every step. Even the ones which seemed to me barriers that were only slowing us down. The things I thought were holding us back I now think were God's hand redirecting us to where we are presently. I believe HE knew then what we know now, and HE orchestrated the circumstances so we would be free today to follow the path HE has created.
Yes. That is what I believe.
Our God knows what we don't, and HE sees what we can't.
As we submit to trusting Him and following His lead, I have full confidence that HE will work out the details and make our way straight.
HE is trustworthy.

Some day I might need to be reminded of this Truth. So I'm recording it here for that day.
And if you need to remember it, too, welcome to this recollection of the faithfulness of God.
May HE encourage your heart with grace and truth.

When HE Lets Me Do it My Way

Sometimes I think God lets me do stupid things in my own power so I am reminded that I need to trust fully in HIM.

For example...
Yesterday I had a lot to get done in the morning.
My Precept group was meeting for the last time before our holiday break, and we were planning a potluck. I had decided to make something in the Crock Pot to share with my Precept sisters. That way I could bring a warm dish which would stay warm, and which would travel easily. Besides, these dear ladies always seem to enjoy the Crock Pot dishes I make. So I had a plan, and all was good.
Until a few days before - when I realized I had an appointment to get my hair cut at 10:45 the same morning. Because getting my hair cut at 10:45, driving home to pick up the Crock Pot, and getting to church by 11:30 just wasn't going to happen.
But I put a little thought into it and figured out that I could put the recipe together a bit earlier than necessary, take the Crock Pot to church to finish cooking in our meeting room, go get my hair cut and be back at church with minutes to spare. I was quite pleased with how creatively I had come up with a solution to my problem and *might* have secretly patted myself on the back for not stressing about how to get 'er all done.
So yesterday I was well on my way to successfully pulling off my plans - in the van, on my way to church, on time, with the Crock Pot - and its contents smelling so good! - when I realized I had neglected to bring my Bible study materials. And I panicked.
I thought, I can't go to Bible study without my homework and notes and stuff! But I can't turn around and go back, because I don't want to be late for my appointment. And there's no way I'll have time to go home after my haircut. Maybe I can just remember the stuff I wrote in my notebook. No. I need to go back. But I've already wasted time sitting through two lights. I don't want to be late. But I'm going to Precepts. How could I have forgotten my Precept notebook? What was I thinking? Do I have enough time? Oh, for crying out loud, Karen, stop arguing with yourself and turn around to get what you should have remembered!
(Am I the only one who has internal conversations like this?)
So I carefully turned around (Didn't want to spill the contents of the Crock Pot!) and I went home. Praying every second of the way. I asked God to work out the details of the lights for me so I wouldn't be delayed by them again. And I thanked Him every time He faithfully made the way. I prayed the doors at church would be unlocked and our room open so I wouldn't waste time looking for people with keys, and I thanked Him for meeting each of those needs. I asked Him to get me through traffic and safely to the hair salon on time so I wouldn't inconvenience Clayton by my forgetfulness. And I thanked Him for even giving me extra time upon arrival, so I could read over some Bible study notes before going in for my appointment.
As I took a deep breath - thankful for everything God had just done for me - I realized, God, You let me do that, didn't You. When I left home without my folder, You knew it. And You let me go. You could have nudged me - could have kept me from forgetting. But You let me go in my little flurry of getting things done, let me rely on my own ways and wisdom. You let me do it my way - so I would be humbled and recognize that I need to trust You for everything. Every little thing. And You let me see that when I trust You, You are faithful in every detail. In.every.little.thing.

I understand that my circumstance yesterday might not strike everyone as an encounter with the Almighty. But, I'm telling you, there is no room for doubt in my mind that HE was at the center of it.
And my heart is fully delighted.

