I Blew It!

But not in a bad way.

Brian and I had a great time in Florida. What a gift it was to have four days to just be "us."
Well, almost four days. Brian had a meeting to attend Saturday morning, and I? Got to meet a friend with whom I have been emailing for, oh, I don't know how long now. She and her family came and took me out for breakfast, and we had a great time!
Sunday Brian and I went to Universal's Islands of Adventure park and had fun on the rides. And since the resort at which we were staying was right "next door" to the park, we were able to go back in the middle of the day, take a nap by the pool, and return for more fun when we were ready.
Ahhhh, what a cushy life we got to have for a few days.
It was wonderful!!!

Now, it's back to reality. I'm doing laundry, just picked up Mindy from the vet, and need to go get groceries.

But before I do, I have to confess that I "blew it" Friday night. There was an event called "Aloha Friday" at the resort, and Brian and I thought it would be fun to attend. There was a band playing and a conga line formed, which we joined. The next thing we knew, Brian and I were by the stage when they were asking for three male and three female "contestants" to come up. Big surprise - I dragged Brian up.

Then I found out what the contest was all about and began regretting my move.

They brought out a conch shell and told us we were going to participate in a conch shell blowing contest.
*gulp*
I just looked at Brian smiled sheepishly. Oops. Sorry!

The leader of the band demonstrated how easy it was to blow the shell and then the contest was underway. Someone thought it would be a good idea to have the "ladies" go first so contestant number one steeped up and, she couldn't do it.
Then it went to the first male contestant, and he couldn't do it either.
Lady number two? Nope.
Meanwhile, Brian and I were whispering to each other and he told me it's just like blowing a trumpet. Great.
Except, I've never blown a trumpet!!!
The second man stepped up and blew it like a pro. He told us he was from Hawaii, and I thought that just wasn't fair. Blowing conch shells must be in his blood, or something!

Then,

it was my turn.

The woman who was running the show put her arm around me and asked my name. Then she said, "OK, Karen. No pressure, but the women are counting on you."
So I shook my head and rolled my shoulders - just being silly - and I held the conch shell up to my mouth and blew that baby.
And I couldn't believe my ears. I actually made it work!

I blew the conch shell!!!

I think I only heard women cheering in the audience, but that was OK with me. It just felt good to be able to finally be proud of the fact that I blew it!

You Call that Funny?

Yesterday as the boys and I walked home from school, I decided to take advantage of Matthew's good spirits and talk to him about homework. I said, "Matthew, when we get home today let's get started on your homework right away."
He smiled at me and said, "OK, Mom."
I added, "And let's remember how it went yesterday and let's see if we can make it better today. Remember how you thought the work was too hard and you had a big fit about it? And you got really mad and wouldn't do your assignment? But when you finally settled down and focused, you got the work done quickly. And you told me it really wasn't that difficult afterall. Do you remember that?"
But I was thinking, I cannot handle another day like yesterday. I sure hope this little "talk" will be what he needs to approach the job rationally. He's really a smart kid. He should be able to hear my words, remember how miserable we BOTH were over homework yesterday, and make a better decision today. Please, God! Let today be better than yesterday!!!
He smiled at me and said, "OK, Mom."
I said, "Great."
But I was thinking, GRRREAT!!!
So, with high hopes for a peaceful afternoon, we finshed our walk home.
Upon entering the house I thought, Wow! This is going to be even better than I had expected! Elizabeth was finished with her homework and was happily reading on the couch. Joshua had finished all his work at school, and since his buddy just got a kitten Joshua was going over to his house to see the new addition. That meant - the house was quiet (i.e. The TV wasn't on.) so I could let Matthew do his homework at the kitchen table, rather than sending him to the dining room. (I usually have to do that because Matthew simply cannot stay focused when there is noise around him. He doesn't like being "separated," but there is really no other way to do it.)

Matthew got his work out, I gave him a pencil, and WHAMMO! the peace came to an abrupt end.

The homework was subtraction of three-digit numbers and Matthew thought it was going to be too hard.
I said, "Matthew, you know how to do subtraction. You can do this!"
But I thought, C'mon, Matthew! This is easy math. So you don't like to "borrow." Get over it! You can do this stuff!
But he wasn't thinking rationally. He started crying and yelling. Things escalated to the point that I told him he needed to go to his room for five minutes to get control of himself. But instead, he yelled at me again.
So I said, "OK, now it's ten. If you aren't out of the kitchen by the time I get to 'three,' it's going to be 15." *Note the absence of anything which resembles a gentle, soft-spoken tone!*
But I thought, Why does he get to go to his room for ten minutes by himself? I wish I could get sent to my room for a Time Out. This isn't fair. Hmph!
And I watched Matthew run to his room and heard him slam the door. I walked over the the microwave and set the timer for ten minutes. Then I looked at Elizabeth and sighed.
She said, "What?!"
I said, "Do you mean to tell me you didn't hear what just happened?"
But I thought, Man, that must be a really good book if she seriously just blocked out Matthew's tirade!
She told me she did hear him. But, whatever.
Yeah - It must be a good book!

When the timer went off, I went and knocked on Matthew's door then went into his room. I hugged him and asked, "Are you ready to come out and do your homework now? You seem to have calmed down."
He smiled at me and said, "OK, Mom."
And he came and sat at the table, and we worked out a problem together, and he finished the rest of the page in a matter of minutes.

As he was putting his paper into his homework folder, Matthew said to me, "Hey, Mom, isn't that funny? You said when I get upset I think my homework is too hard, and I can't do it. But then when I just decide to do it, I find out it isn't that hard afterall. And I get it done quickly. And that's what just happened today!"
I smiled at him and said, "Yeah."
But I thought (as I contemplated banging my head against the wall), Funny? You think it's funny? Oh, child, we've got to work on your sense of humor!

BTW, I am leaving tomorrow to go to Florida with my husband. He won a trip for two, and chose me! *grin* Have a great weekend. I'll be back next week!

WFMW - Getting Personal

On this blog, I have held back almost nothing from you. I have shared my failings and frustrations, my insecurities and hang-ups.
But today? Today I am taking it a step further. Yes, today I am going to talk with you about something very personal.

ARMPITS!!!

There. I said it. Now, Karen, move on.
Several weeks ago Shane at Heart Reflections posted a Works For Me Wednesday entry about how to get rid of armpit stains in shirts. I was so interested in this post because it was a question I always wanted to ask, but was too shy to do so.
I hated that my shirts would get armpit stains, but I thought there must be something "wrong" with me which was causing them. So I just quit wearing the shirts that looked bad and tried to avoid raising my arms.
Then I saw Shane's post, and I tried treating several of my shirts with a baking soda paste. But I was so interested in finding a solution to this problem that I kept researching different options, and I came across some information I didn't expcet to find.

The stains in my shirts were not caused by some weird chemical imbalance in my body. They were caused by my antiperspirant! Specifically, by the active ingredient aluminum. I don't know what it is, but something about the aluminum causes the stains.

Whew! What a relief to know it wasn't ME.
Anyway, I went on to do more searching about antiperspirant alternatives and found a wealth of options. For a while I was trying plain rubbing alcohol, but I didn't like that very much. So I looked in the store and found there are a number of deodorants which are not antiperspirants, and therefore do not contain that nasty stain-causing aluminum.
I bought herbal clear natural deodorant, and love the scent of it. However, I noticed it sort of makes my armpits feel sticky, so I also put on baby powder and find myself to be quite comfortable. Depending on my level of activity, I sometimes feel the need to freshen up during the day, but if it will save my shirts from now on - it is so worth it to me.

And there you have it.
Deodorant without antiperspirant, and a little baby powder.
No more armpit stains.
That works for me!
For more great ideas from Works For Me Wednesday, visit Shannon at Rocks in my Dryer.
***Edited to add***
Several people have asked if the baking soda paste worked. Well, I tried it once. Put it on the shirts and let them sit overnight, then washed them as usual, but didn't notice any improvement. The thing is, I read several places that if you have put the stained shirt through the dryer, the stain has been set. So, it's the eternal optimist in me that was giving the baking soda treatment a try in the first place.
I don't know if repeated attempts would take care of it, or not. I kinda doubt it. But I might try anyway! *grin*

LOL ROTFL

Oh, my stomach hurts!
These comments I'm getting about me being so gentle and soft spoken that a person cannot believe I am an "irritable mother" are cracking me up!
HA! HA! HA!
Stop it! I'm going to wet myself!

