God's Signature

More and more I am becoming convinced God has a special thing with me and the number eleven, eleven. If you don't know the story behind it, please click over to this post and read about it.
A couple of weeks ago when I met Sue from Praise and Coffee we had lunch together. She didn't have her glasses and when our checks came she held hers up and asked me to tell her what it came to. It was $11.11. I chuckled, prayed for Brian, and told Sue the story of eleven eleven.
Last week I emailed a friend from small group and she replied (knowing the significance of that number), "Cute how you sent that email at 11:11." I didn't. Her computer was an hour off, but she saw the number and emailed it to me. So, of course, I prayed for Brian again.
Recently I was in the van with the kids, and Matthew piped up, "Mom, you might want to look at the clock." I thought, What for? We aren't on a schedule. We aren't late for anything. But I looked and saw it was 11:11.
This morning I was driving and glanced at the clock at 11:11 without anyone prompting me. (Well, I guess God prompted me.)
And just moments ago I was transferring files of a couple pictures onto my computer. I waited for the transfer to take place and looked at the bottom of the screen where I saw, "Taken 02/07/08 11:11 AM." So I am thanking God for my hubby and praying He will guide him through this day.

These events are fun to think of, but what happened Sunday just tickles me. God treated us to pizza!

We went to Pizza Hut for dinner to celebrate the boys' reading accomplishments with their BookIt certificates. (That's Pizza Hut's reading incentive program. A free personal pan pizza when you reach your monthly reading goal.) We placed our order and waited. And waited. The kids complained it was taking awhile, but I really hadn't noticed.
Eventually, our waiter came and told us he had forgotten to turn in our order so we were going to be getting a 50% discount off of our bill. When he left I smiled at the kids and said, "Well, that's a nice gift from God, isn't it?"

No one will be able to convince me it wasn't a gift from God.

When our bill arrived I turned it over and started to laugh. Do you know what our discount was?
$11.11!
I showed it to Brian and he said, "God's signature!" Yeah, that combined with the BookIt certificates made our total bill come to $4.37. Not bad for dinner for a family of five. Thanks, God!

I love that concept of God's signature. It seems He is using that number to remind me of His hand at work, like a secret code between us. Though I guess it isn't so secret anymore. *grin*
May I encourage you today to keep your eyes open to the ways God is working around you and communicating His love? What a delight it is to sense His presence. Seek Him today, my friend!

Where Are You Looking?

I recently told you about a talk I am giving for a Mother's Day Luncheon next month. The point I shared was about brokenness, and how Jesus uses brokenness to make us enough. As I was spending time refining the talk this weekend, I decided I wanted to share another point with you.

Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves.
Mark 6:41a

I wonder how many times I have heard or read this account and missed what Jesus did between the taking and the breaking. Did you see where He looked?
Jesus looked to heaven - to His Father.
Oh, He has so much to teach me! I don't know about you, but when I am in the middle of an impossible situation (And wouldn't you agree feeding 5,000+ people with only five loaves of bread and two fish seems like an impossible situation?) my first reaction is to look at the circumstances and become overwhelmed. I look around at everything that needs to be done. I consider the greatness of the task and the smallness of me. The more I look at the situation, the more I get overwhelmed, and the less I think I'm going to make it through.
What if Jesus had looked around? What if He had focused on the thousands of people and the inadequate amount of food to satisfy them? What if He had agreed with His disciples that the situation was impossible, and sent them all away to get their own food?
But He didn't.
Jesus looked up.
Rather than dwelling on the situation, Jesus looked to His Father and gave thanks. He knew His Father. He knew God had the power to feed the people. And Jesus knew He just needed to look to Him.

It has taken me awhile, but I am learning to look up more often than around. I'm learning to focus my attention on my Father - Who can handle my situation, rather than on my situation - which can only frustrate me.
Psalm 91:1 says, He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Yes, I am learning to dwell with Him and, truly, there is rest.

I know there are many who are facing impossible situations today. If you are one of those, may I ask you where you are looking?
Please follow Jesus' example and look up. Your Heavenly Father loves you and He can handle your impossible situation.

We Made It!

While I am quite sure every hour today lasted only 60 minutes, and each minute lasted only 60 seconds, there was one hour which seemed like a lifetime to me. In the midst of it, I wasn't sure if either Joshua or I would come out intact. At one point I wanted to pinch his head off, and at another time I thought I might pull out all my hair.
Joshua came home from school with an assignment which is due tomorrow, and a desire to do it right away so he could play with a particular friend. He got to work rather quickly, but the assignment was not going to be completed with as much speed. In fact, it required time and significant effort - neither of which Joshua wanted to give.
In his rush, he made some careless mistakes and became angry when I told him about the corrections he needed to make. I will spare you the details - partly because I really don't want to re-live them. Let's just say, it wasn't pretty. I honestly haven't seen Joshua that angry and upset in a very long time.
So there I was, trying to get dinner ready. Trying to help my frustrated, furious son with his report. Trying to answer my daughter's questions. Trying not to totally lose my temper and start yelling back.
I prayed, Lord, I know You are with me. I know You are here right now. Father, please help me through this moment. Please help me, Lord. I need You! And I breathed deeply.
Oh, I did a lot of deep breathing.
And I shed a few tears.

In spite of fits and yelling and crumbling paper, Joshua finally finished his assignment. In fact, once he managed to regain his self-control he completed the work rather quickly.
When he was finished I called for him to come into the kitchen with me. I hugged him and said, "We had a pretty rough time there, didn't we? But we made it through. I love you, Joshua." After how angry Joshua was with me and how frustrated I was with him, I felt it was important for us to reconcile and for me to remind him of my love. (I say this not so I will get comments about what a "good" mom I am - my level of frustration with Joshua today would clearly disqualify me from "good" mom status - but because the reconciliation was sweet, and I always want to encourage this in relationships.)
In the midst of the storm this afternoon, I honestly didn't know how we were going to make it through. But we made it. We really made it!

God is still in the business of performing miracles. *grin*

5K? No Way!...Well, Maybe

When I was in the eighth grade I was on the track team. I ran the mile and sometimes the mile relay, and I didn't like either one of them.
In fact, I didn't like running at all.
Still don't.
So can someone please tell me what is going on in my head right now???

Perhaps a little background will help.
As you may know, I have been working out with a personal trainer at my husband's studio for several months now. I have absolutely loved working out this way. (Even though it has meant getting up at 5:35 a.m.!) Though I have hardly lost any weight, my body has changed and I am definitely stronger than I was in November. Well, Jessica is getting ready to graduate and has cut way back on her hours. Since I am not a "paying client" that means I am not working out until Brian hires a replacement.
Not wanting to lose progress, I decided I would start a running regimen until said replacement is hired. We have a half-mile path near our house, so Monday morning I got up and ran that path three times. This morning I ran it four times. (And came home and did 22 unmodified push-ups!)
When I told Brian I ran the path four times, he asked me if I was going to start training for a 5K run.

I laughed.

But now I'm thinking, I don't know. Maybe I could do that.

Someone needs to save me. Quick! (OK, not Save me. Jesus already did that!) I cannot let myself turn into a r-r-r-runner. I hate running. What am I doing???

I know. I'm praying Brian's next interview with a potential trainer goes really well so I can be free of this madness. LOL

Seriously - Are you a runner? Ever trained for a long-distance event? Any tips to steer me toward or away from pursuing this crazy idea???

Every One Was Fulfilled

If you've been reading here for awhile, you are probably aware I am in the midst of a read-thru-the-Bible-in-one-year program. (And loving it!!!)

So, the other day I didn't do my daily reading, which meant I had to double up the next day. Usually that wouldn't be so bad, but at this point in time it meant I was reading six chapters which were detailing how the promised land was being split up among the tribes of Israel.

And I do mean detailing.

As in: the names of the tribes and clans; the northern, eastern, southern, and western borders; the names of all the cities within those borders; and the numbers of towns (and their pasture lands!) given to each clan.

As I read, I couldn't help but wonder why it was necessary for all this detail to be recorded in the Word of God. Maybe it would be interesting to a geography buff, but I wondered, What does this have to do with me, Lord? I trust You have a good reason for everything contained in this Book, but I am just not getting it today.

Patience, dear one. You'll see.

It wasn't until the very last verse in that day's reading, but I surely did see.

