Corona Thoughts

I was on the schedule to teach the lesson at chapel tonight at the women's mission.
But "In light of the growing concerns of the spread of COVID-19" chapel services have been cancelled until further notice, so that close contact within group settings may be limited.

On the fourth Sunday of the month I always go to a local assisted living facility to lead a church service.
But they "aren't having any visitors, Bible study, church or live music at this time."

I was scheduled to speak for a MOPS group on April 1.
But "Following guidance from the governor, the Macomb County Health Department, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and Michigan Department of Health and Human Services...we are canceling all of our MOPS meetings due to the potential spread of Coronavirus."

I know I am not the only one affected by numerous cancellations and changes in plans.
We're all in this together.
I also know it is easy to become disappointed, disturbed, and even angered by the elimination of so many things which we feel we need, require, must have, and can't live without. While I have been dealing with my own feelings of letdown, however, I have also been gifted by God with hope. In the midst of the frustration, HE has been speaking faith.
That is, His Spirit is beckoning mine to wonder things like, What if this virus isn't actually going to be the end of us? What if God has plans, rather, to use the entire situation for our good???
To be honest, I do have sincere concerns beyond the virus, itself. I mean, what is going to happen to our economy? I look at everything closing down, people not working yet still needing to earn money because they're still living - and living costs money - and I wonder, How are we going to make it? I think of my boss at Chick-fil-A, and business owners like him, and I wonder how deep of an economic impact these closings are going to have on them.
Even things like the movies.
I just saw "I Still Believe" (Which is really good, by the way. Really, REALLY good! As in, you should go see it when we're finsihed with this whole social distancing thing and the movie theaters open back up.) and I think, Man, what a bummer. The timing of that release and this pandemic. And I wonder what the economic impact will be for the movie makers.
Yet, in the middle of my questioning there HE is lifting my head, causing me to ponder a different thought. It's like He's asking me, Karen, dear, do you believe I am still on My throne? Do you trust Me? Do you have faith that I am in control and that I can take this circumstance - which the world sees as a tragedy - and use it for the good of mankind and the glory of the Godhead? Do you, dear one? Do you? Because I am. And I can. I will.
So with HIS assurance, with confidence that my Father can be trusted, my heart has begun to beat with a different rhythm. I am still asking Him to bring an end to the spread of the Coronavirus. I will continue to pray for healing of the sick and peace for the frightened. My petition remains that He would halt the devastation. But I am surrendering to the reality that there may be something good which HE will work from this trouble. I am believing God may use the pain of loss, the fear of uncertainty, even the discomfort of scarcity to humble us and draw us closer to Himself. Indeed, that is my hope and prayer.
Father, even though I cannot see and I do not understand, please use this earthly struggle for Your kingdom purpose. Work in us that which is pleasing to You!

I Don't Wanna

"I don't wanna!"

At least once a week those are the words I hear coming from my husband's mouth with regard to doing his workout. And I immediately know I've gotten my cue to spur him on with encouragement to do what he doesn't want to do. To get up anyway, or get dressed anyway, or get out the door anyway - and go to the gym. He and I both know he's happier when he's done a workout.
So, I respond the same way, every time.
"That's OK. You don't hafta wanna. You've just gotta do it."
And here's where I admit that I am a frequent utterer of that phrase, too. When my alarm goes off and it's a workout day, I often roll over and groan, "But I don't wanna!"
And the other day when I found myself in that position - protesting to no one in particular, because Brian was already out of bed and at the gym - I had to provide the encouragement myself. But by the time I made it to my workout space, I was already thinking about calling it quits. So as I got down on my knees to stretch I prayed, I don't wanna do this, God. But if You'll help me, I can do it.
For the next 20-30 seconds I just kept repeating, If You'll help me, I can do it.
And there - stretched out on the floor, repeating my petition, being completely honest about my inability to carry out the task in my own strength - I realized I was in a position where I need to put myself a lot more often.
That is, it occurred to me that every time God is leading me to do a hard thing, whenever He is asking me to take an uncomfortable stance, or when I think I know a better way than the way He is guiding me - and I have a desire to say to HIM, "I don't wanna!" - I need to get on my knees and confess, I don't wanna do this, God. But if You'll help me, I can do it. Because I know, just like He has gotten me through every difficult thing I have ever faced before, so He will take me through each one I've yet to encounter.
God is faithful like that.
And when I surrender my weakness to His strength, oh, what a wonderful outcome HE produces.
Do you know what I mean???

Say That Again?

Yesterday as I walked into the grocery store to do my weekly shopping I was met with a smile.
I returned the gesture, and was anticipating the usual greeting.
"Welcome to Meijer!"
As I passed the greeter I did, indeed, hear the expected words. But then she said something I've never heard her (or any of the other greeters) say.

"Enjoy your shopping."

If it's possible to do a double-take with your ears, that is exactly what I did next.
I thought, What? Did she really just say that?? Enjoy my shopping??? And I went on to label the greeting as silly.
Non-sense.
Ridiculous, even.
Because I hadn't come into the store for enjoyment. I was simply fulfilling a duty. Collecting a list of items which would allow me to go home and fulfill another duty - making meals for my guys.
And she wanted me to "enjoy my shopping"?
I mean, really. What's fun about getting groceries???
Yet as I walked on, another Voice whispered to my heart, Why not? Why not enjoy shopping? What's so silly about finding joy in mundane things?And before I could do anything about it, I found myself agreeing with that Voice.
Then my spirit was saying, Yeah. Enjoy your shopping! What the heck. Enjoy everything!
Thus, my attitude changed on a dime.

I chuckled to myself as I considered how quickly the Spirit of God can convict mine. And I smiled at the thought that He knows what is best. That He knows exactly what my heart needs to hear.
Yes, Lord. Please keep telling me the things I need to hear!

And, as it would go - I did find joy. I encourage you today to enjoy yourself in every little thing you do.

HE Will Speak. You Can Listen.

Being Present

The instructions on my Advent reading plan say this:

Prepare. Choose a comfortable and quiet place. Intentionally acknowledge and place yourself in the presence of God. As best you can, release your cares to the Lord and ask the Holy Spirit to help you see wonderful things in the Word of God.

Can I just tell you? As someone who has been a rule-follower pretty much all her life - nothing has delighted my heart like following this "rule."
Getting quiet, releasing distractions from my mind, and saying, LORD, I am putting myself into Your presence. Please speak to my heart. And then sitting in HIS presence, I realize I can be there because of the grace HE has given me through His Son - through His death and burial and resurrection.
That is, on my own I cannot come to HIM. I am unworthy and unable to approach HIM. But Jesus!
Jesus made the way for me to be reconciled to the Father, and now I can come into HIS presence. I can sit with HIM and hear from HIM and recieve HIS love.
Oh, the joy!
Indeed, there is nothing like it.
This exercise of Advent readings has been filling my heart with delight - because of intentionally acknowledging and placing myself in the presence of God.

And God, in His goodness, has taken the whole thing a step further. In this season of preparation (Which often involves hectic moods and moments!) HE is reminding me to be intentional about acknowledging and placing myself in the presence of people. That is to say, God convinced me that just as I delight in being in HIS presence, so I will find it delightful being in the presence of my family and friends over the holidays if I will be intentional about being present. If I will set aside the distractions of unimportant details and just enjoy their presence.
Yes, LORD. I hear You. Please help me to be present with my loved ones, too!

Two Parties

Did you know sometimes God is a party crasher?
The odd thing is, I have often heard Him described as a perfect gentleman - and we all know a gentleman wouldn't come to a party without an invitation - but that's exactly what happened to me recently.
I was doing some work in our yard - bagging up leaves - after I had spent the better part of the day working at work. On the previous day - after working at work - I had also been working in the yard. And after I finished what I was presently doing in the yard, I knew I had more work ahead of me. That is, I would be going into the house to prepare dinner. AND, I felt that my efforts to support my family - through yard work, work work, and meal-prep (to name a few) - had been going largely unnoticed.
Or, at least unappreciated.
Thus, I had all the guests necessary to host a little pity-party:
Large yard bags, piles of wet and heavy partially-decomposed leaves, and enough self-righteous angst to fill and stuff, fill and stuff.
I packed those bags to the brim - stomping the leaves down as I went. In fact, I was quite proud of myself for how much work I was getting done.
The voice in my head really helped me with the stomping down of the leaves. It said things like, He probably won't say, "Thank you" for this effort of yours. And, You're doing amazing work out here. But he might not even notice. And, You deserve a pat on the back for all this work (And a massage!) but chances are you aren't going to get it. And even, Oh, and forget about 'kudos' for the great dinner you're going to make. They really don't care about it as much as you do.
Annnnd, that's just about when God came and crashed the party.
Because the next voice which spoke didn't sound whiny and sanctimonious.
Oh, it was righteous - but not in a hypocritical, pious sort of way.
And that Next Voice? It asked me if I knew why I was put on this earth. Asked me if I knew why I was still living and breathing and able to stuff those leaves into bags.
In an instant that Voice humbled me.
I went from pompously rehearsing my need for recognition, to meekly confessing my broken condition. The Party Crasher caused me to see that I was not put on this earth to receive the praises of men. Rather I was put here to give praise to the One who created all men.
He made me realize it is His grace and His mercy and His patience (fueled by His love) which allow me to continue exisiting each day. That if it weren't for these things, I wouldn't even be here to host my silly little pity-party.
And *just like that* the guest list changed.
That is, the bags and leaves stuck around. But when the Spirit of God came in, self-righteous angst got sent away and - I'm telling you - the party got infinitely better as I began to thank the One who gave me life. As I praised the One who knows my heart and meets my needs. As I surrended to the One who wanted to transform me.
Ah, yes. HE throws much better parties than I do!

