Lovelier Moments

My dear friend, Lovely, had her 91st birthday on Tuesday.
And on Wednesday, she took her final breath on this earth.
For the past several days, she had been mostly sleeping. Eyes only opening briefly and intermittently.
But one of her children told me at the end they were praying over her and in that moment she opened her eyes - as if seeing Jesus and her loved ones welcoming her home.
I have heard stories of other people opening their eyes at the last moment, and it delights my heart to think of them seeing Jesus.

So, for now my Lovely moments have come to an end. Though I trust God will lead me to another precious soul with whom I will be able to spend lovely moments.
And, more than that, my heart rejoices to think of Lovely having lovelier moments with her Savior. Indeed, the loveliest of moments!

Lovely Moments

We greeted each other with smiles and kisses.

I told Lovely about Elizabeth's new adventures in Chicago.

We sang Amazing Grace together.

I read Psalm 23 to her as she drifted off to sleep.

And she woke up so I could say good-bye and pray for her when it was time for me to leave.

Besides those interactions, most of my moments at Lovely's place yesterday were spent talking with her daughter - who is in the midst of making decisions about where her mother is to go, and what is to be done for her now that she has entered her end-of-life phase.
It's hard stuff.
And she really needs your prayers.
So, would you please take a moment to pray for Lovely's daughter? For comfort in the process of saying good-bye to her mother, and for peace in her relationships with her siblings.
And while you're praying, remember to thank God for each of the moments He has allowed you to have with your loved ones.

Lovely Moments

Ahhhh, my sweet friend, Lovely.

Although she denied it, I think I woke her from a nap when I entered her apartment yesterday. Either way, she always greets me cheerfully and I felt welcome to stay and talk with her. So I sat on the love seat next to the couch on which she was resting, and we went over our usual litany of conversation - during which time I filled her in on how the plants are doing around my house, and my visit with Elizabeth last weekend. As it has been recently, our discourse was rather one-sided because Lovely's memory-loss has affected her ability to carry on a conversation. However, her forgetfulness also helps me when I'm running out of things to report or charming stories to tell.
Because...
I've always got jokes.
And Lovely doesn't remember when they're ones I've already told her.
Her laughs are just as hearty the second (or third!) time I tell her a good joke, as they were the first time around.
Like this one:

What did the bald man say when someone gave him a comb for his birthday?

Thanks! I'll never part with it!!!

We had a good belly laugh with that one yesterday.

In spite of Lovely's claim that she wasn't tired, she fell asleep while we were visiting. So I watched her and I prayed for her. And every time she slipped out of sleep and opened her eyes, we smiled at each other - and then she'd close her eyes and drift off again.
Even though she really wasn't interacting with me while she napped, I found it to be a very sweet time with Lovely. Committing her to God's care, considering His love for her, and wondering at the memories she's made and the adventures she has experienced over the past (almost) 91 years.
There's something enchanting about watching a sleeping person, isn't there? It reminded me of the times I would peek in on my children when they were babies, when I would wonder at everything before them in their young lives. Only this time, when I studied Lovely's face and hands - when I watched her breathing - I pondered the many years behind her. I contemplated how many weeds those hands pulled, and how many flowers they tended. I wondered how many brownies that mouth has tasted, how many boo-boos it has kissed, and how many times I love you has passed over those lips. What sights have those eyes seen? What fragrances has that nose savored?
And so, although our visit was mostly quiet, the time we spent together was filled with joy - and the moments were lovely.

What lovely moments have you had this week?

Lovely Moments

*squee!*

I got to visit Lovely yesterday and she was, well, lovely!
She was lying on her couch when I arrived, but she was dressed and alert and ready for a visit.
I had brought her some red lilies which are growing by my driveway, and after she admired them and we selected a spot to display them - we got right into visiting.
Because it had been two weeks since we last saw each other.
And there was so much to catch up on.
Like how she's been feeling, and what I did on vacation, and how old she is, and how long she was married to the sweetest man in the world - who never said an unkind word to her, by the way!
You know, that kind of stuff.

And then, then we really got down to business.
I noticed a crossword puzzle on her clipboard (Lovely loves crossword puzzles!) which only had two words filled in and I asked her, "What happened here? It looks like you've hardly given this puzzle any attention!" And Lovely said she was having trouble with it because her "mind isn't very good any more." So I picked up the clipboard, plopped down next to Lovely on the couch, and we tackled that thing.
We determined that the only "kind of fund" with five letters ending in "sh" had to be a slush fund. And we agreed we would both like to have a big one of those.
I reached back into my Spanish class memories to recall that a "lady in Spain" is senora, and "Pedro's house" is casa. And Lovely told me I'm smart. (See why I enjoy visiting her? *wink*)
We laughed when we discovered that "pound sound" was arf. (What else could blank-R-blank be???)
And even though neither of us knew what "verdant" meant, we decided it must be leafy, because that answer supported Fonda being an "actress Jane" and neither of us could think of any Jane other than Jame Fonda. (BTW, I checked it when I got home and got on my computer. "Verdant" equals leafy in a crossword puzzle. You're welcome.)

If you are not a fan of crossword puzzles, I can understand how you might doubt the possibility that two grown women could find enjoyment and opportunities to laugh while wracking their brains over clues, puns, and pointless trivia. Trust me, though, Lovely and I did it.
We frequently told each other how smart we think the other is. We exchanged 'high-fives' and confessed at times that if we had the answers nearby we'd take a quick peek. But mostly we just took pleasure in the chance to be together. To share love and laughter and time.

That's one of the greatest lessons I'm learning from Lovely: What you do with a person doesn't matter very much. The thing that's important is being together.

Lovely Moments

Awwwww, my sweet Lovely.

My heart is always filled with joy when it's time to visit her.

And this week, the anticipation was a little higher than usual. Because I received an email at the beginning of the week letting me know Lovely had been temporarily moved to another facility. She was experiencing severe pain and needed round-the-clock attention. So my concern was "on alert," and I wondered what her condition would be when I saw her.
It took me a while to find her in the new place, and when I did find her - I found her sleeping. So I sat by her bed and just looked at her. And as I started to pray, her eyes fluttered open.
Not wanting to startle Lovely, I slowly moved into her line of vision and said, "Hello, Lovely." And I sort of expected her to be a little confused - because she often is. Except this time, she wasn't. She smiled at me and I am pretty sure I could tell by her expression that she recognized me.
That she remembered me.
And my heart was doubly filled with joy.

She sat up and we looked at the pictures I had brought from my Colorado trip. Lovely enjoyed the pictures and the opportunity to marvel at the beauty. She even commented on the handsome-ness of my dear husband. (As she does every time she sees his picture.)
A short time later, her son came to visit and the three of us shared moments of laughter in the midst of conversation about years-gone-past.
Soon, her daughter arrived, too.
The four of us together found things about which we could laugh, and I enjoyed seeing Lovely look fondly at her children. But the moments passed too quickly, and soon it was time for me to go.
I told Lovely that I won't be able to see her next week (And she gave me the cute little pout she gives whenever my next visit is going to be delayed.), I kissed her cheek and told her I love her, and I took my leave - realizing how blessed I am to be even a small part of Lovely's life, hoping (a bit selfishly) God continues to allow us to have these lovely moments.

What lovely moments have you had this week for which you can give thanks to God?



P.S. As I mentioned to Lovely, I am not going to be around next week - which includes the blog. If God says the same, I'll be back here July 31.
Keep holding on to HIM!!!

Lovely Moments

Lovely didn't answer her phone when I called yesterday to see if I could come visit.
But last week she wasn't feeling well, so I imagined she just might not be able to answer the phone and I decided to go over, anyway.
When I arrived, she was sleeping on her couch - still in her nightie - so I just sat on the adjacent love seat and prayed for her. I listened to her breathing, I watched the expressions she was making on her face (must have been having an interesting dream...), I considered the stories she has shared with me and wondered at all the things she has experienced in her life, and I asked God to give her peace.
When Lovely awoke she said she felt "out of it", but that didn't last long.
I knew she hadn't gone to the dining room to eat (They had brought a tray with her meal on it into her apartment.) so I offered to warm up her lunch, hoping some nourishment would help her get back to normal. And as I was re-heating the main course, Lovely got started on the chocolate cake. I walked into the living room with her lunch and observed, "Oh. You're starting with dessert today?"
She smiled and said, "I love chocolate!"
And that seemed to be the end of her feeling-out-of-it troubles.
We laughed about chocolate being the answer to solve every problem, and with just about every bite of cake she took, Lovely reminded me again how she loves chocolate. The rest of our visit centered around her lunch. The egg roll was delicious. She didn't realize how hungry she was. She wanted another bite of this thing which was so good - though she didn't know what it was, but she sure did like it! (It was still the egg roll.) And, oh yeah, she really loves chocolate!

