Overcoming Anxiety

So, Saturday afternoon Joshua said he wanted to hang out with his friends - which was fine. But as I looked at the clock I realized he only had an hour until he should be home to get ready for dinner, and when I told him so he was not happy. He wanted to hang out with his friends and come home when he was hungry. Just wanted to eat dinner...when he wanted.
And that didn't sit well with me. I have always heard that families should eat dinner together. And I have been obsessive committed to having us eat together.
So I said, No.
And that didn't sit well with Joshua. He said something about wanting a break from eating with the family, and I bit my tongue to keep from saying anything I would later regret.

With that, Joshua went to be with his friends.

A short while later I got a phone call from Joshua, asking if he could eat pizza at his friend's house. My first thought was, No. Joshua should come home and eat with us, because families should eat dinner together.

But then I remembered a few things.

*When I was a teenager I enjoyed many meals with my friends and their families.
*Joshua is growing up and I need to give him more independence.
*When I met my therapist last week, one of the things she told me about myself is that I probably say/think 'should' an awful lot. Recalling my thought processes about this dinner thing reminded me how right she was!

I talked to the father of Joshua's friend and he said he'd just bought pizza. There was plenty to share and Joshua was welcomed to stay. As I considered his invitation and the points I'd just remembered, I decided I ought to relax.
You see, it is very comfortable for me to operate based upon 'should', and to try to have control over everything. It's comfortable, because it's the way I've been operating for the past 39 years. But I'm learning it is this way of thinking which fuels my anxiety.
And I want that to change.
I need that to change.
My family needs that to change.
And by the grace of God, I believe change is possible.

I am not saying I'm going to throw all sense of order out the window. But I am certain I want to overcome this anxiety and depression, and I realize the healing is going to involve a change in my way of thinking and behaving.
I believe it's all a part of my refining.
And I'm willing.
To recognize my unhealthy ways of thinking.
To re-learn behaviors.
To relax.
To surrender to whatever God wants to do in me.

And I'm so glad I have good friends like you with whom I can share this journey.

I'm doing a giveaway tomorrow for this Bible study. Be sure to stop by!