Nobody is Driving Me Nuts

A couple weeks ago I noticed a hole in one of the cushions on the living room couch. I asked Elizabeth about it, but she knew nothing. Matthew said he didn't do it. Joshua professed his innocence, as well. (But he pointed out to me that I could just flip the cushion over. Nice.)
So, it wasn't the kids.
And it wasn't me or my husband.
I guess Nobody did it.

Last weekend Elizabeth asked me to buy some bagels. I got a bag of twelve mini-bagels, thinking it would be a nice snack - which should last for a few days. The next day, she asked me how many bagels I'd eaten. I told her I'd not eaten any, and she looked puzzled. She said, "Dad ate one, I ate one, Mary had one, Matthew had two, and Joshua said he only had one. There are three left. Who ate the other three?"
That must have been Nobody, too.

And this isn't new behavior. Nobody has been doing stuff like this for quite a while. Like Joshua's school picture in the hallway. One day I was walking past it and noticed there was no glass in it anymore. Looks like it was broken and thrown away. But none of my kids knew a thing about it.
Another mess, made by Nobody.

Recently, I noticed a spoon laying on the living room floor. I was about to go in and pick it up, but I stopped myself. I thought, I didn't put that spoon there. Surely, whoever left it will come back and take it to the kitchen. That would be the responsible thing to do, right?
But the next day when I walked through there again, I saw the spoon.
Nobody put the spoon away!

I found a hole in another living room chair, two holes in a pillow on the couch, and there continue to appear finger prints and smudges on the mirror in the living room. But the only responses I get from my kids about these issues are, "It wasn't me," "I didn't do it," and "I dunno." And that can only mean one thing. Nobody is wreaking all this havoc in my house.
*grrrrr*

Nobody is driving me nuts!!!