Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Depression at Disney

Last week when I posted about our Disney trip, I made this statement about the Magic Kingdom:

What a colorful, happy place it was. Princesses and music everywhere.


More on the irony of all that next week.

And today I'm revealing the irony.
The entire time I was walking through the Magic Kingdom - taking in the colors, seeing the princesses, and hearing the music - I was battling internally with my depression. And the more it went on, the more I realized what a battle it really was.
No matter what I do, I am simply not good enough.
Why do I have to feel so upset?
I don't want to react this way.
What is he thinking about me?
OK, I need to relax.
I want to do better, but I can't get out of this funk.
I am such a mess! Why can't I control myself? *ugh!*
Seriously, Karen, just chill!

And on it went. All the while my outsides were surrounded by beautiful colors and happy princesses, my insides were feeling oppressed by dark thoughts.

Then I received a text from one of the members of my small group. It said something like, "What are you battling today? Remember to ask God to fight for you!"
So thankful for God's perfect timing!
I promptly heeded that encouragement and asked God to fight for me. Once again, He brought me to that place of surrender where I remember I cannot do anything in my own strength. Oh, how I need my Father! And, oh, how faithful He is!

It wasn't an on-the-spot transformation, but I know it was the turning point for me - moving away from depression and toward reality. And I know God was fighting for me!

Yes. At Disney. Where dreams come true. *wink*

Karen

2 comments:

Leah @ Point Ministries said...

so glad you were able to begin to battle through that. To be honest...I'd be depressed to if I had to spend any significant amount of time at Disney!!!

Irritable Mother said...

Leah - Thanks for the laugh. Not a fan of Mickey Mouse and princesses, eh? *wink*