I sat down a couple nights ago and wrote to Elizabeth.Actually, I've been writing to her for over 18 years now. Sometimes weeks or months pass between entries, but I started a journal for her when I learned I was pregnant and it has become one of my joys. Initially, I thought when she was a teenager I would write things like,
We had such and such conflict and this is what I did, and this is why. Hoping now that you're older you'll understand. ((hugs))But I have found quite a different sort of thing happening. *Sometimes I write about a struggle I've had and shared how God has been faithful. *Other times I re-tell a conversation Elizabeth and I shared about an issue she's facing, and I try to speak more words of encouragement. *Most recently I wrote out a prayer for her. More and more, I am being filled with joy at the thought of God using these things I'm writing to speak Truth to Elizabeth and encourage her heart. Maybe even some day down the road when I am not here anymore. I wonder, Will she read this one when she's struggling with motherhood? Will it give her hope to know I felt the same way? Will she be able to glimpse God's goodness through my words? Even as I sit here and write these words, thinking and praying about how God might use them to bless my daughter, I am amazed and humbled by His gracious work in my life. I remember well the days of despair I faced years ago. I recall when I yelled, more often than I spoke. I think of wanting to resign my role as mother because I didn't think I could do it anymore. When "Surviving Motherhood" seemed like an oxymoron to me. But God has used my darkest days and hardest moments to shape me. HE is transforming me into the woman HE created me to be. And I know - if God can do that work in me, surely He can use my feeble words to bless my daughter. Now, and in the years to come. Yes, LORD, please make it so!