Lessons From the Edge

Doing "nothing" can be wonderful.

We're in the process of lots of construction at Vista Springs Edgewood. They're going to be expanding the dining room, making a new entry, turning the library into an activity center, and I've even heard reports of a little bistro. It's going to be so nice!
Cosmetic work has already been done all over the place with newly painted walls, new carpeting and hand rails, and new light fixtures. And just this week, construction has begun in my neck of the woods. They're building a cage office for me. That is, the current activity room is being transformed into a therapy room so my corner is being walled-in as an official "office". I think the intention is to separate the therapy area from my work area - for privacy.
And I get that.
But I'm going from a great big open area to a space probably less than 9-feet-square.
And I'm already claustrophobic. I might need my own therapy sessions before I go "into" work every day. *wink*

OK. I'm finished whining.
On to this week's lesson...

On Wednesday the man doing the construction on my cage (Oh! I said I was finished whining, didn't I. Guess I lied. *ahem*) office was busy framing it in. Measuring, sawing, and nailing the two-by-fours into place. And when I walked into the room, I saw B (from down the hall, not the B across the hall) sitting in a chair. He wasn't doing anything, really. Just sitting there. I didn't have any activities planned in the next few minutes, and I wasn't sure what he might be waiting for.
I asked B if he needed any help.
He smiled and said, "No. I'm just watching him build."
So I went about my business, which involved lots of going in and out of the Activity Room. And every time I came back in, there he was. B, sitting and watching the construction. Doing nothing, but happy as a lark.
As in, I think he sat there for a couple of hours!

Back in the day, B was a civil engineer. But I don't think he was ever in construction. Still, something about the frame going up for my office intrigued him, and held him in place for a couple of hours.
And then I got to thinking.
How many hours have I spent doing "nothing" while I sat watching a fire, or listening to music, or observing birds, or staring at a sleeping baby?
And suddenly I felt I could understand B - just sitting and watching.
Because I realized, Doing "nothing" can be wonderful.

Think you might be able to find time to do "nothing" for a while this weekend? Enjoy!

Disclaimer: The ideas and opinions expressed in this post are my own, and may not necessarily reflect those of Vista Springs Living Centers.

HE is in the Details

Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness.

~Psalm 115:1

Please note: Nothing in this post is intended to bring glory to myself; nor am I seeking praise or pats on the back. My heart's desire is to testify to God's faithfulness, and attention to detail.
All glory to GOD!

For my birthday, my mother-in-law gave me money to spend however I want.
(LOVE when she does that! *grin*)
My intention was to spend it on some new clothes. And when I got an email from my favorite store last week that they were having a 40%-off-everything-sale, I knew it was time to go shopping. *bigger grin*
So I went.
With every intention of using my birthday money.
The thing is, when I finally found something I liked we had to order it on-line because they didn't have my size in the store. Which meant, I couldn't use my birthday money. I had to use my credit card - can't pay cash on-line, ya know.
So I left the store, and still had Ben in my wallet.

The next day I was sitting in church listening to a sermon from Acts 4 - in which, "All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had." (v.32) And God's Spirit reminded me of that money in my wallet. And I began to wonder if someone in the church had a need which could be fulfilled by that money. Which God had kept me from using.
As the sermon continued, I found myself convinced that I needed to give that birthday money to someone before I left church. And I prayed God would show me who that "someone" was. Often at the end of the service, an announcement is made that anyone needing prayer may come forward so a member of the prayer team may minister to them. I figured that would be a great time for me to meet the one God had put on my heart. And several times as the service went on, I prayed God would lead me to that one person.
However, this week that announcement was not made.
The service ended, and I wondered, How am I going to find who needs this money?
At that moment I stood up and glanced across the sanctuary. In the section adjacent to mine I saw a girl who used to be in my Sunday school class, standing with her grandmother. We waved to each other and I went over to say, Hello. As Grandma and I were talking I had the feeling she was "the one" and I asked her if she had a financial need. She did. So I took hold of her hand and put the birthday money in it.
We hugged, and said good-bye.
A few minutes later, I saw Grandma again. Only the smile on her face was twice as big as what it had been before. She had looked at what I'd put in her hand and was delighted. Told me she had a bill she needed to pay Tuesday, and now she was going to be able to pay it. So I told her about how the Holy Spirit had been speaking to me through the sermon, and she told me how God had been telling her to trust Him.

We rejoiced together over our Father's wonderful faithfulness.

And as I thought back to the previous day's shopping trip, I rejoiced again over God's attention to detail. Every.little.detail.

When Needing Endurance Meets Desiring Immediate Gratification

OK. So remember last week when I wrote about how motivated Josh was to get a job? You know, so he could start making car payments and driving his Jeep?

Well, a funny thing happened.

After 24 hours, and no job offer, he started coming up with alternate plans.

Josh proposed to us that he do odd-jobs around the house to earn money for gas so he could start driving the Jeep. Just until he found a real job, of course.
Unfortunately (for Josh) Brian and I are sticking to the original plan:
1) Get a job.
2) Start making car payments.
3) Drive the vehicle.

Guess this kid needs a dose of endurance to go with his motivation. *wink*

Praying for Kids

Lessons From the Edge

Never give up.

Oh, I am quite sure I will never tire telling stories of the lessons I've learned from the men and women I serve and love at Edgewood. Because these folks inspire me in ways too numerous to count.

I've told you before about B, the man who lives across the hall from the Activity Room. He's the one who used to be a preacher and has suffered two strokes - which have left him unable to communicate verbally (Except for saying yes, no, I don't know, and "For dinner, for dinner, for dinner".) and unable to use much of half his body.
The one thing we know for sure is, when B is yelling, "For dinner, for dinner, for dinner!" he wants or needs something. And when I hear him yelling that way, I often go across the hall to see if I can help his wife determine what he's trying to communicate. So, the other day I heard his familiar call and went over to see what I could do. Ooooo. That one was a toughie. Each of us felt like giving up several times, but we kept at it and finally figured out that B wanted a drink of water. And when his thirst was satisfied I suggested a sign he could make with his hand when he wanted a drink. Then he (we!) wouldn't have to get so frustrated trying to communicate. B seemed to like the idea, and I reminded him about it (and had him practice) a couple more times when I saw him that day.
After one of our practice sessions, our office manager asked me if I'd ever heard B sing. I smiled and started singing "It is Well with my Soul" and B joined in with gusto. It was beautiful. Then the office manager started singing "You are My Sunshine" and about four or five of us standing around all joined in. Including B, of course.
That was beautiful, too.
Then it was time to get back to work and I made my way back to my desk.
Moments later, I heard B coming down the hall. And it wasn't just his wheel chair I heard. It was his voice. B was singing "You Are My Sunshine" all by himself. Over and over again.
That was the most beautiful thing I'd heard all day!
And I called the office manager to share the moment with her. *smile*

But, wait. It gets better.

Not too long after I heard B singing on his own, I was back in the office for some reason, or another. The office manager handed me a piece of mail for B which hadn't been put into his mailbox because it didn't have his apartment number on it. She asked if I would take it to him when I went back down the hall. And I was happy to do it.
I knocked on the door and slowly opened it, to see B sitting in his chair, and U napping in the chair beside him. So I entered and explained what I had, and handed B the piece of mail. He said, "Thank you," I said, "You're welcome," and I turned and left the apartment.
As I was closing the door I thought to myself, Wait a minute. Did he just say, "Thank you" to me? That isn't one of his phrases. Is it? And I asked one of the ladies who was playing cards in the Activity Room, "Does B say, 'Thank you'?" She looked at me as if I were a little crazy and said, "No." And I said, "But he did! B just said, 'Thank you' to me!" And we had a little celebration there.
See, we've all been praying for B for quite some time. Asking God to restore his ability to communicate. Not just so he can express his needs and wants without frustration, but so he can proclaim the Name of Jesus again. And these new words which he had just spoken brought so much hope.
I quickly realized THAT was the most beautiful thing I'd heard all day.

I don't know if all the singing we'd been doing had anything to do with B's break-through, but you better believe I'm going to be singing with him on a regular basis. Yes, singing and praying, and trusting God to bring his words back.

Never give up.

Disclaimer: The ideas and opinions expressed in this post are my own, and may not necessarily reflect those of Vista Springs Living Centers.