As I reflected back on our visit, it occurred to me things are changing. This was two weeks in a row that Lovely hadn't been to the dining room for lunch before I came. It's been almost a month since we've reminisced about her younger years. (Although she did brag about her husband being the sweetest soul on earth. I don't think a day ever passes without that thought going through her precious mind.) It seems our recent visits have found me with greater responsibility for keeping the conversation going. And she is lamenting more frequently about being "old".
To face reality I understand I must admit that my Lovely moments may not last much longer. But I am thankful for each one I've had - and for as many more as the Lord allows.

With whom are you (or should you be) cherishing lovely moments today?

Lovely Moments

As I was driving over to see Lovely yesterday, I noticed a moth clinging to the base of my windshield. I was on the highway, going 70 MPH, and that little guy was struggling to hold on so he wouldn't be swept away by the wind.
And I do mean struggling.
As in, I was nearly ready to pull off to the side of the road to let him fly away peacefully - because he made it look like staying safe was such a hard task.

Then I noticed what song was playing on the radio, and how perfectly it fit with the scene playing out before my eyes. So I grabbed my phone and recorded my insect-friend's journey - that I might share it with you. (I love that God speaks through every.little.thing!)
On the days when you're feeling like this little guy, when life seems to be dragging you through a 70 MPH wind, my friend - stop holding on, and just BE HELD.

P.S. I'm taking a vacation! Will be away from the blog for the rest of the month. See you in July! :)

Lovely Moments

Ahhhh, Lovely.
She is such a bright spot in my week.
And I thoroughly enjoy the hour-or-so we spend together each Thursday afternoon.
Yesterday when I arrived, Lovely was not in her apartment - so I went searching for her in the dining room, where I found her finishing her lunch. We chatted with her table mate over their last few bites, and then debated between going for a walk outside and chilling out in her apartment. Ultimately - the chilling out option took precedence, as we had to go back anyway to put her left-overs away. And by the time we got there, Lovely wanted to rest.
She keeps telling me not to get as old as she is. Says it's hard on the body!
So I opened her curtains to let the sun shine in, and we sat together to talk about dogs and kids and changing times and what life was like during the Depression. She told me many things which she has said before, and a couple of new memories, too. And I was reminded how precious it is to have a friend who is twice your age.

When I left Lovely, I went to Merry's to say, Hello, and share a hug.
I couldn't stay for a visit with Merry today, because I had another appointment.

That is, I needed to help someone else get to her appointment.

We currently have a house-guest staying with us (I'll call her Hopeful, because she is!) and she has been actively seeking a job. Hopeful has been busy applying for various positions and yesterday afternoon she had an interview. So after I visited Lovely and Merry, I drove Hopeful to her interview. As she got out of the van I said, "Knock 'em dead!" and she smiled as she responded, "Uh, I don't want them dead. I'd like them to employ me!" Good point.
Anyway, as she was interviewing I was praying - asking God to provide for her needs. Annnnd, when she got back into the van, Hopeful declared, "I nailed it!" She will find out within the next 48 hours if she got the job. But I know right now that God is faithful, and I trust He's doing a good thing in and for her.

And in writing it all out I realize - my life is full of lovely moments. Yes, there are hard times. Yes, I struggle frequently - with motherhood, and otherwise. But God shows me each day that there are lovely moments, and I am thankful.

How about you???

Lovely Moments

Murphy and his annoying Law just might be the end of me.

