Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Amazing Love: Perfect HIM, Imperfect Me

Do you know Jessica? One of her recent posts really got me thinking. Well, the Truth of the matter is, God - who is perfect in all His ways and whose timing is always impeccable - coordinated my reading of Jessica's post with a day in which my flawed heart would be brought to center stage.
I started off the day with an awareness of the wonder that a perfect God would desire a relationship with imperfect me. It was a pleasant thought, and I enjoyed thinking it.
But as the day wore on - as I took my children shopping for new shoes and school supplies, as the boys misbehaved and grabbed things off the shelves, as they yelled through the store, and each one found things about which to complain and argue, I began feeling very ugly. I am not bragging when I say that I was able to maintain control enough to not yell at the kids in the store, or to speak harshly to them. It's the grace of God, alone, which gave me that victory.
In spite of my outward composure, however, I knew my heart. And it was a mess!
Why? I was asking myself, Why do I get so upset about their behavior? Why does the chaos bother me so much? Why do I get such angry feelings toward these children - because I'm expecting them to act like mature adults rather than immature children?
And as we drove from one store to another, and the tears were welling up in my eyes, I redirected my thoughts to God. Why, God? Why do You love me? I am such a wretch! Lord, I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be like me anymore! Why can't I have a sweet, calm spirit like all the perfect moms I imagine in my head? Lord, will You just reach in and change this heart of mine? Today? Right now? PLEASE???
And in that moment, as I was undeniably aware of my miserable heart, God reminded me of the Truth He'd spoken to me as I read Jessica's blog earlier that morning.
The LORD of the universe, the Almighty God - who is holy and perfect in all His ways - has an immeasurable love for me.

Me!

Imperfect, flawed, pitiful, wretched, messy me.

I will not pretend to understand the reason why. I cannot even begin to fathom the heart of my Father. But I am confident of this: I am an imperfect mess of a woman, yet I have a perfect God who loves me.

Are you messy, too? Feeling unworthy of His love? I pray God will use this experience of mine to speak His amazing love to you today, and to pour His grace all over your imperfect heart.
Rejoice with me, friend. We are so loved!!!

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3 comments:

Jessica said...

Oh no, LOL, do you mean my freaking out post? Which one?
I'm glad it touched you, even if it was unintentional.

You know, you're so right. The times I get frustrated with my kids are when I'm expecting something from them that might not be practical or reasonable.

God is amazing. There are times I definitely feel messed up and not good enough. Thank you for this post!

Leah said...

Karen,

I am beyond messy and certainly do not deserve His love, but He lavishes it on my willingly. How thankful I am for that!! How thankful.

Leah

Anonymous said...

oooohh...I've soooo been feeling undeserving of Our Father's love these days...this post definitely helped!

Recently I was led to read something about "patience" - which I struggle with DAILY - that said something like:

"Usually we become impatient when our focus is our priorities & agenda...we find ourselves impatient because life rarely goes the way we want it to. What we need to do is be in the moment...what we do along the way is as important as getting there"

This made me think about what I do, or how I react, "along the way"...ummmm...not pretty when I'm impatient! Then I feel so undeserving...anyway...thanks to your suggestion I am journaling & YES, it IS helping!!!! :)

Patricia nyc