How To Motivate a Teenage Boy

Buy him a car, with the understanding he cannot drive it until he gets a job and starts making car payments.

So, I mentioned Tuesday that Josh wants a car. Well, the scam one didn't pan out, but he found another great deal. It is presently sitting in our driveway.
Here's the story:
For several months, Josh has been talking about wanting to get a job. He has talked and talked and talked. Once, he even went out and filled out an application. But he didn't get that job.
More recently (the end of the summer) he looked into another opportunity. But that didn't work out.
Besides those two instances, Josh's job search has mostly been talk. And it has included talk about needing a car to get to said job. Because he can't doesn't want to walk to it.
The problem is, how does a boy buy a car when he doesn't have a job? And how is he supposed to get a job if he doesn't have a car? Oh, the dilemma!

*Here comes Dad, to save the day!*

As I said, Josh has been looking for the perfect vehicle for himself, and finally found it.
And Brian agreed to buy it for him.
HOWEVER, Josh is not allowed to drive it until he has a job and starts paying us back.
I'm telling you, I have never seen that boy so intent on anything before in my life. I got home from work and saw the Jeep in the driveway, and walked into the house to find Josh at the computer putting the final touches together for his application. Then he drove (Using my van, of course!) to the store to submit the application. And I'm willing to bet he'll make follow-up phone calls without being prompted to do so.

I have one very motivated teenager on my hands.
And I love it!

Under Conviction

Conviction by the Holy Spirit is such a wonderful thing to me.

Just knowing God knows what I need - and cares enough about me to make that need clear to my heart - fills me with gratitude.

But sometimes the conviction leaves me feeling a little silly. Like, Gee, God, I'm kind of embarrassed that You had to remind me about this concept. Again.
So, today I find myself eating a slice of heavenly humble pie. Again.

See, last week I began a new study with the Women's Group which is meeting Friday morning's at Edgewood. We're watching and discussing Jennifer Rothschild's DVD series, Walking By Faith: Lessons Learned in the Dark. The key concept from the introductory session is: "It can be well with my soul, even when it may not be well with my circumstance." I love that concept. I fully agree with it. And I loved the time we spent talking about it Friday morning. It is so good to remember the importance of keeping our focus on God, rather than our circumstance.
But then a funny thing happened. (OK. It isn't really "funny", except in the ironic sense. *ahem*) I got busy with my day - making final arrangements for the next day's festival, returning phone calls, following up on email, making plans, and carrying out activities. The day got so hectic, and I began to feel anxious. Running here and there, doing this and that, even getting help from a couple co-workers but not feeling like I was going to be able to get it all done.
And by the time the day was over (late!) my soul was not in a condition which I would describe as "well".

Can you see the problem?
Do you have an idea what the Holy Spirit was about to say to my heart?
I had just sat through a lesson about walking by faith. I know very well what it means to keep my focus on God. Goodness, I have led Bible studies and women's retreats on that very thing! And here I was, allowing my circumstance to steal my joy. It was not well with my soul because it was not well with my circumstance. And that correlation just should not be.
So gently, but with undeniable clarity, the Holy Spirit convicted me and I knew: It can be will with my soul, even when it may not be well with my circumstance. Eyes up, Karen. Eyes on Me!

Here I am now, sitting down to eat that heavenly humble pie - and get my focus adjusted.

Will someone pass me a fork, please?

Playing With an Internet Scammer

Josh is presently on the hunt for a car.
He has been busy searching the internet for just the right vehicle:
*not too old
*good condition
*at least 22mpg
*big enough to carry a canoe on top
*kinda sporty
and, of course,
*low cost.

And one evening last week...He thought he'd found it.
A 2005 Jeep Grand Cherokee; 92,400 miles; body looked great in the photo; $2,500

It almost seemed too good to be true.
Brian began a conversation with him about that very real possibility. You know, perhaps the side of the vehicle NOT shown in the picture had a big dent in it. Or maybe the brakes were shot. Perhaps it had been totaled in an accident and given a cheap make-over. Matthew asked, "Are you sure it has an engine?"
So, Josh contacted the seller, and this is the response he received:

Hello!
I'm emailing you about my 2005 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited I have for sale. It has all books, complete set of tools and keys and 92,400 miles. The price was reduced at $2,500 as I need to sell it before October 25th, when I'll be leaving with my unit back to Baghdad replacing the troops scheduled to come home...

