Lavish Gifts

For Christmas, my mother-in-law gave us a family gift. As in, the whole family - her sons, their wives, and all the grandchildren. The gift was a family outing to the Great Wolf Lodge in Traverse City, Michigan, and we all took the trip this weekend. Oh, my, did we ever have a GREAT time!!!

The resort is all about families having fun together, and that is exactly what we did. From going down the water slides (really fast!) in innertubes or floating in the lazy river, to squirting each other with hoses or standing under the 1,000 gallon bucket that dumped water every five minutes, we had a great time together.
Besides the indoor water park, there was one other attraction about which my kids were particularly interested. The arcade. (If I am to be perfectly honest, I must admit I was pretty happy when I found out the arcade included a "Dance Dance Revolution," a.k.a. DDR.) Like most arcades my kids enjoy, this was one whose games gave out tickets which were redeemable in the end for "prizes."
Right away my kids were talking about which games they wanted to play and what prizes they hoped to earn, as we scoped out the arcade for the first time. My initial thought was, "How can I divert their attention from this room? Surely, we don't need to waste our time and money here!" I am usually so stingy when it comes to arcade games. When I do take the kids somewhere that has an arcade, it is common for me to say something like, "I'm going to give you one dollar for tokens, and that's it." But something weird happened in me at the Great Wolf Lodge arcade.
As I contemplated being there for an entire weekend, and considered the fact we were there via a gift, I got the idea that maybe, just maybe, I could be a little generous with the kids. I went over to the machine used to buy tokens and read the sign. It said, if you bought $20 worth of tokens you would receive 12 bonus tokens. Seemed like a good deal to me. But did I really want to spend that much money? For arcade games and tickets and (in my opinion) worthless prizes? That is so not my character! However, after I thought about it a little more and discussed the idea with my husband, I decided I was going to put that $20 bill in the machine and get those 92 tokens.
So when Joshua asked if we could go to the arcade I said, "Yes. Let's go," and the two of us were on our way. When we got there and went to get our tokens, Joshua looked surprised as I put the $20 bill into the machine. The look on his face at that moment was cute, but it was nothing compared to his expression as he watched the machine produce 92 tokens. His eyes were like saucers as he kept looking from me to the tokens, with a very large grin on his face. He was a combination of joy and excitement, with a dash of disbelief. To me, his response was worth every penny I had just spent.
What made it sweeter still was listening to him recount the event to Elizabeth and Matthew later that night. The kids were all in bed and Joshua told them, "Mom put in a $20 bill and tokens just kept coming out. And we get to use them all!" (Yeah, except the 12 bonus tokens. Those were all mine for DDR!) The joy and excitement in his voice filled my heart with delight.

As I further considered Joshua's response to my "lavish" gift and the delight his response brought to my heart, my thoughts turned to our God and how He might view our responses to His lavish gifts. When we look at a glorious sunrise or sunset (or the Northern Lights - Have you ever seen those?) and our hearts flow with praise for God's handiwork and the beauty of His creation, do you think He smiles and says, I made that just for you to see?
Or when we are looking at one of our children, marveling over the fact that little person was once just a little tiny cell, stuck in awe at the thought God created them - let alone saw fit to make us their mother - and with tears streaming down our cheek we thank God for that child's precious life, do you think His heart fills with delight as He says, I did this because I love you so much?
What about the times when things all seem to be going "your way"? You've been stressed about a certain situation but it has all worked out. The kids are unusually well-behaved. Your friend called just to let you know she's been praying for you. Your husband said you deserve a night out and he's made plans to take the kids on an outing without you. Then you, giddy with joy, ask God, "Why are you so good to me???" And He, also with joy, replies, It brings Me joy to see you joyful.

The Bible says God desires to lavish His love on us (1 John 3:1), every good gift comes from Him (James 1:17), and He will never stop doing good to us (Jeremiah 32:40). Certainly we all have difficult things in our lives with which we must contend - and if you've been with me for long you know I believe those hard times are ultimately good because God is good and uses everything in our lives according to His good purposes.
But as I watched Joshua this weekend, filled with joy over my lavish gift, I was reminded and thankful that God delights in doing good to us. How wonderful is that? The Creator of the universe - in the midst of holding the world together in perfect balance - wants to delight your heart!