Seriously. I laugh every time someone who saw my video from Friday makes such a comment. And my kids keep asking me why I'm laughing. So I explain the situation and they look at me with smiles and confirm that I can, indeed, be an irritable mother.
Matthew suggested that he and Joshua could stage a fight and we could record how I respond to them. Isn't he precious???

OK, some explanation is fair. I had to be soft spoken in that video. The webcam is all new to me and I haven't played with it much. I'm sure there is some adjustment I can make to the microphone setting so it isn't as sensitive. But until I get that figured out, if I make too loud of a noise the recording sounds just awful. So, there you go!
For those of you who are interested, you can get another view of me by going to my website and watching the video clips from my Confessions talk. I am pretty soft spoken in the one called, "Refined Like Silver," but the other three have moments when I am more like an irritable mother.
Honestly, sometimes when I am speaking I almost feel the need to stop mid-sentence and let my audience know I'll get "nicer" as the talk progresses. When I am telling a story about a particular incident with one of my kids, or when I am just talking about frustration in general, I get rather animated. Sometimes the looks on the faces of some of the women listening make me think they're scared of me. But as I share about how God is using my struggles as a mother to refine me, I try to portray that transformation in my delivery of the message. So far, I have not noticed any scared women at the end of my talk. *grin*
And I pray my children are witnessing that transformation, too.

All that to say, thank you for your sweet comments. It is my heart's desire to display that gentle spirit on a regular basis - not just when the microphone is too sensitive!

It's Here! It's Here!

I am so excited! Finding Joy is finished!!!

As promised, I have prepared a special announcement for you. Be sure to watch to the end, because I will draw the winners for my give-away.
BTW, the "secret word" is for the subscribers to my newsletter.

This is What I Mean

My friend, Penny, has written a post that could be an entry in Finding Joy. God spoke to her in the midst of a moment with her daughter, and she heard Him. This is what I mean when I talk about finding joy! Go on over and see.

I'm still aiming for Friday to do the drawing for my give away. Be sure to check back if you entered!

I Know This Much

*deep breath*

One. Two. Three.

*another deep breath*

OK, this is what I know:
God is using my children, and my mothering struggles to refine me. This is all a part of my sanctification process. He is making me holy - showing me my sin in various ways and teaching me to follow Him, instead of bowing to my sinful nature.
And I know God is with me in the midst of the struggle. I know He is loving me in every minute and He will give me the grace I need to raise these children.
If that means I need to spend over two hours Saturday evening and three hours Sunday afternoon pulling my hair out working with Joshua on homework, listening to him bemoan the fact he isn't out playing (Even though I let him have a friend over Friday night and he spent most of Saturday with that friend.), and getting an ear-full about how I am ruining his life, so be it.
Honestly, the five plus hours we spent on homework could have easily been completed in one hour. Most of the time was spent whining and crying (by Joshua) or praying (by me). It did occur to me, this exercise of frustration is GREAT for my prayer life!

I am well aware that the challenges I face in mothering are being used by God to grow me. I know I would have no ministry among moms if I wasn't going through what I'm going through.

I know God is using it all for good.

I know when I am breathing deeply and praying for extra amounts of grace because Matthew's off-the-wall, out-of-control ADHD behavior is about to send me through the roof, God is teaching me patience. In the moment, He reminds me to trust Him. God reminds me He has created Matthew perfectly and I can believe in His good plan.

I know this is all True.

I know it.

And I believe it with all my heart.

Some days, I just wish I could know it without going through it.

Know what I mean???

My Lost Rat - by Elizabeth Hossink

Do you remember when Elizabeth's rat got lost in our couch? I wrote about it in the form of a parable.(It's a pretty quick read. Click on over and read it. I think you'll find the subtle differences in our stories entertaining.)
Well, Elizabeth just had a writing assignment in school, and she chose to write about her lost rat, too. When she asked me to type it up for her she told me, "I think you'll like it, Mom." Can you tell why???

My Lost Rat

"Elizabeth, when can we start the movie?" Joshua asked impatiently.
"Hold on!" I hollered from downstairs. As I trudged up the stairs, rat cage in hand, I called, "Okay you can start the movie."
"Are your rats watching it too?" Mom asked.
"Yeah," I said casually. So I plopped down on the couch after setting the rats' cage on a side table. Because I loved my rats so much, I opened their cage door so that they could come join us on the couch.
After the movie was over Joshua sleepily said, "I am going to bed now."
"Okay." I responded. Now, Mom and I were the only ones awake.
After a little more time playing with my rats, I decided it was time for me to also go to bed. I got ready to gather up my rats, but they weren't both there. I only found Lacey. (My favorite of the two.) I put her in her cage, but I was still worried about Allison (my other rat).
Before panicking, I tore all of the cushions off of the couch. She wasn't there.
"Mom, I can't find Allison," I said trying to stay calm, but that was impossible for me. Unlike myself, Mom was a master at staying calm. "Okay, honey, did you check everywhere on the couch?"
"Yes," I half whined. Together we searched until we noticed a hole that Allison had chewed in the couch. Allison was on the inside of the couch and there was no possible way we could get her out. By that time my eyes were drowning in tears. (That happens a lot for me.)
"Jesus, help me find Allison," I whispered to myself.
Mom, being as brilliant as she is thought that we should try to get her from a different angle. Being ever so gentle, we turned the couch on its side.
The couch was in a position where it made a cave. I crawled under and waited to see her head. My face, soaked with tears, became even more wet when I saw Allison's head poke out. Except this time they were happy tears.
Allison was saved!

Oh, if I only felt as calm and brilliant as my daughter thinks I am! *grin*

Blogger Interview

Shane over at Heart Reflections is interviewing me today! Please pay her a visit. And if you leave her a comment, you'll have a chance to win one of my books! *grin*

I'm not Paranoid

OK, so I told you about the three grays yesterday. Well, when I went to get my hair done I said something to Clayton about them - just to share a laugh with him. He then informed me "she" has a lot more friends than I realized. Scattered all around the top of my head where I can't see them. Isn't that just lovely.
But Clayton is so great. He went on to tell me about how the highlights are a great way to cover them up and blend them in. He told me we could color all my hair and go back over it with highlights if I wanted to. But suggested simply doing highlights is probably fine right now.
As I was listening to Clayton, inside I was chuckling. I am really not THAT concerned about a few gray hairs!
Though, now that I think about it, since I can't see the top of my head like Clayton did, maybe there are a lot more grays than I'm even imagining. Maybe he was just being polite. Maybe I should be concerned. Maybe I'm just in a state of denial, and I'm not a pup like I think I am. Maybe the next time I get my hair done I should think about coloring, too. I mean, Clayton did say the highlights are probably fine right now. Maybe he meant next time there may be a problem.

Maybe I'm being paranoid.

No, seriously. I'm totally joking. Though I was surprised by the revelation that there are more than three gray hairs on this head of mine, I actually think it's kind of funny. Maybe I ought to start making plans for a sorority. (Did you see Teresa's comment yesterday? She had me laughing for a long time with that one!)
Anyway, now God has something else to do for fun. The Bible says He knows the number of hairs on our head, right? Well, if He's ever bored now He can count the number of gray, brown and caramel hairs on my head. Apparently the numbers will keep changing!

I received an update this morning from my printer. They are on target to have Finding Joy finished by the middle of next week. Yippee!!! Soooooo, I'm thinking of Friday, October 3 as a target date to announce the winner of my Joy give-away. I'll keep you posted! (Pun totally intended.) Be sure to keep checking so you can claim your book when draw your name!