Not one of all the Lord's good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one of them was fulfilled.
Joshua 21:45

Not one of the Lord's good promises failed! And if you have any doubts, just look back over chapters 13-21.
The Reubenites got their land east of the Jordan.
Hebron went to Caleb.
Judah's eastern boundary was the Salt Sea, and the western boundary was the coastline of the Great Sea.
Beth Anath and Beth Shemesh went to Naphtali.
Joshua got the town he asked for - Timnath Serah in the hill country of Ephraim.
And everyone gave up some space for the Levites, just as the Lord had commanded through Moses.
It was as if God were saying to me, I put all these details in here because I wanted you to see that not one of all My good promises failed; every one was fulfilled.

This revelation was so compelling to me, I felt like I was thinking about it all day long. I carried Joshua 21:45 in my pocket (In fact, I still am!) and kept repeating to myself, Not one of all the Lord's good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled.
I felt like God was telling me to pay attention to the details and to see how He is keeping His good promises. It occurred to me that taking time to wade through the details - though it can be mundane - allows me to see God at work.

And now I'll turn it over to you, my friend. Have you been getting tired of the details? Are you wishing God would hurry up and get to the good part? Take courage in knowing not one of the Lord's good promises will fail; every one will be fulfilled.

To "Burnt Out Mom"

Dear Burnt Out Mom,
You visited this blog last night and poured your heart out in the comment section. You told me about the hard times you are going through right now and asked me to email you. I have been praying for you today and I would love to email you, too, but I do not have your email address.
I am praying you will come by here again and see this note to you. Please email me (Just click on "View my complete profile" to the right.) and I will be happy to reply to you.
For the rest of you reading, please pray that this dear woman sees this post!

Blogger Meeting

Guess what I did today???
Besides speaking for another group of precious mothers at a MOPS meeting, I got to meet Sue from Praise and Coffee! Sue and I have been corresponding for quite awhile, trying to find a time when she could come and hear me speak. Today, it worked out. *grin*
After the MOPS meeting we had lunch together. We talked about kids and mothering, blogging and writing, church and faith. I have enjoyed Sue's blog for quite some time and had no doubt I would enjoy her in person, too. I didn't realize, though, that I would feel like I was seeing an old friend as opposed to someone I have only "virtually" met before.
What a treat for me today!

Mean Mom Gets Soft

Help! I don't know what has happened to me!
This morning I made it over to Home Depot to purchase more yard waste bags so the kids and I could finish bagging up the piles that are laying on the grass. I fully intended to force ask the kids to help me, because I am a Mean Mom, you know. But something strange happened.
The kids were already outside (Eager beavers, don't you think?) but when I went out I found they were engaged in a game. I was watching a friend's kids this afternoon, and the boys and girls had joined forces for a Battle of the Sexes rendition of Capture the Flag.
They were running around, yelling and laughing, planning their strategy to take the victory and somehow I couldn't bring myself to ask them to stop. I think this post from Ann Kroeker may have influenced me...I was thinking about how good it is for them to be running around outside, having fun, and I decided, I can do this bagging myself. I should let them enjoy themselves with this game.

So I did.

Fellow Mean Moms, do you think I need help?
Could this move on my part come back to haunt me?
Will I regret being n-n-n-nice???
If you think I need to get my head checked, please, please save me before it's too late!
I think there is still hope. I hope there is still hope, anyway. I have a lot more raking to do. There are plenty of dead leaves and foliage around the yard. There will be many, many more bags to fill. The kids aren't out of the woods yet. There is still work to be done.
I can still be mean get them to help me out.

I may have gotten soft today, but it won't last forever. I promise. Mean Moms of America, I will not let you down!

Music Giveaway!

Coach J is giving away Steven Curtis Chapman's latest CD on Monday. Follow her link to read about it and enter to win.
Of course, if you enter to win, you are decreasing my chances of winning. But Jenny is a dear, dear woman and I don't want you to not go over and meet her, simply because I want to win that CD. So, perhaps you could click over to her, read through her blog, come to love her - as I have - but just not enter to win the CD, thereby refraining from reducing my chances of winning.
Perhaps.
*grin*
No, really, it's OK. My birthday is coming up. (In five months.) I can wait.

ALERT: Mean Mom Loose in Okemos, Michigan

Children in Okemos, Michigan are in the midst of spring break, enjoying a hard earned eleven day vacation. Some youngsters are being treated by their parents to exciting trips to far-away places. Others are engaging in extended play time with school friends, staying up much past usual bedtimes, and even sleeping in until noon.
Sources have learned, however, the children of Karen Hossink are not among these lucky youngsters.
Mrs. Hossink was spotted Sunday afternoon in her yard, raking several years' worth of dead foliage from once-beautiful gardens. "Mr. Small never did any garden work," said Hossink's neighbor. "He mowed the grass and that's it." Hossink just sighed and went back to work, wishing the previous owner of her home would have kept up with the yard work better.
All this yard work meant nothing to Mrs. Hossink's children Sunday. They played happily, hardly noticing the work their mother was doing. It wasn't until her trip to the grocery store Monday, and a purchase of ten yard-waste bags, that the Hossink children smelled their doom.
On this Monday afternoon, when other children on spring break were playing on warm beaches in Florida or California, were eating their fill of pizza at Chuck E. Cheeses, or were rushing down the slide at some wonderful in-door water park somewhere, the Hossink children were helping their Mean Mom stuff ten yard-waste bags full of sticks, dead leaves, and rotting foliage.

Young Matthew bailed on them early on, but Elizabeth and Joshua were troopers right up to the end. Though, the end isn't really the end. Sources say the reason Mrs. Hossink allowed her children to stop working was not because they complained of being tired, not because they were getting scraped by sticks and prickers, not because high winds made it difficult to fill the bags, but simply because they ran out of bags. More yard waste remains on the ground and sources say, when she gets back to the store to purchase more bags, Mrs. Hossink will be enlisting the help of her children to finish the job.

Although Karen Hossink has admitted to making her children work during their spring break, thereby accepting the label of Mean Mom, it is believed she is harmless to other children. Those individuals who had previously asked Mrs. Hossink to watch their children for a few hours later this week should proceed with their plans, without concern for the well-being of their precious off-spring. Mrs. Hossink promises she will abide by all applicable child labor laws from here on out.

Upright and Just is HE

How would you feel if someone asked you to do a really big task - one you thought you couldn't handle and from which you actually tried to get yourself excused - but you agreed to it after this individual convinced you he would be with you through the whole thing. So you listened to him and did everything he told you, in spite of the grumbling and complaining the people all around you were doing. You were simply doing as you were told and the people were blaming you for their misfortune. Though the going was tough, you obeyed the one who was leading you and did your best to lead the ornery, grumbling people around you. You were an upstanding person and were looking forward to the end of this journey, and the promise of goodness you had been given.
When you signed up for this adventure, you had no idea how long it would last. But because of the bad behavior of the people you were leading, the journey consumed a full third of your life. Still, you did as your leader commanded.
Except for that one time when you broke faith with him, when you did not uphold his holiness among the people you were leading. But that was only once.
What if all that happened, and your leader told you that because of that one time you dishonored him, you would not be allowed to obtain the promise he had given you at the beginning?
Would you be angry?
Would you accuse your leader of being unfair and cruel?

Moses didn't.

In fact, when this happened to Moses, he said,

He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.
Deuteronomy 32:4

I just finished reading the book of Deuteronomy and was drawn to the above verse because it describes God so wonderfully. I read it and thought, Yes. God is just. His works are perfect. Moses was right in saying these things. Then I considered what Moses had been through and what was going to happen to him in the coming moments, and I was even more amazed at his faith in God.
Moses had led the Israelites through the desert for 40 years, dealt with their grumbling against him, pleaded with God for them, and commanded the Israelites to do everything God had said. All this Moses did so he could lead the Israelites into the land God had promised their forefathers to give them - a land flowing with milk and honey. Then there was that one time in Numbers 20 when Moses was disobedient to the Lord - when he struck the rock, rather than speaking to it - and God said, "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them." (Numbers 20:12)

Moses reluctantly agreed to do this thing God called him to. He spent 40 years of his life leading a disobedient, grumbling community of people through the desert. He, himself, was disobedient. Once.

Yet, through it all, God was perfectly faithful and just.