I went to visit Lovely yesterday, and - as usual - we had lovely moments. We talked about many of the same things we usually discuss. Lovely laughed every time I told a joke, even though she's heard them all before. (Well, not ALL of them. There were a couple I'm sure I haven't told her before.) We even discovered another connection which makes our world smaller. That is, Lovely used to attend the church of which my aunt is a member. My aunt was over last weekend to help celebrate Matthew's 17th birthday and when I mentioned Lovely's real name, Aunt Sue said she thought Lovely used to go to Plymouth Congregational. Lovely and I have found several connections since meeting, and it was fun to confirm another.
When my time with Lovely came to an end, I went to visit another woman who lives in the same facility. This woman - I'll call her Merry, because she is! - used to live at Vista Springs when I worked there, and it has become my habit to spend time with her after my moments with Lovely. Anyway, Merry and I were talking - trying to solve all the worlds problems - when my phone rang.
It was Josh.
So I answered.
He got out of work earlier than expected and wanted me to come pick him up.
I explained that I was visiting a friend and would leave to pick him up "in about 10 minutes".
Only, you know how it is when you're visiting with a friend, right?
It was more like 15 or 20 minutes later that I finally said good-bye to Merry, and I could just picture Josh pacing at work. Waiting for me to get there. Soooooo, to say I wasn't paying close attention to my speed as I was driving would be quite accurate. Actually, to say I was aware that I *might* be going faster than usual would be completely true. But I was thinking about picking up my son - and the fact that I hadn't left Merry's when I told him I would leave.
So I was late.
And I hate making people wait for me.

Annnnnd, that's just about when I saw the police car in on-coming traffic.
I observed in my rear view mirror as he turned around.
I continued watching as he turned his lights on and off to get people to move over.
And then he got behind me.
Only, when I pulled to the side, he didn't pass me - as he'd been doing to all the others behind me.
Nope.
He pulled over, too.
Super nice police officer, he was. Asked me if I knew why he had stopped me. Yes. And did I know how fast I was going? Yes. (As soon as I saw him on the road I looked at my speedometer. I was going 45, in a 35 zone. Oops.)
Long story, shortened - he came back to the van with a ticket for me. Said, although I have an excellent driving record, he had to do something because I was going 10 over. And if he lets people "off" when they're doing 10 over, they probably aren't going to change their behavior. (It didn't help that they guy looked young enough to be my son. I felt like I was being lectured by a KID!) And I'm thinking, Yeah. But the reason I have such an excellent driving record is because I typically obey the speed limit. I don't do 45 in 35s! Except for this one day when I'm in a rush to pick up my son from work, because he got out earlier than expected - so I'm admittedly going faster than I usually do. And you just happen to be on the same road as me. Stupid Murphy, and your dumb Law!

It's been several hours since that incident occurred. And I'm still trying to determine if there was anything lovely about those moments.
The prognosis is not good.
But I did learn my lesson: Let 'em wait! *pouty face*

Lovely Moments

What do you get when you put a ninety-year-old woman, and a girl half her age, into a room for an hour - with nothing to do but talk?
When they repeat old jokes, and laugh out loud - as if hearing them for the very first time.

What do you get when you bring together women from two different generations and leave them to discover what they have in common, and what makes them unique?
When they realize their hearts are very much alike, even though they come from dissimilar worlds.

What do you get when age and ability are not required to be the same, in order for friendship to be formed?
When memory lapses don't matter, and recurring stories are just as delightful to hear the seventh time as they were the first.

What do you get? I'll tell you what you get: Lovely Moments!
And I am so thankful for each one I have the privilege to experience.

Who in your world needs to see your kindness expressed through a smile and a listening ear (and perhaps a corny joke), even though you may feel you have so little to offer? Please receive this encouragement to slow down and spend time with him/her. You probably will not be able to grasp how much your presence means to them, but I can guarantee - your moments together will be lovely.

Lovely Moments

My friend, Lovely, enjoys doing crossword puzzles. (Another reason I think we're perfect for each other!) In fact, last week when I visited her we spent a little time playing a word game on my phone. And since she seemed to have fun with that game, I decided to try another one this week. So I took Scrabble with me when I went to see her yesterday. Lovely couldn't remember if she had ever played Scrabble before, but she was eager to give it a go.
As it turned out, Lovely struggled a little bit with remembering the basic rules. Sometimes she chastised herself for dropping tiles, or picking up too many. However, every time she made a play she would smile in satisfaction at her accomplishment. Even so, when we finished playing Lovely commented that she didn't think she performed very well. And she told me the story again that she didn't go to college - because her father died when she was young and her mother couldn't afford to send her to the university.
"Oh, you did fine," I tried to assure her. "Besides, you'll get better every time we play. And think of this: You're so good, you didn't need to go to college! Most other people have to go to college, but not you. Rather, you are so good, the college hired you to work for them!"
(It's true. She was a secretary at Michigan State University.)
Although Lovely is a humble woman, I could tell by the certain sparkle in her eye - she was pleased with my evaluation. And so we agreed, as we continue to work on her Scrabble skills we're also going to reign in her habit of chastising herself.
I got her to agree to that strategy by pointing out that she surely wouldn't let me say the same negative things about myself which she was saying about herself. She couldn't argue with me then. *wink*