HE Knows What We Need

Oh, how I love how HE knows me!

Yesterday afternoon I had various thoughts running through my mind - some good, some not so much - when I looked into my backyard and got distracted.
That is to say, I looked out and saw a patch of pink.
So I grabbed my phone and went to take a closer look.
This is what I saw:

The moss roses my friend gave to me, all blooming and beautiful and full of pink-ness.
It made my heart happy just to enjoy their color.
But then I noticed something else.
The zinnias which are growing right behind the moss roses were very busy. That is, they were being visited by about five or six, maybe seven little butterflies. So I stepped back to watch them - and started taking their pictures, too.

Some were flitting around from flower to flower, while others seemed content to sit on one for a few moments and just suck nectar - or whatever it is butterflies do when they're sitting on flowers.
The thing is, as I watched the butterflies I was impressed by their butterfly-ness. They didn't care about the wind which blew the flowers about. (And sometimes made it tricky to get an in-focus picture!) The stalk of zinnias which somehow got uprooted and was laying on the ground didn't seem to bother them. Nor did they pay attention to the phone which kept zooming in to capture the moment. (Maybe because I have a pink case. Yes, it probably just looked like another flower to them. *wink*) Rather than becoming agitated by their surroundings, the butterflies simply did what butterflies were made to do.
And as I pondered the butterflies being butterflies, it was as if God was speaking to my heart again.
The same message HE has been conveying repeatedly over the past couple of days.
(Seriously. It's everywhere!)
You need not worry about your life, or what you need to do, or how you're going to get it all done. Just trust in Me, dear one. When the wind is blowing or things seem to be falling apart or strange things come into view, fear not, My child. Only trust in Me to protect you and lead you and care for you. I've got this!

Ah, yes. I love how HE used my affinity for all things pink to get me out in the backyard - so I would notice the butterflies and hear His tender exhortation.
What is HE speaking to your heart today???

That Watchman Thing

So, I mentioned it in the video yesterday.
I said I feel like God's Spirit is calling mine - through the study I'm doing in Ezekiel, and through verse 4 of Psalm 66 - to speak more boldly for Him. For Truth.
And, to me, that nugde is simultaneously exhilarating and scary.
Exhilarating because to be in step with God, to be on mission with Him for what He wants to do in the world is the most amazing thing I can consider doing. And scary, because most of the world who isn't walking with the LORD doesn't want to hear about it. Like the people of Ezekiel's time, most of them are rebellious and uninterested in Truth.
Thus, the timid side of me wants to back down. Wants to say that call was for Ezekiel.
In his time.
It isn't for me, because I haven't had the word of the LORD come to me the same way Ezekiel did. And, therefore, I have an out!
Except, that reasoning doesn't hold, and I know it. When I felt the nudge the first time it was mentioned in Ezekiel, I was able to use the above logic to push it aside. (Yes, I am making a confession here...) When it came back in full force as we studied chapter 33, I was pretty sure the LORD was speaking to me. And when He nudged me further with Psalm 66:4, I simply couldn't deny it.

God says over and over in Ezekiel 3 and 33 that the watchman's job is to warn the people of coming judgement. At that point, it is up to the individual to decide whether they will turn from their wickedness and live - or continue on the path they have chosen and die.
The response of the one warned is not the responsibility of the watchman.
His (or her!) job is simply to warn.
To tell the Truth.
To be faithful to God's call.
And that is what I intend to do.
So I am taking steps of faith, asking God to show me what He wants me to do. I'm asking Him to fill me with the words HE wants me to say - and to keep my mouth closed except for those words. I'm trusting Him to lead me in the way He wants me to go.
May the Holy Spirit so fill me that I move in step with Him and carry out His agenda every day of my life.

How is His heart speaking to yours through these words?

The Kindness of God

Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?

