Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Now, Was That so Hard?

I
I n
I ne
I nee

Oh, no, I don't!

I need
I need h

But, I don't want to say it!

I need he
I need hel

OK. OK. Here goes nothing.

I need help.

I recently received a call from my son's principal at school, telling me his teachers had recommended him for a class which is specifically meant to help kids learn organizational skills, to get extra help with class work, and to have extra time for studying and homework. It is part of the normal school day, so it wouldn't require any extra time.
That Joshua struggles with school and organizing his work was not a surprise to me. We have worked hard at home on this issue. Through blood, sweat and (lots of)tears. Both of us have become quite frustrated, and convinced that I am NOT cut out to be a teacher. I do my best to help and encourage, but too often it is perceived as nagging and we end up butting heads rather than loving one another.
So, I thought this class sounded like a great idea and was excited to present the opportunity to Joshua. I was sure he would be pleased, too.

He wasn't.

It took a lot of probing but eventually I came to the understanding that Joshua was embarrassed to ask for help. He said he could bring his grades up on his own. He could figure out the organizational stuff on his own. He didn't need that class. He just needed to apply himself.
Yeah. Sounds good, except that he had given us the same song and dance before.

To make a long story short, my husband and I insisted that Joshua take this class.
We were called mean, were told we're unfair and unloving. At first.
Now Joshua loves the class. He says it's a relief to him, and he hopes he can stay in it during the next trimester, too.
See? I told you so!

This whole scenario has made me wonder, Why is it so hard to ask for help???


Karen

14 comments:

Leah @ Point Ministries said...

Good question!! I think it is part of living in a fallen world in these tents of flesh. It's like my nephew would say when he was two or three. I DO IT MYSELF!!!

MYSELF...often gets me in a world of hurt!!

Leah

Irritable Mother said...

Leah - I used to say that same thing to my mom! It has only been in recent years that I have begun to wonder if I picked it up from the book, The Little Red Hen.
You're right, though. MYSELF often ends up being my downfall.

luvmy4sons said...

I hope that there will be some class like that for my youngest. (: Pride keeps us from asking for help I think. And sometimes we do not want to seem needy. Sometimes we do not want to burden others. But most of the time it is pride. LOL! So glad your son likes the class and I hope it does wonders for him!

On Purpose said...

For me to ask for help is a HUGE issue...I'm a prideful stubborn girl who needs to always be in control!

Mary said...

I know for me it means I am a failure if I can't do it on my own. I hate asking for help. Totally relate.

But help is a good thing. And I'm learning how to just suck it up and ask for it.

Darn pride.

Mariel said...

How true that we, especially as women, feel we have to do it ALL ourselves. But then we are quick to point out HOW MUCH we do! Is it the desire for martyrdom? There are MUCH more worthy causes than SELF!!! I can totally relate to your heart, though. sad but true! May God free us from our self-righteouness and impress the truth on our hearts that it is in our WEAKNESS we are made useful to Him!!

O Mom said...

Glad that story had a happy ending! :)

I don't know why it's so hard to ask for help??? I know that with me I like to be the helper, not the one in need. It's hard to realize what a blessing it can be to let someone help you too though.

Irritable Mother said...

Leslie - I am so thankful for this class. And especially that Joshua sees its value now. Whatever help I can get to bring a little more peace into this home? I'll take it!

Nichole - Yeah. We let go of control when we ask for help. And that can be hard!

Mary - And who wants to admit she's a failure? Not me!
But I'm learning that asking for help can actually lead to success. And that's a good thing! *grin*

Mariel - You point out an interesting fact. We think we have to do it all, and then we complain about it. No wonder we're such messes! LOL
I appreciate your thoughts.

O Mom - I hear you. Loud and clear. It is soooo much more comfortable to me when I am the one providing the help.
But, you're right, we can be part of a blessing when we let someone else help us. Cool how God works those things out!

Edie said...

It can sometimes be very difficult to ask for help. Guess my pride gets in the way.

I'm so glad you were able to get help for Joshua. When my daughter was little I used to say there was a reason I was NOT a teacher.

Thanks for the prayers. Love you friend!

Irritable Mother said...

Edie - Yes. Pride is a trouble-maker!
I am delighted to pray for you. Thanks for the opportunity.

My ADHD Me said...

Hurray for you for sticking to your guns!!! It would have been easy to back down....that begging and pleading and crying and yelling is hard to fight. Oh, sometimes the kids are doing that too (in addition to us, the parents)

I don't think we have anything like that available at our school but it sounds like a wonderful thing! Don't feel bad that you have trouble helping him yourself. I feel that way sometimes. i feel like because I have the same symptoms and problems that he has, I should be able to help him since I know what he is going through....you've heard the saying the blind leading the blind. SO, how can you expect to get him organized when you can't 100% understand what's going on in his head (and don't feel bad because he isn't sure either).

On the other hand, he is getting the guidance he needs, it WILL help, he is now happy about it AND you got to say, well, at least think...I told you so!!

Don't give up.

Kelly and I were just talking today about a similar situation. She is writing a speach and is having trouble but finally got about 7 pages done and then her computer crashed. She lost it all. She prayed and prayed and had a friend praying too. SOMEHOW, even though the computer is very ill and is in the computer hospital, the 7 pages ended up on her laptop after a day of praying......and it wasn't there before!! A friend told her that the devil will do whatever he can to mess her up because her speech is for a Christian group. She said her friend said the devil is there to mess you up. (Like your trip to the church for your talk...but you beat him there too!)if you are writing about marriage, he'll try to mess up your marriage, if you write about kids, he'll give you problems there....etc.
I mentioned your struggles with your little angles and we both decided that your work is threatening to the devil so he is making it hard for you. he knows that your Christian words of encouragement are helpful to many and he doesn't like that....not one bit.
BUT God and prayer are stronger and look at you! Books published, son HAPPILY taking class and you are STILL passing on the wonderful word of God.
That devil doesn't have a chance....and I'm proud of you. you should be too!!

My ADHD Me said...

You know sometimes our comments are longer than some of our posts!

Irritable Mother said...

My ADHD Me - Thank you. *tears*
You blessed me with your words, and I'm glad some comments are longer than our posts. *grin*

My ADHD Me said...

whew! I couldn't sleep last night and it was very late when I wrote my comment. I woke up having a vague idea that I had written something like that but was thinking that in my half asleep fog I was sure that it probably didn't make any sense at all.

After re-reading it, I've decided that maybe I should do most of my writing in a half asleep fog.

Have a great day!