100 Things

When I first started blogging and reading blogs I noticed this common phrase, 100 Things, though I didn't know when or why one was supposed to post it. Then one day I came across the actual posting of someone's 100 Things and discovered, at least for her, the occasion for the subject was the 100th post. So following her lead, here for you is my 100th post, consisting of things about me - some random, some interesting(?), some thoughtful, some funny - totaling 100 and telling my story.
By the way, I know there are some of you who are lurking around my blog. That is, you read, but you have never left a comment. How about, in celebration of my 100th post, you at least say Hi in the comments and let me know you're out there. Please???

OK, introduction and begging complete. Here we go with my 100 Things!

1. I was born in Lansing, MI, September 22, 1971.
2. I grew up with my mom and dad, two brothers and a sister.
3. We also had a dog.
4. I attended Western Michigan University from 1989-1993.
5. At first, I was a music major with dreams of “making it” on Broadway someday.
6. After nine weeks I started to hate music.
7. I was only a music major for that first semester.
8. During that first semester I met a really cute guy in my dorm.
9. He asked me if I went to church.
10. I said, “Yes.” (Well, I did. I hadn’t since I was at college, but that wasn’t what he asked.)
11. He asked if I’d like to go with him sometime.
12. I thought, “Uh, you’re cute! You want me to go somewhere with you?”
13. I said, “Sure!”
14. I’d always considered myself to be a Christian.
15. This guy talked to me about Jesus.
16. I began to understand I wasn’t a Christian.
17. I needed to confess my sin and ask for Jesus’ forgiveness.
18. I needed to receive the gift of salvation He offers.
19. During my freshman year of college, that’s just what I did.
20. A few months after I graduated from WMU, I married that guy!
21. Now we have three children.
22. One girl and two boys.
23. I don’t understand boys.
24. My kids want a pet dog.
25. I don’t.
26. We’ve settled on mice for now.
27. Mice are small and caged.
28. I can handle that.
29. My daughter is trying to talk me into a rat.
30. I am not ready to go there.
31. I might go for a dog before I buy a rat.
32. Please don’t tell my daughter I just said that!
33. I used to have long hair.
34. I also used to have a whole brain.
35. That all changed in February, 2003 because…
36. When I was 13, on occasion, I started getting a funny feeling and weird pictures in my head.
37. I never said anything about it, because I was afraid people would think I’m weird.
38. When I was 23, I finally mentioned it to my doctor because the episodes were beginning to interrupt my ability to concentrate.
39. Turns out I was having seizures.
40. I started taking anti-convulsants.
41. Tegratol didn’t control the seizures and gave me arthritis.
42. Dilantin didn’t control them and made me very sleepy.
43. Lamictal didn’t bother me, but it didn’t control the seizures.
44. Keppra wasn’t helpful either.
45. After eight years of trying different drugs in various doses, with no success of seizure control, my neurologist recommended brain surgery.
46. I went through lots of testing and monitoring to find the part of my brain from where the seizures originated.
47. One of the tests involved putting one half of my brain “to sleep” at a time, to see how I would function without it.
48. That was kind of cool!
49. Finally, I had electrodes surgically implanted on my brain and was monitored in the hospital for 13 days.
50. I had to have my whole head shaved for the surgery.
51. I had a really bad reaction to the anesthesia.
52. The area around my right eye got really swollen and purple.
53. Looking at the swollenness in the mirror, along with hair stubble along the edge of the bandages, was depressing.
54. In spite of the nausea and things that depressed me, I was encouraged by many prayers, cards, and phone calls from family and friends – and some people I’d never met before.
55. Satisfied he knew where the “problem” was, the surgeon opened me back up and took out a portion of my brain about as big as the tip of your finger.
56. I haven’t missed it.
57. I’m seizure-free now.
58. For awhile, whenever I did something stupid I would say, “Hey, give me a break! I’m missing part of my brain!”
59. That excuse doesn’t work anymore.
60. I have realized the whole ordeal wasn’t about me or my seizures.
61. It was all about God being glorified.
62. I was able to share my faith with, and pray for, a lot of people I wouldn’t have encountered were it not for the tests and hospitalizations through which I had to go.
63. My family and I were able to experience His goodness through the care and love of many, many people who helped us.
64. At a time when I was very depressed, feeling bald and ugly, Jesus met me in a sweet way I’ll never, ever, ever forget.
65. I know I wouldn’t have had that experience with Him if I hadn’t gone through that trial.
66. God has taught me He uses trials in our lives for His good purposes.
67. Struggles with my children are the trials He uses most significantly in my life now.
68. For quite some time, my son told me I was the Meanest Mom in the World.
69. Loving him was hard for me to do.
70. We butted heads over and over. Daily.
71. I usually ended up yelling, and getting mad at myself for it.
72. I wanted to be a good mom, but I felt so frustrated.
73. I was often overwhelmed, wishing I could just run away.
74. Once, I sat in tears and honestly questioned God’s wisdom in giving me children.
75. Then God changed my heart.
76. He gave me the desire to change – to be more like Him.
77. But I kept getting angry and frustrated with my kids.
78. I didn’t understand how I could become more Christ-like while I was dealing with my kids.
79. I thought they were keeping me from becoming the woman I want to be – the woman God wants me to be.
80. Then God opened my eyes.
81. God showed me He uses adversity to shape us.
82. I began to understand God is using my children and my struggles as a mother to make me into the woman He wants me to be.
83. This understanding didn’t make the hard times easier, but it gave me a whole lot of HOPE!
84. I am able to look at my children now with more hope, and less hostility.
85. You can read all about this journey in my book, Confessions of an Irritable Mother.
86. Now I am a speaker for moms groups.
87. I love sharing honestly about my struggles as a mom and the hope God has given me.
88. More than that, I love hearing from other moms how God has used my sharing to give them hope and encouragement.
89. I wish we, as moms, would take our masks off and just be real with each other.
90. I don’t have things all together.
91. I am a broken, imperfect woman.
92. I am desperate.
93. I cannot “do” this mothering thing, or any of life, without God!
94. I know God is good.
95. All the time.
96. I believe He knows perfectly what is necessary in my life to refine me.
97. Though I don’t like going through the hard times,
98. I choose to trust God.
99. I am so glad He loves me.
100. I know He loves you, too!

