This Week without Grandma

So, Grandma passed away last Saturday morning.
She had been steadily declining all week long, and just after 6:30 Saturday morning we woke to her sounds coming down the hall. Brian and I went to her room and found her having some trouble breathing (I was told this would happen.) so we gave her a breathing treatment to open her airways. When that was finished I gave her some medicine to help her relax (She was a bit agitated. Again, something I was told would happen.) and we left her to rest.
I was in the bathroom after showering and Brian came in around 8:00 to let me know she was gone.

Just like that.

I mean, on the one hand it was a long process. She was losing abilities weekly. Daily. Even hourly.
But on the other hand, I had just been sitting with her, and in less than an hour - she was gone.
Just like that.

So, things have been different around here.
Sunday morning I was eating breakfast and looked at the clock at 8:30. I jumped in my seat and thought, Oh! I need to hurry. Gotta get Grandma's breakfast before I leave for chur... Oh. No, I don't.
And Sunday night I realized I could just go to bed when I wanted to. Didn't need to get Grandma her meds, or help her brush her teeth.
I ran several errands Monday - without being concerned about how long it was taking me.
I went to Precepts Tuesday. Arrived on time, left when it was over, and didn't monitor my phone for calls or texts while I was there.
Got the oil changed in the van on Wednesday. And didn't have to arrange for someone to be home while I was gone.
All week long I have slept through the night without getting up to attend to night-time needs.
And all week I have gotten up and exercised in the morning because I've had a good night's sleep.
I haven't made tea, stewed prunes and apricots, or toasted bread twice - so it's good and crunchy.
Nor have I emptied the commode, rubbed Icy-Hot on a sore back, or searched for a stray cotton ball. (Grandma used a cotton ball to cushion her ear when she was sleeping, and it always seemed to get lost in her sheets.)
And, truth be told? I've felt rather lost all week.
I've missed my grandma.
My daily routine of tending to her needs has been interrupted, and I often don't know what to do with myself. Although life is "easier" it is also emptier.

Even so, I am happy for Grandma.
She is with the LORD, and she is whole. No more achy back. No more uncontrollable shaking. And she can hear everything clearly now. In both ears!
I can only imagine the reunion she had with Grandpa.
And her parents.
And all her brothers and sisters.
Indeed, she is at peace now. There is nowhere else she would rather be.
And one day, I will see her again.

Grandma and me, last Friday afternoon.