Then God told Moses to come up a mountain so he could see the land the Israelites would cross the Jordan to possess - the land to which Moses had led them - but he would only be able to see it. Moses would never set foot in the promised land because, on that mountain, he would die.
And, knowing he would die without entering the promised land, Moses said, "He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he."

Is anyone else amazed by Moses' response to God here? Does anyone else think he would have been justified in protesting, "Aw, c'mon, God. After everything I have been through, won't You just let me enter the promised land with these people?"
I have to believe it was Moses' intimate experience with God that allowed him to say, in the face of everything through which he had gone and that which was before him, He is the Rock, his works are perfect and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.
I don't know about you, but I want to experience God like that!

Whew!

Woah! I have had a whirlwind day today. I have been up since 3:30 and really feel the need to go to bed, but I wanted to share just a bit here before I go collapse. *grin*
This morning I spoke for a precious group of women and God completely blessed me through them. We shared a fair amount of laughter and tears - which is always a good thing. A couple of them had already read my book and encouraged me with reports of how God has used my story to help them. I found the woman to look at when I said, "I love you," (If you aren't familiar with the significance of that statement, you can read about it here.) and I had nice one-on-one time with the coordinator when we went out to lunch, before she took me back to the airport.
One thing I really liked about this group was the set-up of the room. The microphone had a very long cord and the tables were nicely spaced, so when I sang I moved out into the middle of the room with the women. I loved being closer to them, making more eye contact, and just having a greater sense of intimacy. I'm not sure what it is about the combination of singing and being close to the audience that I enjoy so much, but I like it when I'm the one in the audience and I like it when I'm the one presenting. (Hoping the women did, too!)
This is the first time I have done a trip so quickly. In fact, as I was driving home from the airport tonight it surprised me to realize just twelve hours earlier I was on the plane headed to Chicago to start my day. In and out, rather quickly. Whew!
I love to be able to linger a little longer, to spend more time getting to know the women to whom I am speaking, but I was so glad the details worked out so I could make this trip today - as short as it was. I know I was blessed, and I pray God will continue to minister HOPE to each of the women who were present today. If you were one of the women at MOPS today, please know I am continuing to pray for you!

Loving Jesus,

Spring Break...

So how was dinner last night? We fully enjoyed the "cake" I made for our April Fool's dinner and I thought I would post a picture of my handiwork. It smelled and tasted soooo good! Labor intensive, yes, but when my kids get that excited about dinner, when they invite their friends into the kitchen to "show me off," it is totally worth it. *BIG grin*
But I am off dinner duty for a few nights now. *BIGGER grin*
My kids start spring break tomorrow and I am going to be speaking for a MOPS group in the Chicago area. (I am flying out of Flint at 6 a.m., which means I need to be there at 5 a.m., which means I need to leave my house at 4:15 a.m., which means I need to get up at 3:30 a.m. Buying a Diet Coke with caffine will be the first order of business after I de-plane! LOL)
Anyway, since I am going to be gone, my mother-in-law is going to take the kids. We're meeting her in a couple hours to "make the switch." And, since Brian and I will be sans kids tonight, we're going out to eat! Tomorrow I will be at O'Hare for dinner, and Brian will be on his own - but he'll manage. And Friday the kids are still going to be with their grandma, so Brian and I are going out again - to a movie even!
Yes, it's April and we're finally getting around to using the gift cards we recieved at Christmas...Better late than never.
Anyway, I am fully looking forward to having a break from dinner duty. My own little spring break, I suppose.
I am praying now, as I enter into a bit of a rest (though it will be on a bit of sleep!), God will use me to pour Himself on the women at MOPS tomorrow. If you think about it, please pray for us - that God would speak through me, and the women would hear Him clearly. Thank you, my friends!

He Will Deliver!

You may recall me mentioning the read through the Bible in one year program I am following. I am currently in Deuteronomy and before I get into this post I want to say, once again, how much I love this reading program. If you have never read through God's Word completely and systematically, let me encourage you to check out the link above and get started on an incredible journey!!!

The other day I read chapter 7 and have been thinking about it quite a bit since then. Up to this point in the book Moses has been recounting for the Israelites what God has been doing for them, reminding them how they have responded to Him, and exhorting them to love God and follow His commands. Now he is telling them about how God is going to drive out the nations before them, so He may deliver them into the land which He promised their forefathers He would give them.
Usually, I try to keep my blog entries from getting too long and I don't normally quote long portions of scripture because I know you have a lot to do and probably not a lot of time to read.
Today, however, I am going to quote Deuteronomy 7:17-24 and I am going to ask you to read it thoughtfully and carefully. I believe God's Word will speak for itself, so I am only going to comment briefly about it at the end. I think this is a very encouraging piece of scripture and I don't want you to miss it.

You may say to yourselves, "These nations are stronger than we are. How can we drive them out?" But do not be afraid of them; remember well what the LORD your God did to Pharaoh and to all Egypt. You saw with your own eyes the great trials, the miraculous signs and wonders, the mighty hand and outstretched arm, with which the LORD your God brought you out. The LORD your God will do the same to all the peoples you now fear. Moreover, the LORD your God will send the hornet among them until even the survivors who hide from you have perished. Do not be terrified by them, for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a great and awesome God. The LORD your God will drive out those nations before you, little by little. You will not be allowed to eliminate them all at once, or the wild animals will multiply around you. But the LORD your God will deliver them over to you, throwing them into great confusion until they are destroyed. He will give their kings into your hand, and you will wipe out their names from under heaven. No one will be able to stand up against you; you will destroy them.

As I read this passage I was at once impressed with God's power and faithfulness - reflecting on all He had done in bringing the Israelites out of Egypt. Surely, they had no reason to fear!
But it is verse 22 which has really stuck with me. The LORD your God will drive out those nations before you, little by little. You will not be allowed to eliminate them all at once, or the wild animals will multiply around you. It isn't just His power and faithfulness which are perfect, but His wisdom, too.
I thought of several friends for whom I have been praying. There is one with a sick daughter, one with an injured daughter, another has a daughter in a far away country she is waiting to adopt, and yet another is waiting for God to open the doors to begin the adoption process. I am praying for a woman with an ill husband and a prodigal son, for a friend dealing with stresses of sickness and the delicate balance between work and family, and for a young man struggling to come out of a brain injury.
Surely, each of these individuals could say they are facing a "nation" which is much stronger than they are. I guess there is a pretty good chance you have a nation of your own which you are facing today. So we pray, and we ask God to drive out the nation, and we trust He is able to do it. But we wonder why "nothing" seems to be happening.
Could it be God is driving out your nation little by little - as He knows best?
My friend, whatever the nation is before you, which you are waiting for God to drive out, I pray you will be encouraged as you recall His faithfulness to you in the past and trust His wisdom for the present and future.

He will deliver!!!

Cake for Dinner?

It's almost April first. Do you know what's for dinner???

My kids look forward to April Fool's Day every year because I serve cake for dinner, and salad for dessert. Want to join us this year? It's fun!

For dinner, make your favorite meat loaf in two round cake pans. "Frost" and stack them just like you would a real cake, using mashed potatoes. I put some extra mashed potatoes in a pastry bag with a star tip and pipe a shell border around the bottom and top edges. Then dot the border with spots of mustard and ketchup. It really ends up looking like a cake, and the kids think it's great!

For dessert you'll need waffle ice cream bowls, ice cream, flaked coconut, green and yellow food coloring, whipped topping, black rope licorice - cut into 1/4-inch slices, and maraschino cherries. Scoop the ice cream into the waffle bowls. In separate resealable plastic bags, combine about a teaspoon of water with several drops of the food coloring; add coconut to each bag. Seal the bag and shake to tint.
Sprinkle the ice cream with the green coconut. Dollop with whipped topping. Sprinkle with the yellow coconut and licorice; top with the cherries.
And voila! Taco salads for dessert!

Of course, you'll also want something to "drink"...For six servings, prepare 2 packages (3 ounces, each) of strawberry gelatin. Refrigerate until partially set, about 2 hours. Stir in 3/4 cup each, sliced fresh strawberries, fresh raspberries, and fresh blueberries. Pour into six tall drink or soda glasses. Insert a straw into each glass. Refrigerate until set. They'll look like wonderful drinks, but your family will be in for a surprise when they try to sip it up. Ha!

So now you know what we're eating next Tuesday. How about you? Will you serve cake for dinner???

Romance Through E-mail???

