Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Finding a Rhythm

One month ago I had the opportunity to spend an extended weekend enjoying a wonderful women's retreat. It was the Northern Michigan Captivating Retreat.

(PSA: If you ever have an opportunity to attend a Captivating Retreat, do it!)

At first, I thought someone had it in for me and was attempting to ruin my weekend.
You see, there was no schedule in the packet of information I received upon arrival. And I was told there would be NO schedule provided for the weekend. At.all. As in, I had nothing to look at which would tell me where I needed to be at 6:00, 7:30, or 8:42. I didn't know what time breakfast would be served, when I would have time to use the bathroom, OR when I could schedule in a walk around the lake.
Now, for a control freak person who lives her life by a schedule - who even sets alarms on her phone to remind herself when to run errands and taxi her kids various places - NOT having a schedule for the weekend is NOT GOOD.
But there I was - three whole days without a schedule.
And, I'm telling you, the person who came up with that plan? Is brilliant!
By the grace of God, I adjusted very quickly - and learned to go with the flow. I didn't worry about when to be where, because at the end of everything we did someone told us when and where to be next. I wasn't concerned about what to do, or if we were running according to schedule. Because there was no schedule! And with that burden lifted, I was able to fully immerse myself in the content of the weekend and to allow God to hold and heal my heart.
One morning, I just sat with Jesus for a while and cried. And it was glorious! I realized I was actually slowing down enough to have feelings. That's something I hadn't experienced for much too long.
What a gift it was to have that weekend away!

But then I got home, and I don't feel like I've stopped moving since. There were speaking engagements, birthday parties, prom, events at work, gatherings with friends, and on and on. All good things, but so much of it!
And this feeling - that I haven't stopped moving for the past month - has convinced me I need to follow through with the plan I felt God leading me to when I was at Captivating. Once a month on a Wednesday I am going to go straight from work to a retreat center not too far from where I live, and I am going to spend the night there. I'll stay there until Thursday afternoon. And for that 24 hours, I am going to be completely un-scheduled. (Did anyone else catch the irony in that last statement? I didn't do it on purpose. Really. It's the control freak in me, fighting to not be forgotten. *wink*) I am going to allow God to make all the plans for my retreat time. I am going to trust Him with the outcome.

Ahhhh, yes. Once a month I am going to take a very needed rest. I realize a schedule is necessary in life and in the working world, but I also realize I have gotten too tied up in mine. And I am soooooo looking forward to finding a rhythm between following a schedule and NOT.
*happy face*
By the way, this retreat thing means a new rhythm for my blog, too. Since I do the majority of my blog preparation on Thursdays - my blog will take a monthly break, as well. That is, I will not be spending my retreat time blogging. So the week after each retreat, this blog will also be resting.


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