When it was time for me to leave, Lovely asked me how many children I have. And she wanted to know their ages. (We have this conversation just about every time I visit.) I told her that my daughter is going to be 21 next week(!) and she gasped - as she always does - because she said I didn't look like I am old enough to have a child that age. (We have this conversation regularly, too.) And I told her I have good genes. My mom doesn't look 75, and my grandma didn't look 95 when she passed away, either.
"Ahhh, so you have good genes," she agreed.
Then I said, "Oh! That reminds me of a joke! But it's kind of gross. Do you mind?"
She didn't mind.
So I asked, "Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?"
"Uh, no. I didn't."
"Yeah. It runs in your genes!!!" Get it? It runs in your JEANS!

We had a good laugh with that one.
Hope you did, too.
Have a great weekend!

Lovely Moments

I swear, this volunteer role is just like having another teenager.

That is, I called Lovely yesterday morning to see if I could come over for a visit. But there was no answer.
So I called again in the afternoon.
Still no answer.
And I'm all, What's wrong? Why isn't Lovely answering her phone? She didn't tell me anything about going on vacation. Is she in the hospital? Why didn't somebody call and fill me in on her condition???

I mean, I tried not to think the worst, but I love her. And I couldn't get in touch with her.
She's always answered her phone every other time I've called.
The difference in this instance was troublesome to me.
But what could I do?
It felt strangely similar to the times my texts to a certain child have gone unanswered. And I've imagined that child in some predicament in a fishing boat somewhere. And I have scolded myself for worrying, but what else could I do? It feels like if there is no answer, something must be wrong.

I'm not the only mom afflicted with this jump-to-the-worst-conclusion disorder, am I?

Somehow, I made it through the rest of the day and evening. And I tried calling Lovely once more.
This time, she answered!
And said I could come over Friday afternoon to see her.
So my Lovely Moments are not lost.
Just delayed.

Remembering again, how important it is to cherish each moment.

Lovely Moments

Whew! I didn't mean to go AWOL on you this week. But between life, intermittent back pain, and lots of naps - I just haven't been writing. Special thanks to those who noticed and checked in on me. *smile*

The good news is, I got to see Lovely yesterday.
I called in the morning to see if it was a good day for a visit and Lovely told me she had company at the moment, but would be free in the afternoon. So we made our plans and said Good-bye.
Well, when I knocked on her door in the afternoon and walked into her apartment I discovered someone else there with her. "Oh! You still have company!" I said. But they welcomed me in to join them.
Turns out it wasn't the same company she'd had when I called. It was a man who lives in her apartment complex who had stopped in after lunch to visit. (A budding romance? I dunno! *wink*)
Anyway, the three of us sat and talked for the next 45 minutes and had such a nice time.
Her guest was just delightful.
Yes, Delightful. That's what I'll call him.
Over the course of our conversation we talked about everything ranging from Tiger baseball and Michigan State basketball to using our hands as a Michigan map to raising kids and following Jesus. I even found out that Delightful attended the same church I've been a part of for the past 23 years. Now he goes to services at the chapel in their apartment complex. And we agreed that this Sunday morning he ought to knock on Lovely's door and take her along with him.
It was true joy to spend time with both Lovely and Delightful, as we shared thoughts and memories and plenty of laughter. Didn't get to the Bible study I had brought to do with Lovely, but that's OK. Next week I'll bring three copies. And if Delightful is there again, perhaps the three of us can go through it together!

