Needing Grace, part 1

Have you ever had an experience wherein you find yourself having a very similar conversation with several different people, and you begin to wonder if God is trying to tell you something? That's been happening to me over the past several days and it has led me to want to write about it here. At this point I am thinking this will be a two-part post, but I will leave it up to God to decide when it ends!

This first installment is prompted by an email I received yesterday from a mom who has just started reading my blog, a conversation I had recently with a mom who just had her fifth (!) baby, talk which was going around the table at the MOPS group I spoke for this morning, and countless other conversations I've had with mom friends throughout the years. Survey says, We are tired of our messy houses. We don't want anyone to just "pop in" because we will be humiliated at the condition of our abode. We don't know how we can have both kids and a clean house, and we are frustrated! Are you in agreement here?
I have struggled with this issue for years. Before kids I had a strict weekly cleaning regimen and, due in part to the fact my husband and I were the only ones "making messes," my little apartment was so clean and tidy. I took pride in my home. It was orderly and I felt in control.
Three kids later, I still have a strict cleaning regimen. I am constantly picking things up and feeling like I need to be more strict.

Brian, install a shower in the garage.

Kids, you must shower before entering this house.

No playing in the dirt - you might bring some of it in the house!

If you have to eat, do it outside. I don't want any crumbs in my house! So what if it's 30 degrees out there. If you're hungry enough, you'll eat!

Toys? Why do you need toys? They'll just get left on the floor and I'll trip over them. No more toys in my house!

Do you see where I'm going with this line of thinking? Kids are kids, and even the best ones get messy. We can train them to be careful and take care of their things (and, oh, am I trying to get that done!) but the bottom line is, if we have kids in our house we aren't going to be able to escape that "lived-in" look.
I think each one of us mothers would agree with that statement, yet so many of us still seem to battle with feelings of inadequacy when it comes to the condition and cleanliness of our homes. Why??? When you go over to another mom's house, do you scoff at the basket of unfolded, or worse yet - unwashed, laundry? Do you count how many dirty glasses are sitting on the counter? Are you bothered by the books lying on the floor, rather than neatly stowed on the bookshelf?
No? Why not? Oh, because she's a mom and you realize she is taking care of her kids in addition to trying to maintain a household? I see. You're extending grace to her. That's nice. And that's what we do, right?
I remember picking Matthew up from a friend's house once. His mother apologized to me for the mess as we went to the basement to get the boys. Honestly, I didn't know what she was apologizing for. It just looked to me like boys had been playing. Everything seemed as it should be.
And this woman who just had her fifth baby? I took a meal over to her and as I stepped over a few toys to get into the kitchen, she also apologized for the mess. Are you kidding? Although I was aware of the mess, I really didn't notice it. Or at least I didn't care. She'd just had a baby for goodness sake! I couldn't imagine having five kids, let alone an orderly home with a newborn.
So I wonder, if we can be so reasonable in what we expect of other mothers, if we can give them all amounts of grace, why can't we extend grace to ourselves? Why must we have unrealistic standards for our own homes?
I am not advocating throwing in the towel on trying to maintain a nice home, or giving up on teaching our children responsibility for taking care of themselves and their things. What I am desiring is for each of us uptight moms to adopt realistic expectations for our homes, and to love our kids in the midst of the messes.
Do you think that's possible? Can you come to the place where you will be OK with someone dropping in unexpectedly? I love the saying a friend shared with me several years ago: If you're coming to see me, stop by anytime. If you're coming to see my house, please call ahead. I would like to think my friends are more interested in me than in my house. I know that's the way I feel about them! And I bet your friends are more interested in you than the condition of your house, as well.
I remember when I went to Florida to speak for some MOPS groups last year. The woman with whom I was spending the night told me in an email that, although she had two boys and a small house, she would do her best to make me comfortable. I responded to her by reminding her I'm a mom, too, and if she had a basket of laundry in the hallway, if she didn't dust before I came, and if she left drops of dried milk on the table I would feel right at home and would be very comfortable. It was so easy for me to give her that grace. But I knew if the roles were reversed, if she were coming to stay at my house, I would be working like a mad woman to get everything cleaned up.
(That reminds me of one day when I was dusting - just because it needed to be done - and Elizabeth asked me quite excitedly, "Are we having company???" She's very observant! LOL)
So, moms, what do you say? Can we agree to give ourselves grace when it comes to our homes? In the end I think this attitude will benefit not just ourselves, but our kids, too. I don't want my kids to think a clean house is more important to me than they are. How about you?

Having said all that, I want to share a resource which has been very helpful to so many women when it comes to keeping the house under control. FlyLady.net Lots of great ideas and encouragement there! I especially love the concept of doing a little bit at a time. Baby steps. I can do that!