She's Got Friends

Well, today's my birthday. Yep. Another "year older," though I think I will always feel like a pup. I guess that's what a fall birthday does to you. I started kindergarten when I was 4, and graduated from high school when I was 17. For those formative 13 years of my life, I was always "the youngest." Even now I look a lot younger than I am. Many people peg me to be in my mid-twenties when they first meet me. Maybe that's part of the reason I still assume I'm the youngest one in the crowd wherever I am.
But this summer I saw something in the mirror which indicated to me I just might be getting older after all.
I was probably putting on make-up and leaned in close to the mirror when I saw a gray hair. A gray one. On me!
At first I was a little upset. I mean, I'm too young for this, am I not? But then I looked at it again and noticed it was in a curl. Just one lone, gray hair, in a curl. And I decided it was kind of cute. In fact, I called my husband in to show him that now I was getting mature, like him. (He's been collecting gray hairs for quite a while. But his aren't curly!) And I said, "Isn't she cute?" He just looked at me with a bit of concern on his face and smiled, "Yes, dear."
And that was that. I knew I had one gray hair, and I decided I would let her stay. (Not sure about that old tale - pluck one and two will come back - and don't want to chance it!)
But very recently I did a close up in the mirror again and discovered something even more shocking. She's got friends!

Two of them!

This is making me think my friend ADHD may be on to something with her conspiracy theory. Because here I am at 37, and clearly something in the water is changing my hair from brown to gray. One piece at a time. Not to mention I have noticed over the past weeks that my eyes are taking a little longer to re-focus when I look at something far away after I've been focusing on something up close.
*sigh*
Oh, well. What is there to do? I'm getting my hair cut and highlighted this morning. Happy Birthday to me! After that I guess I'll come home and have a quiet lunch - just me and my three gray friends. Then maybe I'll send a card to my sister, just to remind her she's 40, and I'm not!

The BIG ONE

Book Update: I received, approved, and returned the final proof for Finding Joy. It should just be a couple of weeks now until the publishing is completed.
*very big grin*
I will leave registration for the give-away open until Sunday. So, if you haven't already - go enter to win!
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Now, I bet this won't surprise you. We have added another bug to the list of critters living under our roof. Joshua was beyond excited today to tell me he caught the big one.

I mean, the BIG ONE!

Joshua has collected a few Praying Mantids over the past weeks, but he has had his eye on one in particular. And today, he caught it! Just look at the size of this thing!
Joshua cleaned out another cage and got it all ready for his new friend. I was afraid there might not be any grass left in the yard when he was finished because he was gathering so much. Had to make a "perfect" home!
Once the Mantis was settled, we sat watching - hoping it would dine on the grasshopper Joshua had lovingly placed in the cage. But it didn't appear to be hungry tonight.
We'll have to wait.
And until then, we'll continue making up silly stories about what's going through the poor grasshopper's head. Seriously. When Joshua put the Mantis in the cage tonight it flew up onto the stick where the grasshopper was perched, and it really looked like the grasshopper was backing away. Ever so slowly so as not to draw attention to itself and bring upon certain demise.
I looked at Joshua with big eyes and just said, "Slowly. Slowly. Move slowly and no one will get hurt."
Yeah, kinda sick humor. But I'm dealing with a 10-year-old boy. And that's what makes him laugh!

Have a great weekend. And if you see any juicy grasshoppers, send them our way.

The Parable of the Puppy

Have I mentioned that right now I am in Ezekiel in my read through the Bible in a year program? Would it be too embarrassing for me to admit that, although I have been a Christian for almost 19 years I don't think I have ever read Ezekiel before? Well, embarrassing or not, I just admitted it. So, there you go.
Anyway, as I am reading this book in some ways I'm a little scared. God is talking about pouring out His wrath and judgement on the people of Israel for their sin and detestable ways. I just read chapters 20 and 21 this morning - in which He recounts Israel's history. How He promised them a land flowing with milk and honey but they rebelled and looked to idols, they didn't follow His laws and decrees, and they desecrated His Sabbaths.
God was right in every act of judgement He brought upon them. And the thing that really strikes me through this book is how many times He says - particularly after describing judgement - Then you will know that I am the LORD. He wants to be known!
Anyway, this morning I was praying in response to what I had read. I confessed my sin and asked God to forgive me. I asked Him to help me revere Him - to respect that He is the LORD - to stand in awe of His holiness, His "other-ness." And at the same time, I thanked Him for the intimacy I have with Him. I know that He loves me and cherish the closeness I feel with my heavenly Father.
And I sat for a minute pondering the paradox.
How can God be so great, so holy and perfect, so righteous in judgement AND so loving toward me - a broken woman?
Then it was as if God said, Karen, who is that sitting on your lap? Who are you holding and petting and loving right now?
Why, it's Mindy, Lord. Our new puppy.
Yes. And you do love her, don't you.
I sure do. She's precious!
But you need to do some training with her, don't you.
I sure do. Oh, she was chewing cords yesterday. And I had to keep telling her, "No!" I finally figured out that if I gave her a chew toy, she would leave the cord alone.
Very good, darling.
But I need to keep working on the house-breaking. This morning she peed on Joshua's blanket. It's in the washer now. And she has gone on the dance pads a few times, too. But I think she's doing pretty well. I know it will take time, and I need to be patient.
Yes, child. You do. You'll need to tell her over and over. You'll need to train her. But she will learn.
Oh, do You remember the first night we had her at home? She didn't want to be alone in her kennel. She whined and cried quite a bit. I didn't sleep very well that night.
No, you didn't. I do remember. I was watching over you. But Mindy's getting better at night time, too, isn't she?
Yes.
So, tell Me, Karen. Do you love your puppy?
Of course I do!
Even though she has kept you awake some nights?
Yes.
Even though she is making you do more laundry?
Yes!
Even though you have to clean up the floor when she messes on it?
Yes!!
But, Karen. What about the chewing? Do you love your puppy even though she has been chewing on things she shouldn't touch?
Yes, Lord. I love her even though she chews on my things. I am her master and I will teach her what I expect of her. As her owner, I know that is my job - to train and discipline her. I know it's going to take time and I'll need to be patient with her. But I know eventually she is going to learn.
And she is so precious to me. Do you see how she's curled up here on my lap, just enjoying being with me? Isn't this the sweetest thing???
Though the training may take time, it is all worth it to me. Because I love her so much.
I knew you would see it My way, dear one. As you see Mindy, so I see you, darling.

I love that God is so creative in the ways He speaks to my heart. Yes, He can be both holy and intimate. I can revere Him and draw near to Him. He is not limited by my understanding. Praise His name!!!

And have a wonderful day. *grin*

Why I Do What I Do - OR - Proof That Jesus Lives

I am going to keep registration for my book give-away open for another week or so. If you haven't already entered, click on over and sign up!
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I have to tell you, the comments you've been making about me being a great mom and deserving "Mother of the Year" awards, etc. make me do two things.
First, I laugh.
Then, I give praise to God.
I don't know how many of you caught Chatty Kelly's comment about being a mean mom, but she was referring to chapter one of my book, Confessions of an Irritable Mother, which is called, "The Meanest Mom in the World." That is the title which my children used to bestow upon me daily.
See, I am a broken woman. I am selfish, self-centered, impatient, demanding and controlling. (I could keep going, but I want you to come visit again!)
If I had it my way, I would never do anything for another human being - especially these kids who beg for things, leave messes around, get their clothes dirty and expect me to launder them, and eat all the ice cream before I have had a second scoop!
Hmph! I want them to serve ME. I want what I want, and there really doesn't need to be any discussion about it.
Not very pretty, is it? But that is my nature. Selfishness.

So, why on earth would I scout out grasshoppers with my son to feed to his praying mantis? Why would I touch those creepy little things and get bug guts on my hand? (Yeah, sometimes I catch them "too hard.") Why waste my time doing that when I have other, more "important" things I could be doing at home?
And why, someone tell me why, would I decide to get a puppy for my kids when, for years and years I have said, "No dogs!" Why would I willingly welcome a creature into my house who was going to poop and pee on my floor? MY FLOOR, causing me to have to clean it even more often? And what about the extra laundry? This puppy soils her bedding and causes me to do more laundry. Can anyone explain why a selfish woman would bring these things upon herself?