The message went on to explain that the seller did not need to be present to complete the sale, the vehicle was located in Memphis, TN, it would be shipped to Josh in 2-3 days - at no additional charge, and everything would take place through Google wallet.
Needless to say, we saw lots and lots of red flags, but before he deleted the email, Josh decided to have some fun with it. This was his reply:

That sounds great! I'm 30 minutes away from Memphis right now. Give me an address please and I'd love to see it.
By the way, my dad was also in Baghdad. He unfortunately was declared missing in action. October 25 will be the one year anniversary. He had a jeep almost identical to this one and it would make me so happy to have this one!
When I saw your message I knew it was meant to be. Please respond as soon as possible, and thank you so much for serving our country. It shows I can really trust you. Best of luck in Baghdad, my prayers will be with you.

So, even though Josh was extremely disappointed (and a bit angry) that this deal of a lifetime was just a scam, we all had a good laugh as he constructed his response.
And his writer-mom was super proud of his creativity! *wink*

It's OK to Say No

Lessons From the Edge

Things aren't always as easy as they seem.

The fun part of this lesson came from a "Donut Eating Contest" we had Wednesday afternoon.
We tied donuts from the ceiling and challenged people to eat them from the string.
Without using their hands.
And, while at first many folks thought it a strange game, no one realized how difficult it would be.
It was kind of funny to hear audience members "coaching" the contestants.
Just bite it!
Use your tongue to grab the donut!
They had no idea.

When all was said and done, everyone had a great time - and enjoyed LOTS of laughter.
But the recurring phrase that afternoon was, "Wow! That was harder than I thought it would be!"

Like I said, that was the fun part of the lesson.

The not-fun part came earlier in the week.
I had the day off Monday so I could attend my uncle's memorial service, and when I came in Tuesday I had notes from Monday morning's staff meeting in my email. As I read through them I was surprised to read, "D moved out Sunday". I mean, I knew her move-out was coming. I knew I was going to have to say good-bye. And, while I wasn't happy about the prospect of it, I knew she needed to move. (We are going to be adding a memory-care facility to our property in the next year-or-so. But until that happens, I have to say good-bye to folks whose needs have gone beyond what we're able to do. *sad face*)
But I've seen people leave before.
And it's always been OK.
However, this time the actual move happened without my knowledge. And I didn't get to say good-bye. And I want to go give her one more hug. But D is having a difficult time adjusting to her new home, so for me to go over and see her really wouldn't be good. And the idea of just *bam!* ending the relationship breaks my heart.

This isn't as easy as I thought it would be.

And there's that lesson, again. Things aren't always as easy as they seem.
Thankfully, I have hope and trust in God. I know He is watching over my lovely D. And, although I cannot wrap my arms around her again and tell her I love her, I am praying for her. Believing God will wrap HIS arms around her and love her through this transition.

Disclaimer: The ideas and opinions expressed in this post are my own, and may not necessarily reflect those of Vista Springs Living Centers.

Beauty and the Beau: Surprise! Edition

I had a little challenge last week.

I was in on two surprises, and it was difficult at times to keep the secrets.
In fact, I almost let it slip a time, or two.

The surprises started with Beauty. She was planning a visit to Beau for the weekend, to celebrate his 18th birthday. The plan - as far as Beau knew - was for Beauty to come into town after she finished classes on Friday. What he didn't know was that, since I was speaking Thursday in a town just minutes from Wheaton, I was picking up Beauty and bringing her to his house THURSDAY.
Beau was very unsuspecting when he came to answer the door.

And very happy.

The second surprise was one Beau had planned for Beauty.
He knew we were all coming to his birthday party Friday night, so he contacted Beauty's BFF and encouraged her to come along with us. M was as excited to see Beauty as the rest of us, and I was so happy for the surprise in store for my girl.
Because she'd just told me on Thursday how much she missed her BFF.
When we arrived at the party, Brian found Elizabeth and asked her to come with him to the van. (Where M was hiding.)

What a precious sight to see friends embrace.