Tag! I'm it...

Coach J has tagged me for a meme. What fun! I used to hate getting tagged when I was a kid out at recess, but this time I like it.

Here are the rules: Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. You need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!

The tricky thing about this assignment is, I just finished working on my 100 Things, since my 100th post is coming up soon. (This one is number 94.) Since I don't want to give away any of those 100 Things, I've been thinking hard to come up with seven more. Or should this be a preview??? Nah, I'm going to try for unique. Here goes!

* When I was a little girl I used to get up on Saturday mornings, get two pickles out of the refrigerator, wrap them in a paper towel, snuggle in a blanket and watch cartoons as I ate pickles for breakfast. When the pickles were gone, I would just smell the pickle juice left in the paper towel.
Weird, I know. But Coach J said something about pickles in her answers to this meme and it reminded me of my silly little habit.
* I can move my eyes independently of each other. That is, I can keep one looking straight and turn the other in toward my nose, then bring the straight one in and straighten the second.
* When I was a little girl I had a dog named Happy. But we had to have her put to sleep after she got into a fight with a forest critter and started getting mad.
* I can bend my finger at the top knuckle while keeping the bottom knuckle straight. Hmmm, is this turning into a stupid human tricks entry?
* In my lifetime I have broken my left middle finger, my right elbow, and my left knee. And as a result of various accidents and one surgery I have had somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 stitches in my head.
* Oh, this is a fun fact. It's one I often use when I play the get-to-know-ya game called Two Truths and a Lie. I have performed on the same stage as Barry Manilow. Really. I have. The truer truth is that we performed on the same stage at two totally different times.
* As a young adult, my dream used to be to "make it" on Broadway someday. Now I just want to live and glorify God on the narrow way!

Awww, that's seven already. I was just getting on a roll. Well, there's more to come in a week or so when I make it to my 100th post. Thanks, Coach J, for giving me such a great opportunity to promote my 100 Things. *wink*

In the mean time, I want to tag MomTeacherFriend, Heather, Karen, Ann, Melissa, Elizabeth, and Jen. Have fun, ladies. And let me know if you decide to play so I can come and see what you have to say!

Who's In Control Around Here???

Shane at Heart Reflections is beginning a blog carnival called What's on Your Mind '09?. It is designed to challenge writers and encourage conversation, as we will be discussing various topics from week to week. And the question for today has really had me thinking.

How much of your life is in control by God and how much are you in control?

Now, there's the easy Christian answer - God is in control of everything and He will work out all the details perfectly.

God scores 100% control.

Then there's the I'm-a-selfish-control-freak answer - God can do what He will do. He can set things up to work out perfectly. But I have the freedom to choose what I will do, and He can't make me do a single thing.

Aha! Karen scores 100% control.

Anyone else see a problem with this equation?
God's 100% + Karen's 100% = Conflict 100%

One hundred percent conflict. That's really how it could be.
*God can open doors, but I can refuse to go through them.
*He can close doors, but I can spend all my time and energy trying to figure out how to open them myself.
*God's Spirit can prompt me to do and say things, but I can ignore these tugs on my heart and go about my (selfish) merry way.
*God can speak to me through His Word and clearly show me how I am to live but, again, I have the freedom and ability to walk in the opposite direction.

How do I know this equation so well?

Because I have lived it.

And in the living, I have also learned. I have learned God does know what He's doing, and His ways are best. Always.
Through exercising my own will contrary to God's, I have discovered what it means to live without peace.
God has used this state of 100% conflict to teach me about His patience and graciousness and unconditional love - as He has repeatedly demonstrated lessons for me, picked me up when I have fallen, and welcomed me back into His control no matter how far I've wandered.
But the best thing I have learned is how God and I can both be in control - without the conflict. I know His way is always best so I choose to submit my 100% to His. That is, I take the control I have and ask God how He wants me to exercise it. The submitting is rarely easy - I mean, I want what I want! - but it always results in peace, and it is always the best choice. Always.

So the answer to the question, Who's in control around here? That would be God. By design and by choice.

If you'd like to read others' thoughts on this control issue, pay Shane a visit!
**********************************************************************
Oh.my.word. It took me sooooo long to write this post, as God gave me opportunity upon opportunity to submit to His control. Some would simply call it a very long series of interruptions, but I have the keen sense God was speaking to my heart and asking me to say "No" to myself and "Yes" to others.
At any rate, I'm glad I got an early start on this post so I had the chance to complete it, and I pray God will bless you through the thoughts I've shared.

Ten Years Ago Today

Hmmmm. I wrote about it in my 100 Things post. (Was that really 1255 posts ago???) Other than that blurb, I don't think I've talked much about it here.

But today marks the 10-year anniversary, so I'm thinking about it. And I feel like talking.

Ten years ago today I had brain surgery to remove a little portion of my brain which had been causing me to have seizures for about 18 years. Go ahead and read my 100 Things if you'd like more details. I don't need to re-hash them here.
Just want to reflect for a moment on the goodness and faithfulness of God!

The past 10 years saw me grow in the LORD, and my understanding of how HE is working in my life through my trials and struggles. This decade was the beginning of my speaking/writing/blogging thing. It was the time when light was shed on my sons' attention difficulties, and the ensuing years of struggle - turned growth. It was during this time period when I learned my own struggle had a name: depression. And it has been these past years when I have seen God taking me through that trial, as well.
The past 10 years have had wonderful highs and difficult lows, but God has been faithful at every turn.

I remember laying in recovery ten years ago today, having a HORRIBLE response to the anesthesia, actually asking God to take me right out of my body - because that's how terrible I felt. I'm glad HE made me hang in there through the pain. The past 10 years have been so worth it!

Have you ever taken the time to consider God's faithfulness over a span of something like 10 years?

My babies love me!

So, how was your Mother's Day? We didn't do anything "special" around my house. In fact, I spent part of my Mother's Day afternoon cleaning and painting the ceiling at a rental house we own. No breakfast in bed. No spa treatments. No dinner out at a nice restaurant. But I know my family loves me. Know how? Check out the Mother's Day card Matthew made for me...Joshua and Elizabeth made me cards in Sunday school, too.
I thought Matthew's creation was absolutely charming. I suppose his teacher instructed the kids to think about their mom and write down words that describe her. In case you can't read it, I'll tell you what it says - in first grader spelling.

Mother
Loveing so much
author
good looking
fun
intelingint
helpful
nise hare
good mom
mom

The comment that really gets me is the one about nice hair. As I mentioned in my 100 Things post, I had to have all my hair shaved off in February, 2003 for brain surgery. Matthew was two and a half years old at the time and loved my long hair. When I would hold him, he would often bury his face in my hair and was constantly running his fingers through it. Matthew's attachment to my locks made me extra sad to have them shaved off.
However, a month or so after surgery when my hair was about half an inch long, Matthew started running his hand all the way around my head saying, "I like yous (rhymes with "shoes") all gone hair." I had originally planned to grow it long again, but short hair is so much easier, so this is how it's staying. Every now and then Matthew asks me, "Do you remember when you had long hair?" I thought maybe he missed it. Now I'm glad to know he thinks it's nise.
You can't see it in the picture, but Matthew also wrote, "I love you," and "XOXOXOXO" on his card for me. Elizabeth and Joshua's cards were also decorated with those sentiments. And the enthusiasm with which they gave me these greetings assures me of their sincerity. I know my kids love me.

