Saturday, January 06, 2007

Trying to get it right

It's hard to believe, but Joshua is going to be nine years old next Saturday!

When Joshua was five, the father of a thirteen-year-old boy basically told me to hang in there through the hard times with Joshua. He said he'd been through similar things with his son, but now his son - at 13 - was a totally different kid, and so much easier. At the time, I thought, "Oh, so you're telling me I only have eight more years of this. Great. Thanks for the encouragement!"
Well, I've made it through four years. Does that mean I've made it half way to "easy"? Does that mean in four more years I won't have to "try" anymore? That things will come easy for Joshua and I? That when I try to do something special for him, he'll recognize it as such and be happy about it? That he'll take my correction as for his good, and learn from it? That Joshua will be convinced I am for him, not against him? Awww, I can dream, can't I?
Several moms who've "been there" tell me it never gets easy. Yet, others assure me it does. Guess I'll have to wait and see.

In the mean time, I am determined to love that boy. Not by myself, or in my own strength - I need God to love Joshua through me. And I'm thankful for the little things Joshua does that remind me he's a little boy who needs his mother's love.
Today he came running upstairs to tell me that two of his friends just called to say they can come to his birthday party next week. He was so excited as he told me about their conversation, and as he reminded me of the things he hopes to receive as gifts.
And I just spent time downloading images from the internet that we might use as decorations. Ooo - he just came in. Gotta go now. I hope he likes what I've done...I would really like to "get it right" sometime!


Ann Kroeker said...

Hey there, irritable friend! I was just thinking as I read this post of something a friend of mine told me. She said that she always told her sons, "I'll fail and make mistakes as a mom, but I was always always love you." And *that* reminds me of the Sara Groves song, "You Cannot Lose My Love" (see lyrics here: and if you haven't heard it, run to the store and get the album it's on. Or download it. An amazing mom song.)

I love the opening lyrics that state that at times, "you'll lose your faith in me/You will lose a lot of things/But you cannot lose my love."

My kids aren't perfect. I'm not perfect. But they've got my love. Whether they realize it or not, and as imperfect as I am most of the time, they'll always have that.

That may not be your point in this post, but it prompted all those thoughts.

Ann Kroeker said...

Obviously I meant to say "I WILL always love you" in that quote from my friend.

And I don't know if you noticed, but I made the plunge and migrated to WordPress. To find me, my domain name is now my name:

Thanks for your thoughts here.

Irritable Mother said...

Thank you, Ann, for sharing these thoughts. Amazing, isn't it, that God would choose to use imperfect "us," with all our flaws and mess-ups? I am so thankful for His grace, and that He makes up for what I lack!