Thursday, January 14, 2016

We're Both Growing

There was a time when I thought we'd never make it this far.

I remember days of tears, fits of rage, nights of anger, and outbursts of yelling.
(Coming from both my son and I.)

Indeed, at the time I was convinced one or the other of us wouldn't "survive" motherhood.
That is, if I didn't eat my offspring first...
Life was that hard.
I couldn't handle his animosity, and I hated who I was becoming in response to it all. I resented the fact that motherhood wasn't the picture-perfect world I'd imagined it would be. And I found myself despairing of another day - another opportunity to fail as a mom, get angry with my child(ren), and miss the joy I had thought would be mine.

Writing this out makes me even more thankful for the grace of God and the work HE has done in my life.

Anyway, back when I was in the midst of those struggles I thought we would be stuck there forever. But yesterday, my son turned 18 years old.
Now, I am not saying we never struggle anymore.
Far from it!
But I am saying the trials we faced which I thought would be the end of me - weren't. I am saying God has faithfully brought us through every valley and HE has made us better for it. I know I am not yet the woman God intends for me to be, but - Praise Jesus! - I am also not the woman I was.
I remember very clearly the day I was on the edge, and - probably in an attempt to console myself - I thought, One day, these kids will grow up. And they won't be the same. They're going to mature and leave these childish ways behind. And almost immediately I had the very distinct sense God was saying to my heart, Darling, they aren't the only ones who are going to change. I'm going to use these trials to change you, too.
And so today - as I look at my now-adult child and consider all we've been through, as I ponder what lies ahead, and anticipate more of God's good work in his life - I am overcome with joy. Not because we've had a perfect life. But because we have a perfect God, who works good even out of what seems to be bad.

Are you facing a struggle today which seems like it will never go away? I pray the God of hope will fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)



Sara K. said...

I'm right there with ya, Karen! Except I've got 8 years to go until liberation day. (His or mine? haha) This is really encouraging perspective, though -- I should print it and hang it on my wall so I can read it every day!!! :)

Karen Hossink said...

Sara - "His or mine?" I think it's fair to say, BOTH! :)
Shall I send you a frame? haha