I was talking with another mom the other day about how much it hurts when our kids tell us they hate us. Her child has been saying that to her quite a bit lately. I shared with her about the times my kids have said the same to me, and how much it hurt the day Joshua took the time to find paper and pencil so he could write it all down for me in a note. But I reminded this mom, our kids don't really hate us. When they say they do, what they really mean is they're mad at us or they don't like what we're telling them to do. (Or not do, as the case maybe.) When our kids are calm and thinking reasonably, they know they love us. I have the cards to prove it!!!
And I belive I'll hold on to them to read again on the days when my kids are upset, and saying things to the contrary.

Time Travel Tuesday ~ "Eighteen" edition

Annie asked for input regarding which age we wanted to visit during our Time Travel Tuesdays. I enthusiastically voted for eighteen.
I turned eighteen on September 22, 1989, just a few weeks into my freshman year at Western Michigan University. The first thing I did as an "adult", (because now I could) is I went out and got my left ear triple peirced. I had to wait for the first peircing until I was eleven. I secretly double peirced my left ear at my friend's house when I was thirteen. Now, at eighteen, I went right to the mall and got it done without a note from my mom giving me permission. I'm such a rebel!
But things were soon to change.
If you read my 100 Things post, you already got a glimpse into what happened when I was eighteen. I was living in the dorms at WMU, thinking mostly about music and guys. Fortuantely for me, God was thinking about me and while I was pursuing good times, He was pursuing me. And He knew just how to do it. Through a good looking guy!
I met Brian in my dorm. (Actually he was on my hall council committee. Brian picked my committee because he thought I was cute! I love it when he tells that story. *grin*) When Brian was working at the reception desk, I often stopped to talk with him. After awhile I began to be interested in him.
As time went on, Brian asked me if I went to church. I had grown up going to church, so I answered, "Yes." Then he asked if I'd like to go with him sometime. What could I say? Of course I wanted to go anywhere with this guy!
I was in a vocal jazz group at Western and we had our first concert coming up, so I invited Brian to attend. We went to a hockey game together. I slyly figured out a way to get him to take me shopping for decorations we needed for a hall council activity. Spending time with Brian was tons of fun. I believed I was starting to fall in love. But then Brian led me to a greater love!
He was always talking about Jesus and reading the Bible. Although I had been raised going to church and assumed that meant I was a Christian, spending time talking with and listening to Brian made me understand I was not a Christian. I believed Jesus was God, that He was sinless, that He died on the cross to pay the price for the sin of the world, and that He rose from the dead and ascended to heaven. That's what I had learned all those years in church! I knew it, so I figured I was covered.
Through Brian's witness, I understood just knowing the facts - even believing them - wasn't enough. I needed to make a personal response to what He did. I needed to move from believing Jesus paid the price for the world's sin to confessing and asking forgiveness for my sin.
So the biggest event of my eighteenth year - No. Of my whole life. - was accepting Jesus as my Savior and entering into an eternal relationship with Him. Best decision I have ever made!!!!!
And here, for your viewing pleasure is a picture of Brian and I, probably taken not too long after I made that decision.

Come, LORD

That short phrase keeps rolling off my tongue.
Keeps flowing from my heart.
Come, LORD.
Come closer!
We need You!!!

Oh, the need is everywhere. It screams at me wherever I look!
We are in desperate need of healing - spiritual, racial, relational, physical... It keeps going and growing, and my heart aches for God. For His move in our world.
Because all I'm seeing is brokenness.
And HE is the only One I know who can bring wholeness.
I am certain you're seeing it, too, right? The battle between political parties, the racial tension, the fight over how/what history is to be taught, arguments over what history is actually correct, opposition regarding people and policies, and anger towards individuals who will - or will not - wear a mask. In tweets, Facebook posts, television "news" reports, and any of a plethora of online formats it seems everyone is contributing to the clash and deepening the divide between brothers and sisters in these United States.
And it's got to stop. The hostility MUST stop.
We cannot survive - as a nation, or as individuals - like this.

But how? How can we make the changes which are necessary to make in order to heal from our past, and go forward to a healthy future?
It seems impossible.
Because each member in the quarrel believes he/she is 100% correct and their opponent is 100% wrong. And it seems nobody is willing to entertain an idea which has come from the "other side" because, heaven forbid anyone should do anything which resembles compromise or submission.

So we're left at an impasse. Everyone knowing something's gotta give.
But no one willing to give.