Another Dedication

Well, the letter finally arrived.
The letter, that is, from Michigan Tech University - for which my son has been anxiously waiting.
Annnnnnd, looks like my boy is going to be a Husky!
Now Matthew is busy learning about housing options, researching campus life, and dreaming about the future. I am in one moment proud, and excited to see him growing and pursuing new things. And in the next moment I am full of sentimentality - wanting to keep holding on to my baby boy, not feeling ready to embrace this soon-to-be-empty nest. (Especially as I sat through a child dedication ceremony at church Sunday morning. The memory of standing on the platform the day we dedicated Matthew to the LORD seemed so very recent. *sigh*)
Maybe that's why I found myself re-dedicating him in my heart. Thinking about him on the brink of adulthood, making more of his own decisions (Though I love when he comes to Brian and me for advice!), doing more of his own things - I still pray that God will lead. Still believe that HE is the One who knows best. The One who can be trusted. So even as those young mommas and poppas were making commitments to raise their children to know the LORD, I was praying for my man-child to be drawn to HIM as he takes these next steps.
To be honest though, as I considered those young mommas and poppas and all that is ahead of them I also reflected on those same things which are now behind me. The years of doing my best to do my best, of trying to get it right - but knowing I fell short many times, and the occasional moment of feeling like we were actually going to make it. I thought of times when I could have done this, should have done that, or might rather have done the other thing. I questioned, Did I do enough? Did I miss things? Is he really ready to go? And I felt the Spirit of God nudge my heart. Dear one, you can still trust Me. I am not finished with him. Yes, he's growing. Yes, he's soon going to be moving on. But you can know that I am already there, and I will go with him. Keep trusting. Keep praying. Keep believing. I've got this!
So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to follow HIS plan.
Trust. Pray. Believe.
And send care packages.
I mean, HE didn't explicitly say care packages, but I'm sure that's what He meant! *wink*

Who Do You Trust?

Can God Be Trusted?

Oops! I tried a different set-up to record this video and didn't realize I was looking in the wrong direction. Sorry 'bout that!
Though it doesn't look like I'm talking to you, my prayer is that GOD will speak directly to your heart.

The Reason I Blog

When I started blogging thirteen years ago (Gulp! Has it really been that long???) it was at the urging of my book coach/editor. I was in the process of publishing Confessions of an Irritable Mother
and Christine told me I needed to establish an online presence.
So, knowing virtually nothing, I began this adventure in the blogosphere.
Over time my focus shifted from being a cyber personality, to speaking words of encouragement to young mothers. And today I simply see this platform as a space which I want to make available for God to speak through me whatever HE may wish to say - to whomever may be here to read it.
And I think my present understanding of the purpose for Surviving Motherhood is good, and correct, and the place God has intended for me to land. But sometimes my perspective still gets a little skewed.
That is, there are days when I feel pressured to come up with something witty or charming or inspirational to post, so anyone who happens to stop by will be delighted that they came. On those days it is easy for me to get agitated and stressed because of a full schedule of other responsibilities. But my sense of duty tells me I need to post something. And, well, then blogging becomes a chore for me - rather than the blessing I believe God intends for it to be.
Until His Spirit speaks loudly enough for my sometimes-hard-of-hearing-other-times-too-worried-about-meeting-expectaions-heart to perceive. Yeah, until then. When somehow HE lovingly and graciously and firmly tells me, Karen, dear, you're putting this pressure on yourself. I did not bring you to this place to cause you stress. I don't operate that way. The gifts I give and the paths I create are good. They will bring you peace. Lay down your burdens and your expectations at My feet, dear one. And trust Me to order your steps and show you the things I have for you to do.
And as I listen to that Voice (Instead of my own!) I realize it's OK to not have something new posted every day. It's OK to not worry about search engine optimization and having fresh, searchable content.
It's OK - in fact, it's GOOD - to pay attention to my heart and step back when I'm feeling tired.
It's GOOD - in fact, it's BEST - to listen to my Father, and follow HIS lead in what I choose to take on each and every day.
Yes, it is BEST to trust Him and believe HE will accomplish His good and perfect will.

And, for a moment, I wasn't even going to publish this post because it really isn't witty or charming or inspirational. But then His Spirit nudged mine with the thought that maybe somebody who is also struggling with doing-too-much will stop by to read. And maybe they also need the encouragement to listen to their Father who will lead them in exactly what they need to do.
So, if that someone is you? I pray God will speak to your heart today!

HE Knows What We Need

Oh, how I love how HE knows me!

Yesterday afternoon I had various thoughts running through my mind - some good, some not so much - when I looked into my backyard and got distracted.
That is to say, I looked out and saw a patch of pink.
So I grabbed my phone and went to take a closer look.
This is what I saw:

The moss roses my friend gave to me, all blooming and beautiful and full of pink-ness.
It made my heart happy just to enjoy their color.
But then I noticed something else.
The zinnias which are growing right behind the moss roses were very busy. That is, they were being visited by about five or six, maybe seven little butterflies. So I stepped back to watch them - and started taking their pictures, too.