I have mentioned before about Maria at Free to Fly and her celebration of The Year of Romance. As a part of her blog she is posting monthly about marriage (Follow the previous link to read the details...) and is encouraging other bloggers to do the same. I believe, for those of us who are married, a healthy relationship with our hubby is crucial to surviving motherhood. With that in mind - and finding myself encouraged by Maria's Year of Romance - today I am going to share with you a little something that happened yesterday...

Brian and I were in separate rooms working on our computers. The kids were busy entertaining themselves and I was getting some work done when my computer chimed at me, alerting me of a new email.
The message was from Brian (who was less than twenty feet away from me) and the content was a bit of a proposition. I didn't say anything. I simply hit Reply and responded in kind. After a bit of playful banter back and forth over cyberspace, I excused myself from the computer and went to my room. Brian did, too. And the rest, quite honestly, is none of your business!!! *grin*

My point in sharing this story is to encourage those of you who are married to remember to have fun with your husband. The kids, the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, blah, blah, blah, take up so much of our time and wear us out so we often have nothing left to give to the one with whom it all started!
At least for me, at the end of a long day, going to bed - to go to sleep - is my main interest. I have a feeling the same is true for a majority of you reading these words. Sooooo, let me encourage you - in the middle of the day, when your kids are happily occupied and your hubby is around - to surprise him with some playful banter and maybe an afternoon rendezvous.
If he's at his computer, send him an e-mail.
If he's wroking around the house, slip a note into his hand.
If he's outside, call him on his cell phone.
However you do it, have fun. He'll love it. And I am quite sure you will, too!

Brokenness? I Can Live Up to That!

I think we have already established here at Surviving Motherhood that I am not perfect. This confession should come as a surprise to no one who is even a semi-regular reader of this blog.
And I am glad to know the women who leave comments are on the same page as me when it comes to imperfection. (I'm trusting those who do not comment are in agreement, too, but I'll never know unless you tell me. hint, hint *big grin*)

As I mentioned last week, I am writing a talk which I will be giving to a group of women at a Mother's Day Luncheon in Florida. Part of my talk will be addressing an issue with which I think many of us struggle - be it in motherhood, or any other aspect of our lives - and I want to share just a bit of that with you here today.
The talk I am going to present comes from Mark 6:30-44, when Jesus fed five thousand men (plus all the women and kids!!!) with five loaves of bread and two fish.
The specific thing I want to address today is what Jesus did to the bread in order to make it "enough."
Clearly, the bread - as it was when the disciples gave it to Jesus - was not enough to feed the hungry crowd. There is no way 1,000+ people were going to gather around a loaf of bread and all eat of it. Not gonna happen! Jesus had to do something to it first.
So He took the bread and after giving thanks, He broke it. And somehow, in the breaking of the bread, the power of God came in and made it enough. Every person seated on that hillside ate and was satisfied, and there were twelve baskets full of left over pieces. Is that not amazing???

The thing that really spoke to me when I was studying this passage was Jesus' ability to take something which didn't seem to be anywhere near adequate, and make it enough.
And I realized that is exactly what He does with me.
Jesus takes me into His hands, breaks me, and makes me enough.
Enough of a mother.
Enough of a wife.
Enough of a friend.
Enough of a sister.
Enough of a daughter.
Enough.
Because, do you know what happens when I come face-to-face with my brokenness? I come face-to-face with the reality that I, on my own, am not enough. I am not strong enough, wise enough, experienced enough, charming enough, or capable enough. I cannot do any of this life on my own.
In the face of my brokenness I recognize my imperfection and my complete desperation for God. I am reminded of the Truth that I can do nothing without Him, but with Him - and by His grace alone - I can do anything.
As I admit my need, and relinquish myself to God's power - through my brokenness - He makes me enough. And I have found brokenness is such a good place to be, because when I am there, I am in His hands.
Perfection? That is not gonna happen this side of heaven.
But brokenness? I can live up to that!

Being Blessed Was NOT My Intention

Some of you know I have written something I call the Irritable Mother's Survival Kit, and moms who visit my website can sign up to receive the Kit and my newsletter. In order to send out these items, I had to buy a service which allows me to do mass mailings. Yesterday I logged into my account just to check on some things.
As I was looking over the names of these women, God prompted me to pray for them. So I spent the next hour or so praying for each one by name. Many of them are women I know personally, or with whom I have interacted over email, so I knew specific things to pray for them and I brought those things to God. I thanked God because He is fully aware of the needs of each woman and I asked Him to meet those needs. I asked Him to make His presence clear to these women and to cover each one with His love. And I prayed Paul's Ephesians prayer for them - as I do for you now: I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
It simply delighted my heart to consider God knows and loves us all. And though most of the women I prayed for were familiar to me by name only, it brought me joy to realize God is intimately interested in each one.
Sitting at my table, looking at my computer screen, praying for His daughters, I became aware I was a part of something way bigger than I could really understand. I was truly blessed to pray for my sisters, and being blessed was NOT my intention.
After I finished praying I sent a message to all of the women for whom I had just prayed, telling them what I had done. In the hours that followed, God really began blessing me.
My inbox started filling with emails from women thanking me for praying for them. They told me how much they needed to be prayed for yesterday. Many of them shared specific requests and I prayed for them again. They told me of the ways they experienced God's protection and comfort yesterday and I sat here thanking Jesus, nearly crying because He is so good!
God knows what we need. He knew these women needed to be lifted up yesterday and He moved in me to pray for them. He was even perfect in the timing for when my message was delivered to their inboxes.
My desire was simply to pray, but God poured out blessing on me as He allowed me a glimpse of His goodness and power. And I am so thankful.
Praying that today, you will draw near to Him and experience the blessing of His love and presence.

Leviticus 26, a la Motherhood

Two months ago I began a Read through the Bible in one year program, and I recently finished Leviticus. As I was reading chapter 26, I couldn't help but wonder what it would sound like to tweak the chapter just a bit to put it in my voice. What do you think? (BTW, to get the full effect, I would suggest grabbing your Bible and reading God's words first!)

Leviticus 26, a la Motherhood

Reward for Obedience
Do not make messes or set up forts which you are unwilling to clean up later. I am your mother.
Observe my rules and have reverence for my house (which I work so hard to keep clean in spite of you). I am the Mom.
If you follow my rules and are careful to do what I say, I will send clean clothing to your room in its season. I will wash your dirty underwear, fold your socks and even put them away for you. Your outfits will always smell nice.
I will grant peace in your land. Your brother and sister will not be allowed to torment you. You will enjoy safety among them and I will make sure they give you fair time on the Wii.
I will look on you with favor and will prepare your favorite dinners. When I go shopping I will look for sales on the snacks you love, and I will buy them for you. If I can find the fleece lined jeans you love, in your size and on sale, I will buy them and they will be yours. All yours - for you to enjoy until you wear holes in the knees which are unmendable. Even then, I will try to fix them for you.
I will put my dwelling place among you. I will walk with you to the bus stop and be your mom and you will be my child. I am the Mom who brought you out of my womb so that you would no longer stomp on my bladder; I supplied you with shoes and helped you learn to walk with your head held high.

Punishment for Disobedience
But if you will not listen to me and do as I say, and if you reject my rules and do not do exactly as I tell you to do, then I will do this to you:
I will raise my voice and tell you one more time the command I expect you to follow. I will pause for just a moment to allow you to think about your next move, but I will look at you with stern eyes.
If after this you will not listen to me, I will punish you for your sins. I will take away your computer privileges and your time on the Wii for two days. I will not allow you to go on Webkinz to do your Daily Kinz Care or to play the Wheel of Wow. For two days you will not be able to play Tanks or Super Mario Bros. no matter how much you beg and whine.
If you remain hostile toward me and refuse to listen to me, I will multiply your afflictions. I will take away computer and Wii privileges from you for four more days and you will not be allowed to participate in Movie Night on Friday. You will sit in your room and smell the popcorn, but you will not be allowed to eat any of it. While the rest of us enjoy whatever comes from Netflix this week, you will sit in your room, alone and without popcorn.
If in spite of these things you do not accept my correction but continue to be hostile toward me, I myself will be hostile toward you. I will make you clean the entire bathroom by yourself, and I will not help you. I will still wash your clothes, but I will not fold them. You must do that yourself. No longer will I prepare your favorite meals. You will eat brussel sprouts and spinach. And you'll like it! In my anger I will unplug the Wii and remove it from the house completely.
But if you will confess your sins - your treachery against me and your hostility toward me - then when your heart is humbled and you apologize to me, I will remember the covenant I made with God at your birth. I will remember the promise I made to Him to love and care for you and to be your mother.
When you have calmed down and will listen to me I will talk with you about your behavior. By the grace of God alone, I will love you and I will remind you it is my job to train you in the ways that are right. I will explain to you once more that when I punish you, it is for your good, to mold and shape you - not to discourage you. I will repeat to you that everything I do for you is because I love you.
I will remember I am a broken woman, in need of God's grace and mercy - just as much as you are an immature child, in need of my grace and mercy. I will confess my own sin to the Lord and beg of Him to carry me through these difficult moments of mothering.
I will fold your clothes and pray for you.
I will make your favorite dinner and thank God for you.
I will play you in a game of Tanks and laugh with you.
I will thank God for His presence with me and His perfect faithfulness.
I am the Mom.

