Thursday, March 30, 2017

I Didn't Tell a Lie

I told her it sounds wonderful.
And it does!

I told her I'm excited for her.
And I am!

But, well, my mom-heart is a little less than enthusiastic.
The thing is, Elizabeth keeps growing up and experiencing new things. She continues finding bigger and greater adventures to take. (Like the internship she's doing this summer in Vail, CO - about which I was responding in the opening statements of this post.) For goodness sake, she's going to turn 21 years old in a couple of weeks!
She's hardly my little girl anymore.
So, as I ponder her future exploits I find myself forgetting about things like, oh - how colicky she was as an infant, the trouble we had figuring out how to nurse, and the sneaky ways she always seemed to get me into "one more thing" before tucking her into bed.
Yeah, I don't think about the struggles so much these days.
Instead, I'm facing the reality that this coming summer is the last one before she graduates from college. So when she moves home for a week or so in May - before going out to Colorado for the summer - it could very well be the last time she "moves home." Rather than remembering the hard times, I'm considering the passage of time - and recognizing that our time is limited.
The fact is I am reaching the time which, as a young mother, I thought would always be "forever" away.
And while I am truly, truly, truly delighted for my daughter, and I think it's exciting that she has these experiences ahead of her, well, I'm also a little sad.
Because part of my mother's-heart still sees her as my little girl.
And the thought of releasing her to the big world out there?
Well, it makes me feel kinda blue.


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