My friends, there is only One answer.

His name is Jesus.

I'm telling you - the fact that I go bug-catching with Joshua, the fact that I got a puppy for my kids Friday, the fact that I care so much about blogging friends whom I have never met, the fact that I ever do anything for anyone besides ME, is proof positive that Jesus lives!
Jesus is transforming this selfish, self-centered woman into His likeness. The Holy Spirit lives in me, and moves in me to do things I would not do - were it not for Him. God created me and is refining me, and one day I will be like Him.
I love the comments you have left for me on recent posts, because they remind me of the Truth that Jesus lives.
Apart from Him, no one could call me a "great mom."

Really, Mom? She's Ours?? Really???

When Elizabeth got home from school today, I was sitting at the table with Mindy on my lap. I looked at her and just said, "Elizabeth, close your eyes."
I wanted to get up and show her the puppy, but she had already seen her. She said, "Momma, you have a puppy on your lap." Twice. And I said, "Yes. I do."
Then I told her we had this puppy on a Foster with Intent to Adopt basis, and if everything works out after one week she will be ours.
Elizabeth couldn't believe it. She kept asking me, "Really, Mom? Really?" I thought she was going to start crying, and there were a few tears ready to fall out of my eyes. It was a precious moment.
Here they are together for the first time:Then I went to get the boys at school. And couldn't keep the secret until we got home. Well, technically I didn't tell them we got a puppy. I just told them I had a surprise and they'd really like it. And when they guessed a dog, the smile on my face said everything my words didn't.
So we walked home very quickly.
And here the boys are, Matthew adoring Mindy, and Joshua placing a call to his buddy to announce the good news:Yep. Happy kids at the Hossink house today!
Have a great weekend.

Look Who We Brought Home!

For those who have not entered yet - or for those who have not heard about my book give-away (as in my new book, which will be released in a few weeks!) - click here and sign up. Then hurry back. I have someone I want you to meet!

OK, all set?

Remember I told you we decided to get a dog? Well, Brian and I went to the animal shelter this morning.
Along the way we talked about how we would decide on a dog, and my key thing was that it needed to be housebroken. Because I'm the one who is home all day, and I know those training responsibilities would fall on my shoulders. And I'm the one who softened up enough to say "Let's get a dog," after years of saying NO. I didn't want to have to potty train all over again!
So I was pretty set on getting a DOG, not a puppy.
But when we got there, oh, did all sense and reason fly out the door!
There was this one cage with two little puppies in it named Mork and Mindy. (The fact that I LOVED that show as a kid really helped!) They were Beagle mixes. (I had a Basset/Beagle mix when I was a little girl, too.)
And my heart went right to them.
Yes, for a moment I thought, maybe we should get both of them. They were so cute together and I couldn't bear the thought of separating them.

But sense and reason didn't fly THAT far out the door!

Anyway, we filled out the papers and brought this little girl home.
This is Mindy!She's cute and she's lovable and she's laying on my lap as I type this.
And I can't wait for the kids to get home from school. They have NO IDEA we were even thinking about getting a dog and they're going to go crazy. I am so excited!!!
*very big, ear-to-ear grin*

I will definitely post pictures!

P.S. She has already "done her business" outside once. Here's to quick learning.

I Caught the BIG One!

If you haven't entered to win my new book, click here and join the fun!

Those of you who know my Joshua know he loves bugs. We presently have two Praying Mantids in our house as "pets." (They are both caged in Joshua's room!)
For those of you who don't know, part of caring for a Praying Mantis involves catching bugs for it to eat. (Last year we had a couple Mantids, too. And when the bugs outside were scarce, Joshua actually used some of his own money to buy feeder crickets at the pet store. Crazy, I know. But he really gets into bugs.)
Anyway, the past couple days there have been LOTS of grasshoppers along the path we use to walk home from school. So as we walk, we stop often to catch "dinner" for the Mantids.
You read that correctly. I said we. As in, I catch them, too.

Today as I was walking over to the school I was impressed by how many grasshoppers were flying around, and I told Joshua when I saw him, "It's a feast out there!"
Sure enough, we were catching plenty of them. I was so impressed as I watched Joshua sneak up on them and, with stealth-like accuracy pounce on them, grabbing the grasshoppers with just his index finger and thumb.
Near the end of the walk Matthew and I saw a very large grasshopper and were both excited about it. Matthew called out to Joshua to come and get it, but I waved him off. I wanted to get this one myself.

And...

I caught it!!!

I was so proud of myself. *grin*

We decided not to feed this one to the Mantids. He was too much of a prize. In fact, Joshua set him free when we got home.
But not before I took a picture. Wanna see?

JOY Give-away!!!

***Edited to add: Just to clarify, you do NOT need to have a blog to enter this give-away. Only one entry per person. And I am willing to ship outside the U.S.***

We're at approximately "T" minus three weeks until "the baby" arrives. I believe I have thought long enough about the announcement and give-away, and now I am ready to share the details with you.
OK, not all of the details. There is one thing I'm keeping a secret until the big day. hee hee I love secrets!

And there's a perfect lead-in to a tangent...
We have decided to get a dog (Puppy? We're not sure.) but haven't told the kids yet. Gotta do a little homework first. So last night Joshua was telling me it's hard for him to keep secrets from his friends and I agreed that keeping secrets is hard. Then I asked him, if I was keeping a secret from him, what would be the best secret I could possibly be keeping? He wasted no time in answering, "That we were getting a kitten or a puppy."
On the outside I laughed a yeah-right-that'll-never-happen kind of laugh. On the inside I was squealing with delight and almost blew the secret!!!

So, back to the book give-away.

I told you previously I wasn't sure if I was going to just let you enter, or if I'd make you work for it. Well, I have come up with a sort of compromise.

All you need to do to enter is leave me a comment with your name.(If you want to tell me how much you love me and my blog and how much you hope you win this book, while it won't increase you chances of winning, it will make me happy. *grin*)

The work part comes in claiming your prize. I will not be contacting you to tell you when you win. It will be up to you to watch check the post in which I announce the winner and then email me with your address. Oh dear, did I just give a clue about my secret? I am so bad at keeping secrets.
At this point the book is scheduled to be completed the week of September 30, so my announcement will likely take place during that week. As the time draws nearer I will update you on the announcement date. Don't worry, I will do my very best to keep you informed so you know when to watch check. Ugh! There I go again!

As for how many copies I'm giving away? That part I haven't decided yet. But if there are a whole bunch of entries I know I'm going to want to give away more than one book. So, I guess in this case the more people who enter - the better your chances of winning. Er, I don't know. Someone else can do the math and tell me if the statement I just made is correct.
Anyway, if you have a blog and want to link to this post, please feel free to do so.

But for now all you need to do is leave me a comment with your name, telling me you want to be entered into the drawing. Yes, it will be a literal drawing. I know there is some random number generator thing-y that can pick for me, but I have enough to do figuring out the video delivery for my announcement. So I'm going to stick with the old fashioned names-in-a-bowl selection method.

Blessings to you today!

Fun Give-Aways this Week!

Hey, you'll want to follow this link to the Speaking Thru Me blog. Leigh has stuff to give away every day this week!

Happy Monday!

This is a beautiful day!

When I posted last Friday, my intention was to encourage you, dear readers. I wanted to bless you with the reminder that God gives hope. Really, it was not meant to be a self-serving post.
But I do believe I may have ended up receiving more blessing than the sum total of everyone who read. You have no idea how encouraged I have been by your comments - as you have shared your experiences and victories, and have given me even more hope for Matthew. (Thanks for commenting for the first time, Erika. I'm so glad you did!) I am fully convinced Matthew will do more than just "get by." God created him for a purpose, and everything He does is good.
When I went in to work out Saturday morning I told Katie how encouraged I was by all your kind words, and that she shouldn't be surprised if I started crying. I had spent the morning being overwhelmed by God's love and goodness and I thought it might start spilling out of my eyes. It must have been the strength He was pouring into me that allowed me to do almost SIX pull-ups Saturday! (Sorry. I'm still excited about that accomplishment, and couldn't resist bragging. *grin*)

So, this encouragement from the weekend was still carrying me this morning when I found out that Heidi at Moms, Ministry, and More had given me an award. See what I mean? It's a beautiful day!I am feeling so uplifted at the moment, I almost don't know what to do with myself. But I'll figure it out. Don't worry!