Practically Perfect in Every Way???

Did you think of Mary Poppins when you read the title of this post? Remember when she took out her special tape measure to size up Michael and Jane, and the tape told her about their personalities and quirks? And when she measured herself, it said, "Mary Poppins. Practically perfect in every way."
Ahem. Just because she was, does that mean we need to be?

Let's shed a little light on Miss Poppins' situation, shall we?

Do you realize she didn't cook? Did you ever see her doing the laundry? I didn't! And when she did clean, all she did was sing a song and snap her fingers, and the toys put themselves away! Mary Poppins didn't have a husband to attend to, and she got paid to be nice to those kids!!!
Is anyone reading these words living under the same conditions as Miss Practically Perfect?
No? Me neither. So let's put away the notion that we need to be perfect, OK?

I realize last week a wrote another post about our need to receive grace as mothers, but I am willing to risk the possibility that some of you will begrudge the redundancy, because the need just keeps surfacing.
Yesterday I met with a dear friend with whom I am in a mentoring relationship. She has recently had her first baby and we spent much of our time yesterday talking about how hard this phase is. My friend has been concerned about various things common to first-time moms, and now her husband is putting in a lot of hours at work and school - leaving her feeling rather alone. She told me she wants to support him and be there for him at the end of the day, but she is just so tired all she really wants to do is go to sleep.
I know many of you can relate to my friend. You want to make sure the children are healthy and safe. You want to do everything you can to stimulate their minds and bodies to develop and grow strong. It would be nice if you could maintain the house in some semblance of order. Meals need to be prepared and there is laundry to do. Perhaps you even have a goal of ironing your husband's shirts. And you might also have in mind to preserve all your children's memories in a fancy scrapbook!
I reviewed all the things going on in my friend's life and asked her (as I am asking you), "Is it any wonder you're worn out? You need to take it easy on yourself."
It seems we moms think the world might fall apart if we don't see to it that everything is taken care of and in order.
Guess what??!!
Someone Else has taken on the job of holding the universe together in perfect balance. He has been doing it since the beginning of time and He doesn't need our help.
Will you join me in realizing life will go on even if I am/you are two years "behind" on the scrapbook? Will you take a deep breath with me and accept the fact that a small hole in my/your son's jeans isn't going to stop the world from turning? Will you concur with me on the understanding that the family isn't going to starve because I/you burnt the muffins?
Yes, I want to be the best I can be as a wife and mother. I hope you do, too. But we aren't, nor will we ever be, practically perfect in every way.
I recently read a quote by Michael J. Fox which went something like this, "I will strive for excellence, but perfection - I'll leave that up to God."
Yeah, I'm with Michael. How about you?

BTW, I am in the process of writing a talk which addresses an issue many of us face regarding our imperfect-ness. That is, doubting we can ever be "enough" for our children and family. Stay tuned - I may share some of those thoughts here someday!

Not an Inconvenience

A couple months ago I updated you on the progress of my next book, which I have now decided to call, Finding Joy: More Confessions of an Irritable Mother. I told you of the decision I had made to cut a few of the devotions (to satisfy my Type-A personality tendencies, so I could divide the book into four "one week" sections) and also the decision to post the "cut" entries here (to further satisfy my Type-A personality...no need to waste what I have worked on so hard! *grin*).

So today I give you...

Not an Inconvenience

I had my plans. I had just picked up the van from the repair shop and was on my way to run some errands. By myself. It is always enjoyable to run errands when I can do it without kids in tow, asking for this or that toy, needing to go to the bathroom, or complaining about the “quick errand” taking too long. Perhaps when I was finished I would do some window shopping, bargain hunting, or just go to a coffee shop and enjoy one of their wonderful no-bake cookies. I had not worked out all the details – I just knew I was going to get my errands done and enjoy the afternoon, by myself, at a leisurely pace.
Just as I was pulling into the parking lot of my first destination, my phone rang. The caller ID told me it was someone from school calling. Because I was not expecting to hear from anyone at school, I figured this call was not a good one. Reluctantly, I answered the phone.
The school secretary told me Joshua was in the office and wanted to talk to me. He told me he had a headache, and when I asked what he wanted me to do, Joshua said he wanted me to pick him up from school and bring him home. I would like to say I immediately switched over to saintly mother mode and sped out of the parking lot to rescue my hurting child and nurse him back to health. But that would be a lie.
Instead, I started arguing with myself. Awww, how am I going to get my shopping done? Can I take him with me? He won’t want to run errands. Do I go ahead and complete my errands now and make him wait at school? Why does he have to have a headache? Do I really need to go get him? What ever happened to, “Just put your head down on your desk. You’ll feel better in a little while.”? This interruption is ruining my plans today!
I sat in the parking lot for a minute contemplating what to do next. I had told Joshua I would come and pick him up. Should I just run into the store real quick, since I was already there, and take care of my shopping before I fulfilled my word? Technically, I had not said I would come right now to pick him up. Maybe Joshua would not even notice if it took me fifteen to twenty minutes longer to get to school than it should. Perhaps I could get some of my errands completed before my afternoon plans were totally interrupted.
Or, perhaps not.
Before long, duty and responsibility won out and I begrudgingly drove out of the parking lot to pick my son up.
As I was driving to school, trying not to be mad at Joshua for having a headache and ruining my plans, it occurred to me God never sees me as an interruption. When I come to Him with my needs, God never feels “put out” or inconvenienced. He never looks at me and says, Oh, Karen. I had other plans today. I was going to bring a few babies into the world. There is a hungry mother looking for food for her children, who really needs my attention. I wanted to paint a beautiful sunset for someone to watch tonight. And after I’m finished, I thought I would like to just sit back and watch the stars for awhile. This really is not a good time. Could you try Me again tomorrow? In fact, He wants me to come to Him when I’m not feeling well, when I am troubled, when I need to ask for His help, and when I just need comforting.
Is there something weighing you down today, which you have neglected to bring to the Lord’s feet because you did not want to bother Him with it? Were you thinking He had better things to do than listen to your little problems? Did you want to avoid inconveniencing God or interrupting His other plans for the day?
Give Him your burdens, my friend. He loves you and He wants to carry them for you. Don’t worry. He can handle it!

Your Turn:
Do you sometimes feel like a burden to God, like you’re inconveniencing Him by telling Him your problems? Read 1 Peter 5:6-7. Based upon this scripture, do you think God wants to hear your problems, or wants you to keep them to yourself?
Spend some time in prayer unpacking your burdens with God. Give them to Him, and leave them with Him. Really. Picture yourself opening a suitcase and removing the burdens, giving them to the Lord. Don’t put them back in! Then just sit and imagine yourself resting in the lap of your Heavenly Father who loves you so much. Thank God because He cares for you.

Truthfully, I didn't want to cut this entry, because I like the Your Turn section so much. But I had my reasons...Anyway, I hope you will take time with God to go through it!

You're a Good Mom!!!