Psalm 34:3

Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt His name together. Psalm 34:3

One of the ways I spend my quiet time with God in the morning is by picking a psalm and going through it one verse at a time, one day at a time. I read and memorize the verse, looking up any words I don't understand (like "pestilence" in Psalm 91!), and spend time meditating on the verse as I ask God what He wants to say to me through the words. On Monday I began going through Psalm 34 and am loving it.
The psalmist has made a willful decision to glorify the Lord and I am eager to spend time in this psalm because (I read ahead!) I know he is going to talk about God's faithfulness, which has led to him make this decision to live a life of praise. But before I get that far, I have been so encouraged to let my own life be praise to Him as I "extoll the Lord at all times." (v.1)
This morning as I was mulling over verse three, I began to think, "How can I encourage others to 'Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt His name together'?" And I thought, "Ahhh! In my blog!"

So, today I invite you to glorify the Lord with me. Take a moment to think about something God has done for you, for which you want to praise Him. Or, think about the things about God you love and adore, for which you want to praise Him. Then leave your thoughts as a comment.

Here's what I wrote in my journal: You are all-powerful, ever-present, all-knowing, full of grace, mercy and compassion! Lord, how could I but praise You? How could I but love You? How cold I but worship You and call others to do the same? And Lord, I thank You that even though You are so great - so mighty and lovely and holy and good - You are still interseted in me. Broken and imperfect me. You are truly Amazing!

The Ultimate Blog Party

Okay, Okay. I'm still pretty new at this blogging thing and must admit I've never been to a blog party before, but this sounds fun. Five Minutes for Mom is setting this party up for the week of March 2-9. You can get the details at their site. What do you think? I'm going!

They're going to be fine

I don’t think I’m unlike most any other mom “out there.”
*I love my kids tremendously, yet some days they drive me nuts and I want to run away from them.
*I want to fill their lives with wonderful memories of our times together, though sometimes I want them to simply leave me alone.
*My desire is to raise them to be God-loving, respectable human beings, however, some days I’m afraid I’m ruining them for life when I’m at my wits’ end and display a scowling countenance.
*I want to train them on the right path, but sometimes I am at such a loss for what to do!
*I want to be a “perfect” mommy. But I’m not, and I often fear my kids are going to pay the price for my failures.
Knowing this background, perhaps you can understand why I was so encouraged by my grandmother’s words to me this past week.

Especially since my grandfather’s death two months ago, my grandma and I have been spending quite a bit of time together. Sometimes we run errands. Sometimes I take her to appointments. Almost always, we go out to lunch. And without exception, I enjoy listening to her talk.
Lately, she’s been reflecting a lot about her childhood and I’ve been inspired by what a wonderful mother she had. My grandma is 89 years old. Her mother washed laundry for a family of seven without an automatic washer and dryer. She cooked and cleaned for all of them without the modern efficiencies I take for granted. She made yummy treats for all the kids to enjoy. Grandma said, “She worked hard, and she was tired. No wonder she went to be so early every night.” And I could hear the admiration and love in her words.

As I sat and listened I began to wonder, “What will my kids be saying about me and their childhood when they’re 89 years old?” I shared these thoughts with my grandma and told her about some of my insecurities as a mother, and my concerns that I’m messing my kids up through my failings.
She looked at me with all the kindness and sincerity she could and said, “They’re going to be fine, Karen. They’re going to be fine. The boys are a little rambunctious now. But they’re boys. They’re going to turn out just fine.” With those simple words, my grandma spoke volumes of encouragement to me.
It may be helpful for you to know, my grandma doesn’t mince words. She speaks her mind – sometimes leaving the listener wishing they were in another room. I love her dearly and have just learned to let some of her words slip past me with a smile and a nod. I always figure I can take her at her word, knowing she doesn’t cover up her true feelings.
It may also be helpful for you to realize my grandma dealt with many of the same frustrations I do. My dad and my son, Joshua, are very much alike – from their looks and habits to their quirks and personalities – so Grandma understands me when I talk about my hard times with Joshua.
That’s why it was so encouraging for me to hear her say she thinks my kids will be just fine. I’m going to continue to do my best, to seek God for wisdom and grace, to trust Him to carry me through mothering, and, yes, I’m going to continue to mess up sometimes. But as I do these things, I am going to also do my best to remember the words I found so dear this week. “They’re going to be fine.”