Some were flitting around from flower to flower, while others seemed content to sit on one for a few moments and just suck nectar - or whatever it is butterflies do when they're sitting on flowers.
The thing is, as I watched the butterflies I was impressed by their butterfly-ness. They didn't care about the wind which blew the flowers about. (And sometimes made it tricky to get an in-focus picture!) The stalk of zinnias which somehow got uprooted and was laying on the ground didn't seem to bother them. Nor did they pay attention to the phone which kept zooming in to capture the moment. (Maybe because I have a pink case. Yes, it probably just looked like another flower to them. *wink*) Rather than becoming agitated by their surroundings, the butterflies simply did what butterflies were made to do.
And as I pondered the butterflies being butterflies, it was as if God was speaking to my heart again.
The same message HE has been conveying repeatedly over the past couple of days.
(Seriously. It's everywhere!)
You need not worry about your life, or what you need to do, or how you're going to get it all done. Just trust in Me, dear one. When the wind is blowing or things seem to be falling apart or strange things come into view, fear not, My child. Only trust in Me to protect you and lead you and care for you. I've got this!

Ah, yes. I love how HE used my affinity for all things pink to get me out in the backyard - so I would notice the butterflies and hear His tender exhortation.
What is HE speaking to your heart today???

God and the SoS

Yesterday I had an appointment at the Secretary of State's office to renew my driver's license. Just before I left the house I jotted a few things on a piece of paper which I needed to pick up at the grocery store. And for "some reason" I glanced at the grocery list from Monday which had fallen out of my purse. In so doing, I noticed an item which I'd forgotten to get Monday and I quickly added it to my new mini-list. Then I looked heaven-ward and whispered, Thanks, Lord. You've always got my back, don't You!
And with an extra spring in my step because God's faithfulness delights me, I grabbed my Precept materials (Because I was going to work on the current study while at the SoS, then go straight to church for Precept class.) and headed out the door.
Upon arrival at the SoS I went inside and sat down - thankful I had an appointment because there was already a long line of people - and opened up my Precept folder. Which is also just about the moment I realized I didn't have the envelope with me which contained all my paperwork for the license renewal. The envelope I had intentionally put on the table Monday night with everything in it, so I could easily grab it and have everything with me which was necessary for an expeditious visit to the known-for-taking-hours-to-get-through-Secretary-of-State-office.
Yeah. That envelope.
I picked up my Precept stuff, but not the envelope.
With a heavy sigh I gathered up my things and left the building. Realizing there was NO WAY I could make it home and back again before the If-you-haven't-arrived-within-ten-minutes-of-your-scheduled-appointment,-your appointment-will-be-canceled-and-you-will-need-to-reschedule time was up.
And suddenly I found myself thinking, Wait a minute, God. I thought You had my back. How is it that You noticed my grocery oversight, but not the envelope? Huh, God? How???
If my heart and mind hadn't been racing trying to figure out how I was going to re-schedule a new appointment this week, I might have heard His Spirit whisper, Trust Me, dear one.
As it was, however, my heart and mind were racing.
Not doing much listening.
So when I got home and picked up the elusive envelope (Which was sitting right on top of my Bible!), I wasn't prepared to discover that I was going to need to turn right around and go back to the SoS.
When I got onto the SoS website to reschedule, I found the next available appointment isn't until the end of September - which is past my birthday - which means I would be driving on an expired license if I waited for an appointment. And I wasn't going to do that.
My only viable option was to go back with my paperwork, and wait in line.
Thus, I gathered up my things again (Including the envelope this time!) and plodded back through the door, resigned to the idea that I would most likely miss attending Precept.
And musing once more, Thought You had my back, God.
Yet as I made the second trip to the SoS His Spirit managed to convince mine that maybe - just maybe - HE was working something for good.
It wasn't the lady I sat next to when I arrived though. She was number 67, 61 was being served, and it was only a matter of minutes until her number was called and she was on her merry little way. However, the lady who filled that empty seat was with me for the next almost-two-hours until it was my turn. And it didn't take me long to understand that God had orchestrated our meeting.
She was a believer, so there was no eternity-altering conversation. But the time we spent together was mutually-encouraging and God-honoring. We prayed for each other just before my number was called, and I trust that some who overheard our discussion may have been built up, as well.

As it turned out, I made it to Precept for half of the video lesson - and was inspired by the message I heard. And through it all God convinced me He does, indeed, have my back.
Even when I have to wait to see the evidence.

