Thursday, June 18, 2015

Praying for Them. And Myself.

I lay down to sleep two nights ago and grabbed a book off my night-stand. I often read a prayer from this book before going to bed - and spend time praying for my boys. But Tuesday night as I read, I found myself drawn to pray for my own heart.

Because of this paragraph:

Guard my heart so I never push my son away through my words or actions. It's impossible for him to be perfect, and I want to accept him as he is. He won't always measure up to my expectations, but I never want him to have to earn my love. May I give him grace, just as you give me, when he struggles or fails in any way. Make me faithful by your Spirit so he can see a glimpse of your perfect love and devotion in me.

excerpted from A Mom's Prayers for Her Son by Rob & Joanna Teigen (Revell)
I was in agreement with the prayer as written for my sons. To be sure. But when I read this quoted portion of the prayer, and thought about my desire to never do anything to push my sons away... I wanted to shout, AMEN! (Probably would have if Brian hadn't already fallen asleep.)
I find myself at a point of conflict frequently. My boys are becoming men. They need to be held to a higher standard of accountability. More is required of them as their freedoms increase.
And this is good.
It is as it should be.
BUT, I don't ever want to make them feel as though they are not good enough. I never want them to think I'll only love them if they meet conditions x, y, and z. As I am calling them to a higher place, I don't want them to feel like I am looking down on them.
Can you understand my struggle?

So, once more, I get on my knees and ask God to work in me all these things which I cannot do on my own. I whisper a Thank you to Rob and Joanna for putting to paper the words which so clearly reflect my heart. (Actually, I'll go with a Facebook message. They're too far away to hear me whisper.) And I pray again, Father, please make me faithful by your Spirit so my boys can see a glimpse of your perfect love and devotion in me.

You can get your own copy of A Mom's Prayers for Her Son here.



Deborah Sommerlot said...

I'm totally with ya Karen! My oldest is now 18 but still lives at home. Although I trust him he still is young. I don't want him making life altering decisions and yet at the same time allowing the freedom to become an adult. Oh, I am praying!

Karen Hossink said...

Deborah - Yes, that balance between allowing the freedom to become an adult while not letting them make childish decisions which will have life altering consequences. Where is it? Please let me know if you find it!