This morning I spoke for a MOPS group and, in addition to the fun of seeing a friend from college - whom I haven't seen for 15 years! - I enjoyed my interaction with the women in attendance.
After I finished speaking, I joined one of the discussion groups to talk about the ideas I had presented and we had some great conversation. There was one topic that came up, which I want to share with you here.
One of the women at the table said she could really relate to me when I shared about the time in my life when I thought every other mom in my MOPS group had it all "together." When I thought I was the only one who struggled - the only one who wasn't perfect.
I spent too many years feeling that way, hiding the truth about who I was and the fact that I was struggling. Those were not good years, and I was glad to hear this woman say she realizes she is not alone in her struggle. We all agreed we need each other for support.
As we talked about the fact that our kids generally think we are "good moms," we also agreed it isn't our kids who are holding the standard of perfection over our heads. No, that high ridiculous standard is one we put out there for ourselves.
Honestly, think about it.
Though your kids might compare you to "Timmy's mom" who lets him have candy for breakfast, watch TV for five hours every day, never makes him take a bath, and gives him ice cream whenever he wants it, when was the last time they compared you to Mary Poppins, Carol Brady, or June Cleaver? When was the last time one of them said to you, "Mom, you need to try harder. You simply are not measuring up to my standards." They want "fair" (and I could spend a few posts talking about "fair"...but not today!) not perfection. I don't think our kids have the same unrealistic standards for us as moms as we hold over ourselves, and I am willing to bet - if you asked your children - they would tell you they think you are a good mom.
While each of the moms with whom I was having this discussion agreed with our assessment, one mom said, "Still, it's nice to hear every now and then that you're doing a good job."
Everyone agreed with that sentiment.
So, Mom...because I know you love your children, because I believe you are doing your best - even though you aren't perfect, because your kids love you and need you and you are caring for them by the grace of God, please recieve these words from my heart to yours: You're a good mom!!!

Resist the voice in your head which would say, But, Karen, you don't know how upset I got with them last night. You don't know how selfish I have been this week. You don't know the foul attitude in my heart some days...
Yeah, but I know my heart. And I know my Savior. I know He offers second chances and new beginnings. And I know, by His grace, each one of us can be a good mom. So, please receive His grace today - and go love those kids!!!

A Heart Assessment

Have you ever visited Rachel at A Heart Assessment? I don't remember how we first became acquainted, but we have had some great conversations via email and I consider her my friend. So I trust she won't mind that I am borrowing her blog title for my post title. (By the way, her dad needs our prayers right now. Click over to her site for the details.)

A Heart Assessment.

That's exactly what I had to go through last night.

On Sunday nights Brian and I have small group at our house. We've been doing this for years and, when we began, the timing all made sense. The kids were always in bed by 8:00, so that's what time everyone gathered at our house for small group. Sometimes we were a little "late" getting downstairs, but the kids were in bed, everyone was happy and it all worked out very well.
Fast forward to the past month or two.
Our kids are older now. Their new school starts later than the previous one, so they don't need to get up as early in the morning. Therefore, bedtime is no longer 8:00. But small group still is.
We have adjusted our timing and expectations of the kids and their bedtime to work with our Sunday nights, but recently there has arisen a problem. Joshua has decided he just "can't" go to sleep if I don't come in, sing to him, and say goodnight right before he has to go to sleep. In other words, I can't sing and say goodnight at 7:45 and then let him stay up until 8:30, or whenever he wants to go to bed. It just won't work for him.
I have tried to tell Joshua it is rude for me to leave my guests in the middle of our meeting to go in and say goodnight to him. I told him if he wants me to go through the regular bedtime drill, he will need to be in bed by 8:00 on Sundays. He hasn't been too crazy about this option, but last night he was ready for bed before 8:00 and I tucked him in before small group began.
Everything seemed to be going smoothly, and I was relieved.
About 8:45 or so, Joshua came into the family room with a very sad look on his face and mumbled something about not being able to sleep. He asked if I would come say good night to him again. I could see he was on the verge of tears and I got up to go back to his room with him. When we got there, Joshua climbed into bed and said he was sorry.
Sorry? For what? Because he was having trouble falling asleep?
Why should he be sorry for that???

That's when the heart assessment began.

I realized Joshua was apologizing for asking me to leave small group to come and say good night again. He didn't want to "inconvience" me or my guests. I could tell he thought he was bothering me, and he felt sorry for that.
Oh, how I wanted to cry!
This was my sweet little boy, needing his mommy, yet afriad I was going to be upset by his neediness. The moment caused me to come face-to-face with my sinful nature. My selfishness.
What had I told him before? I didn't want to be rude to my guests by saying goodnight to him in the middle of small group. Was that it?
No, last night I realized the truth. My small group members are my friends. They don't care if I get up to attend to my children. They expect it - I'm a mom!
The truth of the matter is, I didn't want to be bothered. I was allowing my selfishness to speak for me and pin it on not wanting to be rude, but that wasn't the truth at all. And Joshua's simple, Sorry, made me see the truth.

I love my children. I do not ever want them to think they are a bother or an inconvenience to me. They are gifts from God, and I want them to know I believe it. My battle with selfishness and self-centeredness is likely to be life-long, but I thank God for taking me through this heart assessment and allowing me to see what's really there.
My prayer today is from one of my favorite choruses: Change my heart, O God. May I be like You!

Free to Fly Award!

She has done it again!
Maria over at Free to Fly has blessed me - not just with an award, but with great encouragement. She has created her own award to give out and has absolutely captured my heart's desire in her post about why she is giving it. (Click over and read it. I am sure you will be uplifted, too!)
The struggle.
The growth.
The beauty.
The encouragement.
It is what I am experiencing and it is what I want to share with everyone who reads this blog. Thank you, Maria, for seeing it in me and for encouraging me with your words and prayers.

Is it Inevitable?

Bedtime last night was sweet, and it made me wonder if it is inevitable that one day my kids will be “too grown up” for their mother’s love. Is there something automatic about adolescence that makes a kid not want their mom to give them time and affection? Does it have to be???

Because I would be happy to continue nights like last night for a very long time.
I started in Joshua’s room. He was tired and hoped he wouldn’t have trouble falling asleep like he did the night before. We talked for a minute about going to sleep and agreed on a strategy for how to get the rest we need. (I told him I always pray when I am having trouble sleeping. For a minute I thought, He’s probably going to think, "Man, she prays about everything!" Then I figured – Well, I do pray about everything. And I want him to know it!) I sang to Joshua and rubbed his hair, then kissed him goodnight. As I was leaving his room we spoke our “I love you”s and went through our usual banter about who rocks.
Joshua said, “You rock!”
I replied, “You rock more!”
He came back with, “I know I rock, but you rock more than I do.”
I said, “You rock more than I ever will!”
And so it goes every night. Even if we have had some rough times getting ready for bed, we always end the night with a song, I love you, and You rock!

Then I moved to Matthew’s room. I sang a song, as usual, then Matthew rolled over onto his tummy and was raising his arm up behind him, looking as if he were grasping for something. He looked very awkward in this position and I kept asking what he was doing. Since his face was in his pillow, I was having a hard time understanding him and I leaned closer to hear him better. It was then I heard him say, "I want to hug you." I thought, Then why don't you roll over on your back so it will be easier, but instead of voicing my thoughts, I leaned closer still so he could wrap his arm around my neck.
And as I kneeled by Matthew's bed, held closely by his arm, I prayed for him. I knew he was also praying for me (You may read the story behind these prayers here, if you wish.) and I simply loved him in that moment. After a couple minutes we both said, "Amen," I kissed Matthew, and said goodnight.

Finally, it was Elizabeth's turn. We usually tease each other a little before I sing her song, and last night was no different. So we giggled and then I sang. It was while I was singing that I began to wonder if it is inevitable that a teenager doesn't want her mom around.
I looked at Elizabeth, almost 12 years old, and recalled a conversation we had recently. I had been in her school that day to listen to kids practice oral presentations. Elizabeth's teacher asked which group I wanted to start with and Elizabeth ran over to me saying, "Mine!" Her teacher chuckled and said something to the effect of, "Enjoy that while it lasts!"
That night as I was saying goodnight to her, Elizabeth asked me, "Mom, why do some kids not want their parents to be with them?" I smiled at her and, instead of listing the reasons I thought other teens would give - thereby planting ideas in her head, I just said, "I have no idea." Elizabeth went on to share her own ideas and told me she thought I was a good mom, and always wants me to be around.

I don't imagine Elizabeth is going to be calling me from college when she goes to bed, asking me to sing her a song. I'll worry about her if she does!
But I wonder, I hope, I even pray my girl and my boys will never get "too big" for their mother's love.