But, honestly, the most precious thing to me was to see Beauty and Beau planning a surprise for one another. It was sweet to see them thinking of what would make the other happy, and then working out the details to make it happen.
I'm telling you, these two bless my heart!

For Moms Who Struggle with Guilt and Shame

Last Thursday I spoke for a group of moms in Lisle, Illinois. It is always a joy for me to share my story with other moms who are struggling, and to show them that HOPE is possible - even in the hard times. Often when I am speaking I am able to make a connection with particular moms in the audience by noticing their body language (or tears...) and I will aim specific encouragements toward them.
When I was in Lisle last week, I was able to speak directly with one of those moms during discussion time at the end of the meeting. This woman shared with all of us who were sitting at her table that she loses her temper and yells at her children on occasion. And every time she yells, she is then filled with feelings of guilt and shame.

GUILT and SHAME.

Feelings which leave her believing she is not worthy of love from her children, her husband, or God. The guilt and shame she feels over losing her temper threaten to keep her from receiving love, and equally keep her from giving love fully. Guilt and shame become paralyzing forces in her life.
I understand.
Because I have been there.
And the truth of the matter is, I know this mom and I are not alone. LOTS of moms have been bombarded with guilt and shame. Perhaps the mom who is reading these very words has also struggled.
Maybe you are right now.

I will be forever thankful for my mentor, whom God used to free me from the bondage of guilt and shame. She led me in a time of prayer and contemplation through which I came to understand that when I was frustrated and at my wits' end, God wasn't angry at me. Rather, I found that He knew my heart - my desire to love my children, not hurt them - and I finally "got" that He was able/willing/wanting to help me in those moments.
God was not throwing darts of guilt and shame at me. They were coming from my enemy, the devil. And in that moment, God showed me that He would be my Shield to protect me from those darts.
It was as I recognized my absolute inability to hold myself together, and as I surrendered all sense of control to God, that I was finally free from the terrible grip of guilt and shame. When I recognized I cannot do this mothering thing on my own, and when I believed God wanted to help me with every step and hurdle, I began my journey of trusting Him to deliver me from guilt and shame.

Soooooo, fellow mom, are you struggling with these burdens today?
Please hear me when I tell you, those feelings - those thoughts which say you are too awful to be worthy of love - are lies from your enemy. The One who loves you (And who always will!) doesn't want you walking around burdened by guilt and shame. Yes, Jesus died even for your failings as a mom and He will help you overcome them. Please accept this invitation to lay your burdens, your failures, your short-comings at His feet and take up His offer to help you.

"For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.

~Isaiah 41:13

If you'd like to talk further about this issue and don't feel comfortable doing so in the comment section, please feel free to send me an email. The link is in the right-hand column.

Discombobulated

My heart and emotions are so confused right now.

Because the circumstances in my life and both horrible and wonderful.

So much so, that I actually found myself in tears at work on Monday.
And that hasn't happened in a looooooong time.
Amidst the stresses I have been trying to be strong, trying to do my best, trying to fill the holes as best as I can. I've been plugging along like that little engine, I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.
And I finally realized, I can't.
But GOD CAN.

I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me. The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
~Psalm 118:13-14

On the other hand, I am leaving tonight to go to Illinois. I'll be speaking for a parents' group in Lisle, IL tomorrow morning, and then I am going to see my girl in Wheaton. *smile*
I have a birthday party to attend Friday night, and a wedding Saturday.
There is lots of celebrating good things coming up in the next days.
And that's wonderful!

So, in the midst of the confusion - when my heart can't decide whether it should be "up" or "down" - I am frequently remembering Psalm 118:13-14. The LORD is my strength and my song.
Let us hold firmly onto HIM.


P.S. I cannot see any realistic hope that I'll be able to do any blogging for the next several days. LORD willing, I'll be back sometime next week.

Or a Son...

Yes, for me it's a son.

Definitely a son.

Of the 16-year-old variety.

And some days I wonder which one of us will make it to our next birthday. *ahem*

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that Josh and Matthew have taken over washing the dishes since Elizabeth left for college. And that my concern with Matthew is the copious amounts of water he uses to get the job done.
Well, Josh gives me a different concern. That is, he often doesn't really do a complete job. As in, I look at the dishes after he's "finished" and there's still food on them. Usually on the outside. So I call him back to the kitchen and have him re-wash.