Paying Attention to my Heart

I've been thinking about a video devotion to post for today.
Been praying that God would lead me to the thing HE wanted me to say.
But my spirit just isn't in it.
To be honest, I had a hard time this past weekend at work. And as I pondered this post I got a distinct sense that a better use of my time would be to spend it with the LORD - seeking His help in showing me how to forgive, and to let Him bring peace to my heart. So, that's what I'm going to do - instead of creating a video for this week.
One thing I've learned at this point in my life is this: It's always better to follow His plans than to try to force mine!

So, I'll see you back here in a day, or two.

Teach Me How to Pray

I cried out to him with my mouth;
his praise was on my tongue.

~Psalm 66:17

As I mentioned in my video Monday, Psalm 66:17 has been an inspiration and a good reminder to me to give God praise each time I am also crying out to Him for help.
God knows we are needy and He loves to meet our needs. But He is also ALWAYS worthy of our praise. And I believe we can delight Him doubly when we come to Him with praise - while we're simultaeously confessing our need for His hand in our lives.
I think Paul was convinced of the importance of this kind of prayer, too. And today I want to spend time examining what the Spirit said through him on this subject.

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

~Philippians 4:6-7

Ahhhhh, this is such an encouraging Word about prayer. And we're going to look at it closely. But to get the full effect - the total scope of what Paul is saying - I think it is vital that we study the words leading up to what he says about prayer.
Let's start with "anxious".
Most of us are pretty aware of what it means to be anxious. Even so, I think it is beneficial to look at the word as Paul knew it in his day. To be anxious meant to be "a part" rather than to be "whole". It was to be drawn in opposite directions. To be divided into parts. Pulled to pieces. And I think it is interesting to note that the word is most commonly used in a negative sense in the New Testament. Which I guess would be the reason Paul tells his readers to NOT be anxious.
OK. Are we good with that word?
Then let's move on to "nothing".
And let's really look at it.
Because in a world where we answer questions like, "Honey, what's wrong?" by saying, "Oh, nothing," when clearly something is the matter - well, I think it would be good for us to know what Paul meant.
Uh, he meant nothing.
As in, the word Paul used comes from two Greek words, one meaning "not a possiblity" and the other meaning "one". Making his word's literal meaning, "not even one." That is, when Paul said, "Be anxious for nothing," he meant absolutely "nothing".
Not even one thing!
A high standard, to be sure. But we'll get to how that's possible in a moment.
First, though, let's see what he meant by "everything". Actually, it isn't too mind-stretching. He meant every single thing. Every part which makes up a whole. All of it.
In other words, the very opposite of "nothing".
So he says, Don't be pulled to pieces by even one thing. Instead, in every single thing...
In every single thing, PRAY.
And this is where we're getting into the parallels between this verse and Pslam 66:17.
The word Paul uses here which is translated as "prayer" does, in fact, mean prayer. But more than simply asking for something, it speaks of worship - of relating to and fellowshiping with God. It's recognizing who He is and honoring Him for it. Ahem, it's having His praise on our tongue!
Then we get to "supplication" which also means prayer. But more specifically, it is a "heart-felt petition, arising out of deep personal need". That is, it's crying out to him with our mouth.
All this we are to do, says Paul, while giving thanks for God's grace.
In fact, if we were to translate Paul's words into Psalm 66 format I think we would come up with something like this:

I cried out to him with my mouth;
his praise was on my tongue.
I gave thanks to God while I told him what I need.

And what, according to Paul (by inspiration of the Holy Spirit!), is the result of this kind of prayer?
Ahhh, this is my favorite part!
The peace of God - that is, "wholeness" - when all essential parts are joined together. (Can you say, the complete opposite of "anxious"??!! Like, seriously. Look at it. Anxious is pulled to pieces, and peace is everything joined together. I love how God paints this picture of what it means for us to trust in Him!) That wholeness will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Ahhhh, but we aren't finished. There's one more picture for us to see.
It comes from the word "guard".
And I bet you want to know what that means, right?
It is "to guard (keep watch) like a military sentinel", or (figuratively) "to actively display whatever defensive and offensive means are necessary to guard."
Friends, I'm picturing a line of armed military guards standing between me and anxiety, as I'm on my knees praising God and trusting Him with my needs. And every time anxiety tries to encroach upon me, this line of guards - called the Peace of God - raises their guns and yells out,

Back off, dude. She's mine, and you can't touch her!

And that - the Peace of God standing guard over us - is how we can be anxious for not even one thing.

I cried out to him with my mouth;
his praise was on my tongue.

~Psalm 66:17

How do these words and this prescription for trusting God impact your heart today?