It Would Be Easier if I Didn't Love Him

Matthew has played a central role in a few of my most recent posts and several of you have commented that he sounds like a sweet little guy.
He is.
Believe me - he is!
Matthew has a precious heart, and I truly believe God hugs me, kisses me, and tells me He loves me through the arms and mouth of that little boy. And in moments like this one - when the house is empty and quiet (except for the squeaking of the rats' wheel - note to self: oil that wheel!) and I have just enjoyed our morning pilgrimage - it is easy for me to love Matthew. I am peaceful, rested and filled with good feelings for him, and loving Matthew makes perfect sense to me.

Ahhh - this is good!

The problem, I have determined, is I still love Matthew when my surroundings are chaotic (often because of his behavior...), when my nerves are shot and I am weary (often as a result of his behavior...), and when my feelings about him are far from "good" (again, his behavior...).
At times like this, if I didn't love Matthew it would be OK with me to yell back at him. I wouldn't mind that we aren't dealing peacefully with each other. It wouldn't matter to me whether or not he learns how to respect authority and develop self-control. If I didn't love Matthew, I wouldn't be concerned about his feelings or the person he is growing up to be and this whole mothering thing would be a lot easier.

But I do love him, and I am concerned.

There are those who would suggest I "choose my battles" and avoid those situations which provoke the undesirable behaviors. Good advice, when it's possible to follow. Unfortunately, homework, showers, and waking in the morning to get ready for school are unavoidable events and I refuse to let him pass on chores. Since those are the events which typically bring on Matthew's undesirable behavior, I see no way to get around it.
I am suddenly thinking of the chant we used to do as kids...Goin' on a bear hunt, comin' to a field. Can't go under it. Can't jump over it. Can't get around it. Gotta go through it. Swish, swish, swish...Did you sit around campfires reciting this "song," too?

OK, back to 2008!

I see no way to get around Matthew's fits, so I guess I gotta go through it. And since I do love him and I am concerned about my son and who he is becoming, I am willing to walk this road - even though it won't be easy.
This morning I sat at the table eating my cereal while Matthew stormed to his room to get dressed, and I prayed. I asked God to calm my heart and Matthew's. I asked Him to show me how to deal peacefully with Matthew, and I asked Him to help me see the reason for his outbursts. If there is something I can do to help this child develop self-control I want to do it, and I need God to lead me.
My need for God is the major thing I have realized in mothering. On my own I will fail, and all the money in the world won't pay for the therapy my kids will need to "get fixed." But I know God is with me every moment of every day - as He is with you! He is loving me, shaping me, teaching and guiding me. He will give me the grace I need to make it through. God is the one Who has placed this love for my children in me, and I know He won't leave me alone to navigate through this life alone.

So, friend, how does this post intersect with your life today? Is there a particular situation or relationship which came to your mind when I started talking about can't get around it, gotta go through it? Is there something about which you could say, It would be easier if...?
My prayer today is you will be convinced God loves you and He knows what He is doing. I believe He will use your hard times to refine you and make you beautiful. May you find HOPE in this reality.
I pray you will also recognize His presence with you today. I am asking God to reaveal Himself to you - that you may know He is with you in every moment, loving and caring for you perfectly. And in this Truth, I pray you may experience JOY.

Call on Him, friend. He is faithful!

Whose Plan is Best???

OK. So I have my plans, and I know how things should work out. I think through my schedule for the day and if everything goes according to the way I have set it in my mind, everything will be as it should. Don't you agree? I imagine you have plans for how your day should go, too, don't you?
This is how my morning was supposed to go today:
8:05 - Begin the process of getting boots and coats on to go to the bus stop.
8:10 - Open the door and walk out it with the boys to go to the bus stop.
8:24 - Hug the boys, tell them I love them, and wish them a good day as they get on the bus.
8:30 - Head to the lab to get a blood test.
8:35 - Arrive at said lab.
8:38 - Get called in for blood test.
8:43 - Go to the store for a few quick items.
8:58 - Head home and eat breakfast, because I am starving since I had to fast for the blood test.

This is what really happened:
I prodded Matthew for several minutes to finish eating and get his teeth brushed so we could leave on time.
We left a few minutes late.
We walked our half mile through some pretty significant snowfall. Apparently the snow was slowing down the bus, because we waited quite a long time at the bus stop. Guess it didn't matter that we had a late start. By the time the bus did arrive, we were quite snow-covered ourselves.
When I got home I saw that Brian had shoveled part of the driveway, and figured I ought to finish "my" side. So I did.
I walked into the house and saw that it was already 8:50. Hmmm. My plans were changing already.
And when I went into the bathroom I saw the delays were to continue. My hair was soaked from the snow so I had to dry it again, and I needed to fix my make-up, too. The snow flakes on my eye lashes had melted and combined with my non-waterproof mascra to leave me looking a little bit like a football player.
Lovely.
Having fixed those things, I grabbed the address for the lab and left the house again.
When I pulled into a certain parking lot and drove around the building a bit, I realized the lab was not where I thought it was. So I looked at the map and address again and went out in search of the correct building. It only took me a minute or two to get to the right building. But it took another minute or two for me to find the right entrance.
Once checked in, I took a seat and waited. For a few more minutes.
When I was called back to the lab, the technician who was entering my information in the computer was having some trouble and needed to get help. So I waited there a bit longer, too.
Then came the woman who was going to draw my blood. Usually I get complimented on what "nice" veins I have, but not today. She poked my left arm but when she stuck the little tube onto the end of the needle it didn't fill with blood. So she said, "Let's try your other arm." Oh, good, I thought, because I really like getting stuck with needles!!!
Fortunately, my right arm cooperated.
Clearly, my morning was not going according to schedule, but at least I was done in the lab and now I only needed to run in and out of the store and then I could go home and get breakfast.

So I entered the store with the thought I could be in and out of there in a matter of minutes. I found my first item without delay (Ahhh! Finally things were going my way...) and was on my way to get the second. As I was peering down the aisle to see if what I needed was there, I noticed the person I was trying to look past was a friend I haven't seen in awhile. She goes to my church, we used to be in MOPS together, and she is even on my prayer team, but I just haven't seen and talked to her in quite some time.
What a joy it was to see her! We spent the next several minutes catching up and enjoying each other. She told me about some difficult things she and her family are going through and before we said good-bye I asked if I could pray for her. So we prayed, and we hugged. It was a blessed time. I was absolutely delighted we just "happened" to be in the store, no - the same aisle - at the same time this morning so we could see each other and be mutually encouraged. I thanked God for bringing us together.

It was as I was continuing my shopping, though, that I realized the significance of our timing this morning. I had my plan for how the morning was to go - down to the minute. But if my morning had gone according to my plan, I would have completely missed my friend in the store.
Reflecting on all my delays - the bus, the shoveling, the hair drying and make-up, getting "lost," computer entry problems, and an arm that wouldn't give up any blood, I realized God knew the timing which was necessary this morning, and He made sure His plan prevailed. And I am so thankful!

As you are going through your day, my friend, I pray you will keep your eyes open to see the ways God is working around and in you to bring His perfect plans to pass. He is good, and everything He does is good. Will you trust Him today to do what is good and right???

Blogging With a Purpose!

Have you ever visited Maria over at Free To Fly? If you haven't, you should!
She is another blogging friend who I really wish I could meet IRL someday. This year she is calling us to focus on our marriages with her feature she's calling The Year of Romance! This woman truly has a purpose with her blogging, so it does not surprise me she received the Blogging With a Purpose award, which originated with Eric Novak at Blogging With A Purpose.
What blesses me is Maria recognizes I also have a purpose with my blogging, and she has passed the award on to me. Thanks, Maria! I hope that everything I do here on my blog serves to encourage others and glorify God!

The rules for this award are as follows:
1. Awarded parties must nominate five people who have not received the award.
2. The blogs that receive the award must serve some purpose.
3. In their post about the award they need to link back to this entry.
4. Awarded parties must post the award banner on their site. The banner must remain linked to the above site.

I am pleased to share this award with five blog friends whom I believe truly have a purpose with their blogs. They are...
Angela at The Potter's Hand
Jenileigh at Jeniliegh's Journey
Rachel at A Heart Assessment
Karen at Karen's Ramblings
and
Sue at Praise and Coffee

Thanks again, Maria, for seeing my purpose here. And thank you to each of you who come over...I do pray you will always find hope and encouragement here - whether you are a mom or not!

