Friday, July 04, 2014

Lessons From the Edge

I have so much growing to do.

And as if I needed further proof of that truth, I just got it by the fact that typing it out was such a chore. *ahem*
When I returned from vacation, I came back to work to a new supervisor. That is, we now have our FULL TIME Life Engagement Director in place at Edgewood. I am continuing on in my part-time roll, and that makes her my supervisor. And, as you may recall from a previous post, I am very happy to have her on staff. The demands of my job are way too much for a 24-hour/week position. Together, she and I are going to be able to bring a much better program.
I have known these benefits in my head for a very long time. But when we began putting together some plans this week, I discovered my heart still has a way to go. That is, we are coming up with some really cool ideas and I love the plans we're making. I'm excited for August when we're going to unveil our first month of "together" plans.
BUT, as Shelly and I were brainstorming and building off one another, I began to sink back to my feelings of inadequacy. Thoughts like this were going through my head: But I did a good job, didn't I? I planned cool stuff, didn't I? Or, maybe not. These activities we're planning are awesome. Why didn't I ever come up with something like this on my own? Why couldn't I be as good as her? I'm such a loser.
And, to be honest, I felt like I was on the verge of tears much of the time.

Thankfully, God caught me as I was falling. He reminded me of the Truth I learned before. And He reassured me, it's still True today.

The thing is, it really frustrates me to ride this roller-coaster of ups and downs, feeling good and struggling with depressive episodes.
I just want to be steady.
But I'm not.
I'm still learning. Still growing. Still in need of a Savior.
And, ya know? The more I think about it, the more I understand this is the best place for me to be. Constantly needing and receiving the grace of my Father.

I have so much growing to do.
And that's a very good thing.

Disclaimer: The ideas and opinions expressed in this post are my own, and may not necessarily reflect those of Vista Springs Living Centers.

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