Tuesday, December 15, 2015

I Believe

I sat in church Sunday morning thinking I was "good."

That is, when the pastor asked the question, "Do you believe God is mighty?" I was full-on, YES!
And my mind immediately went to people for whom I have been praying. LORD, You are mighty to bring healing to Patty. Please fight for her. You are mighty to heal Greg and Dot. You are mighty to lead Ashley. You even have the power and ability and wisdom and might to manage the mess our world is facing today. I'm sure of it.
I sat in the pew, listening to the sermon, believing I believe God is mighty.
Yep, I thought to myself. I have faith. I'm good.
But suddenly it was as if God were tapping me on the shoulder asking, Oh, really? Then please explain to Me what was going on last night.
And like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar, I felt the need to quickly concoct a story to explain away what appeared to be a lack of obedience.
Because I knew exactly what HE was talking about: Saturday night I had been sitting on the couch with Brian, lamenting my concerns for a certain teenage son of mine. I was frustrated with particular behaviors coming from this man-child. I was second-guessing my performance as his mother. Have I failed at teaching respect? Should I come down harder on specific actions? Or non-actions, as the case may be? If I had done x, y, and z when he was a toddler, would things be better now? Am I being too uptight? Or is this simply a result of him being almost-18, and feeling the need to exert his independence? Yes, I was sitting on the couch giving in to feelings of despair. Allowing frustration and unmet expectations to cloud my heart.
Sunday morning I found myself sitting in a pew with the distinct sense that God was asking me, What about your troubles, Karen? You believe I can handle things for your friends, and that's good. I'm glad you trust Me for them. I'm glad you pray for them. But what about your troubles? Do you believe I am enough? Am I mighty enough to fight for your son? Am I mighty enough to lead you through this phase of parenting? Am I mighty enough to manage the mess you feel is closing in around you as a mother? Am I? Am I???

Uh, yeah. I was feeling conviction, for sure.

And here's a peak at my bulletin - and the thought-process through which I went during that exchange with the LORD:

How about for you? Do you believe God is mighty enough to handle your circumstances?



Sara K. said...

I LOVE moments like that, where God speaks directly to your situation and opens your eyes to HIS power! I can totally relate to the thoughts you were having at church (I'm pretty sure I was thinking them just yesterday....!) It's like I have to take a deep breath -- breathe God in -- and REset my mind on the truth: that HE created my son with the set of personality traits he has, according to HIS perfect plans.... and that HE IS mighty enough to work all things together for good! Thank you for sharing your heart like this, Karen!

Karen Hossink said...

Sara - Yes, HE DID. And, yes, HE IS.
So glad we can share life and encouragement through the screen. :)