Romans 2:4

This verse was quoted yesterday during the video I watched with my Precepts class - after we discussed Ezekiel 8-11. We had just been reviewing how the glory of the LORD left Jerusalem in preparation for the coming judgement. How God had given Ezekiel a vision of executioners going through the city, striking down all who had not been marked as "men who sigh and groan over all the abominations which [were] being committed in its midst." (Ezekiel 9:4-5) We had noted the multiple times God declared there would be no pity for those in Jerusalem who had practiced these abominations.
And I found myself thinking, Kindness? What???
How is it kindness to tell a people, "Now the end is upon you, and I will send My anger against you; I will judge you according to your ways and bring all your abominations upon you."? (Ezekiel 7:3)
What kindness is there in proclaiming impending doom and destruction on a people, such as is written in Jeremiah 5:14-17?
That is to say, we had just participated in an excellent discussion of God's warnings which He gave to His people regarding their sin - and the call which was given to them (and largely ignored) to turn from their wickedness. I could readily see describing His actions as just. Befitting. Deserved, even.
But kind?
I wasn't so sure about kindness.
Until the Holy Spirit reminded me, God's intention is always restoration. Though He threatened His people with judgement, His desire was that they repent and return to Himself. In spite of disasterous prophecies, God's longing was for renewal. He didn't want to send calamity.
He wanted His people back!
Thus - out of kindness - God spoke harsh realities, that His people might repent of their wickedness and return to their God.
That understanding showed me clearly, it is the kindness of God which leads us to repentance.
When we have been thoughtless with our words and injured someone's heart, when our actions are self-centered and we neglect the needs of another, when we put our desires ahead of God's plans and find ourselves convicted, sorrowful, and even regretting what we have said and done - that is the kindness of God, leading us to repentance.
May we always have soft hearts which are ready to respond to His kindness.

You Have Been Faithful

14 “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. 15 To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. 17 So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more. 18 But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.
19 “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20 The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’
21 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
22 “The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’
23 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
24 “Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’
26 “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27 Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
28 “‘So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags. 29 For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. 30 And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

~Matthew 25:14-30

If you have been around church and the Bible for any amount of time, I'm guessing you're familiar with this parable. So familiar, perhaps, that you skimmed over the reading above - because you're busy, and besides, you already know what it says?
If you find the previous sentence convicting, please take two minutes and read the above passage slowly. Ask God to speak to your heart.

Really.
I'll wait.

What stood out to you as you read this passage?
You might know from the title of this post the phrase which stood out to me.

You have been faithful.

I mean, I know there are a lot of things going on in this parable and many lessons which can be learned. But that one statement is speaking loudly to my heart today.
The master called his servant who turned five bags of gold into ten faithful. He called the servant who turned two bags of gold into four faithful. (And I have a feeling he would have called the third servant faithful, too, if he had put his own bag of gold to work.) The master had given wealth to his servants according to their ability and he was delighted by their faithfulness.
I do not see any indication that the master was more delighted with the servant whose efforts produced more bags of gold. Or that he was less delighted with the servant whose efforts produced a smaller number. It was their faithfulness which pleased him.
And this idea of delighting the Master by faithfulness has me thinking about how we operate and perceive things in our world today.
Isn't it true that we often see the people with five (or two) bags of gold, producing five (or two!) more bags, and we think, Wow. I wish I was gifted like he/she is. Wouldn't God be pleased if I was a part of making that kind of impact on the Kingdom? We relinquish any ideas of pleasing our Master as we think, I'll just sit over here with my one bag. Nobody will notice, anyway. And we sit there with our bag, feeling ashamed that we don't have more with which to produce more, not realizing our Master gave us that one because He wanted us to be faithful with that one. Because He knew that one would make a world of difference to someone.
Yeah. Sometimes I feel small and insignificant. Sometimes I think I have nothing to offer. I don't speak to huge audiences. This little blog doesn't have a large readership. My reach doesn't go very far. Honestly, if I disappeared not much would change in the world.
But that statement echoes in my heart.

You have been faithful.
You have been faithful.
You have been faithful.
You have been faithful.
You have been faithful.
You have been faithful.

I believe faithfulness is what matters to my Master, and I want to delight His heart.
So I'm going to take this one little bag of gold I have, and I am going to put it to work.
With the help and guidance of His Spirit, I am going to use my little bag to bring glory to my Master.
And I pray that when I see Him face to face I will hear Him say,
Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful.

What are you doing with your bag(s)?

When HE Speaks Through the Dog

OK. I have this exercise goal.
I am working up to holding a plank for 5 minutues. And the way I intend to get there is my adding 5 seconds to one plank on each of the three days a week I work out.
That is, when I work out I do three sets of five exercises. And the first exercise is always a plank. So, I figure on Monday I'll increase plank #1 by five seconds, Wednesday #2, and by Friday I'll be doing #1,2,& 3 at the new time. Then continue the increase the next week until I'm up to 5 minutes, each. (This week I'm working up to 4:15.)
Um, I forgot to mention that I don't like to exercise.
Getting up early to exercise causes me to not like it to a greater extent.
And, yesterday I had somewhere to be early-ish, which made it not likely that I would get up early-er to work out.
BUT, there's this goal-thing I've got going on, and I didn't want to interrupt it. So I decided I would go ahead and get up early-er to work out. (Sometimes, being anal is good for my health!)

