Remembering What He's Done

Lessons From the Edge

'For better or for worse' is beautiful.

I've written about B and U here before. They are the couple who lives across the hall from the Activity Room. B has suffered a couple strokes, and the last one left him unable to use the right side of his body, and unable to speak very much. Because of our close proximity, I have witnessed many of their trials as they navigate through growing older and dealing with the effects of B's most recent stroke. Sometimes U just has to leave the apartment for a while - or have B leave - so she can gather herself together and have a little peace. And I totally understand her need to do so!
Well, on Monday, U was given a break she hadn't planned on. And wasn't wanting.
That is, B was taken to the hospital. Turns out he had a minor infection and just needed antibiotics and some time to heal. But U was beside herself while he was gone. She missed him so.

Wednesday afternoon I was by the front office when an ambulance pulled up with B. They were bringing him home! But U didn't know he was coming.
Since I was in the right place at the right time, I had the privilege of taking B back to his apartment and I just wish I'd had a camera with me to capture his homecoming. U was outside sitting under a tree reading a book when I found her and said B was home. She got right up and came inside where I saw B sitting there with his left arm stretched as wide open as he could get it. U approached him with her arms spread open, and then these two wrinkle-y folks embraced and gave each other the sweetest kiss I have ever seen.
All B could manage to say was, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." But I'm pretty sure he meant something like, "I love you, U. I'm so glad to be home and see you again. And I am so thankful to have you as my gracious and loving wife. Thank you for sticking with me through all of life's ups and downs." Yeah. I'm sure that's what he would have said if his words were cooperating with his heart.

'For better or for worse' is beautiful.

Disclaimer: The ideas and opinions expressed in this post are my own, and may not necessarily reflect those of Vista Springs Living Centers.

Confessions of a Water Waster

One of Elizabeth's chores was to wash the dishes after dinner.
Now that she's gone to college, the boys have taken over that job - alternating nights, so neither one of them has too much of a burden. *wink*
So far, it's been going pretty well. But I often feel like I'm watching money go down the drain. Because Matthew uses so.much.water when he does the dishes. (Picture ADHD/OCD boy getting carried away as he gets busy rinsing every single grain of rice off a dish. Now, multiply that picture by at least ten.)
So, I find myself thinking, How much money is it costing us - in water usage and sewage - for that boy to wash these dishes? And I wonder if I ought to attempt another dish-washing lesson/demonstration.
Or just be thankful he's doing the job.
After all, he's doing the best he can, right? Nothing I tell him will really make a difference, will it?

That's what I was thinking. Until I recalled something that happened when I was a young kid.
My dad used to get frustrated with me because he thought my showers were too long. And I didn't understand what the big deal was. I mean, I wasn't messing around. Showers just took me a while. I had long hair, ya know.
So one day, my dad asked me what I was doing in the shower and I made my case. I had to shampoo my hair, and use conditioner - which I had to leave in for an entire minute before rinsing it out, because that's what the instructions on the bottle said to do. And, of course, I had to soap up and rinse my body. I was NOT messing around in there. Just doing what I had to do.
Then my dad said this, "OK. So you shampoo and rinse your hair. Then you put in your conditioner and soap up your body while you wait that minute, and rinse your body and the conditioner - and you're done. That doesn't have to take so long."
And, honestly, it was like a light bulb went on in my head. Soap up my body while the conditioner was sitting in my hair for that minute. Why, I'd never thought of that! I always stood there under the warm shower and counted 1-Mississippi, 2-Mississippi, 3-Mississippi, 4-Mississippi...60-Mississippi while the conditioner did it's thing. Then I'd rinse it out and soap up my body and rinse off. It never occurred to me that I could combine those tasks.
I thought my dad was brilliant for coming up with that idea!
And I've been showering that way ever since.

And so...I ask myself again, Should I give Matthew another lesson in dish-washing?

Yeah, maybe. But I think I'll consult with my dad, first!

Amazing Grace

Have you ever heard someone give a beautiful testimony of God's amazing grace?