And I find myself on my knees, even on my face, begging God to come and heal our land.
No. Our hearts.
We need a transformation of hearts in our land. Because no amount of land-physical-COVID-or-otherwise healing is going to do any good until our hearts have been renewed.
Oh, I want to understand the issues. I'm trying interpret the stories and decipher the positions, feelings, and biases. And I have come across some helpful things. God has allowed my eyes to be opened to perceptions I have not seen before. And I am so thankful!
But while all these things are transpiring in my mind, as I take in the brokenness around me I remain convinced our only hope is a miraculouse work and move of God in our collective hearts.
And so I continue calling.

Come, LORD.

COME!!!

I'm Liking this Prescription

A couple of months ago I started getting occasional pains in my head and some odd pressure. I mentioned it to my doctor at my annual check up. She noticed some tension in my neck and shoulder and wondered if that may be the cause. I was supposed to let her know in a week if it was still bothering me. Well, I eventually did make another appointment with her about it.
At this second appointment she was really shocked by the tension in my neck and shoulder. She stood me in front of the mirror and showed me that I'm actually *lopsided*. How is it I never noticed that? No matter. That isn't important.
What I like about this situation is the prescription she gave me...Physical therapy! I went today for my second session and guess what my PT consists of??? First I lay down with a heating pad on my shoulders for, oh, I'm guessing five to ten minutes. Then the therapist comes in and massages my neck and shoulders for about the same amount of time. Then I flip over on my back and he pulls and pushes my neck and shoulders in various directions to stretch the muscles. Finally I do some exercises he has shown me and a little work with weights. And I leave feeling sooooo relaxed.
Today my therapist said he can already see a slight improvement. He also mentioned that in his eighteen years as a physical therapist he's never seen someone as messed up as me. OK, those weren't his exact words, but I think that's what he meant.
Anyway, I'm not sure if my lopsided shoulder is the cause of my head stuff, but I sure like this physical therapy business. I'm wondering, can I fake not improving just so I can keep doing therapy three times a week???

By the way...This entry is my 99th post. That means, tomorrow I'm posting my 100 Things. I've had fun writing tomorrow's post and I hope you'll come back to read it.

Some Reading While I Rest

I had a great retreat last week, and am thankful for a time to rest.

But it occurred to me I could leave you with some reading while I rest from blogging. I made a quick visit to my archives to bring up some of my favorite posts for you this week.

Monday: This is Hard - One of my first video devotions, from November 30, 2008.
Tuesday: 100 Things - Not so random facts about me, from May 11, 2007.
Wednesday: I Forgot! - In retrospect, this should have been my first clue about Matthew's attention difficulties, from May 16, 2007.
Thursday: Bath Time - Makes me laugh remembering this event, from January 22, 2009
Friday: This Week's WORD - A good thought with which to end the week! From May 8, 2009.

Is More Better?

Brian and I have a long-standing joke between us.

Standing for approximately 23 1/2 years, that is.

If I am ever running late with dinner, or we have a last minute need to rush things - he encourages me to turn the heat up a hundred, or so, degrees.
Want those muffins ready in five minutes? Turn the oven up to 450!
Need that roast done in half an hour? Crank it up to 500!
It's a joke now, but in the beginning my man really thought things would cook faster (and adequately) if you just increased the heat. Not sure how it happened, but one day he realized when it comes to baking - time and temperature are a science, not a math problem.
And when that happened? I thought I was done with the silliness.

Until last week - when I discovered my son suffers the same affliction.

He was being helpful as I was getting clothes out of the dryer, by putting the next load in the washer for me. I was delighted in one moment, flabbergasted in the next. Because I watched my 19-year-old son - who has been doing laundry for several years - dump two cups of detergent into the washing machine. (I might be exaggerating a little.) My jaw dropped as I witnessed him pour detergent directly from the bottle into the machine - around and around. Never mind measuring the necessary amount in the handy measuring cup, i.e.LID - he just poured it out. And I do mean POURED.
I'm all, "Whoa, there, son! That's too much!"
And he's all, "What??!! This is what I always do." I believe I then heard him mumble something about the clothes getting really clean. (And I might have mumbled something about hoping the machine didn't overflow with suds.)
Not long after that episode, the same son was boiling dried-out corn with the goal of softening it up so he could use it for fish bait. (The lengths he goes to for his fishing habit...) He'd been doing this for a couple days (Got 100 lbs. of said corn at the animal supply store, and wanted to make lots of bait.) and wasn't happy with the fact that it took a over two hours for the corn to get soft. As I was coaching him to turn the flame down once it reached a solid boil - to put the lid on it and let it simmer - he insisted that he needed to keep it at a rolling boil.
Because he thought it would cook faster that way.
My attempts to convince him that boiling water is the same temperature as simmering water, that I have been cooking things with simmering water for longer than he's been alive, that fast-moving 212-degree water is no more effective than slower-moving 212 degree water - fell short. He just continued adding water to the huge pot of corn whose liquid kept boiling away.
And I?
I shook my head in wonder, and tried to understand why the male species seems to always believe that more is better.