So there I was: hopping out of bed when my alarm went off, getting my clothes on, heading downstairs, annnnd, seeing a puddle on the carpet - left there by my dog. I was not happy.
I turned around and went back stomped upstairs to get the necessary cleaning supplies, glared at the dog, and went back down to take care of business. The whole process set me back about 10 minutes, or so, and when I finally got to my workout I felt irritated, taunted, and rushed. (Remember, I don't like getting up early. So when I planned my morning I neglected to add 10 minutes for doggy clean-up.)
BUT, I had a goal to pursue so I got down to business. And as I began my first plank, I began to pray. (Honestly, praying is the only way I can make it through those things. And when it comes down to the end, and I am ready to give up, and I don't think I can make it another 10 seconds - let alone 90 or more! - ahhh, that is when I get really passionate about begging God to strengthen the ones for whom I am praying. It's a good thing, really.)
Anyway, I was just beginning the plank and the prayer. I wasn't struggling to hold on yet. Actually, my struggle at that moment was with my feelings of irritation toward the dog. (It's hard to pray when you're feeling irritable. *ahem*) So the Holy Spirit stepped in and took over my prayer.
It went something like this:
HIM: Karen, dear, you're upset, aren't you.
Me: Well, duh! She peed, AGAIN. She knows better. I'm tired of cleaning up her messes. It's so annoying!!!
HIM: Ahhh, yes. She did wrong, again. She knows better. You had to clean up after her. Hmmmmmm.
Me: Yeah. It's so annoying!!!
HIM: *Graceful silence*
Me: What? Don't You agree it's annoying???
HIM: *Loving look of silence*
Me: Oh.
Time passes, and my spirit listens to His.
Me: I get it. You have to clean up every mess I make when I sin. When I do the very things I know I shouldn't. When I know better, but I let my flesh have its way instead of being obedient to Your Word. Yet, when I confess, You always forgive me. And You always will. You never get annoyed. Your grace, Your mercy, Your patience just keep flowing toward me.
You don't agree that it's annoying when I have to clean up after Mindy, because You never tire of caring for me.
Father, thank You. Thank You for this unending love You pour over me. Thank You for the blood Jesus shed on the cross so I could be forgiven. Thank You for reconciling me to Yourself through Him. Thank You, Father. Thank You!!!
HIM: You're welcome, darling. I'm glad you understand what I wanted to say this morning. I knew you would. (Psalm 139:2)

Another Thing

Monday I told you about the wonderful thing God did Saturday during the retreat at which I was speaking. But there was more.
He didn't wait until the second break-out session to show Himself to me.
Rather, it began almost the moment I walked through the door.
As I entered the building and began looking for a staff person who could show me to the room in which I'd be presenting, I couldn't help but notice the keynote speaker delivering her message in the main auditorium. Couldn't help myself, that is, because she was speaking loudly and very passionately. In fact, at times I would say she was nearly yelling, and though I couldn't see them - I imagined the women sitting on the edge of their seats as they were listening.
As I made my way into the break-out room, I caught myself comparing my delivery style to that of the weekend's keynote speaker. I was having thoughts like, Since I don't present myself that way, I must not be good enough. And, If I want to be a sought-after speaker, I need to be more like her.

Fortunately, God stepped in right away and put an end to that foolishness before it got out of hand.

HE reminded me of my unique creation, and convinced me of HIS wisdom in the way He made me.
At times like that one, God admonishes me to quit the comparison and choose to trust Him, instead.
And I know He speaks truth in those moments.
I know He made me to be me, not "her" - whoever she may be.
But, oh, it can be so difficult, ya know? Because I think sometimes our enemy wants nothing more than to distract us from what God has called us to do. And what better way to fluster us than to get us to fix our gaze on someone/something else?

Nevertheless, Saturday God called my attention back to Himself and His work, and He led me down the path of trust. It was almost as if I could hear His words echoing through my heart. Karen, I made her to be her. I gifted her with certain ablities and I gave her a unique disposition. If I wanted you to be like her, I could have done that. But I made you to be you. Right down to the silly way you laugh at corny jokes. Dear one, will you just trust Me, and be the you I created you to be?

Anyone else need to hear those words spoken to your heart???

Lessons From the Garden

If you were around this part of the internet last week, you probably saw my first flower.

I am pleased to report, it has grown nicely.

And I am even more pleased to report, it has friends!!!