You know, stories from people who have been lost in the world - addicted to alcohol, strung out on drugs, enslaved by prostitution. Many of them are looking for a way out, but can find none. Rather, they are imprisoned by a long list of choices, circumstances, and painful memories.
But then God...
...comes in and rescues them from their pit of despair. HE gives hope to the hopeless. Life to the dead. And everything changes.

Oh, how I love those stories!
I am always moved by the power of God to transform a life.
I have given Him thanks, just imagining where that person would be if God had not stepped in with His amazing grace.
And then, honestly? I have often thought, Wow. I wish I had a story like that.

But just a couple weeks ago, I realized I do have a story of God's amazing grace.
That isn't to say I suddenly came to terms with a past of crime and addiction. Rather, I realized God's grace is just as amazing without drama as it is with it.
See, my story isn't filled with a lot of drama. I grew up in the church. Went through the typical teen years, but never did anything really crazy. (I mean, I double-pierced my ear at my best friend's house and kept it hidden from my mom for a month. I snuck around with a *much* older guy for a while. And I was promiscuous. But in my mind I was still a pretty good kid.) Through it all I continued attending church, believing in God, saying my bed-time prayers, singing Christian songs, and feeling like my eternity was secure.
Whereas some people knew they were headed in the wrong direction, I thought everything was OK with me. I wasn't "seeking" God, or answers, or anything else. I was blissfully unaware of my need.
And that's why I believe God's grace is so amazing in my story.
God looked on me from heaven and saw a little lost girl - who had no idea she was lost. He saw a girl who was walking toward a Christ-less eternity - who didn't even know it. God saw a girl who simply didn't know how much she didn't know. And some twenty-five years ago HE opened her eyes to the Truth. It wasn't a dramatic conversion, rather an understanding of the complete Truth - followed by an obedient and transformed heart.
The little lost girl was found. Her eternal address was changed to Heaven. And God continues to this day to teach her the things she doesn't know.

And that is amazing grace.

How have you experienced God's amazing grace in your life?

A Gift for my College Girl

Ahhhh.
Feels like a long time since I've been sitting at the keyboard, typing out a post for this blog. I had a good break. And I'm glad to be back at it now.
One of the things I did over the past weeks was to make a gift for Elizabeth, and I want to tell you about it today. A friend of mine heard about this idea on Family Life Radio and passed it on to me - thinking I would like to do it for my girl. *I'm so glad she did!*

This is how it went:
I gathered ten envelopes and wrote one of these statements on each envelope:
*Open when you bomb a test.
*Open when you're overwhelmed.
*Open when you're facing a tough decision.
*Open when you don't know what to do.
*Open when you feel like giving up.
*Open when you feel alone.
*Open when you're anxiously awaiting an answer.
*Open when you regret something you've done.
*Open when you feel a cold coming on.
*Open when everything is going great.
I wrote a note to Elizabeth for each situation. I prayed for her as I wrote - knowing God is timeless and will answer those prayers when she faces each circumstance. To the best of my ability, I shared words of wisdom from my mother's heart which I pray will comfort and encourage her each time she opens an envelope. And, because I am a huge fan of carrying scripture in my pocket, I also included a piece of paper in each envelope with a scripture verse appropriate for each situation. I suggested Elizabeth carry the verse with her and read it often.
Then, I put all the small envelopes into one BIG envelope and sent it off to Wheaton.
Even though my girl is becoming a woman, even though she is spreading her wings and learning how to fly, she is still my girl and I am still her mom. And I am delighted God has put me in a position to care for and support my daughter - even when we aren't under the same roof.

What words of encouragement would you have written regarding any of those circumstances?

ALL of God

Confessions of an Uninspired Blogger

OK. I'm just gonna say it like it is.

I haven't felt much like writing recently.
That feeling is very unusual for me, because I LOVE writing. But as I've "needed" to prepare this week's blog posts, I just haven't felt like it. And I don't want to write something, just to have a post. It has always been my desire here to share my heart - that you might somehow be blessed by stopping by for a visit.
So, I'm not going to fake it for the sake of posting. I'm feeling a little *blah* at the moment and I'm going to take a break.
Thanks for the grace to be honest.

