Thursday, January 17, 2008

Tears in Heaven

I cried last night.
For the past several weeks there has been a sadness building in me over some personal stuff. Honestly, I would share it with you here, but I don’t know everyone who reads this blog and I do not want to hurt any feelings, so it will have to be enough to know I have been quite sad.
Well, last night it came to a head and I just lost it. I was sitting in Matthew’s room while he was reading. I had gotten my journal to write down the things I was thinking and I imagined myself climbing up onto God’s lap, so He could just love me. I started writing, I just want to be loved like a child – I don’t want to answer anyone’s questions or solve any problems. I just want to be cared for like a child.
And I started sobbing.
The kind of sobs when your whole body shakes.
And you know what? Though I was sitting on Matthew’s bed, I believe God was holding me on His lap. He saw each tear I cried, and He loved me right through that moment.
I know there are wars going on around the world.
There are a lot of sick people who need God’s attention.
Plenty of people are hurting far more than I, and are calling out to God for help.
Not to mention, He has to keep holding the universe together in perfect balance.
But last night He gave me His full attention and He loved me severely. And I know while He was focusing on me, God was also fully attentive to every other need in the universe. I cannot comprehend it, but I believe it.
We serve a great God and I am so glad He loves me!

post signature


realworldmartha said...

So sorry you are going through a tough time!!! I will say a prayer for you today.
I do believe that the devil wants us to believe that God has better things to do then on our problems and I am so glad you didn't buy it! Our Father wants us to come to Him anytime and it's when we are the most useful (no wonder the devil wants us to keep away).
Blessings to you!

Praise and Coffee said...

Oh, your post made me cry.
I wish I was there to give you a big girlfriend hug. But since I can't be I'll pray for you.

Sorry you are hurting.

Much love,

PS: Aside from a hug, I would bring salsa and chips and a chick flick and then we would delve into some fabulous chocolate.

annie said...

I'm sorry that you were so sad karen, but happy GOD comforted you through the sadness. I had a similar experience this weekend and feel like a whole new person.

kreed said...

I am so sorry you are going through a rough time. What a comfort to know He held you in His arms as you cried your way through it. I pray the situation(s) resolve soon.

KarenW said...

I'm so sorry for your sadness. Here is my favorite passage that I have clung to in difficult times:

"Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah. " Psalm 61:1-4

Praise the Lord that our Father can hold you and me both at the same time.

Ceri said...

I read this in my daily Bible reading this morning:

"My comfort in my suffering is this:
Your promise preserves my life."
Psalm 119:50

What a great God we have! May his promises strengthen you too.


Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

Oh, Karen. Sorry you are going thru this.

I sometimes literally picture myself crawling clumsily up in His lap, the same way my kids do in mine. It is so comforting. Sometimes I fall asleep there. How on earth do people cope who don't have our Abba??

Prayers for a happier weekend.

Shawna said...

I have been there many times. I just imagine Jesus holding me. I'm so glad you felt His love for you in the way you needed. Amazing.

freetofly said...

So sorry for the sadness, but so glad that you were in tune enough to know what you needed to take to Him...thanks for the reminder of His gracious faithfullness and attentiveness...

Whatever your need I pray He sustains you to the victory!

Stephanie said...

This season in my life has been more than I can bare. There have been a few times that I have had those similar experiences. I was reading Ps. 18 I think when it talks about the Lord hearing our crys. I love it the way he can love each one of us and we each feel like a precious child.

Poet4Him77 said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog and encouraging me as well. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you; been sick all week and had no energy to think.

I'm sorry you were sad this night; amazing though, that you can be so vulnerable to 'strangers'. There's a fine line, huh?