The beautiful colors (especially the PINK!) are my reward and motivation which keep me watering and tending to the plants in the midst of our very hot days. But sometimes I feel even more delighted by the little lessons I hear God whisper to my heart as I care for my garden and landscaping.
That is to say, I have been suspicious about a couple of growing things over the past weeks - and I think my questions are now being answerd.
You may recall in the beginning of my story about my flower garden, I mentioned planting seeds for flowers called "Everlastings". And somewhere along the way to the pretty blooms I have now, I thought the Everlastings had vanished. Because there was no sign of them anywhere, while my other seeds were producing greenery. But not too long ago when I was weeding I noticed some growth in the places where I had sown those seeds, and I decided not to pull the little guys - just in case they weren't weeds after all, but the Everlastings which I had written off. I even watered and fed them, fully aware that I might end up pulling them in time.
But now? Now I can distinctly see little flowers forming on the tops of their little stems, and I noticed more of the same growth in two other areas where I also planted those seeds. So I am really starting to think the Everlastings are OK. That, or some weed is going to add color to my yard.
And I am so glad I didn't pull them when I thought they might be weeds.
Which brings me to another part of my landscaping. I am growing mertyl under a tree in my yard and earlier in the summer I dug up a few peices of mertyl from the front of the house to aid the fill-up-the-space-under-the-tree process. *Read that: I am still working to overcome impatience.*
In spite of my best efforts to make the displaced patches of mertyl feel comfortable in their new location, one of them got all brown and brittle and appeared to die. But I kept watering it because I have heard rumors that mertyl is very hearty, and I thought - Why not??? Well, wouldn't you know it, a green thing started growing in the very spot that the mertyl died. But I tend to get a lot of weeds under that tree and I was ready to pull it along with all the others until I thought, What if? What if this isn't a weed, rather it is some hearty mertyl playing resurrection?
So I left it.
But every day for the next week I looked at it and felt disappointed because - aside from its green-ness - it really didn't look like mertyl.
Until yesterday!

Yep. I think that weed is, indeed, resurrected mertyl.

And as I pondered my weed-turned-mertyl (And the possibility that the other "weeds" are actually Everlastings.) it was as if I heard God whispering to my heart, Dear one, are you getting this lesson I've created for you? Do you see the picture I've painted? Sometimes the work I do doesn't appear at first the way it's going to manifest in the end. In the beginning, sometimes people and situations look more like weeds than like cultivated plants. But when you practice patience, when you slow down and reserve judgemnt, when you nurture a specimen even though you aren't sure what it is - dear one, that is when you give Me space to do My best work.

Ah, yes, LORD. Please cultivate patience in me!

Right-on-time Inspiration

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

-Ghandi

So says the back of the t-shirt my son got for his senior sevice project.
Which I read as I folded said t-shirt, while doing laundry for the family.
Which I do a couple times a week, in addition to sheets and towels.
And grocery shopping, and meal planning and preparation.
Plus yard work, and pet care, and mess-cleaning-up, and counter-wiping, and bed-making (Mine and Brian's, that is. The kids are on their own!) and event-scheduling and planning, and prescription-getting, and problem-solving, and did I mention laundry?
Sometimes in the midst of all that stuff I do for my family I get lost in feelings of being under appreciated or taken for granted, and my mood gets a bit foul.
Annnnnd sometimes, at just the right time - in the middle of a thankless task - something reminds me that I am right where God wants me to be, doing just what He wants me to do.

Something like a quote on the back of a t-shirt - which I see while I'm folding laundry.

What are some unique ways God speaks to your heart???

Are We Done Yet?

So yesterday I was downstairs sorting laundry and, as I turned the corner to take the first load into the laundry room that contains the washer and dryer, I nearly stepped into a puddle Mindy left behind.
(Not sure if she's getting more stealthy or just broadeneing her range. Usually when she pees on the carpet she does it in plain sight and I notice it as soon as I enter the basement. This one came as a surprise.
*And when I say surprise, I don't mean a happy surprise. Grr.*)
I groaned and went to get my cleaning supplies - to take care of her mess before I continued with my original chore.
And, yes, I glared at the dog each time I passed her. I mentioned how annoyed I get with her messes. And I might have even engaged in a bit of a stare-down with her at one point, hoping to drive home the message that I really wish she would stop peeing in the basement.
I admit. I may be giving her too much credit, acting as if she understands English and can interpret non-verbal communication.
Annnnd, in a short while everything was done and I thought that was the end of it.

Silly me.

I should have remembered God never wastes an opportunity to speak to my heart.
Because as I sat at the breakfast table - with Mindy in view - I was sort of still grumbling to myself when I had the sense that I just felt God nudge me.
So, you get tired of taking care of Mindy's accidents, do you? You think she ought to know better by now, do you? You're ready to be done with forgiving her, are you?
Gulp.
Suddenly I knew where He was going with the line of questioning. I realized God is sooooooo much more patient with me than I need to be with Mindy. I became aware once again of His grace which covers me even though I know better. And I could not deny the fact that He forgives me more times that I can count. So I smiled at His methods of teaching me, and I bowed my head and humbly thanked my Father for His grace and mercy toward me.

Then I had a thought. OK, God. Have I learned my lesson? Have I done a good job? Huh? Have I? Because if I've learned what You wanted me to learn, maybe You could get Mindy to stop peeing on the carpet???
I'm not sure, but as soon as I finished that thought, I might have noticed a slight rumble in the heavens as God shook His head and sighed, Oh, Karen. You're missing the point.