I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

~Psalm 40:1-3

Lessons From the Edge

Cheer for your friends.

Have I mentioned before how much I love my job?

When was the last time I told you what a blessing it is to spend my days with the men and women at Edgewood?

Am I making you jealous? *wink*

OK. In all seriousness, I am a blessed woman to be able to "work" where, and with whom, I do. And I had another glimpse of that delight this week during exercise class.
I've mentioned my "neighbors" across the hall here before. B, and his wife U. B had a stroke and has pretty much no use of the right side of his body, and has HUGE difficulty communicating. His wife is exceptionally patient and kind, but also gets quite worn out in caring for him. So, this week B came to exercise class and U stayed home to read and get a little "break".

The first thing we do during exercise class is throw a beach ball around. I stand in the middle of the group and toss the ball to each person. They catch it and toss it back to me.
Now, picture B - who has no use of his right arm.
I tell him the ball is coming and gently toss it high in the air so it comes down on his lap. And B, with all the strength and coordination he can muster, traps the ball on his lap with his left arm. Then - using only one hand - he maneuvers the ball and rolls/tosses/drops it back to me.

And the crowd cheers excessively.

The smile on B's face was a beautiful thing to behold.
But I think I was even more taken by the grace and kindness being displayed by his peers. They weren't cheering because B caught the ball and threw it back to me with stellar form and amazing precision. Rather, everyone in the room knew there was a pretty good chance the catch and/or the toss were NOT going to be successful at all. (They've seen failed attempts already.)
So, it wasn't a cheer for performance.
Instead, it was a cheer for persistence.
For courage to try when it would be easier to quit.
For being willing to hope in the midst of hopelessness.
It was a group of friends communicating to another, We know your situation is difficult. We know what it's like to struggle, too. And we're so proud of you for not giving up. We love you!

I stood back and looked at the men and women around me, and I thought I had never seen such a wonderful group of friends before. And I thought, I want to be just like them.
Cheer for your friends.

Do you have a friend who needs your support today?

Disclaimer: The ideas and opinions expressed in this post are my own, and may not necessarily reflect those of Vista Springs Living Centers.

Turtle Update

Remember last week when I told you Josh was recording the baby turtles hatching?

Well, as any good grandma would, I have to share the video!

This one is fun, too. A time lapse of one little guy emerging from his shell.
Proud Papa released all the babies on Tuesday. What a great experience it was for him!

We Don't Know a Better Way

In Michigan, they say there are two seasons: Winter, and Road Construction.

And it ain't Winter right now, folks.

*sigh*

So, Sunday as we were driving home from Holland - after we drove to Holland from Wheaton - we were a bit discouraged to come upon backed up traffic. Which we knew was from construction about five miles yonder down the highway.
When we'd been creeping along for about 15 or 20 minutes, we noticed cars ahead of us going through an "Authorized Vehicles Only" turn-around. (Love those signs, by the way. Always know where to find my "Z" when we're playing the Alphabet Game!) Some vehicles which were past the turn-around were even retreating back to it, so they could get to the other side of the highway and seek an alternate route. Matthew asked what those cars were doing, and I said the drivers probably knew another way to get where they were going.
A few moments later - when we were closer to the turn-around - Brian looked at me and asked, "Do you really think they know a better way?" Knowing what he was thinking (That he wanted to follow suit and use his "smart" phone to get us lost find an alternate route...) I responded, "Probably not. Some people just feel better if they're moving than if they're standing still."

That statement hung in the air for a moment before I realized the Truth in it.
I mean, really. We all know it's true in driving. How many times have I chosen a different route to avoid a train, or buses, or construction, or any number of things - and taken just as long to reach my destination as I would have if I'd waited where I was? Somehow, even though it takes as much time, I feel better because I'm moving - rather than sitting still. Waiting. In one place. Not moving.
Don't tell me you have never done the same thing!

But it goes beyond driving.