Now, I have the privilege of sharing this award with seven other bloggers, and I am delighted to do so. The award is called "I Love Your Blog," and it is true that I love the blogs of these women I'm about to list. But the truth of the matter is this: The reason I love their blogs is because I love their hearts. Each of these women are on a journey with Jesus - different places, different circumstances, but the same Jesus. And I love to read about the ways they are growing in Him, finding Him to be faithful, and discovering more about who they are in Him. Please visit these women and see what I mean:
Angela at Becoming Me
Leslie at Do You Weary Like I Do?
Ronel at Mommy Accountability
Penny at Jesus Loves Me, This I Know
and
Amanda at I am Mommy
And these last two are brand new blogging friends. They're sisters and I love the way they love each other. Makes me wish my sister didn't live sooooo far away.
*sad face*
Anyway, I have only read a few of their posts, but, like I said before - it's a woman's heart that makes me love her blog. And I already love the hearts of these two sisters!
Chatty Kelly at Wonder Woman Wonders
and
MyADHDandMe at Monkeys are Funny
*note: Go to the bathroom before you visit Monkeys are Funny. Or you WILL wet your pants!

Now, for you recipients of this award, here's the deal:
* Display your award.
* Link back to the person who gave you the award.
* Nominate at least 7 other blogs.
* Put links to those blogs on yours.
* Leave a message on the blogs of the people you've nominated.
* Enjoy your award!

Have a great day, friends! And come back tomorrow. I'll be posting about my give-away for Finding Joy.

HE Gives Hope

Have you ever faced a situation that seemed overwhelming and you didn't know how to handle it, but then - all of a sudden - everywhere you looked there was someone who had been through the same thing? Since they had already been through it, they were able to encourage you that you would make it through, too. And then you found yourself actually feeling hopeful rather than despairing? When this happens to me, I have no choice but to thank God because I know it is Him sending those people my way. I know this because HE gives hope.
And HE has done it again.
It started last spring. Matthew was diagnosed with ADHD. (No surprise to me. He has had "focus issues" as long as I can remember.) I didn't know what to do. Behavior therapy? Drug therapy? Try changing his diet? The ADHD interfered with school performance, doing homework, chores, getting up in the morning and getting ready for bed. We needed to do something but I just didn't know what.
Matthew's doctor was helpful, but I still felt lost.
Then it seemed like every other mom I talked to had a child with ADHD. Some women I had known for a long time, but I just didn't know their child also had this diagnosis. I'm not kidding when I say it was like God was wrapping His arms around me as these women shared with me the path their family had chosen, and ensured me we would find a solution that works for our family, too.
We ended up choosing drug therapy, and I am happy to say it has been a very good thing. I never thought it possible that Matthew could be sweeter than he already was, but I'm telling you, he is!

Having said that, we still have struggles with Matthew's attention and focus and his ADHD has been weighing heavier on my mind in recent days. Yes, I have been swinging over toward hopelessness again.

But HE gives hope.

Are you familiar with the show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition? Well, last week when I was at the doctor's office I picked up an issue of Guideposts and read an article about Ty Pennington - they guy who does the home makeovers. Turns out he had ADHD as a kid and discovered that building things was a way he could hold his attention, and found he could accomplish a task and feel good about himself. Now look at what he's doing!
I definitely felt encouraged after reading that article.
Then, the kids started school this week and it happened again. I found a successful adult who has ADHD and is thriving. It's Joshua's teacher. She has told the kids she doesn't like to sit still so they'll be more active in their learning. Joshua absolutely loves her and is more than excited about having her as a teacher. And I? Am filled with hope once again.

As I was walking home from school the other morning (No bussing this year. So instead of walking .5 of a mile to the bus stop, we're walking .7 of a mile to the school. It's nice.) I was thinking about these two adults, and Matthew. God used Ty Pennington and Joshua's teacher to remind me that He didn't make a mistake when He created Matthew. God was not taking a nap or planning a vacation when it was time to form Matthew's brain. God created every fiber of that boy, and He did it perfectly.
I thought about the concerns I have had regarding Matthew's challenges and realized - God isn't concerned about them! God knows Matthew inside and out. He knows Matthew's needs. God knows his abilities. He knows how Matthew can shine and bring Him glory. God knew exactly what He was doing when He created my little boy, and God knows the plans He has for Matthew.
So, as I walked and prayed I also renewed my commitment to trust in the One who set this whole scene in motion. The One who knows so much more than I. The One who holds our lives together.
Because HE is God. And because HE gives hope.

This, too, Shall Pass?

I remember when Elizabeth was a new born. She cried an awful lot. We had trouble figuring out the nursing thing. I was tired and overwhelmed. Friends told me, "Hang in there. When she hits three months, things will get better."
And then there was Joshua. While Elizabeth started sleeping through the night at 9 1/2 weeks, Joshua took a while longer to figure sleeping out. And I was tired and overwhelmed, again. But people assured me, the sleepless nights would pass and I would make it through.
However, then I had to potty train him and that? Didn't go so well, either. My mom tried to encourage me by saying, "Karen, don't worry. He won't be wetting his pants when he's in high school."
Matthew did a little better when it came to potty training. But shortly after I thought he had it figured out, he started having accidents. Regularly. Too regularly. And Mom stepped in again saying, "This, too, shall pass."
Ahem. I'm still waiting!
Now Elizabeth is a pre-teen. And she is hormonal, I tell ya! Weepy, touchy, picky and precious all wrapped up in one. Some moments you want to squeeze her and not let go, and other times you want to send her into her room until she can get a grip on her emotions and remember what really matters in life. Yeah, until this, too, passes.

It seems the most frequently offered words of comfort I have received as a mother (And I bet the same is true for you.) are, "This, too, shall pass." Certainly, these words are true. We live in a bunch of phases and it is highly unlikely we will live out our entire lives stuck in one of them. Each one will pass.
But another one will come on its heels. We'll struggle to see the light. We'll become frustrated at times. We'll sigh heavily and maybe cry a bit. Then someone will come along with a hug and remind us, "This, too, shall pass."
And we'll look forward to tomorrow, hoping it will be better than today.

It was in this looking forward that I found myself in a sad position. I realized one day that I was dangerously close to wishing my children's lives away. With each trial, each unpleasant phase, I played the mantra over in my head, "This, too, shall pass. This, too, shall pass."
I rehearsed that mantra until the day I realized I was longing so desperately for tomorrow, that I was missing today. And I don't want to miss today, because today is the only day I'm guaranteed. I don't own tomorrow. And I surely don't want to arrive at some place twenty years down the road with a grandchild on my lap, wondering to myself, How did I get here? When did my children grow up? Why did it happen so quickly? I know I always wanted to get past the hard times, but I didn't mean to miss so much!

This is the heartbeat behind my new book, Finding Joy. I want to live in the present moment, not hang somewhere between today and the future. And the wonderful thing is, God has shown me that I can have joy in the present moment - in the midst of the trials, the frustrations, the mundane and ordinary - because HE is in the moment.
When I take my focus off the situation and fix it on Him, I find joy! This is a wonderful journey, and I hope you will join me on it - by thinking about what I've written in this post, and even getting a copy of the book when it's out.

By the way, my printer gave me a tentative completion date of "The week of 9/30/08." I'll open the give-away post next week!

She's a Quick One

Happy Monday, friends! Nothing spiritually profound today - just a cute story. If you need an encouraging word, please check out Friday's post.