*blush*
I'm thankful He's so patient with me.

I Haven't Forgotten

Earlier this week, I found out the retreat in November for which I was scheduled to speak has been postponed to this coming spring. *sad face*
During my email exchange with the coordinator discussing the details, I was reminded of a post I'd written in the past. And I decided to look it up in the archives.
Thus I read about Trusting His Best:

So, I had this thing to which I was really looking forward.
Might have been obsessing about it a bit.
Maybe.
And then, just like that, it was over before it even started. Not gonna happen the way I had imagined. At all. And I was tempted to be disappointed.

But then it was as if God asked my heart, Why should you be disappointed with My best?

Why? Indeed!

God used that moment to remind me this "thing" is not about me. It's about HIM.
HE knows what's best. HE's working out what's best.
And HIS best is still best - even if it isn't what I wanted.

Honestly, I was almost in tears because of the initial disappointment. But after God had that little talk with my heart, I was almost in tears for an altogether different reason.
HE cares enough about me - about my holiness and my relationship with Himself - to do the hard thing. To say NO to me. To risk me being upset with Him. That is, God loves me too much to give me everything I want. Because HE knows what's best.

And I'm learning to trust HIS best.

Are you?

The thing which really got to me while reading that post is this: I don't even remember what the event was, about which I was writing. And believe me - I've thought and pondered and searched the recesses of my mind, but I cannot fathom what it was that tempted me to be so disappointed.
But I haven't forgotten the lesson God taught me in the midst of it.
Even though it was nearly five years ago.
And that difference right there - between what I don't remember, and what I haven't forgotten - has convinced me to trust even more in God's propensity to do the best thing.
*peaceful sigh*

HE Heard

Oh, how I love it when God shows Himself.

Monday morning I posted the video I had recorded Sunday night - about my need to trust God.
My knowledge that I could/should/wanted to trust Him, even though the circumstance is troubling.
In the recording of the video I prayed, asking God to give me the strength to do what I cannot do on my own. And even though I was "recording" a video to be posted here, my prayer was real. That is, I wasn't just saying words for the sake of a blog post. I was seeking the help of the Holy Spirit!
So, anyway I put a link to the blog post on Facebook and was eating my breakfast while perusing other Facebook postings when I came across these words written by a friend of mine:

It is going to be a wonderful day...Trust Him. Every detail of your life matters to Him. He will restore the years as He has promised!

I read them.
And I read them again.
And I thought, Are YOU talking to me???
And, yes, I read those words one more time.
I thought about the truth that every detail of my life does matter to God. That HE sees all, and knows all, and is able to do all things. Yes, HE is even able to mend broken relationships and restore what has gone missing. Our GOD can do all that!

I mean, just look at what HE did in the span of twelve hours.
I prayed and asked for His help. And HE heard.
His Spirit prompted a dear woman hundreds of miles away from me to type out a hope-filled message.
HE saw to it that those words would appear on my Facebook page, and HE gave me the grace to understand that HE was speaking to my heart - in response to what HE heard in the outpouring of that same heart the night before.
And that ministry of His Spirit to mine increased my ability to trust.

Oh, thank You, LORD, for hearing, and speaking, and growing my faith.
Thank You for what You're going to do in my circumstance.
Thank YOU!!!

Friend, HE hears you, too.

Stop the Ride. I Want to get OFF!

Whew!

I'm a bit dizzy. Feel like I've been on some kind of roller coaster.
One minute I'm up.
And the next I'm down.
All is well.
And woe is me!
Yesterday it seemed to be going full-throttle.
I started off the day in prayer. And I started off the prayer time with praise - going through the alphabet and praising God for His attributes. HE is All-Knowing, BIG, Compassionate, Divine, Excellent, Faithful, Gracious... I delighted in dwelling on God's goodness and power and amazing love. I prayed for the many people and circumstances God has put on my heart, and I thanked Him for knowing what to do in each circumstance. It was a simply glorious time!
As the morning went on, I found myself reading articles and opinions of the political sort. Some people expressing relief and others disdain. There was grumbling and arguing. And I began entertaining thoughts and arguments in my own head about what is good and what is bad, what is fair and what is unjust. Part of me wanted to roll out my case for all to see, and another part of me said it would be foolish to do so and would just contribute to the chaos. So I kept silent on the outside, but inside I entertained thoughts of concern for the future of our world.
Thankfully, my morning also included the need to work on Precepts homework - which got me back to focusing on God. I studied about His desire to work in us and our role in obeying. I was reminded of God's holiness and perfection, and His Spirit inspired me to seek Him. Annnnnd, eventually I had to go and run some errands.
My return home meant a return to chores. As I was folding sheets and towels and putting them away, I noticed my spirit starting to grumble again. When the boys find their towels hung nicely on the rack like this, do they realize I have washed and replaced the towels? Are they thankful? Do they even care??? And what about Brian? Does he notice the clean sheets and towels? Every week? Right on schedule? Without any prompting or requesting? What about dinner.every.night? And all the other things I do around here all the time without being asked? Does anyone really appreciate me???
(I'm not even kidding. I honestly went through this monologue in my head. *blushing*)
Then I had to sit down and ask myself what was going on. Why was I all over the place like this? How could I be praising one moment and grumbling the next? What was happening to me???