And that NEVER goes over well.

Most recently (two nights ago) he was annoyed with me for making him re-wash the pots and pans - including the OUTSIDE. To him, the grease on the side of the pan looked like water and he thought it was clean. So he thought I was unreasonable for thinking he should have washed it anyway. Not to mention my demand suggestion that he ought to have checked the shiny surface by swiping his finger over it to see if it really was water - at which time he would have realized it was grease and would have known it needed washing and would have saved us from another argument discussion about how to wash dishes.
Needless to say, that interaction was not a pleasant one. Both Josh and I were extremely frustrated with each other. Though, I must say, he did a great job re-washing the pots and pans when I stood there watching him. They came out very clean. And I told him so. (But he was still annoyed with me.)

So, as the night wore on and we both calmed down I decided I wanted to address the situation one more time. I was thinking about the occasions when I thought my own mother was annoying for "making" me clean things and take care of items that didn't seem like they needed it. I recalled finally understanding her ways when I began being responsible for maintaining my own home. And I prayed God would help my son see my heart as I made that explanation to him.
I walked out to the living room where Josh was doing his Chemistry homework and sat down beside him. Then I shared my heart, and told him once more that I appreciated the way he washed the pans the second time.
Josh didn't throw his arms around me in a hug. He didn't tell me he understands, and will keep my words in mind the next time he does his chores. He didn't promise to never be annoyed with me again because he trusts that I always have good intentions. But we ended the night at peace with each other, and that was good enough for me.

Besides, I'm still holding onto the hope that by the time he's 40 he'll realize I was right. *wink*

Let's be Light

Lessons From the Edge

Nothing pushes God off His throne.

So, we've been going through some significant shake-ups at Edgewood over the past weeks.
*Staffing changes, which have left some holes.
*A couple community members moving out because of behavior issues.
*Changes in condition/mental state of others.
*Increased stress levels stemming from the holes left by the staffing issues.
And, quite honestly, some days I have felt like I was walking through the building in the dark. The light-hearted atmosphere to which I have grown so accustomed seemed to be missing.
As I walked though the halls Monday, feeling particularly burdened, I began singing, Jesus, Your Name is power. Jesus, Your Name is might. Jesus, Your Name will break every stronghold. Jesus, Your Name is life. And I decided that the next day for Bible study, we were going to examine Philippians 4:4-9.

We sat there in the library - I think there were 18 of us - talking about our real feelings regarding the turmoil around us. We discussed what it means to rejoice in the LORD, rather than in our circumstances. We shared experiences of bringing our anxiety to Him. We contemplated how we might focus our thoughts on only those things which are true and good and pleasing and praiseworthy.
And, together, we determined there is still hope even in the midst of uncertainty.
Because...
Nothing pushes God off His throne.

NOTHING.

Disclaimer: The ideas and opinions expressed in this post are my own, and may not necessarily reflect those of Vista Springs Living Centers.

Prayer ADD

Do you ever pray, and then find your mind wandering to another subject?
Like what the person you're praying for said to you the last time you were together.
Or, when the two of you are going to see each other again.
Or, how long it's been since you've prayed for Aunt Betty.
Or, what's for dinner.

I call it Prayer ADD, and hate to admit that I am afflicted with it much too often.

But last week, it totally wasn't my fault!

I had just gotten a text from my brother and was reading it as I walked to my van. The subject of his text was something about which I wanted to pray, so as I began driving I also began praying.
The radio was on, and after probably less than a minute a song came on which is a prayer cue reminding me to pray for the family of a young girl who died earlier this year.
So I began praying for them.
And as I turned a corner, a little squirrel ran across my path. Now, squirrels are my prayer cue to pray for my daughter, so I immediately began praying for her.

I confidently believe God prompts me to pray for people at just the right time, and I aim to respond obediently. So I prayed for my brother when that text came through. And I prayed for that family when their song began to play. And I prayed for my daughter when I saw the squirrel. And as I considered my prayer ADD and noticed how quickly God was leading me from one thing to another I chuckled and said to Him, God, You are not helping my ADD very much right now!

And I sort of expected to see a yellow car at the next corner.