Friday, July 17, 2015

This Week with Grandma


I'm feeling a little dizzy - due to all the ups and downs we've been experiencing.
A few weeks ago I mentioned that my aunt was in the hospital, and that Grandma was concerned about her daughter. Well, Aunt Sue is still in the hospital. And Grandma is still concerned.
That last sentence is a gross understatement, by the way.
I'll spare you the details and ask you just to trust me when I say - it's been a long journey.
BUT early this week we got an encouraging report from Aunt Sue's doctors/tests. I wish you could have seen how much Grandma perked up that day. Yet as hours and days passed without further good news, I watched her going down again. Each time a text or email came from Aunt Sue, Grandma would get a little rise. However, if the message wasn't sufficiently informative she would slip again.
So this week has had moments when Grandma's eyes had their sparkle and she wore a smile on her face. It has had just as many moments when her eyes have been filled with tears. She told me one morning as she lay in bed crying, "I'm angry. I'm angry at everyone! I'm angry at God, and the doctors. I'm angry!"
And I saw underneath that expression of anger something beautiful.
Something very, very beautiful.
I saw a woman who became a mother over 77 years ago - and the love for her children which has been growing every day since then. I imagined the days when my aunt was a little girl, perhaps in bed with a fever - and I could see Grandma kneeling by her side holding a cold cloth on her head, and rubbing her arm. I saw in my mind a young mother speaking comforting words to her little girl, probably singing something like On the Good Ship Lolipop. And the weak smile I imagined on that little girl's face would give her mother the comfort of knowing she was able to do something to help her baby feel better. Oh, the love of that momma for her children.

Yes, as I watched my almost 98-year-old grandmother crying and being angry at "everyone" - that is the picture I imagined. Because I have listened to her heart. I know her concern comes from years of loving her daughter. And I'm pretty sure the real reason she's angry is because she can't be by her daughter's bed tending to her needs and doing everything she is able to help her baby get better.
So, in spite of the dizziness, I am thankful for the picture of a mother's love which my grandma has given me this week. May I love my children fiercely, like she does - until I take my very last breath.


No comments: