Thursday, July 02, 2009

A Nagging Need for Grace

Matthew had an appointment to which I needed to take him, and ten minutes before it was time to leave I told him we would be going soon.
About five minutes later he was still shoe-less, and I told him to get ready to go.
When I was ready to walk out the door he was still shoe-less, so I told him to grab his shoes and get into the van.
Once in the van I told Matthew to get buckled and then put his shoes on.
When we arrived at his appointment I said, "Here we are!" and got out of the van.
Matthew didn't open his door.
I looked in and saw him scrambling to get his shoes on.
And Matthew looked at me with that silly little grin he wears so often. The one that says, Oh, yeah. You told me to do this already, didn't you? A few times. Oops.
This is life with my little ADHD guy. I have stopped counting how many times it takes me asking him to do something until it is finally accomplished. Many, many times we have had conversations about his need to do the thing I ask right away. We even have a phrase to help - Obediently immediately.
I have explained to him that since he has a hard time paying attention, he needs to respond obediently right away, or else he will forget to do the thing he is supposed to do. We have talked about the fact that he has to work harder to pay attention and follow through on the tasks required of him, but that he can do it.

I know he can.

I've seen him do it.

And it drives me crazy when he doesn't.

But as I stood outside the van looking at that silly grin - contemplating another lecture on responding obediently immediately - for a moment I allowed fear for Matthew's future to whisper despairing thoughts into my ear. I wondered how he is going to make it as an adult in a world where you need to pay attention and follow through on jobs. I feared for his success in school and the work-place. I couldn't imagine how I am going to be able to get him through these challenges.

And that's when it hit me.
It isn't up to me to get him through these challenges. Nagging and fine sounding arguments are not going to motivate my son to do what he needs to do. God has created Matthew for a purpose, and HE is the One who is going to get him through.

So I prayed.

While my little guy scrambled to fasten his sandals, I prayed that God would create in him the desire to work through his challenges. I asked God to motivate him. I asked Him to work out in Matthew the purpose for which my son was created.
I asked God to grow my patience level.
*Oh, how I need that!*

And as I stood there waiting I remembered, the grace of God will take Matthew and I much farther than nagging ever could!

For what do you need to trust in His grace today?

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Deirdre said...

LOTS of things. Oddly enough Missy over at "it's almost naptime" just posted something similar.

luvmy4sons said...

Oh...don't I know that all too well! LOL! I feel your pain. I have had that EXACT same scenario many, many times. BUT once when we got to where we were going my son not only did not have his shoes on but he did not have them with him AT ALL! We were 40 minutes from home and had to stop and buy him shoes! Yes. That is a true story!

JanMary said...

Hi Stranger!

Have not visited in so long. I love how you use your parenting "challenges" to learn and grow AND share!

Thanks and hugs from N Ireland.

Ronel Sidney said...

Wow, grace is an amazing gift from God and this post touched my heart because of my own struggles with my husband and how I need to pray for him more... I know that you were posting about that but that is what God was showing me... so amazing.

LisaShaw said...

Karen, I am so encouraged in your sharing. Using the truths God shows you through the relationships with your precious children is such a blessing to us.

You said it all here:

"And as I stood there waiting I remembered, the grace of God will take Matthew and I much farther than nagging ever could!"

I can apply that to many areas.

Blessings and prayers.

Anonymous said...

I love how you glean wisdom from God's good grace!! THAT is what I need to do...that & getting more PATIENCE...I feel as though it will never, ever happen...but then I come to your site & get so encouraged! Thank you for sharing with us!!
Patricia in nyc

Denise Dykstra said...

I am surprised ya'll found your shoes before you walked out the door. We have that search nearly every day.... :) Great reminder, thank you! Sometimes I hear myself nag at the boys and remind myself to hush. Prayer would be wiser!

Thanks so much for stopping by my blog after reading Hunger And Thirst on Praise and Coffee. I think I am going to be greatly enjoying your blog!