Thursday, October 07, 2010

I Love My Job! So Why...

...Do I Feel This Way???

Honestly, I kinda saw it coming.

I just didn't know I would feel like this.

Maybe I thought I would be able to avoid it somehow.

But I couldn't. I didn't. I wasn't.

And this past weekend it became blatantly obvious to me, as over and over I kept hearing myself say, I'm all 'served-out'. I had this overwhelming feeling that I didn't want to 'do' another thing for anyone. (When singing to my kids at bedtime brings me to tears, I know something needs to give.)
I was pretty much keeping it bottled up (Healthy choice. I know. *sigh*) but at small group Sunday night, one of my friends asked how my job is going. I hesitated to say anything at first, because I knew the tears would come. I did manage to get out, "I love it," before I started to cry. And then I followed up with the explanation.
I love my job. I love the men and women I'm serving there. LOVE THEM!!! But adding these hours of work to my week has caused me to lose much of my self. I'm 'doing' for others all.the.time, and my self is feeling rather neglected.
Oh, I've only been at this for two months. I know in time I will fall into a groove and I will find a way to manage. Hundreds of thousands of other women do it! I know God is with me in the midst of all this stuff. I know it. But in the middle of the struggle, sometimes it's hard to see the end.
Ya know?

Anyway, that's what I've been feeling the past few days. Since Gianna was encouraging us to "acknowledge our feelings and sit in them a while" I decided that's just what I would do. And she's right. It does feel good!

I love my job. I am thankful for it!
But I am also struggling with the adjustment. I am tired, and I feel like there is little-to-nothing left in me to give. Still, I know that God is with me. I know HE cares about the way I am feeling. And I am trusting Him to lead me - even through this.

How about you???

Karen

10 comments:

Leah @ Point Ministries said...

Karen,

I understand how you feel. I may have you confused with someone else, but wasn't there a time perhaps a year or so ago when you felt much the same way and you took a day to go sit by a lake with the Lord??? Am I remembering correctly? I have often thought about that and it has encouraged me to the same from time to time.

Hang in there! Love you.

Leah

Irritable Mother said...

Leah - I wish that was me. Actually, I think I remember reading the same blog post about sitting with Him by the lake.
And, oh, how I wish I could do something like that right now!
But today I am going to need to remember that God is with me even in the middle of all the stuff I need to do. And I trust He'll carry me to the DAY when I can just sit and be alone with Him. *The thought of a whole day - just me and God! - makes me so happy.*
Love you, too!

Anonymous said...

It never ceases to amaze me...how a word of encouragement comes my way when I need it the most!! With way too many irons in the fire, after spending with what seemed a "do-this" and "do-that" kinda of week...well let's just say that by the time I arrived to our monthly Womens Ministry last evening I too was almost driven to tears as I stood before the beautiful sea of faces who seemed to have their ducks all in a row and I was practically falling apart inside. The Lord was gracious in helping me keep it all together through the meeting and choir practice. Yet...this morning with still plenty of to-do's tagging along for the remainder of the week...I sit here in my office totally spent and weary in well-doing. Thank you for being transparent and for sending a word of encouragement my way.

"And let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. Galatians 6:9"

Blessings and much Joy my friend...
Debby Ann

Irritable Mother said...

Debby Ann - I love that God knows just what we need, and when we need it. Even this morning He encouraged me in another way through my Bible reading - just as I needed it. (Will be talking about it in my devotion on Monday...)
Let us not be weary, indeed. As we trust in the LORD!

Love you, friend!

Jerralea said...

Believe me, I definitely feel your pain! I always wanted to be a SAHM and teach ladies bible studies. But life stepped in and changed things around for me. Even though I really get tired with all I have to do, I do have to say that God enables me and gives me the strength to do what I have to do. He will do the same for you!

Irritable Mother said...

Jerri - I believe He will. And I keep praying that He will give me wisdom to know what things I need to let go - or delegate. *grin*

luvmy4sons said...

Oh hug sweet sister. I remember feeling so torn when I worked three 12 hour night shifts a week when the boys were small. I loved being a Labor and Delivery nurse but I want to be home with my babies; and the work drained me so. Night shift was killing me. Now I feel so torn when away at my clinics though they are only once a week... still torn. Though I know I am blessed by my work and I bless others. Have many divine appointments. I have no great wisdom. Just understand how you feel. So big hug. I do not think you are alone sweet sister. I try to tell myself that I must be a servant as Jesus was. But...alas I am NOT Jesus. Love you.

gianna said...

Oh, Karen!
I love love LOVE you!
I didn't expect my motormouth thoughts to help anyone. I am so glad that God used me to encourage you (to be truthful? to cry? I'm not exactly sure how I encouraged you since you were crying and everything.)
i'm glad just being honest helped. it doesn't mean that anything is fixed or even that anything NEEDS to be fixed. It's just the way it is.
I love you so much.
And you can call me anytime (I would LOVE it if you did!)

Irritable Mother said...

Leslie - Thank you. ((hug!))
Sometimes understanding is needed more than wisdom. Ya know? Love you!

Gianna - Honestly, I thought I might be scaring you with the comment I left on that post. But that's the way I was feeling, so that's what I said. *wink*
At the moment I had been stuffing so many of my feelings down, and it just wasn't good. I needed your encouragement to allow myself to really feel what I was feeling. Thanks.

LisaShaw said...

My friend, while our paths are different, circumstances are different -- I can fully embrace and understand the heart in which you're speaking.

Praying for you...