Lovely Moments

Late in the morning yesterday, I called Lovely to see if she was up for a visit from me in the afternoon. But I could tell from the moment she said, "Hello," that she wasn't feeling quite right. She told me she had just gotten up, and was a little confused - so I promised to call back later, and said good-bye.
And when I contacted her again two hours later, Lovely said she was still in her night-gown. Laying on the couch. We agreed that a visit would be better on another day, and I hung up the phone - a bit concerned about my new friend.
I mean, having had Grandma live with me and observing her many ups and downs, I fully understand what it's like for an elderly woman to have an off-day. But I've only ever seen Lovely "up". So hearing her "down" tugged at my heart.
And I interpreted that tug as a nudge from the Holy Spirit to pray for her.
So I gathered a list of some of my current prayer requests and went into my room where I spent time with my Father. I entered into time with God by praising Him for who He Is, thanking Him for what He has done, and recognizing that I can trust Him at all times.
For all things.
I prayed for Lovely. I prayed for the members in my church small-group. I prayed for my Precepts sisters. I prayed for my family and several friends. It was an absolute delight to bring these many needs and concerns to the One who knows all things, and who can do something about them.
Then I lay down to take a nap, because I was exhausted.

And when I woke up I realized: even though I didn't get to visit Lovely, I had some very lovely moments!

Lovely Moments

I visited Lovely again yesterday.

And found more reasons to love her. *smile*

What a dear and precious woman she is.
We talked about everything from crossword puzzles to our changing perception of "old".
I'm the big 9-0, you know, she says.
Yes, I know, I say. Goodness, that means I'm only half of you!
And she laughs, Oh! You're so young!
I found out she likes my kind of jokes, which is a good thing. Because I'm full of 'em, and cannot always control when they come out of my mouth. By the way, do you know the difference between George Washington and a duck? ***One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill.***
Lovely liked that one.
We discussed smoking, why one should quit, and the reasons quitting is so hard. (Her husband died 18 years ago. Three months after he'd quit smoking. Lovely is convinced if he'd quit 30 years earlier, he would still be with her. They were married 52 years, and she misses him.) And she told me about her best friend who recently passed away - who she also misses dearly.

But the focus of our conversation during this visit was dancing. I think she brought it up, and I told her that Brian and I are taking dance lessons. Oh, that got her excited. She asked what kind of dancing we are learning and when I told her "East Coast Swing" - and that it works well with big band music - her eyes lit up even brighter. Of course, then I mentioned that Brian and I choreographed the bridal dance for our wedding reception (Totally Brian's idea!) and I sang a little of the song for her. By that time, Lovely was shimmying in her seat and said she felt like going dancing.
She proceeded to tell me about the dancing she did as a young woman, how she and her husband would go to Coral Gables on the weekends to dance, and that she never took lessons. Just learned it on her own. Lovely thinks dancing is a wonderful activity - it's good for exercise, provides great memories, and is clean fun. She doesn't think her children dance. (Told me that a few times. *wink*) But she is of the opinion that everybody ought to.

And there you have it. Wisdom from the ages.
I am not sure what we'll discuss next week, but for now? Grab your dancing shoes and get moving!

I Have a New Friend

Two years ago at this time, I had just begun a new adventure.
I left my job as an activity director and welcomed my 97-year-old grandmother into our home.
It was a delight.
It was quite difficult some times.
It was the right thing to do.
There is absolutely no way I could have done it alone.
And because of an organization called Great Lakes Caring, I didn't have to.
Grandma had weekly visits from a Registered Nurse who was full of compassion and was always ready to answer our questions and offer help. She had twice-weekly visits from a home-health aide who helped her with showers - and was also full of compassion. Grandma received visits from a social worker, Chaplain, and case manager. And even had weekly massages!
In addition to all that, while Grandma received care from Great Lakes she also was matched up with a volunteer who visited regularly and always lifted Grandma's spirits. How many times did I hear her say, "That Jenny is such a nice girl!"?
Soooooo, because I am so grateful for the blessing Great Lakes was to us, and because I believe strongly in their mission, I have become a volunteer like Jenny! Even have my own official badge:

And yesterday I met my match for the very first time. She is just lovely!
In fact, I think that's what I'll call her here on my blog.
Lovely.
Yes. That suits her just fine.
I have a new friend named, Lovely, and I look forward to sharing her with you on Fridays.