Thursday, May 28, 2009

Show Him MY Heart

So, the posts for the previous two days have been rather light-hearted and fun. In reading them, one might begin to think that life at the Hossink household is nothing but smiles and good times.

One would be sadly mistaken if one thought such a crazy thing.

We have had our grins, to be sure. However, lest you start to imagine the unthinkable, let me shed some light on another - more typical - moment I had recently.

By now you know that Joshua and I struggle with each other. He can be tender beyond belief, and I cling to those moments. But when he is upset, oh, it's best to walk carefully around him.

He arrived home late for dinner. Again.
Yes, he had called (when he was already late) and given his excuse. But this was one time too many. His reason for being late never seems to be "his fault" and although he clung to the same story this time, Brian and I decided he needed to be disciplined or he was going to get into a very bad habit. So we grounded him for a few days.
And he wasn't very happy with us.
Oh, well.
Hope he learns to watch his time better!

At bedtime the same night both Joshua and Matthew were in rare form. And I repremanded them both several times. But Joshua kept pushing me, kept doing what he knows he should not do, kept moving closer to the edge, and finally he went over it.
Got his computer time taken away for three days.
I started by taking away one day, but he kept going. So I did, too.

Then it was time to say goodnight.
I visited Elizabeth and Matthew first, to give Joshua a little time to cool off. In retrospect, I think I would have needed to wait until the morning to have a rational conversation with him. But I didn't have retrospect at the time (Think about that one for a minute! *grin*) so I went into his bedroom to say goodnight.
And I listened to him ranting about how I had ruined his day, how it was unfair for me to ground him from leaving the yard, and from the computer, and how I was not doing a good job of raising him.
He proceeded to tell me that my discipline was NOT going to teach him anything. He said he would NOT learn from it, and that it would NOT change his behavior. He said it would only serve to make him NOT like me more.

And he re-affirmed that I am NOT a good mother.

I tried to tell him that I understood him not liking my decisions, but I hoped he would learn from them and that one day he would understand I am trying to do what is best - trying to raise him to be responsible and respectful and all that stuff.

He wasn't interested in listening and I realized I wasn't doing anything to help the situation, so I said goodnight and left his room. As I walked out I prayed that God would help Joshua understand - I am for him, not against him.
And that is when God led me to a new prayer.
For quite some time I have been praying - in the middle of my struggles with Joshua - Lord, show me his heart. This prayer came at the suggestion of a speaker I heard once, as she was encouraging the audience to seek understanding in the midst of conflict. And as I prayed that prayer again, I added to it, And, Lord, show him MY heart.

Yes, Lord, show him my heart!

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Leah said...

Wow, that is profound..very profound. I can use that with my husband when we get in a 'heated' discussion, with customers at the pharmacy, with anyone.

I know that one day your son will understand but I can only imagine how difficult it must be to be the mom in this type situation.


Proverbs 27:19 said...

When he does see your heart, oh wow.

Great way to handle this Karen. I am impressed.


Rebekah said...

WOW!! I cant tell you how many times I have faced that situation with my kids, minus the husband of course. I think you handled it so well. :)

God's girl said...

Wow, that is quite profound! Have you been in my house the last week with me and my "almost 13" year old??? We're going on day 5 of being grounded from the skate park, and day 3 of walking to school. Thanks for reaffirming that I'm not alone:)

Mrs. Sidney said...

Yes, show him my heart!! What an awesome way of putting it... I am adding this to my list.

Amanda said...

Tears. Again. What a wonderful addition to my prayers!!! Thanks for this Karen. Life changing!!

God bless-

Daveda said...

Ahhh...I can relate so well. Your Joshua sounds like my Christopher *smile* I have had to rely on God so much raising him. I hope it encourages you to know that although it got rough, REALLY rough as the teenage years pressed on, he is now 18 and he does "see my heart" ( just love how you put that). He is now appreciative of all we tried to teach him, and though it seemed he wasn't listening all that time, he heard more than we thought!

Hi there LOL...I am surfing around through Blogger Appreciation Week, and I came across your blog over at Heaven's blog. I wanted to say hello...Hello!

being Loved By Him, with You,

Heather said...

Thank you for being open and real with everyone. I want to be able to pray that him my heart. I also struggle with my son. You are an encouragement!