I sat next to my husband, contemplating the wisdom of taking traffic matters into our own hands, and realized I sometimes put God up to the same challenge.
*I don't like waiting for my kids to mature, and begin to think of things I can do to move along the process.
*My own immaturity drives me nuts, and sometimes I question why God doesn't just zap me with instant wisdom and discernment.
*Watching people I love struggle with unemployment and infertility and other loss often leaves me wishing there was something I could do - some connection I could make, or insight I could provide - to cut short the wait.

Sometimes all we can see is the long line of cars in front of us - and our need to be still and wait nearly suffocates us.

But I am learning (And sometimes the learning hurts.) that God is the One who knows the way.
HE knows the end result. HE knows how to get there. And HE knows what will happen during the journey. And the wait.
It may be hard to admit, but I think it's safe to say, we don't know a better way.

Too Excited to Stay Sad

That's a pretty good description of how I'm feeling right now.

Yes, I'm sad that my girl is gone.
It stinks that I won't see her again until October.
My heart hurt when I only bought four ears of corn at the store Sunday - because Elizabeth wouldn't be at the dinner table.
I was kind of jealous of all the other moms at the store who were with their kids buying stuff for college (The MSU kids are back in town!) because there were still with their college-kid.
But I spent last Thursday, Friday, and Saturday with my husband and daughter at Wheaton College - moving her in to her dorm, and going through orientation sessions - and now I am just too excited to stay sad.

I was impressed with Wheaton when we visited last summer. That's why I was so supportive of Elizabeth choosing to attend there. But, the time we spent at orientation - listening to faculty and staff and the president speaking, talking to other parents who already have children at Wheaton (and many who attended Wheaton, themselves), and observing life on campus - has increased my confidence and joy in the school in ways I could not have anticipated.
I fully trust God has led Elizabeth to this place for a specific purpose - to grow her and use her. And I am excited to witness the good things HE is going to do.

Yes. I'm sad I won't get to see her every day like I'm used to. But I am entirely too excited to stay that way.
*****************************************************************
Oh, and I'm excited about sending notes and packages to her. That's going to be fun. :)

What Are You Waiting For?

Does This Make Me a Grandma???

Josh has been very excited this week.

Pacing around the house and investigating progress checks like an expectant father.

Because his turtles have started hatching.

Several weeks ago, one of Josh's buddies found a nest of turtle eggs which had been dug up - apparently by a predator. Knowing Josh's affinity for all things "turtle", this buddy carefully gathered the eggs and brought them over to my young herpetologist.
Since Josh had incubated some turtle eggs last year, he had everything necessary to care for this new batch. And he got right to work making them a suitable warming station. However, not knowing when the eggs were laid, Josh couldn't predict when they would hatch. So, he's been like a nervous father-to-be for the past week, or so.
Always wondering, Are they going to hatch today?
They finally did start hatching. So far two have made it out of their eggs, and a third one has begun chipping away. (Update: As of Wednesday night, we have 10 baby turtles. Three eggs are left to hatch.) And, like a proud Daddy, Josh is recording the "births" with the intention of making a video for his youtube channel. You know, to inspire and educate other budding herpetologists.

I love watching my son caring for these turtle eggs. Particularly, since these eggs were "rescued" from an attacked nest, Josh is happy he has the opportunity to hatch them. Without Josh's help, probably NONE of these turtles would have made it. His heroic act makes Josh very proud.
Josh's careful study and application of what he has learned makes his mom very proud.

But all this hustle and bustle around the excitement of the hatching eggs - all of Josh's "new daddy" behaviors - has me asking a very important question. Does this make me a Grandma???
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Brian and I are going to Wheaton today to help move Elizabeth into her dorm room. Will be with her until late Saturday. *smile* Soooo, no blogging here tomorrow.
May grace and peace be yours in abundance this weekend!

Story Time

Sunday morning, I took a trip.
I wasn't expecting it, but smack in the middle of our worship time - Jesus took me on a little trip to some 24 years ago.
It happened when we were singing Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing, and we got to the second verse. I sang these words:

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood.

And suddenly I was back in college - thinking I was "fine" - not knowing I was a lost little sheep in need of a Savior.

I was never opposed to God or Christianity. Hey, I've attended church for as long as I can remember. I just didn't know there was such a thing as a personal relationship with Jesus. Frankly, I thought He had done what He needed to do, and now the world was left to fend for itself.
So, there I was - a stranger, wandering from God, not realizing I should (or could) be doing anything differently. Until Jesus pursued me - very cleverly - helped me understand my need, and made me HIS.
Every time I read a verse like Jeremiah 29:13, You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart, I thank God that He did not wait for me to seek Him. Because I honestly thought I was fine, and I don't know when I would have ever gone seeking after Him.
Indeed, His grace is amazing.

So, that's my story.

How did you come into a relationship with God?
OR, if you haven't begun that relationship, what is holding you back?

While I was Dusting...

...I found a sweet note.

It was on the fireplace mantel behind some pictures, and has to be at least four years old. I'm not sure WHY that was it's location, because until Saturday - when I was dusting - Elizabeth was supposed to be dusting every Saturday. And the way I have always told her to clean is to take all the items off a shelf (dusting each as you take it off) and then dust the entire shelf before returning the items to said shelf. I'm sure she never cut corners with her chores because she wanted to get on to bigger and better things. Yet, somehow, this dusty note was hidden behind some picture frames. *Hmmmmm*
Anyway, I read the note and was filled again with love and delight for my girl.
This is what it says:

Elizabeth,
You are a shining star girl! Thanks for being such an example of Philippians 2. I want to specifically congratulate you on your simple obedience to Christ last Wednesday at Impact through baptism. I am convinced that the obedience you displayed helped fuel countless others in their faith journeys. Keep running to Jesus girl! You are dearly loved and appreciated.
- Jordan

I stood by the fireplace reading that note, wanting to tell her the exact same thing. Keep running to Jesus, girl! May your heart and life continue to be used by Him to fuel others on their faith journey.

I think I'll take this note along to Wheaton on Thursday when we go to move her into her dorm. That she may find encouragement on the days when "home" feels too far away.

The WORD of God

Lessons From the Edge

Dancing is a state of mind.

Oh my goodness! We had so much fun Wednesday night! It was the Great Chili Cook-Off at Edgewood, and after we had our fill of several different kinds of chili - we sat back to enjoy the music of the Easy Idle String Band.

But not for long.

No sir! Because you just couldn't sit still listening to that music. I loved looking around and seeing all the toes tappin'. It was great fun.
I was standing next to L while the music played and she urged me to get a conga line started.
Now, I'm not used to conga lines mixing with banjos, but I couldn't refuse L - so we got one going.
And that's all it took.
The very next song was a group dance. The singer encouraged us to get a group out on the floor (We'd cleared the furniture away, "Just in case". *wink*) so Shelly and L and I recruited as many folk as we could. Then the singer and band led us through a circle dance, and we all had a blast. Hoopin' and hollerin' like we was down on the farm dancin'!
The thing is, a few of the folks had to abandon their walkers to come dance in our circle. And they were holding hands a little bit tighter than the rest of the gang. In fact, when it was time for my "corner" and I to swing each other around, I just put my hand on his shoulder and walked a circle around him. It was much safer that way! But there is no way anyone is going to be telling H that he wasn't out on the floor dancin'. Cuz you could see it in his eyes. He was dancing his heart out! And when the song was over, the nurse and I escorted H back to his chair so he could catch his breath.
H wasn't the only one cuttin' up a rug. B left his walker, L left hers, and so did S. Granted, none of them would have won a prize in a talent show, but that didn't matter one bit. Each one was dancing up a storm in their mind, and no prize could have matched the joy shining on their faces.

And that realization is what taught me this week's lesson: You can do what you love and experience joy in an activity even if you're lacking in ability. Get out there and have fun!

Dancing is a state of mind.

Disclaimer: The ideas and opinions expressed in this post are my own, and may not necessarily reflect those of Vista Springs Living Centers.

Behind the Smile

I imagine you were as devastated Monday as I was when you heard of Robin Williams' death. So many thoughts running through my head. Questions. Memories. More questions.
I didn't know Mr. Williams had battled depression. I mean, who woulda thunk it? He was always smiling, laughing, being fun and funny. How could there be a depressed bone in his body?