Touched by an Angel

Ahhhh, what a beautiful greeting Angel gave me this week!

As I walked into the house, I could see Angel sitting in her recliner waving her arms with a great big smile on her face. I walked into her room and said, "Well, hello, Sunshine!!!" (Although I call her "Angel" here, in person I usually address her as "Sunshine".) And her smile grew.
Oh, and what a beautiful smile it is. I marvel each time I see her, that she's been doing whatever she's doing - smiling, singing, praying, and otherwise - for over 100 years. (One hundred years, seven months, and four days, to be exact.)
Even though Angel most likely doesn't know who I am, even though she's probably smiling only because her son told her "somebody" is coming to see her, even though she doesn't remember our previous visits, Angel's warm smile and the love she exudes are genuine - and they bless my heart. What a joy it is to sit with a woman who has been on this earth for more than a century and to talk with her about our God who is timeless.
I told Angel a testimony of God's faithfulness which had just occurred in my friend's life. And we rejoiced together over His goodness.
I enlisted her help in choosing Christmas carols to sing during a church service I'm leading this coming weekend at an assisted living facility where I used to work. And we sang a little bit.
I shared my favorite Bible verse with her. And we thanked God for His love.
And I did things which seemed less meaningful - like wiping her mouth when "stuff" was on her lips, and holding her Boost up for her when she wanted a drink, because her arms were too weak. Yet I realized somehow those actions were just as important and communicated just as much love as anything else I could do for Angel.
Thus my time with Angel reinforced my understanding of the value of anonymity and serventhood.
That is, I am not really "known" to her, and I often do "little" things.
But it is done in love, for the glory of God - so it matters.
And in the midst of it all, HE always sees fit to touch me through her.

What simple acts of service can you do (behind the scenes?) this weekend to bless somebody?

Lessons From the Edge

Joy can be found in the mundane.

Do you enjoy weeding? How about fixing broken down-spouts? Picking up trash?
Yeah. They aren't on my list of 'Fun things to do', either.
But over the past couple of weeks, I have been delighted to watch a certain man at Edgewood finding joy in those exact activities.

E is a great guy. Will talk your ear off if you let him! And in recent days he has busied himself doing all these tasks outside.
Nearly every day, he comes into the Activity Room and gives me the latest report on the things he's done. With a great big smile on his face. And I walk to the window with him so he can point out his progress.
I think it's great that E is doing these little beautification projects, but the joy he radiates is 100 times more beautiful.

So, tomorrow when I'm doing yard work I believe I will think of E and smile. Because, joy can be found in the mundane.

Wii!!!

Have I told you before that I am married to Mr. Wonderful? Well, I am. And if this post doesn't prove it, I don't know what will. *big grin*
Several months ago we received a cash gift and at that time Brian and I decided we wanted to use part of it to buy a Wii game system for the kids for Christmas.
A couple of times I asked the kids (to be sure it wouldn't be a waste of money) if they would like it if we ever got a Wii. Their response was always along the lines of, "Oh, yes, Mom! But we can't get one. They're too expensive." I would just nod and say, OK.
Well the time came to purchase said system and we couldn't find one in stock anywhere. Finally, Brian spoke with someone at Best Buy who told him there would be 100 systems available on a Sunday morning. The word on the street was people were going to start lining up at 4:00 a.m. Brian asked what "we" should do and I replied, of course, "he" should go for it. He debated about it, but when we went to bed Saturday night he told me to set the alarm for 4:00. He did tell me I could change my mind at anytime and go in his stead, and that would be OK with him.
See? Isn't he wonderful?
When the alarm sounded, Brian asked if I'd changed my mind. I think I laughed and turned off the alarm. So he arose and went out on the very cold morning to get in line at Best Buy.
As I laid in my warm, cozy bed I thought of my wonderful husband and thanked God for him. And much later, as I stood in my hot shower, I imagined Brian out in the cold and thought again of how wonderful he is.
Finally, shortly after 8:00 the phone rang. It was Brian and I asked him, "Did you get one?" He told me he was in line to check out with the Wii and I gave a quiet cheer. Then he said, "Yeah, but the people who got here at 7:30 also got one. *sigh*"
I tried to console Brian by saying, "But it makes you more wonderful that you got up at 4:00 to get it for the kids!" I'm not sure he was convinced...
If my words didn't make him feel wonderful, then the kids' reaction when they opened it up on Christmas sure did. Check this out!It was such a thrill for me to see how excited the kids were with this gift. The next morning I was laying in bed and could hear them talking. Joshua said, "I still can't believe we really go a Wii!" Matthew added, "Yeah. That is so cool!"
But that was only the beginning of the fun.We got Dance Dance Revolution/Hottest Party and have all been enjoying it. Our neighbor kids have been getting into it, too, especially now that we got a second dance pad. You can compete with each other for the highest score, or work together to achieve higher scores. Elizabeth and I have earned "Double A" twice. Granted, we got that score on "Beginner," but we were excited anyway!

