Thursday, March 10, 2011

Desperate Mom, but Not Despairing

Before I had children, if someone would have told me how desperately I would struggle with motherhood, I'm not sure I would have joined this club.
What if someone had told me I would feel completely at a loss for what to do?
What if I'd known how hard it would be to make the right decisions, to teach responsibility, and to impart self-control?
What if somehow, someone was able to show me what it was going to be like to feel desperate for wisdom and understanding, completely aware that I am not able to handle this mothering thing on my own?
Oh, if that all happened before I had children? I don't think I would have had them.

On the other hand...

What if someone had told me all that stuff, and followed it up with the explanation that my struggle, my fears and uncertainties, my utter desperation would drive me closer to the heart of God?
What if they said God would give me hope in the midst of the struggle as He showed Himself faithful to me? Over and over again.
What if someone told me my faith in God would soar - as a direct result of my desperate, overwhelmed feelings - because I would see His goodness in the middle of my trial?
What if someone tried to convince me that I would give thanks for the struggle because it brought me closer to God?
Honestly? I don't think I would have believed them. I probably would have laughed at them!

Yet, that is right where I find myself today.

I am a desperate mom. I get frustrated trying to choose between good and better. I struggle with knowing the right decisions to make in raising my children. Oh, how I need wisdom.
Yes. I am a desperate mom!

BUT I am not despairing.

My struggles are big. But GOD is bigger! Though I don't always understand them, I know God's ways are perfect. HIS faithfulness never ends. And I know I can trust Him, even with that which I cannot see.
I am desperate for more of God. More of His wisdom. More of His grace. More of His love and patience and hope. And so I do not despair, because God is good and I know HE will help me today.

How 'bout you???

Karen

12 comments:

Leah @ Point Ministries said...

Although I don't have children, I think the same can be said about life in general. I think if most of us knew what life held for us, we would opt out. Praise be that God is with us and offers us fresh manna each morning, enough grace for the day.

Praise Jesus!!

Irritable Mother said...

Leah - Yes. I agree. Regardless of our station in life, each one of us knows what it means to struggle. With something.
And what a gift it is to discover God's faithfulness in the midst of it, to draw closer to Him, and to ultimately be made more like Jesus.

Praise Jesus, indeed!!

Anonymous said...

To Leah & Karen... I couldn't have said it better :0) Right there with you my friends...


Here's hoping you have a wonderful day!!

Blessings and much Joy,
Debby Ann

TheUnSoccerMom said...

I believe I had Christen as young as I did for a reason. Even though the circumstances weren't the best. God knew what He was doing when he gave her to me and even on the worst days, I thank Him.

I'm pretty sure, I would have waited until it was too late to have children otherwise.

God IS bigger than any problem that will come our way for sure.

I am also a desperate mom, I feel like every choice I make is being weighed as heavy as a 10 ton brick.

So thankful for a loving, kind and patient God!

Patricia/NYC said...

AMEN!!!!!!!!

O Mom said...

Oh I am so desperate right now...My oldest turns 17 next week, and some days i have no idea who she is......
So thankful though for a God who knows exactly who she is!

Irritable Mother said...

Debby Ann - It's god to be among friends. :o)

Jodi - HE knows. And that's what keeps my confidence high.
So good to be reminded that HE IS BIGGER.

Patricia - Thanks for stopping by. :o)

O Mom - Yes. Because He formed her and He knows her heart. Praying God will fill you with peace as You trust Him!

Proverbs 27:19 said...

Hey Karen! I really admire how you gave the spiritual benefits of having children. I've felt the same way you have.

smooches,
Larie

Irritable Mother said...

Larie - So good to see you!
I really believe there are spiritual benefits to every part of our lives. If only we will remain open to what God wants to say and do.

Sara K. said...

This is SO GOOD, Karen! This sums up my experience thus far -- how desperately I struggle with motherhood.... I'm not sure I would have "joined the club" either. Ohhh, I love these boys fiercely, but they often challenge me beyond what I feel capable of dealing with. :(

What Leah said is so right-on: "if most of us knew what life held for us, we would opt out." Life is hard! BUT some of the most bittersweet times of my life are the ones that were difficult and painful, because God showed Himself so loving and gentle and faithful!

I've been feeling pretty faint and weary the last few days... but this encourages me again to keep pressing on in God's grace. And it reminds me that even when life seems so difficult & desperate, He is still right there wanting to help and love-on us. Oh... that is making me cry!

Kristina Cowan said...

Great stuff, Karen--I especially related to what you said about giving thanks for the struggle because it brought you closer to God. I hit the ground running into chaos immediately after my first child was born two years ago, and the choppy seas sent me right to Christ. My first days and weeks as a mom were the deepest, darkest valley I've known, and it was there that I felt the presence of Christ more strongly than ever. Even more than when my mom died when I was a young girl--and I thought nothing could be tougher than that great loss.

Still, God is good, and each day he's stretching me. I still struggle with a great desire to return to writing full-time, but for now, I'm focusing more on motherhood and writing on a part-time basis (before my son was born, I was a full-time journalist).

Through the challenges of the last few years, I've realized it's time to put my writing skills to work more for God and my fellow Christians. That's where I sit right now, and it certainly feels like the best place to be--uncomfortable at times and certainly daunting, but nonetheless a blessing.

Keep up the great work!

Irritable Mother said...

Sara - I'm so glad you joined the club. Otherwise we would likely never have 'met'. *grin*
Yes. Keep pressing in!

Kristina - Ahhhh. Your son's birth led to your rebirth. That's beautiful!
Yes, sitting where God wants you is ALWAYS the best place to be. Blessings to you!