God, in His goodness, wasted no time answering my questions. Because as I thought it through I could see: Every time I was "up" I was looking at HIM. And every time I was "down" I was looking at me.
I could sense His Spirit nudging mine and saying, This isn't a new lesson, is it, dear one?
And as I cozied up in His embrace my heart answered, No. It isn't. I'm getting off the roller coaster now.

Where is your focus today???

This is a Test

Whoa!

Did you have a chance to watch my video devotion yesterday?
If you didn't, go ahead and watch it now. That way - this post will make a lot more sense.
I'll wait for you.

OK. Here we go!
Not even five minutes after I recorded that video, God gave me the opportunity to have my real desire to be like HIM tested. (HE doesn't waste time!) I put on my coat, grabbed my purse and notes for my talk, and went outside to get into my van.
Only, when I stepped into the garage, I saw that the van wasn't there. With a semi-disappointed sigh, I proceeded to the driveway to get Brian's car - realizing he must have taken the van to run his errands.
The disappointment came from the fact that I'd put a CD in the van which I wanted to listen to on the way to Grand Rapids. But, whatever. I knew it wasn't the end of the world.
However, when I got into the car my feelings began to go south. That is, I saw that the gas tank was getting close to empty. (And the van had a full tank of gas. I had made sure of that earlier. So I would be completely ready to go - when it was time to go. NOW I had to stop at the gas station on my way out of town. *grr*)
In my mind, I began nagging at Brian. I mean, he knows I like to have a full tank of gas when I am making a trip. Surely he would have been reminded of that when he got into the van and saw a full tank. Gee, would have been nice if he'd filled the tank in his car before he took "MY" van. (And then, maybe he could have noticed the CD and put that in his car, too. *hmpf*)
All this - before I'd even started the ignition.
Then it came. That familiar nudge of the Holy Spirit - reminding me of what I'd spoken some five minutes earlier. I think it went something like, "Lord Jesus, make me more like YOU." Yet, here I was, growing irritable because I was going to have to go five minutes out of my way to fill up a tank of gas.
I scolded myself, Really, Karen???
And then I started to sing,
Change my heart, O God. Make it ever new.
Change my heart, O God. May I be like You.
You are the Potter. I am the clay.
Mold me and make me, this is what I pray.
Change my heart, O God. Make it ever new.
Change my heart, O God. May I be like You.

Turns out, I didn't need that CD after all.
God had a different song in mind for me.

Make Me More Like... that DOG???

Ahhh, it is so nice to welcome the arrival of real spring-like weather in Michigan.
I daily check the progress of various flowers which are popping through the dirt.
It would seem that the snow shovels may now be safely stored away.
Annnnnd, I took Mindy for a nice long walk.

I enjoy walking the dog. It gives me good time to be alone and quiet, to think thoughts, to pray, to dream, and to mentally compose blog-posts. Besides, the exercise is good for both of us!
But I enjoy our walks the most when God does something which speaks to my heart.

Saturday while we were walking, Mindy and I encountered another dog. Now, Mindy doesn't know how to play nicely with other dogs and gets very anxious around them. So when we were within 20 yards of the other dog, I tightened up on her leash and took her to the edge of the sidewalk. She was pulling at the leash, trying to jump at her peer, practically turning flips in the midst of all her angst. Meanwhile, the other dog (a great big Black Lab) just meandered on by with his master - not even on a leash - seemingly unaware of the feisty little hound which resembled a cat on hot bricks.
The other dog-owner and I exchanged greetings as we passed by, and that could have been the end of it. Except, God kept the scene playing over and over in my mind as I continued walking. It struck me how that Lab was so calm and, yet, so focused. So focused, it seemed, on walking with his master. On keeping his eyes on the path. Not getting flustered by peripheral distractions. Just keeping in step with his master. Attached only by faith and loyalty.
And I thought, Yes, Lord. That, right there, is a picture of how I want to be with You. I want to trust You so much that I will walk fearlessly by Your side. I want to be so confident in Your care that I don't even notice the disturbances in the distance which aim to intimidate me. I want my faith in You to run so deep that my only concern is staying with my Master. Yes, Lord. Please make me more like that...dog. Yeah.