100 Things

When I first started blogging and reading blogs I noticed this common phrase, 100 Things, though I didn't know when or why one was supposed to post it. Then one day I came across the actual posting of someone's 100 Things and discovered, at least for her, the occasion for the subject was the 100th post. So following her lead, here for you is my 100th post, consisting of things about me - some random, some interesting(?), some thoughtful, some funny - totaling 100 and telling my story.
By the way, I know there are some of you who are lurking around my blog. That is, you read, but you have never left a comment. How about, in celebration of my 100th post, you at least say Hi in the comments and let me know you're out there. Please???

OK, introduction and begging complete. Here we go with my 100 Things!

1. I was born in Lansing, MI, September 22, 1971.
2. I grew up with my mom and dad, two brothers and a sister.
3. We also had a dog.
4. I attended Western Michigan University from 1989-1993.
5. At first, I was a music major with dreams of “making it” on Broadway someday.
6. After nine weeks I started to hate music.
7. I was only a music major for that first semester.
8. During that first semester I met a really cute guy in my dorm.
9. He asked me if I went to church.
10. I said, “Yes.” (Well, I did. I hadn’t since I was at college, but that wasn’t what he asked.)
11. He asked if I’d like to go with him sometime.
12. I thought, “Uh, you’re cute! You want me to go somewhere with you?”
13. I said, “Sure!”
14. I’d always considered myself to be a Christian.
15. This guy talked to me about Jesus.
16. I began to understand I wasn’t a Christian.
17. I needed to confess my sin and ask for Jesus’ forgiveness.
18. I needed to receive the gift of salvation He offers.
19. During my freshman year of college, that’s just what I did.
20. A few months after I graduated from WMU, I married that guy!
21. Now we have three children.
22. One girl and two boys.
23. I don’t understand boys.
24. My kids want a pet dog.
25. I don’t.
26. We’ve settled on mice for now.
27. Mice are small and caged.
28. I can handle that.
29. My daughter is trying to talk me into a rat.
30. I am not ready to go there.
31. I might go for a dog before I buy a rat.
32. Please don’t tell my daughter I just said that!
33. I used to have long hair.
34. I also used to have a whole brain.
35. That all changed in February, 2003 because…
36. When I was 13, on occasion, I started getting a funny feeling and weird pictures in my head.
37. I never said anything about it, because I was afraid people would think I’m weird.
38. When I was 23, I finally mentioned it to my doctor because the episodes were beginning to interrupt my ability to concentrate.
39. Turns out I was having seizures.
40. I started taking anti-convulsants.
41. Tegratol didn’t control the seizures and gave me arthritis.
42. Dilantin didn’t control them and made me very sleepy.
43. Lamictal didn’t bother me, but it didn’t control the seizures.
44. Keppra wasn’t helpful either.
45. After eight years of trying different drugs in various doses, with no success of seizure control, my neurologist recommended brain surgery.
46. I went through lots of testing and monitoring to find the part of my brain from where the seizures originated.
47. One of the tests involved putting one half of my brain “to sleep” at a time, to see how I would function without it.
48. That was kind of cool!
49. Finally, I had electrodes surgically implanted on my brain and was monitored in the hospital for 13 days.
50. I had to have my whole head shaved for the surgery.
51. I had a really bad reaction to the anesthesia.
52. The area around my right eye got really swollen and purple.
53. Looking at the swollenness in the mirror, along with hair stubble along the edge of the bandages, was depressing.
54. In spite of the nausea and things that depressed me, I was encouraged by many prayers, cards, and phone calls from family and friends – and some people I’d never met before.
55. Satisfied he knew where the “problem” was, the surgeon opened me back up and took out a portion of my brain about as big as the tip of your finger.
56. I haven’t missed it.
57. I’m seizure-free now.
58. For awhile, whenever I did something stupid I would say, “Hey, give me a break! I’m missing part of my brain!”
59. That excuse doesn’t work anymore.
60. I have realized the whole ordeal wasn’t about me or my seizures.
61. It was all about God being glorified.
62. I was able to share my faith with, and pray for, a lot of people I wouldn’t have encountered were it not for the tests and hospitalizations through which I had to go.
63. My family and I were able to experience His goodness through the care and love of many, many people who helped us.
64. At a time when I was very depressed, feeling bald and ugly, Jesus met me in a sweet way I’ll never, ever, ever forget.
65. I know I wouldn’t have had that experience with Him if I hadn’t gone through that trial.
66. God has taught me He uses trials in our lives for His good purposes.
67. Struggles with my children are the trials He uses most significantly in my life now.
68. For quite some time, my son told me I was the Meanest Mom in the World.
69. Loving him was hard for me to do.
70. We butted heads over and over. Daily.
71. I usually ended up yelling, and getting mad at myself for it.
72. I wanted to be a good mom, but I felt so frustrated.
73. I was often overwhelmed, wishing I could just run away.
74. Once, I sat in tears and honestly questioned God’s wisdom in giving me children.
75. Then God changed my heart.
76. He gave me the desire to change – to be more like Him.
77. But I kept getting angry and frustrated with my kids.
78. I didn’t understand how I could become more Christ-like while I was dealing with my kids.
79. I thought they were keeping me from becoming the woman I want to be – the woman God wants me to be.
80. Then God opened my eyes.
81. God showed me He uses adversity to shape us.
82. I began to understand God is using my children and my struggles as a mother to make me into the woman He wants me to be.
83. This understanding didn’t make the hard times easier, but it gave me a whole lot of HOPE!
84. I am able to look at my children now with more hope, and less hostility.
85. You can read all about this journey in my book, Confessions of an Irritable Mother.
86. Now I am a speaker for moms groups.
87. I love sharing honestly about my struggles as a mom and the hope God has given me.
88. More than that, I love hearing from other moms how God has used my sharing to give them hope and encouragement.
89. I wish we, as moms, would take our masks off and just be real with each other.
90. I don’t have things all together.
91. I am a broken, imperfect woman.
92. I am desperate.
93. I cannot “do” this mothering thing, or any of life, without God!
94. I know God is good.
95. All the time.
96. I believe He knows perfectly what is necessary in my life to refine me.
97. Though I don’t like going through the hard times,
98. I choose to trust God.
99. I am so glad He loves me.
100. I know He loves you, too!