Thursday, September 20, 2012

How Sad

I had a chance to go shopping Saturday afternoon.

That isn't the sad part.

The thing which made me sad happened while I was looking through the racks.

I overheard a conversation between two friends who hadn't seen each other in a while. They chatted for a few seconds before their conversation grabbed my attention. When one of them started complaining about her college-aged daughter, I couldn't keep myself from eavesdropping hearing.
The disgruntled mother went on about how her daughter didn't want to stay in school. Then the two of them pondered whether or not her attitude had to do with a boyfriend. And I felt sorry for the relational discord between mother and daughter.
Then the other friend started unloading her mothering woes. The details don't matter, but at the end of her monologue she commented that she only has x-number of years until the kids are gone and she'll be DONE. And her friend gave a hearty, "Good for you!"

Now, I will be the first to admit I've been frustrated with my kids. It is no secret I've been in tears over my circumstance and have often felt like quitting. It's all in there! But to hear these women celebrating being DONE with their kids filled me with a sadness I just can't express.

And I pray God will keep my heart tender toward my children all the days of our lives.



Amanda said...

I know exactly how you felt. I was watching Ricki Lake yesterday (my first and last time I hope!) and the mother on there was talking about how she didnt like her kids, saw no joy in her kids, and that the birth of her kids ruined her marriage. She was looking forward to a divorce so she could get weekends off and be away from her kids. Ricki goes on to say, "You are so brave for saying all these things, I am sure lots of other moms would agree." WHAT?!?! I had to change the channel... why oh why cant hurting people seek out the One who heals our hurts?

Angela Nazworth said...

Wow. That is so sad. I know that I have had days when I wish I could be "DONE" with certain seasons of parenting. Like I wish I could be "Done" dealing with my five-year-old's whining. It is so sad though to view kids as something to deal with as opposed to human beings to help grow and nurture.

SC Mom said...

So sad....there are certain times in all mother's days when we want to be done but you know what...I believe motherhood is the gift that keeps on giving. Our children are a gift from God and we only have them for a short time. BTW I have read your book at least four times and I keep reading it. Thank you for writing and posting and all that you do and share. God bless you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Very sad indeed. Now, my kids might be "done" with me at that point but I will never be done with them. I'm going to be the Mom-Grandparent that is constantly calling and checking up on everybody and wanting to still be together. Hopefully we will all still live close to eachother. My kids won't be able to get rid of me...he he...They are my world...I feel very sad for this Mom you speak of, she must be in a very frusterating, miserable, tough time in her life and hopefully she is just saying things she doesn't really mean. We should pray for her. Hope you have a good day Karen! off to my studies...***chera

Kaira said...

I typed out the longest comment ever on my phone and it showed that it posted but I don't see it here. That happened the other day too. Did you receive it? I'm so annoyed that I lost that long comment. It isn't that the comment really matters much but it was hard to type all of that on my phone. :P

Karen Hossink said...

Amanda - Wow! That mom needs the One who can heal her hurts, for sure. What a sad thing that she thinks a divorce is going to bring her peace.
FATHER, would you send someone into that woman's life who will speak to her of true LOVE, real PEACE, and lasting JOY? She needs You!!!

Angela - I'm with you. There are moments when I am ready to be "done" with the season. But my children are not seasons!

Betty-Jo - Yes. And my work at Edgewood gives me the opportunity to see the other side of parenting - when the adult children care for the aging parents. I am quite sure none of those folks would want to be "done" with their children!
I'm glad you're still reading. And I pray God will continue speaking.

Chera - I know we share similar feelings about grandparents and parents of adults. Yes. I am right there with you!
I want my family to be close, even when we aren't under the same roof anymore.

Kaira - Seriously???
I received an email of your comment from yesterday and then wondered why it wasn't on the blog. Thought maybe you'd deleted it. I guess not. Ha!
And, yes, I got today's comment, too. I think your husband was probably right about that woman and her current family relationships.
I see some of that at Edgewood, too. Unfortunately. There are some very lonely residents who didn't treat their children well.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but I can understand the flip side. Not saying that it's a good thing by any means, or that the conversation you overheard should have been spoken, but I understand the emotions behind the message. It takes a lot of hatred and rebellion from a child to push a parent to want to be "Done" but it can be done. The fact that you can't understand how a parent could feel that way shows that you have been blessed with a child that shows you love and respect more often than not. A parent's love runs deep or it would not create so much pain. But a parent's love is not unconditional. Only Jesus can love unconditionally. The rest of us are human. Perhaps that woman who was ready to be "Done" had endured all she could endure.

Karen Hossink said...

Anonymous - Yes, I know there is a flip side. I have a friend who had to put her son in a residential treatment school because of all the trouble (and potential harm) he produced. It was a hard thing, but I totally understood. Wouldn't have wanted to be in her position!
Perhaps there was a similar circumstance for this woman I heard in the store. But their tone of voice was celebratory, not laced with sadness or pain. It's only my interpretation but they simply sounded like they were happy to be rid of their children, and - really - that's what made me sad.