When I am not dancing, I get the biggest kick out of watching Brian play Tanks. Joshua had previously enjoyed playing this particular game at his friend's house, and considered himself to be quite skilled at it. Well, shooting at things and blowing them up is great fun for boys, and I can see Mr. Wonderful still has a lot of boy in him! He has put in a good amount of practice time, and the kids think he is wonderful!
Joshua was expressing how impressed he is with Brian's success at Tanks and Brian said, "Well, what do you think I do after you go to bed? I sit here and play!" Joshua looked at me as if to say, Really, Mom? Does he play this when I'm in bed? I just smiled and shook my head. But I think he's still suspicious.
Here he is playing, while the kids look on in amazement. It's so fun to hear them say, "Dad, will you play Tanks with me?" They love getting to the higher levels that Brian helps them achieve.

Tonight Joshua and I played it together. I don't think we made it past level five...Guess I need to put in some more practice time! LOL

If someone had told me a game system could bring so much fun family time, I would have seriously doubted them. But we have enjoyed playing together so much on the Wii. I think this is the best gift ever!

I'm even seeing how it will help me stay in touch with the kids, but I'll share about that later.

Touched by an Angel

I got to see Angel again this week.
And this time she stayed awake during my entire visit. *smile*

We sang together, I told her about what I just finished studying in Ephesians, and we talked a little bit about spiritual warfare. Angel isn't verbal enough to tell me stories about her life, and about the warfare she waged as a mother of several children. But she was able to communicate that she did spend time praying for her babies. And the way she joins me in prayer with, "Yes, Lord." and "Mm-hmm" and "Amen" gives me a hint of the passion she must have expressed when she prayed.
It's beautiful to imagine Angel on her knees, crying out to God on behalf of her children.

When it seemed she needed a break from trying to converse, I got the Connect Four game her son had set out for us. Saint and I had spoken about "playing" this game before, and I understood that Angel no longer has the cognitive abilities to actually strategize and follow rules. So I just handed her chips and we took turns dropping them into the slots. Sometimes Angel needed help steadying and lifting her hand to the top of the board, though once she made it that far she was able to drop the chip into play. And she actually connected four before I did in all three of our contests! *wink*
But when that third game was over, Angel said her arm was getting sore - so we suspended play and she put her arm back under her blanket to rest.
And I wondered to myself how many things that hand/arm combination has done over the past 100 years.
*How many hugs has it given to scared or hurting children?
*How many sheets and towels and sweaters and trousers has it folded?
*How many times has it comforted a tired husband?
*How many beds has it made?
*How many dinners has it prepared?
*How many neighbors has it greeted?
*How many prayers has it lifted up to heaven?
And I thought, Yes, sweet Angel. Rest your arm.
Because when a body has been at work for over a hundred years, I guess it ought to be able to rest any time it wants to!

The Difference Between Need and Want...

...is $3.

Matthew approached me recently - very sweetly - and asked if I would buy him something from his book order. (Not just 'something,' actually. He wanted a specific book. The next release in a new series to which he has taken a liking.)
While I am absolutely delighted with Matthew's love for reading, I am also a big believer in utilizing the library. He reads and reads, and if I were to buy every book he wanted - well - I couldn't. Not enough money!
Anyway, I asked him about getting the book from the library. He placed a phone call and learned the library doesn't have the book yet. And Matthew didn't want to wait for it. He said he needed a book right away because he finished the last one he was reading, and he's supposed to read 100 pages per week for his language arts class, so he really needed me to buy this book for him, because - clearly - he couldn't get it from the library. Not sure he comprehended the fact that a book from the book order would take a couple weeks to come in. Wasn't feeling the need to argue that point. *wink*
The book he wanted was $12, and I asked Matthew how much he would be willing to contribute toward the purchase of said book. (I know he has money!) He shrugged his shoulders and offered $3. When I smirked at his not-so-generous suggestion, Matthew reminded me that he really needed the book. I said I'd think about it.