The Half Mile

How far can you travel in a half mile?
It's 2,640 feet.
Twice around the track.
The distance from my house to the bus stop.

This morning Matthew and I traveled from livid to loving in a half mile.

We had eaten breakfast together and, as I was going to get in the shower, I told Matthew to get dressed and ready for school. I reminded him of the things he needed to do and he told me he understood and would do them.
He didn't.
When I got out of the shower I came out to "check" on Matthew and found him still at the table in his pajamas. Again (and with more intensity...) I told Matthew to get dressed, and this time he did.
However, over the next fifteen minutes he managed to "forget" nearly everything he was supposed to do to get ready - in spite of my reminders. The result of the time wasted was that, when it was time to walk out the door, Matthew still hadn't brushed his teeth and I hadn't put gel in his hair to make it spikey for "crazy hair day" at school.
Up to this point, Matthew and I had simply been irritating each other. Me "nagging," and him "ignoring." But when I told Matthew there was not time to put gel in his hair he got livid.
Rather than brush his teeth, he stood there crying and yelling because I wasn't going to gel his hair. I told him if he really wanted the crazy hair, he should have gotten himself ready on time. As I listened to him yelling about me being "not fair" I put his snow pants in his bag and went back to see if he had brushed his teeth yet. (I knew he hadn't, because he never stopped yelling.) So I stood there and made him do it, then sent him out - still yelling - to get his boots on.
I decided I would squirt some gel in my hand and mess his hair up while he was getting his boots on. It wouldn't be the "cute spikey" do he probably wanted, but it would be "crazy" and I figured that would have to be enough. Oh, silly me.
As I was stomping walking to my bathroom to get the gel, I was unloading on God. God, I want to wring his neck right now! I have had it this morning. Please help me!!!
Returning to the family room with a glob of gel in my hand, I said, "OK. Here you go." And I made Matthew's hair crazy/messy. I'll admit, I wasn't taking my time or trying to make it cute. There was no time for that. But he wanted gel, and he wanted his hair to be crazy, so that's what I did.
Not good enough.
Matthew didn't like it (He didn't even have a mirror to look at his hair, so I didn't know how he could really have an opinion about it...) and he yelled at me for messing it up.
Now, I was livid. I couldn't believe Matthew was yelling at me for messing his hair up. He had just been crying out for gel and crazy hair, and now that I gave it to him, he was yelling at me for messing it up. UGH!!!
We were on our way out the door to go to the bus stop and Matthew was still yelling and crying. I told him if he yelled at me again I wasn't going to walk to the bus stop with him. (I am so mature when I'm angry!)
We walked in silence for about 30 seconds and then started to talk. I went over the need for Matthew to stay on task in getting ready for school, and reminded him if he had done so this morning we could have done his hair however he wanted. Matthew replied that it wasn't all his fault. I mulled his statement over a bit and said, "You're right, Matthew. I shouldn't have yelled at you this morning. But..." It is so hard for me to not stick that But you should have... in there!

Soon our conversation turned to cold ears and "100th Day of School" activities and the next thing I knew we were at the bus stop. The cat was out - which is always a nice diversion - and our spirits were calmer. Matthew was petting the cat and I called to him to come over to me.
"What, Mamma?"
I leaned over to him and said, "Matthew, I'm sorry about our fight this morning, and I want you to know I love you."
He smiled and replied, "I know."
With that, the bus came around the corner, the boys hugged me, and off they went to school.

So there you have it. Livid to loving in half a mile.

Some of my neighbors drive their kids to school and others have asked why I don't just drive, instead of walking half a mile to the bus stop.
But, you know what? I love that half mile walk. On many occasions our trip to the bus stop has given us the opportunity to overcome some pretty rough mornings, in order that we may go into the day loving each other rather than being thankful for the time apart.
I have had several mornings in which I have spent my walk home thanking God for my sons and His redeeming power. I don't know exactly what it is about that half mile walk which brings my boys and I such a peace and love for each other, but I am thankful for it and will not give it up for a warm ride in the van. Ever.

What Would You Have Done???

OK, so tonight - for the first time in his life - Matthew threatened to run away. I wasn't sure if I should try to stop him, or just let him go. And I wonder, what would you have done?

Here's the story:
Matthew (age 7) is notorious for not helping get the table set when it's dinner time. He only has a few basic responsibilities but somehow he manages to shirk them off on someone else. I am of the opinion that if you are going to partake in the eating of the meal, you are also going to partake in the setting of the table. Matthew, however, seems to think he should get the benefit without the effort.
Tonight I asked him several times to work on the table. (Elizabeth and Joshua were already doing their part.) About the fourth or fifth time I "asked" Matthew to get to work I raised my voice and he retorted, "You don't need to yell at me to get me to set the table. Geesh!"
I wanted to come back with, "Well, asking nicely didn't work. What do I need to do?" But instead I just watched him to see if he would help with the few remaining things left to do.
He didn't.
So I sent him to his room.
He went, but it was with a lot of fussing.
While he was there I considered what to do next. I had initially thought I was going to make him stay in his room while the rest of us ate, and then let him come out to eat by himself. I figured if he wasn't going to participate in helping the family, tonight he wasn't going to participate in enjoying the family, either. However, something came over me and I decided I would just have a brief talk with him and then invite him out to eat with us.

Until I went to his room to have that brief talk.

I had barely gotten two words out of my mouth when Matthew shouted, "I know!" and made it very clear he was not listening to me. I said, "Oh, really? You know? What was I going to say?"
Of course, he didn't know.
I told him I was going to say he could come out and have dinner with us. But since he just treated me so rudely and with disrespect, now I decided he would need to stay in his room and could have dinner when the rest of us were finished. Ooooo, he did not like that decision!
But I walked out of his room to let him yell and fuss by himself.
Over the course of the next five or six minutes Matthew yelled that it wasn't fair for me to not let him eat. He accused me of not loving him. A couple of times he said I hated him. Were it not for Elizabeth and Joshua saying, "It's OK, Mom," I probably would have been in tears. (Brian wasn't home for dinner tonight...) Matthew had a few other unkind words to say and ended with a threat that he was going to leave.
By this time I was feeling more calm, in spite of the unrest coming from across the house, and I took his threat in stride. I knew he was angry with me, and in his anger he was saying a bunch of things which were not true, and which he didn't really mean. I knew Matthew was not thinking rationally (as rationally as a seven-year-old can think) and would eventually see things clearly. I also recalled that there were a few times in my childhood when I threatened to run away from my mom.
So I had the peace of mind to listen to Matthew's threat, knowing it was empty. But I sat and wondered, Do I let him go outside? Where will he go? Will he simply walk down the street? Will he take two steps outside and turn right around to come back in because it is soooo cold out there? Do I insist he bundle up before he runs away? What should I do?
As I sat at the dinner table, I prayed about what to do and fortunately, I never had to make that decision. (Hmmmm, a connection? I think so!) Before Matthew made his move, a wave of reason came over him. He came out to the kicthen and calmly asked me if he could have dinner. I went over to him and we talked about what had just transpired, then I invited him to the table and he ate. (And fast. That little guy was hungry!)
After dinner, Matthew cleared the entire table - by himself - and without a fuss. Hmmm, lesson learned? I sure hope so!!!

But I'm still curious. What would you have done regarding the run away situation?

Planning a Day Away!

Hmmm, we're on Day 5 of my kids' five-day-weekend. Could there be a correlation between their extended time off and me thinking about my "get-away" which is coming up?

Yeah, I think so!!!

On Saturday, March 29, I am going to be joining a couple women from my neighborhood Bible study at the 2008 Women in The Word Conference. I can't wait to go!!!
The conference is put on by Michigan Theological Seminary and is being hosted by Calvary Baptist Church in Canton, Michigan. Anyone else in the area want to go? You can get details and register online here.
The reason I am so excited about attending this conference (besides having a day free from being "Mom"...) is because Kay Arthur is going to be the featured speaker. I heard Kay speak at the TimeOut for Women! conference in 2003 and God used her significantly to grab a hold of me. Since then, I have been in a few Precepts Bible studies at church and have listened to her teaching through video. She knows God and His Word intimately, and I am so looking forward to seeing her in person again.

If you aren't in Michigan and cannot attend this conference, I would suggest you keep your eyes open for a time when Kay may be coming to a location near you. She is truly a blessing to see!