Wednesday, November 18, 2015

I'm Not Good at This

I feel like I'm entering a confessional right now.

Taking a seat, breathing deeply, about to spill my guts to whoever's listening.
Or reading, as the case may be.
You see, the thing is, well...
I'm waiting right now. And I don't like it.
I'm not good at this!
Waiting makes me uncomfortable. I don't know what's around the corner - let alone how to plan for it. And I am reminded of the fact that I am not in control. *shudder*
With all my heart, I want to follow God. I want to do what He wants me to do, and go where He wants me to go. I want to live a life which is pleasing to Him. I want to delight His heart.
And in my skewed way of thinking - in order to be doing those things, I need to be doing something. Only I don't know what that "thing" is.
For the past nine months, it's been serving my grandma. But now she's gone, and I feel at a loss.
For missing her, and for serving God by serving her.

So, I have all this time on my hands now and I decided I ought to use it for some preparation for a retreat at which I am speaking in April and the retreat I am hosting next October. (You may get details on that retreat here, if you'd like.) Yeah, I know - they're a ways off. But I need to do something!
The thing is, the topic for both retreats is, What Are You Waiting For?
I'm not even kidding!
Just try to tell me God isn't into the details...

So I am studying Matthew 14:22-33 and I'm noticing the different approaches to response times Jesus employed, and I'm reminded that sometimes He lets us wait quite a while. But that He always responds. And His timing is always perfect. And I know what was True of Jesus in Matthew's time is True of Him today. In my life.
I know I can trust Him.
That I need to!
But waiting is so hard for me. I'm just not good at it.
So I confess to God my desperate need for grace. I thank Him for His amazing patience with me. And I ask Him once again to help me surrender to His perfect timing and will.
Because HE is good, and HIS love endures forever!

How are you doing today?



Joanna Teigen said...

Thanks for those good reminders, Karen! Sounds to me like now you've got a little time to start that caregiver's devotional. :-) Love you!

Karen Hossink said...

Joanna - Maybe that's it... :-)
Love you, too!