Not again!

I was scheduled to speak to a MOPS group this morning on the east side of the state. (No need to worry about the "lake effect snow" that cancelled MOPS on the west side last week.) However, I received an e-mail yesterday from the speaker coordinator, saying school had been cancelled for two days in a row due to the extreme cold, and could she please have a number to reach me "just in case." I gave it to her but thought, "Please, God. No. Not again!"

Throughout the day I was praying for the women who (I hoped!) would hear me speak today, and asking God to let this meeting happen. I left my phone on through the night just in case a call came in at an odd hour, hoping it wouldn't. When the alarm went off bright and early (Check that. It was still really dark.) I hopped in the shower, got ready and was on my merry little way, just like last week.
As I drove, I was singing and praying and looking forward to a good morning with these MOPS moms. It must have been the singing that muffled the sound of my phone ringing.
After I was sure Mapquest had led me astray, I grabbed my phone to call the church and confirm that I was heading the wrong way. When I picked up the phone, I saw there was a missed call and a voice mail from 7:23 this morning. My heart sank. I thought, "Please, God. No. Not again!" And I reluctantly listened to the voice mail.

Whew! It was my husband, asking me to call if I heard the message by 7:30, and it was 8:10. Oops! Turns out it was just a school-clothes mishap, and he handled the situation fine on his own. And I could almost hear God chuckling, Don't worry, Karen. I've got this morning under control.
So I proceeded to turn around and head in the right direction to get to the church. In deed, God did have things under control.

As I shared my heart with these moms, I could see them connecting with what I was saying and my heart was filled with joy. We talked afterwards and I loved hearing comments like, "I really needed to hear this message today." God gave me opportunity even after I spoke to share about my confidence in His goodness and to point to Him in all things.
As I reflect on this morning, it brings me joy to know God was just as good last week when MOPS was cancelled as He is today when it wasn't. He never changes and my hope is in Him!

A Weekend to Remember

What an incredible weekend I just had! If you've been reading my posts the past few weeks, you know I've been looking forward to this weekend because Kathy Troccoli was coming to my home church for our Winter Women's Conference.
In addition to the blessing of hearing Kathy sing and speak of the love and goodness of God, I was given the gift of being her personal assistant, a.k.a. taxi driver. I met Kathy, her road manager, and her pianist at the airport and drove them back and forth from their hotel to the church yesterday and today, and will take them back to the airport tomorrow morning.
This opportunity was such a blessing to me. I have long admired Kathy's passion for God, her authenticity, and her desire to be a holy woman. Those of you who have read my book know how significantly God has used Kathy in my own journey toward holiness. To be able to have some one on one time with her and to share some of my heart with her truly was a gift from God.
He spoke to me again this weekend about living a life which is pleasing to Him. He reminded me that His glory can shine through my brokenness. He poured out His love upon me. And my response to Him is, I want to delight Your heart, God. In all I do and say and am, I want to delight Your heart!

If you ever have the chance to see Kathy Troccoli, take it. I confidently believe she is an instrument God uses for His glory and you will be eternally blessed by the experience. I know I have been!

HE Isn't Surprised

OK. So I was scheduled to speak for a MOPS group on the west side of the state this morning. I've been looking forward to this particular speaking engagment for quite awhile, in part because I was going to have a special guest there to hear me.

I got up and ready for the morning and was on my merry little way. I'd driven for nearly an hour when I heard the guy on the radio say something about cars in ditches and, "Be careful out there." I didn't even know what station was playing and figured it must be somewhere far away from me, because my surroundings were fine. For the moment.
Right about then I saw the tail lights and hazard lights of the cars in front of me. Glancing at my clock I wondered if I should call my contact person and tell her I might be late. After about 20 minutes of going no faster than 5 miles an hour, I placed the call. That's when I found out MOPS had just been cancelled today. Yes, when I was about 15 miles away from the church.

