Wednesday, February 01, 2017

Dear God, I'm Sorry

The other day I was getting supplies together to go paint in a house we're getting ready to put on the market. Among those supplies was a plastic grocery bag. And as soon as I grabbed the bag and closed the cabinet door, I regretted my action.
Because Mindy came trotting over to me with a look of hopeful expectation.
And I wasn't going to grant her wish. (She thought I was preparing to take her out - as getting a plastic bag to, uh, be a responsible pet owner is one of the steps she knows comes before a walk.) Never mind it was too cold for a walk anyway. I had a job to do, so I apologized to my faithful companion for getting her hopes up - and I stepped outside.
Without her.
Yet I carried with me the very sad look in her eyes which cried out, But, Mom! I want to go with you. I want to go on a walk! Can't we spend time together?
And with the memory of her disappointed puppy-dog eyes, I found myself wondering if I've ever left God feeling the same way. How many times has He witnessed me picking up my Bible - as if I am going to spend time with Him in His Word - only to see me rushing through a reading, or so distracted by my circumstances that I am clearly not present with Him?
As much as I felt remorse at inadvertently getting Mindy's hopes up, it crushed my heart to consider the reality that I have grieved my Father's heart.
That I have left Him wanting for time with me.
Even wishing I would give Him as much attention as the task at hand.

Lord, Jesus, please forgive me. I am sorry for every time You have been graciously waiting for me to come and abide with You - to sit at Your feet and allow You to feed me from Your Word - and I have instead gone somewhere else. I am sorry for every time I have failed to notice You, forgotten to seek You, or simply brushed You off. Oh, that You desire to have me in Your Presence is too much for me to comprehend. That You - in Your holiness, would love me - in my imperfection. I cannot grasp the magnitude of that Truth, Father. Please, according to Your grace and mercy, establish me in Your love and enable me to cherish time with You as You cherish time with me.


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