I lay down to sleep two nights ago and grabbed a book off my night-stand. I often read a prayer from this book before going to bed - and spend time praying for my boys. But Tuesday night as I read, I found myself drawn to pray for my own heart. Because of this paragraph:
Guard my heart so I never push my son away through my words or actions. It's impossible for him to be perfect, and I want to accept him as he is. He won't always measure up to my expectations, but I never want him to have to earn my love. May I give him grace, just as you give me, when he struggles or fails in any way. Make me faithful by your Spirit so he can see a glimpse of your perfect love and devotion in me. excerpted from A Mom's Prayers for Her Son by Rob & Joanna Teigen (Revell)I was in agreement with the prayer as written for my sons. To be sure. But when I read this quoted portion of the prayer, and thought about my desire to never do anything to push my sons away... I wanted to shout, AMEN! (Probably would have if Brian hadn't already fallen asleep.) I find myself at a point of conflict frequently. My boys are becoming men. They need to be held to a higher standard of accountability. More is required of them as their freedoms increase. And this is good. It is as it should be. BUT, I don't ever want to make them feel as though they are not good enough. I never want them to think I'll only love them if they meet conditions x, y, and z. As I am calling them to a higher place, I don't want them to feel like I am looking down on them.Can you understand my struggle? So, once more, I get on my knees and ask God to work in me all these things which I cannot do on my own. I whisper a Thank you to Rob and Joanna for putting to paper the words which so clearly reflect my heart. (Actually, I'll go with a Facebook message. They're too far away to hear me whisper.) And I pray again, Father, please make me faithful by your Spirit so my boys can see a glimpse of your perfect love and devotion in me. You can get your own copy of A Mom's Prayers for Her Son here.