So, I'm grocery shopping with my daughter last night and she wants to push the cart.
OK.
Elizabeth tells me she would rather walk beside me than behind me, so she doesn't accidentally run into me with the cart.
OK. So I move beside her.
But then I had to go get something and ended up in front of her again. And she ran into me.
Since I was wearing sandals, the cart did a number on my heel. Ouch!!!
I kept checking my heel and noticed, whenever I looked at it, Elizabeth got a very sorry look on her face. After I had looked at it a dozen or so times she said, "I'm really sorry." I just smiled and said, "That's OK, honey. You didn't mean to." (Pause) "Did you???" And we laughed.
After that I decided not to look at it anymore, because I could tell she was feeling bad. But then I was pretty sure I could feel blood trickling down the back of my heel and Elizabeth said, "Uh, Mom? You're bleeding. You need to wipe your heel."
I thanked her for telling me and started looking through my purse for a tissue, but found none. Elizabeth pointed out some paper towels hanging nearby and I tore off a piece. "Great," I said. "Now I just need to find a trash can. Do you see any?"
Sure enough, she saw one and said, "Over there!" I smiled at her and said, "Boy, I'm sure glad you're with me. What would I do without you?"
Without missing a beat, Elizabeth said, "Well, for one, you wouldn't have a bloody heel."

She's a quick one, I tell ya. She's quick.

Encouragement in Suffering

Someone once told me that Fridays are not very good days for blogging; that statistically, readership goes down on Friday and the weekend.
Well, today I don't care about statistics. God spoke to my heart this morning and I simply cannot wait until Monday to write about it. Besides, I know God is bigger than statistics and I trust He will bring the reader(s?) to this post who needs the encouragement.

If you have been with me for a while you are likely aware that I am doing a read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year program. And, as I do every time I mention this journey, I want to strongly encourage you to begin your own excursion through the Word if you have never done so before. I have found a great resource for finding a reading plan here. Check it out!

So anyway, I am currently in Jeremiah. Right in the midst of Israel and Judah's exiles. There have been several days when Brian walked into the room as I was reading and I made a comment like, "This is not a good day for Israel." (or Judah)
I spent a lot of time reading about their disobedience and wicked ways in Kings and Chronicles; how they turned from the LORD and worshipped false gods. And more recently I have been reading about the destruction God brought upon them because of their sin. They lost their land, were taken captive, and experienced terrible destruction. (You really have to read it!) To say they suffered would be a gross understatement.

But today I read Jeremiah 30 and 31, The Restoration of Israel. There is a stark contrast in the words of these chapters from the words I have been reading recently. It is so clear that, while God was justly punishing Israel for her sin, He still loved His people and the goal of His actions - His discipline - was restoration. Yes, Israel suffered because of her sin, but God always had in mind to bring her back to Himself, to heal her wounds, and to cover her with His love.
I thought that goal was summarized clearly in verse 24 of chapter 30:

The fierce anger of the LORD will not turn back until he fully accomplishes the purposes of his heart. In days to come you will understand this.

I read that verse and thought, Yes. Israel suffered, but God was accomplishing the purposes of His heart. And the purposes of God's heart are always good, because HE is good.
Then it was as if the last sentence in that verse jumped off the page at me.

In days to come you will understand this.

In days to come you will understand this.

What a wonderful word of encouragement! Can you hear it?
Israel, My beloved people, you have suffered greatly. I have taken you from the land I promised your forefathers and have turned you over to the hands of your enemy. It is because of your sin and detestable practices that I have done this thing. And it was right for Me to do it.
But I will restore you now. I will heal your wounds and bring you close to Myself. I will once again show My love to you. You will turn to Me and leave behind all your detestable ways. You will be My people and I will be your God.
And then you will understand the reason for your suffering. I put you through it, I let you experience the pain so you would remember Me and return to your first love.
It was all for you good, beloved. It was the purpose of My heart. Do you understand now?

As I considered the purposes of God's heart further, my thoughts went to many of you who are suffering. Some of you are struggling with depression, pro-longed waiting, sickness and disease. It is hard and as we have corresponded via email I know you are trying to trust God. You are wanting to believe He is working for your good and His glory. Every time I pray for you and for the end of your suffering, I always also pray that God would work out His good purposes in your situation.
I'm not saying it's a sin issue, as it was with Israel. I realize there are many reasons we suffer. It may be God is growing your faith. He may be strengthening your family relationships. Perhaps He is preparing you for some form of ministry in the future.
I don't know the reason, but as I read my Bible and prayed for you today I asked God to encourage you with the knowledge that "In days to come you will understand this."

Please keep holding on to Him, friend.

I am Amazed!

Boy, was I really feeling that rotten yesterday? Because today I feel great!
I woke up this morning - and that was my first indication that things were good. I woke up this morning. As in, I didn't wake up all through the night last night.
And my throat didn't hurt.
The first words to come out of my mouth were gruff. However, as the hours went by my speaking voice became clearer. The real test for me, though, was when I had the urge to sing. You see, normally when my speaking voice comes back to me it is a day or two until my singing voice returns. But today? I am back to singing already - and that makes me a very happy momma. *big grin*

I want to thank each of you for your kind words and wonderful suggestions for me. Ultimately, I think it was the rest and prayers that did it for me. I took it easy yesterday afternoon and evening and went to bed at a decent time. My husband and kids were praying for me, and you - my treasured bloggy friends. Thank you.

When I REALLY Wish Negative Was Positive...

It started on Monday.

Just a little.

Everything else was fine. My throat just hurt a bit.

Sleep was difficult Monday night, as my throat was hurting more - even though I had gargled with salt water before bed. (Grandma Peggy's home remedy for sore throats. Which usually works well.)
By Tuesday I was refraining from kissing my kids and was spending more time with the sink and salt water. I also made an appointment with the doctor, figuring I must have strep throat and it would be good to start on an antibiotic and "get well soon."
At bedtime Tuesday I had to tell the kids I couldn't sing bedtime songs. My throat hurt too much. Somehow they managed to sleep without them.
But I? Had another night of fitful sleep. *sigh*
I had my doctor appointment to which I could look forward, though, so I was hopeful I would be better soon.
Then I woke up this morning barely able to do more than whisper. The kids think it's great! Honestly, I kind of like being quiet. At least when the kids yell, "Mom!" from the other end of the house, I have legitimate grounds for not answering. (I've been trying to teach them to not yell across the house to me. I always say, "If you want to talk to me, come to me and talk. Don't yell.") Anyway, I don't think the novelty of my laryngitis is enough to out-weigh the pain I have every time I swallow, or the ache of simply existing.
But I was holding out hope for the doctor's visit.

Was. In the past tense. As in, I am not hopeful anymore.

Because I'm home from the doctor's now.
She took one look in my mouth and said, with a sympathetic look on her face, "It looks viral to me." But she shoved two six-inch cotton swabs down my throat gave me a throat culture to test for strep, just in case. And when she came back she gave me that same sympathetic look and said, "It came back negative."
I whispered, "That means I don't have strep, right?"
"That's right."
"So I just have to wait it out, right?"
"Yep."
*sigh* "OK."

So, there it is. It's a viral infection and I should be feeling better in just seven to ten days. Oh, happy me.
I wonder how long I'll be without a voice. My kids are going to have fun with this one!
I wonder if gargling with salt water is ever going to give me relief. It's quite a disgusting practice and I would rather not do it if it isn't going to help.
I wonder if school supplies are cheaper at Meijer or Office Max. Oh, sorry! That slipped.

Anyway, as I was driving home from my appointment this afternoon I was asking God to show me the blessing in this situation. I know He doesn't waste anything in our lives. No amount of suffering - big or small - goes unnoticed by Him and He uses everything for our good and His glory.
Even my sore throat?
Yeah, I think so. Maybe it'll be in the closeness I'm getting with my kids because they have to be so near to me if they want to hear me. Perhaps I'll finally get into the habit of REALLY thinking before I speak; Is it truly necessary to respond to this, Karen? I don't know, but I trust God.

In the mean time? I really wish I had strep throat so I could just take an antibiotic and feel better in 24 hours. Because this sore throat HURTS!

Anyone have remedies to suggest which don't involve salt water?

Was That a Contraction?

If publishing a book is like having a baby, I think I just felt a contraction!

I sent the files to the printer today. Fed Ex tells me they'll arrive by 10:30 tomorrow.
Got my final proof of the cover and have forwarded that on to the printer.
That means, in approximately four weeks I'll have new book in my arms hands.
Yep. I think it was a contraction. And I'm excited!!!

