Friday, June 12, 2015

This Week with Grandma

You know those times when stuff is going on, and someone is hurting, and you want to do something to make it all better, but you can't? Because there is really nothing you can do. As in, you've got no control over the circumstance, sista.
And it really stinks being in that situation. Because, ya know? You just want to make it better!

Welcome to my week with Grandma.

She's just not been feeling well. Between headaches, intestinal issues, breathing trouble, and dizziness, it seems this week there has always been something wrong. Yesterday when she woke up she simply told me, "I'm not gonna make it today." Which means, she doesn't have enough energy/desire to get out of bed and come to the table to eat. So, as I've done on other days this week, I bring to her whatever she thinks she can eat, I bring her newspaper into her, and I check in every now and then to see if there is anything else she needs.
Grandma's typical response is something like, "Just go about your day as usual. I'll be OK." Only, I know she isn't OK, and my heart is sad for her.
Although Grandma spends time in her room reading the paper, working her crossword puzzles, reading her latest library book, and watching Megyn Kelly on FOX, I know she also has down time when she just sits there and thinks. When she remembers what she used to do and wishes she could do it again. When she wonders why she's still here - why God hasn't taken her Home yet. When she misses Grandpa. And her brothers and sisters. And so many friends who have already gone.
And even though we spend time talking, and she enjoys the birds which come to the feeders Josh has put by her window, and I do what I can to try cheering her up, I realize I don't have what it takes to make everything "better" for her.
So I pray. I ask God to fill my grandmother with peace, and even joy. I ask Him to help her trust that His timing and His will are perfect. I ask Him to comfort her with His presence - that she may know, even when she feels alone, she never is.
Yep. I've been doing a lot of praying for Grandma this week.
Because I know God listens.
And I know He cares.

Tonight I'm making a jello salad for dinner. It's one of Grandma's favorite recipes, which we came across this week - and she asked me to make "sometime." So I'm praying today that she'll feel well enough to eat it. And that, somehow, a simple jello salad will bring back happy memories and bring a smile to Grandma's face and heart.


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