Who? Me? No. I'm NOT Depressed.

Last March I told you I had been struggling with anxiety and depression. I also said I intended to share my journey with you. And in a recent conversation with a friend, I was reminded and encouraged to do just that.
So, for the next three days I plan to give you an overview of where I've been, and where I am. My hope is to open up a conversation with anyone who needs to talk. Perhaps you are, or know, someone who is suffering silently and you need to know you aren't alone. I want to give you that assurance.

So, we begin.

Honestly, the anxiety thing didn't surprise me so much. It's in my family. I know I'm a high-strung person. No major revelation there.
But, to be told I also had signs of depression came as quite a shock to me.
I've heard people who suffer with depression describe themselves as 'unable to get off the couch for days.' Or thinking their life had no meaning, no purpose. And those things didn't describe me.
True, there were times in the midst of my uncontrollable crying spells when I wondered, Is THIS depression? But I would quickly excuse it as PMS, or my pathetic inability to deal with life. To say I was dealing with a very real thing called depression almost seemed like an excuse to me. Somehow I determined in my mind that I should be able to pick myself up and move on, or at least pray myself out of my moods.
I now understand such a way of reasoning was fueled by my depression - my propensity toward negative thoughts.

Seems kinda crazy. The very thing with which I was struggling was working against me to try to convince me I wasn't struggling with it. *Geesh* What a mess I am. *wink*

In fact, I almost cancelled my doctor's appointment. Because as the time drew nearer I really thought it was just going to be a waste of time and money. But through the encouragement of some very dear people in my life, I kept that appointment.
And God used my doctor to reveal truth to me: This struggle to cope with things, my tendency toward uncontrollable crying, my bent toward thinking negatively about myself - it wasn't just something in my head. It was a very real thing.
It was called 'depression'.

And God was going to help me through it.