Wanna see a...picture?

I am planning something special to share with you when the book arrives. And I also plan to give a couple copies away to my bloggy friends. I haven't decided if I'm going to simply let you "enter," or if you'll need to work for it. But stay tuned. I'll decide in the next week or two and let the contest begin. *grin*
Hope you're having a blessed day. Mine started out super stressful, but I'm Finding Joy(!) as it goes on.

Mothering From My Knees

I totally impressed myself this morning.

Katie was pleased, too.

I went in to Fitness Together for my workout and did more than I ever have before. Katie's goal for me has been to do three pull-ups. (Not so hard, you think? YOU try it!) Previously I have managed to do two, maybe two and a half. Once Katie gave me credit for two and three-quarters.
But today?
I did a-l-m-o-s-t four!!!
Then we went into squats. Katie said, "Last time you did these, you did it with 115 pounds. And you did three sets of 12." (Katie knows I have a bit of a competitive spirit. She just has to tell me what I did last time, or what someone else can do, to motivate me to try harder.) "Today, you're going to do it with 120 pounds."
I did.

And then there were the upright rows. Katie was counting my reps and wanted me to go to 15. But when I was at 14 she asked, "Can you do 20?" I said, "I don't know. Maybe."
I did.

I got lots of high-fives from Katie this morning. It felt good to work hard and make progress. I know I am getting stronger.

Even so, I am fully aware that no matter how many pull-ups I do, no matter how much weight I can carry when I do squats, and regardless of how many reps I do on my upright rows, I am a complete weakling when it comes to mothering.
Even if someone says to me, "Mrs. Jones kept her cool yesterday when Bobby was throwing a fit. She sent him to his room for a time out and baked a pie while he sat there thinking about his behavior," I cannot rise to the occasion and do "better." Competitive spirit, or not.

I have realized, the only way I am going to survive motherhood - the only way my children are going to survive childhood - is if I am mothering from my knees.

Two nights ago Matthew was very upset with me. He was mad that I wouldn't let him have "more" ice cream. I'll skip the gory details. But he ended up in his room banging on the walls and his toy box. I had sent him there because of the words he was using with me, and then found myself going in to talk to him more.
Really, all I wanted to do was tell him that if he truly felt the need to bang on things, it would be much better for him to hit his pillow. No chance there of breaking anything or hurting himself. But that sent him off on another tirade and I just was not up for listening to it.
So I went to my own room.

And I dropped to my knees.

And I begged God to help me through this thing called motherhood.
I prayed for Matthew, and I prayed for me.

And I cried a few tears.

Later on in the evening Matthew came to me and apologized for the way he had been behaving, and I thanked God for working in his little heart.

When bedtime came, I told Matthew I was so glad that he had thought about his behavior and apologized to me. I reminded him that I love him, and even when I am irritated by his behavior my love for him doesn't stop. He smiled at that thought and then wanted to know if I was sorry for dumping his ice cream. (Part of the gory details I skipped. But I did it thoughtfully and calmly. And believe me - it was an appropriate response to his behavior!)
I just looked at him and said, "No, honey. I'm not. Remember what we're learning? Bad decisions result in bad consequences. And losing your ice cream was the bad consequence of your bad decisions to yell at me."

I really think he "got it."
And I am so thankful for the strength God is giving me while I am mothering from my knees.

Change in Plans

So, that family that was going to stay with us last night? Spent the night in the New York airport instead. I don't know all the details - missed flights, only two seats available on the next flight (They needed four.) - but it all came down to them spending the night in the airport in New York and getting to Michigan this afternoon. And now they're at their apartment getting settled.
Maybe I'll get to take Mom shopping in the next day or two. I might take her children with us to the park tomorrow - if they feel comfortable with me. We'll certainly be inviting them over in the next week or so for friendship and fun. My kids are very anxious to meet them and were rather disappointed that they aren't spending the night with us.
But I am reminded that none of this situation is a surprise to God. He stayed awake all last night and watched over this family as they slept (If they could sleep!) in the airport. He knew they wouldn't get to Michigan until today. He knew they wouldn't be staying at our house. (Thankfully, I didn't know that. And now I have a pretty clean house. We always say we should have company more often, because then our house would be so much neater!)
And He knows how the days ahead will transpire - for us and for them, and for you. Whatever it is you're facing today, I pray you are facing it with the full knowledge that the Lord of the universe is facing it with you. HE is before you, behind you, and beside you. Always.

House Guests

OK, stick with me and read this slowly, and I think you'll get it the first time through. We're having house guests tonight whom I have never met, with whom it is going to be a challenge to communicate, and whom I cannot wait to meet!
See, I have a friend who is a missionary in Taiwan.
My friend has a friend in Taiwan.
My friend's friend has a sister in Iraq.
My friend's friend's sister is going to study for a graduate degree at Michigan State University. (Which is close to my house.)
My friend's friend's sister and her family are coming to the US from Iraq today.
By the time they get here, the rental office for their apartment is going to be closed for the day and they need a place to stay tonight.
So they're going to stay with us!
In fact, they may be staying longer - depending on how things go tomorrow in trying to get settled into their new home. And that is fine with me.
This is a family of four - mom and dad and two children. Mom speaks some English, the kids don't speak any at all, and I'm not sure about Dad. My kids think it is going to be great fun welcoming these children from Iraq, communicating without speaking, teaching them some English words, and imparting the most important skills of all --- how to play the Wii!
I am praying that we will be a blessing to this family - that God will use us now and throughout their entire time here to show them His love (I'm pretty sure they're believers.) and to make them feel at home. What a wonderful opportunity He is giving us to be His instruments!

Thanks!

Thank you so much for your prayers while I was "retreating" Friday. The kids only called three times. *grin*
I got the first draft written for my Finding Joy talk, as well as a modified version I'll be giving to a group who asked me to address quiet times. I also worked on writing a devotion that's been on my mind for a few days. And I got a nap, and took a prayer walk...It was a really great day.

If You Think About Me...

...and since you're reading my blog, you must be thinking about me, so will you stop a minute and say a prayer for me?
Here's why:
Friday morning I am going to a retreat center near my home so I can have total peace to spend the day writing. Yes, the book is finished, but now I need to write the talks I'll be giving to moms' groups on the topic of Finding Joy. I have tried writing at home, but there are just too many interruptions here. (Exhibit A: It took me at least 15 minutes to get those sentences written. Which leads me to a question that has loomed over my head: Those of you who post nearly every day - and long posts at that - How do you do it?????)
The kids don't go back to school until the beginning of September, and I really don't want to wait that long to get serious about writing these talks. So, tomorrow I go to the retreat center!
I will begin the day in prayer and worship - not in writing. I know God loves mothers tenderly and I want to be close to His heart so I can hear the words He wants me to say to them. And this is where I would so appreciate your prayers for me. Please pray that I may be sensitive to God's heart and His leading.

Please pray, too, for my kids. Most of the 15 minutes I spent writing those first sentences was spent trying to mediate arguments between them. My thought was, Are they going to kill each other when I'm not here tomorrow? But Brian will be near, and God reminded me things always seem to fall apart when I'm on the verge of good ministry.
Surely, my Enemy doesn't want me to prepare a talk which will draw mothers closer to God. It makes sense he would be doing some attacking right about now. I fight him best on my knees, and would love for you to join me!

Thanks, dear sisters!

Speaking Thru Me

If you have been reading here for a little while hopefully you are aware that, besides being a mom, I am also a speaker. For the past three years I have been speaking for moms' groups about the hope God has given me in the midst of my mothering struggles. And I love speaking for these groups. There is nothing quite like hugging and praying for a mother who comes to me in tears saying, "I am so glad to know I'm not alone!" As long as God keeps the invitations coming, I will keep speaking for moms.

