Thursday, January 12, 2012

Thanks for Not Helping Me

Have you ever noticed that a single set of words can have two different meanings, based upon the attitude of the speaker?

I'm hoping time and maturity will allow Matthew to to change the meaning of his words to me.

Tuesday morning we were going through our usual rituals. I reminded him how much time he had left before needing to be out the door to catch the bus, and Matthew poked. He doesn't like to be under pressure to get things done, yet he seems unable to heed the clock's warnings.

This was especially so Tuesday.

And when it came down to the wire, when I told Matthew, "You need to be out the door in one minute," he panicked and called out, "Will you put my lunch in my back-pack?"
In the past I have fulfilled this request and gotten his lunch out of the fridge and put it into his back-pack. But I've done that on days when he really has been trying to get ready. Tuesday he was simply poking around, and I decided I needed to let him be fully responsible for getting himself out the door. I realized I had been training him to depend on me too much. So, I said, "No."

I responded, "No, Matthew. You need to get your lunch." And by the way he reacted, you would have thought I'd just taken away his new X-Box.
He yelled and cried about how he was going to miss the bus. And it was all my fault. He couldn't believe I was so mean. *And a few other choice phrases.*

Finally, with his shoes on, his lunch in his back-pack, a tear on his cheek, and a sarcastic tone in his voice, Matthew stomped out the door for school as he called out to me, "Thanks for not helping me!"

And as my grumpy guy marched to the bus stop I envisioned something which I hope will take place one day in the future.
I imagined a grown man who takes responsibility for himself. I thought of this man planning his steps and watching his time so as not to miss something important. I pictured him choosing his activities carefully and being wise in the things he does; not slacking off and leaving a mess for which someone else has to take responsibility. I smiled as I considered this man recalling the day it all began; the day his mother required him to step up and do the work. And I imagined him saying with a sincere heart, "Thanks for not helping me."

Hey, a mom can dream! *wink*



Anonymous said...

Our kids will all suprise us one day...

Jodi@ said...

I imagine the same things!! :o)

mamajil said...

ugh and its so hard not to take it personal when they act like that!! :) Its an age thing....and we are right there too with some of ours...I will say that by the time my older kids hit their 20's they truly did see things differently....hang in there its just a season...

Karen Hossink said...

Anon - That will be a beautiful day!

Jodi - Surely Christen doesn't give you trouble like this? *wink*

Mamajil - Yeah, I was kinda shaking my head as Matthew was having his fit. Because I knew - there will be a day....

SC Mom said...

lol I remember these things happening when my son was 15...he has said those exact words so many times hahahaha I still laugh as I look back but he is 23 now and a good man (I still see him as my kid ;-)) This too shall pass my friend ;-)

Karen Hossink said...

Betty-Jo - And I am trusting that my boys will become good men, too!