Wednesday, February 17, 2010

My Comfort Really Doesn't Matter, Part 2

If you missed yesterday's lead-in to this post, click here. It'll just take you a minute to catch up.

So there I was, chastising my dog - completely unaware that God would soon use my very own words to speak to my heart.
I had been meditating on Psalm 139:1-2, O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise. You perceive my thoughts from afar. And I sensed Him asking me some questions. Questions about my heart.
God was gentle in the asking, but He was persistent, and I knew I needed to respond.
This is how it went:
Karen, why do you feel so needy for comments and responses regarding your blog?
And this is how I responded in my journal:

"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar." And You know the answer to this question, too.
Lord, I love the comments and responses to hear about the impact of the message. True.
But, honestly, I love the validation, too. The words of affirmation build me up, make me feel appreciated, loved, useful.
Lord, it is embarrassing to write these things out. It's more honest than I'm comfortable with. Ah, but You aren't concerned about my comfort, are You? You know my heart and that is Your concern. So thank You for leading me to an uncomfortable place - for the sake of cleansing my heart.
You know what is best for me, Lord, and I thank You.

OK. You just read that in about thirty seconds, but God and I spent about an hour on it. Me - confessing my pride, and God - drawing me to Himself. And can I tell you? Even though I was embarrassed and uncomfortable confessing those things to God, it brought me great joy to understand that my heart condition was way more important to God than my comfort. And I found tremendous comfort in repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

Truly, my comfort really doesn't matter.

Is there an issue God's been using to make you uncomfortable? Please, let me encourage you to respond to Him with an open heart and a repentant spirit. The results are wonderful!



Leah @ Point Ministries said...

Well, just need to stop stepping all over my toes, girlfriend.

I think most of us with blogs/website, etc enjoy, er relish, umm desire...the comments. They are encouragement and that is important. You are right, though. We have to make sure that the comments are not part of the way Satan enables our prideful hearts to grow and become even more prideful.

Great post. Psalm 139 is a biggie, isn't it?


Irritable Mother said...

Leah - Yes. The encouragement that comes through the comments is a very good thing. I am so thankful for the real fellowship and caring for one another we can have through them.
BUT - God knows my heart, and I was putting too much weight on the comments/feedback. Was allowing them to dictate my worth, rather than God. Was relying on them, not HIM, to lift me up.
So thankful for His gracious patience with me!

Yeah. Have I thanked you lately for the Scripture Memory Challenge? God is using it in a big way in me. Thanks!

God's girl said...

Wow! God always leads me here on the perfect days!!! Blessed and honored by your words this morning. Thank you for leading back to the cross with this post. Being in HIS arms is worth it all!!!

Love ya, Heaven

gianna said...

i tried to post a comment earlier this morning, BUT I wanted to say that I didn't see THAT coming! Validation and the assurance that I am liked is a daily thing for me. You are not alone! I understand completely!

luvmy4sons said...

Oh sweet sister. Love your transparency. It reminded me immediately of some lyrics. The song is By Your Side by Tenth Ave North and two lines say this:

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough

You are not alone. The spirit of the fear of man keeps us searching for approval. Truly though the only approval that matters comes from God and as we are covered by the blood of the Lamb-well, we are loved and accepted and when we truly get it deep into our hearts it is so freeing!

So here is my comment, and my approval and my love to you sweet sister! Thanks for shining forth His light to moms everywhere! Hugs!

O Mom said...

Wish I would have read this yesterday when you wrote it.....
I love your honesty and the sense I get from you that you are so there for US out here. Thank you for that. Your comments may not be huge in the sense of what this world sees, but I can only imagine what and how many comments await you as your treasures in Heaven! Truly massive! :)

Irritable Mother said...

Heaven - He has a way of doing that, doesn't He? Always perfect and in the details!

Gianna - Thanks.

Leslie - Yes. God spent quite a bit of time talking to me about that approval. I love how gentle, yet how firm HE is with me.
Love you!

O Mom - That's it! I truly want God to use me FOR you. I love that He takes the things we've gone through and uses them to bless others. He doesn't waste a thing!
Thank you for your kindness.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

God uses everything in my life, and I mean everything (including blogging) to bring about his good conclusion in my life. I'm not always very good at determining those conclusions, what' needed, what's not.

Thankfully, God gets the bigger picture and sees where refinement is needed; the more I press into him, the pickier he's getting, and I really don't mind.

I've grown rather weary with my sin-sick heart and am ready to be more of his disciple in every way.

Great post, and very challenging for me this Monday.


Irritable Mother said...

Elaine - "the more I press into him, the pickier he's getting, and I don't really mind."
Oh! I know what you mean! But it if makes me more like Jesus? I don't mind either. *grin*