But over the course of the past several months, God has given me more and more leadings toward things I want to share with Christian women. Not just moms.
I have talks running around in my head which I am aching to write and present to women who know the Lord, and who need to be encouraged in their walk with Him. I want to remind women of the goodness of our God. I want to speak His love to them and assure them He is worthy of our faith and trust - even when we cannot see Him moving. I want to be a vessel of His love and hope to women who need to hear His voice.
Being His vessel is one thing I seek to do through this blog, and in the email correspondence I have with blogging friends. And as much as I love this way of communicating, my greater desire is to be able to do it in person. I want to be able to look into the faces of women and speak these words He has put into my heart.

And this desire I have to speak for groups of Christian women is the reason I am so excited to tell you about the ministry I have joined. It is called Speaking Thru Me Ministries, and it is a group of women like me whom God has called to proclaim His Word. You can click on the Speaking Thru Me button in my sidebar to see our website and learn more about us. And then, when your women's ministry is in need of a speaker I hope you will visit again and invite ME! one of us to speak for you. *grin*
I have my first Speaking Thru Me assignment. I will be speaking for an Advent Brunch in Marion, OH on December 6. The message is one God lead me to during my quiet time one day, for which I wondered - This is hardly a MOPS talk, Lord. With whom will I share these words?
Of course, He knew the time and the place. As it always has been and will be - it isn't my job to arrange, just to wait and be faithful. He will speak thru me according to His perfect time.

Meeting with the Physician

A few days ago I was meeting with our Physician.

The GREAT Physician, that is.

I was talking with Him about my children. My friend gave me a list of 31 Biblical virtues, and every day I talk with the Physician about one of those virtues as they relate to my kids. On this particular day, we were focusing on mercy.
As I do every day, I told the Physician how much I love my children and how great my desire is for them to grow up and become young doctors, walking in His footsteps. Then we started talking about this "mercy" issue.
See, my children are pretty good at being merciful to small animals, and cool bugs they find outside. They know when their friends are in need of kindness and they're able to be merciful toward them. And my kids sure have a handle on understanding when they, themselves, should be the recipients of someone's merciful ways.

But when it comes to showing mercy to one another? Oh, they are desperately lacking.

It is much more common for them to cut each other down and tear one another apart with unkind words. Words which show no sign of mercy. And it hurts my heart when I hear them say these things.
It really makes me sad, and as I talked with my Physician about the sadness in my heart, I nearly started crying. I told Him I know it is more than just the words coming out of their mouths which needs to change. I understand it really is a heart issue, and I asked Him to change their hearts. I asked Him to give them new hearts which spring forth mercy and kind words, which build each other up.

At this point, the Physician was quiet and looked at me with gentle eyes. Though His look was full of love, it pierced right through my heart. And I got silent for a moment.
I just looked at Him.
And He kept staring at me with a shocking love and a look which told me He could see right into my heart.
I asked Him, "Why are You looking at me like that? I'm here to talk with You about my children!"
But He simply kept looking at me.
So I stared back. And I couldn't get over the look of love in His eyes. He wasn't trying to be more stubborn than me. I knew He was trying to tell me something.
But He wasn't talking about my children, and that's what I didn't understand. He knew that's what I was there for. I had made an appointment to talk about my kids, and I fully intended to keep it.
But in time, His love won me over and I began to hear what He was saying. And as soon as I heard Him, I knew He was right. The Physician told me that He will work in my children, but He has also given them me. And the Physician reminded me that I am to be a model of mercy to my children. He told me I was right - in that they need their hearts to be changed - but they also need a model of mercy to follow, and that is one of my primary roles as their mother.
"Oh, Yes! You are so right! You are! You are! I will be that model for them. Yes, I will!"
And I thought we were finished. I was ready to hug Him and be on my merciful way.
But then His eyes caught mine. He had that look again. The piercing one which went right into my heart. Only this time His gaze was moving back and forth from my heart to my eyes, and from my heart to my mouth.
I wondered what on earth He was doing now. Hadn't we reached our conclusion already?
And I rolled my eyes.
That's it! Do that again. No. Wait. And He put a mirror in front of me. Now do it.
So I did. I might have been a little too expressive with the eye rolling the second time around, but I was losing my grasp on patience.
Thankfully, the Physician had lots of it. Yeah, patience and patients! But at the moment, I had His full attention, as if there were no other patients on His mind except me. And without even a trace of the love leaving His expression, He began to talk.
Karen, that thing you just did with your eyes? You did it because you were not being patient with Me, didn't you.
As if He needed to ask.
It didn't look very nice, did it?
Of course, He was right. Again.
Darling, do you realize that is the same look you give your children when they are asking you for help, and love, and attention all day? Many times when these precious ones just want you to love them, when they need some mercy, you roll your eyes at them because you think you have something more important to do. Why is that, dear one?
I lowered my eyes and replied, "Uh. I don't know. Because I'm busy?"

When I glanced up, He was still looking at me. And that love was still there.
And He opened His mouth to speak again. Come closer. Let me have a look at your mouth. Oh...This is not good. My child, you have allowed harsh words to come out of your mouth. When your son was too busy playing to remember to use the toilet, you got upset with him and made him feel bad. Why did you do that, sweetheart?
Again, I lowered my eyes and replied, "I don't know. Because he should know better?"
Precious, Karen. My beloved child. I want you to model mercy for your children. They need to see it coming from you so they know how to show it to each other.
This time, I looked right at Him. And with tears running down my cheeks I said, "You're right. I know You're right! And I'm trying, Physician. Believe me, I'm trying! But I can't seem to get it right. No matter how hard I try, I lose patience and I say unkind things. I am so sorry. You've got to believe me! I just don't know what to do!"

And then He did the most amazing thing. The Physician reached out and took hold of my right hand. With His other hand, He wiped the tears from my eyes. He looked upon me with that love, and He spoke. My child, do not fear. I will help you. I am going to work in the hearts of your children. I promise. But first? Come. I need to do some work on yours.

For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you. Isaiah 41:13

Lessons from the Basement

Because enough people have asked me about my anniversary, I feel as though I've already written a blog post about it. And since I've written it out so many times in emails, I figured I may as well write about it here, too.
This is what happened:
We have rental houses, and one of them needed to be cleaned out. Since we're going away this weekend, last night was really the only time we had to do it - so that was to be our Anniversary "date."
Brian had to repair some windows and asked me to clean out the basement. OK, I thought, I can do that.
I had brought rubber gloves and felt a little prissy putting them on to clean out the basement, but when I got down there and saw the task before me, I was so glad I had something to put on my hands! Several times in the cleaning process I remembered it was only a thin layer of latex between my hands and the gunk, but I was glad for the barrier - no matter how small.
As I stood there in the smelly, dark basement, disgusted by the slime and sludge, I began to pray. Lord, I know there has got to be a lesson in here for me somewhere. I'm not sure what it is, but if there's something for me to see, please show me.
Sometimes the Lord responds to my requests slowly, and sometimes He's fast. Always, His timing is perfect.
Well last night, He was responding immediately.
I was peeling piles of wet, slimy cardboard off the floor, trying to hold my breath and not pass out, and was overwhelmed by the smell and disgust of the whole thing. In that moment it occurred to me that my sin is more repulsive to God than the basement in which I was standing was sickening to me.
I didn't want to be in that basement. It was dark. I only had a flash light and a little daylight trickling down the steps to help me know what I was touching. It smelled bad. It was dirty. Yuck!
But my sin! God cannot dwell with it. He is holy. He is perfectly pure. He cannot be in the presence of sin. My sin is more than repulsive to God. And being in the midst of sludge in the basement drove that point home to me.

Then, as I considered my reluctant willingness to clean the mess in the basement - and as I faced the reality that after my hard work the basement was still going to be dirty - God brought the lesson full circle.
He reminded me that, although my sin is repulsive, He willingly - without a trace of reluctance - cleans it up. He has cleansed me fully by the blood of Jesus. And I am clean now, as white as snow.
Jesus' death on the cross was sufficient to completely forgive my sins and yours. There is no sludge or slime we can produce which cannot be covered by the blood of the Lamb. His sacrifice was enough!

That realization - though it didn't make the basement less smelly - drew me closer to God, fixed my perspective, and helped my press on to the end of the job. And it reminded me, just as HE runs? HE also cleans basements!