I thought about all the times I have laughed at his comedic acts - starting way-back-when in the days of Mork and Mindy. When a movie came out in which he was starring, I almost always went to see it. Because I knew he would have me laughing and feeling good. He as just that kind of guy. Happy, laughing, and fun to be around. I never would have suspected he suffered with depression.

After some more thought I realized - a smile can be a very convincing mask.
I mean, look at this one:

This picture was taken at our Christmas gathering in 2010. I spent the majority of that day exiting the room to go cry where no one could see me. I was such a stinkin' mess!
But when it was time for the annual family photo, I dug down somewhere deep inside and pulled out the best smile I could muster at the moment. Just to make it look on the outside like everything was OK on the inside.
And there's this one, from a few days later. Another family gathering. Another opportunity to smile for the camera so everything "looks" OK.

But, I'm telling you, the girl behind the smile was not OK.
I am so very thankful for the people who loved me enough to push me to get the help I needed. So thankful I am not living under the cloud of depression now like I was then.

Robin Williams' death is a tragedy. To be sure. However, my hope is that as result of learning about his struggle, people will be more willing to address the reality of depression. Just because a person wears a beautiful smile doesn't mean he or she isn't hurting.

If you are struggling and would like to talk further about depression - but don't feel comfortable leaving a comment, please feel free to send me an email.

Today I'm at i am servant

Top Ten Things About Sending Your Daughter to College

I saw post with a title like this last year and decided to save it for my own encouragement - knowing "my day" was coming. And, since Elizabeth is leaving for college today, I decided to re-read the list - and write one of my own.

So, here it is:

*cricket*
*cricket*

That is, I got nothin'.

I can't think of a single "Top" thing about sending my daughter to college.
*I'm going to miss her.
*I'll be the only girl in the family now.
*Dinner table conversation is going to be AWKWARD.

To read the rest, please visit me over at Amanda's.

Techno Scared-y Cat

I almost went into panic mode last week.

We have just come up on the end of the term for our cell phone contracts, so Brian ordered new phones for the entire family. And (almost) everyone has been so excited about them. Josh's phone broke a few months ago, so he has been using an old one. Elizabeth's went ka-put recently, so she's been using her hold one. Brian keeps moaning about his battery wearing out too quickly, this and that button not functioning properly, and something else I can't recall at the moment - always following up the complaint with an I-need-a-new-phone-statement. And Matthew? Well, he just likes new shiny things.

So, why was I ready to panic?

It's simple, really. I didn't want a new phone. After two years of using my current phone, I am feeling quite comfortable with it. (Although I still forget that it automatically capitalizes the first letter of a sentence when I'm texting. SO I OFTEN END UP PRESSING 'SHIFT' AND TYPING IN ALL CAPS. Then I have to delete every letter and start over again. But I'm getting better. *ahem*) Besides, my phone wasn't broken in any way. But we decided to order me a new one, figuring my current phone might not last another two years...
So, anyway, the panic. On Thursday, the phones all arrived and the kids quickly opened the box, found their phones, and began to activate and program and personalize and whatever-else-you-need-to-do-to-a-new-phone. I heard lots of new ring-tones - which was fun. But Elizabeth got frustrated because she was having trouble with the activation. Then, she couldn't transfer all of her contacts. And she lost her pictures. Matthew was upset because some of the icons were in different locations on his new phone, and he wished they hadn't changed.
I sat there thinking, If the kids are having this much trouble getting their phones in working order, how am I going to manage mine? I don't even want to attempt it. Wonder if I can get Brian to do it for me.

I *might* have started feeling light-headed.

But then I remembered something which calmed me down. (And it wasn't a Bible verse reminding me that nothing is too difficult for God.) I remembered my phone isn't broken. So I don't need to use this new one right now. I can put it safely away in my closet and let it sit there until I have to use it. And maybe by that time I will have gained enough technical confidence to face activating and programming all by myself.
Yeah. I doubt it, too.