Fast-forward approximately 36 hours.
Although I didn't understand why Matthew couldn't wait for the library to get the book (OK. I understand not wanting to wait. Believe me. I understand that! I just mean, he could certainly pick another book to read in the interim.) I decided I would help him get the book. Except, my counter-offer was $6. When he was getting his things ready for school in the morning I got $6 and said, "Here, Matthew. I have $6 you can use to get that book you need. You'll have to contribute the other $6."
His reply? "Oh, I don't want to buy it anymore."

So there you have it. For $3 the book was a need, but for $6 it was a want.
An unwanted-want, that is! *wink*

Ker-plunk!

If ever I thought something would bring the world to an end, this was it.

Joshua walked into the house one day last week in tears. I asked what was wrong but I couldn't understand what he was saying. So I asked again. And I couldn't believe what I heard.

Joshua had dropped his phone into a pond while he was fishing.
He didn't mean to. He was just putting it into his pocket and thought it was safe, but the phone slipped out, fell onto the dock and quickly slid right into the water. And he was devastated.
To fully appreciate this boy's devastation, you need to understand how precious that phone was to him. He'd kept notes on it of all his fishing catches - kinds, lengths, and weights. He had pictures of all the fish he has caught. He had "over 100" contacts. And now it was gone. All gone. Sitting in the bottom of a mucky pond.
Though he tried twice to retrieve it with various nets, there was no way that phone was going to be recovered.

The poor kid couldn't bring himself to eat dinner. He was absolutely beside himself. And I was torn with how to respond.
On the one hand, I wanted to convince him the world was NOT going to end. I wanted to rush in and comfort him and remind him everything was going to be OK. But I knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear at the moment. Joshua seemed to want to just be alone, and though leaving him alone went completely against my nature, I knew that was the thing to do. I just hoped by leaving him alone I wasn't communicating that I didn't care. *sigh*

As the evening progressed Joshua began to calm down. The three of us (Brian, Joshua and I) made a plan for how he could get a new phone. And by the time I was saying good-night to him, Joshua was able to say that he wasn't as upset as he had originally been. At that point we were able to talk about the reality that a cell phone in the bottom of a pond does not equate to the end of the world. Joshua had utilized the time alone to reason on his own, and to come to his own conclusion that life would go on.
He didn't need me to tell him.
He didn't need me to swoop in and save the day.
He simply needed that space to think things through.
And though I had been a reluctant observer, in the end I sure was glad I'd given him space.

Argh. There is no end to the learning curve of motherhood, is there!?

What Am I Worth?

I enjoy many things at the beginning of a new year.

Doing taxes is NOT one of them. *ahem*

And because my husband likes to be on top of them (i.e. As soon as tax documents start coming in the mail, he's entering information into the computer.) he asks for my ministry tax information early.
So, guess what I was doing Sunday evening.

*insert agonizing groan*

I try to keep good records, and I use the previous year's worksheets as a reference - so the process, itself, isn't too big of a deal. The part I don't like is the inevitable battle which takes place in my heart and mind over the question, What am I worth?
Because the course of doing taxes requires that I add up my income and expenses.
And once that is done, it's pretty easy to do the math to answer the question, How much did I make?
Which translates to, What was my contribution to the family?
Which unnecessarily (yet persistently) leads to, What am I worth?
And the reason I so dislike answering that question while preparing my taxes is because, Sunday night the answer would have been, "Pretty close to nothing."

Now, I've been through this cycle before. Jesus has picked me up in previous tax-years when answering those questions brought me low. I know my worth comes from Christ, alone. And nothing is greater than the price of HIS life, which He was willing to pay for me.
But Sunday evening as I was crunching numbers, HE showed me something new. That is, while my income and expenses were almost the same amount, nearly half of my "expenses" were in the category of "Charitable Giving". And 85% of that category went to the support of my little Compassion girl in Ecuador. (I remember when I decided to become a Compassion sponsor those many years ago telling God, I'm going to trust You to provide for this sponsorship through my speaking, and book sales.)
As I looked at the numbers Sunday night, tempted to evaluate myself as not being worth much, God's Spirit prompted me to ask a different question.

How faithful is God?

Looking at the numbers, the answer was so easy to see: HE provided precisely what was necessary to meet my needs (and those of my sweet Noemi).
So, how faithful is God???

100%.