Friday, August 31, 2007

Nice Mom? Ya Think???

Thank you for the comments about me being a nice mom for letting the kids bring Lucky into our house. My "kind" act may seem a little less remarkable when I tell you the kids already have pet mice, so I'm used to them. (And, yes, I do hold them on occasion, and I even think they're cute!)

The ironic thing is, for most of the day today I have been feeling far from "nice." Maybe because I stayed up too late last night and had a headache for most of the day. Maybe because I took the kids with me on errands this morning and one or the other of them was constantly complaining or wandering off in another direction. Maybe because my husband has been working long hours this week and I'm tired of feeling like a single parent. (How do you single moms do it???) Or perhaps it's because I just moved into a new house, things are still kind of a mess and my emotional wick is shorter than usual.
Whatever the reason, for most of the day today I have been pretending to be nice. That is, I have been trying to behave contrary to my feelings. This is the kind of day when I have to take frequent deep breaths, when I rely on a lot of self-talk like, Relax, Karen. It isn't really a big deal, and when I must regularly remind myself of what is True.
Honestly, there were times today when I felt like the most rotten person on planet Earth. These kids are great. They are gifts. I am blessed to have three healthy children! How can I possibly be so irritated with them? What's wrong with me??? And so I battle with myself, fighting between who I am and who I long to be.
Over the past few mornings I have been reading about the events leading up to Jesus' crucifixion, marveling at His perfect love. He was betrayed and abandoned by His closest friends, yet His love never faltered. He was mistreated and ridiculed, but He never turned His back on those He came to save. I want to be like Him. I've had a line from a song running through my head lately, I'm so tired of me. Jesus, I want to be like You! Yes, that is my heart's desire.

I have my first speaking engagement of the year coming up Tuesday night. It's been three and a half months since I've spoken and I am so looking forward to getting back into it. The thought did cross my mind today, Perhaps God, in His goodness, is allowing me to have a day like today in order that I might be more ready to relate with the women to whom I'll be speaking next week. He is always working things out for His good purposes and perfect plan. It wouldn't surprise me if He were up to something good today.
Yes, even in the midst of my yuck, He is still good. I am so thankful God's goodness is not affected by my circumstance. Aren't you?

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Heather said...

I came across your blog somehow and I love it! You seem so real and honest. I seem to struggle in many ways with my children and reading your blog really encourages me. I thank God for your blog!!

Karen said...

Did you know that here in NZ our water goes down the plug hole in the opposite direction to the Northern Hemisphere - it's true. Isn't that wild?

I do think the Lord is preparing you for your teaching you know, and that the Devil is wanting to make you think - oh no not cool, but the Lord has a bigger plan. Yahay.

You have no idea how God has used your ministry in my life, really It's making a difference as I have heard what you have been through, the desire in your heart for refinement - and I want it too.

I have more grace than I did, at times my 'voice' gets way too loud when I'm over tired and I know it's not the way but the pressures creep in, but it's like I have this grace in the chaos that this season will not last for ever, and to live in the moment, to not be robbed of the now.

SweetMummy wrote an awesome post on parenting and what the Lord is saying to her on this topic.

annie said...

If you 'felt' nice all the time you would not be human, and then no one could relate to you!
You love your children fiercely, it shows. I think that is a wonderful example of our Father's love for us!
I know you will really touch hearts at your speaking engagement. Wish I could hear you :o).

Anonymous said...

I was just thinking last night what perfect gifts they are and how mad I get at myself for sometimes getting frustrated!

I hope your speaking engagement goes well!

Ang said...

He certainly uses those yucky parts of ourselves to teach us and others. At least you had the presence of mind to talk yourself into pretending to be nice. Some days I don't eve do that well. Connor looked at me today and asked, "Mom, do you need some coffee?" giggle giggle

What topic will you be speaking on next Tuesday? Is it a MOPS group? I'll say a prayer for you and for the ladies you'll be speaking too. I so appreciated your advice and prayers. I had a blast and would love to be able to have the opportunity to speak again. We'll see what doors the Lord opens.

Hang in there!

Coach J said...

Oh, yes! I'm thankful God isn't affected by our circumstances. He never changes!
I tagged you today, if you're interested. When you read it, and see what I added, you will know that I think you are the real deal.

VAIL said...

Perfectly stated! I often fake "nice". I wish I was more naturally nice - I just am not. So, I put syrup in my words when speaking to my kids, when often it feels like spice in my heart.
Thanks for your garage sale pointers!