We will try to reschedule. Maybe it will be this year. Maybe next. I know this cancellation isn't the end of the world, but I was so looking forward to it! I was really tempted to be disappointed, and to let my disappointment color my day.

God used that extended time in the van, going really slow, to allow me to think about my circumstance and to make a better decision than wallowing in disappointment. I realized that when I was laying awake, praying that He would work in the hearts of women as I spoke to them today, He knew I wouldn't be speaking today. When I was putting on my make up, covering up my blemishes, He knew no one was going to see them anyway. When I was glancing at the clock, wanting to be sure I allowed enough time for morning traffic, He knew it wouldn't matter.
In fact, when we scheduled this date last summer, God even knew then that it wouldn't happen today. And I realized that's OK with Him. If God wanted to, He could have kept the snow away. If God wanted to, He could have made the roads perfectly clear. If God wanted to - but He didn't.
I have confidence God is in control, and works all things just as they should be. And as He gave me opportunity to think about that Truth while I was driving, I realized it would be foolish to choose disappointment. Why be disappointed in God's best???
Instead, I'm believing in Him. Perhaps there was a mom who needs to hear my story and she wasn't going to be able to be at the meeting today. Maybe I won't be rescheduled until next year because the woman who really needs to hear me isn't even enrolled in MOPS yet. I don't know the answer. But I know God does. So, I choose to trust Him.

Maybe this experience I had, which I'm sharing with you now, is something God intends for your good. Is there a circumstance in your life which surprised you and has left you disappointed, but which you realize God is ultimately using for good? Remember, He isn't surprised by our circumstances. And even when we don't like them, God is still good!

Snapshot

Recently Holy Mama created a post she called Snapshot, which I thought was a lot of fun. So, I decided to put my own snapshot of what's going on in my head here. Care to join me?

Reading: Fair is the Rose, by Liz Curtis Higgs
Song stuck in my head: Happy, by Aisha Woods
Verse that spoke to me today: "Take a guard," Pilate answered. "Go, make the tomb as secure as you know how." Matthew 27:65 No matter what we do, we can't prevent God from performing a resurrection!
Planning: a spring break trip to Washington, D.C.
Wishing: Friday would get here soon, cuz I can't wait for Kathy Troccoli to come and lead our women's conference at church.
Considering: when and how to have "the talk" with my daughter (She just started wearing a training bra...)
Thankful: that God loves me in spite of who I am and what I do.
Heart's desire: to follow the path God creates for me, not to make my own.
Life goal: to be a reflection of Jesus to my children.
Challenge: Pick at least 3 of the above categories and leave your answer in the comments!

Have a great day!

Look Out Below!

Now that was fun! Totally, completely, seriously fun!
My toes froze, my nose ran like a faucet, and my fingers are still numb enough that I keep making errors by hitting the wrong keys. (OK, maybe that's just a reflection of poor typing skills!) But we went sledding again this afternoon, and I'm telling you, I had a blast!
Last time we went sledding I told you it was cold and icy. No way! Today was cold and icy. In fact, almost the entire hill was covered with ice. Only one corner (Do hills have corners? This one does.) was walkable. Everything else was ice covered and you simply couldn't walk up it. But let me tell you, you sure could slide down it. And fast!

This morning before we left for church, Joshua asked me, "Mom, can we go sledding today?" "I don't know," was my non-committal, looking for space, on the edge of being selfish answer. Inside I was saying, "No. I don't want to!" and "Yes. I should probably say 'Yes.'" But I had bought myself time with my non-committal answer.
Once at church, I took the kids to their classes and went to my post as a second grade teacher. We are finishing up a series on servanthood and had a great lesson about doing things for other people. What was God bringing to my mind as I was asking the girls, "What can you do this week to serve the people around you?" Sledding, of course!
Our activity to apply the lesson was to make a "Servanthood Coupon" upon which we wrote something specific we would do for an individual. Then we were to present the coupon and do that thing. As I was explaining the coupon to the girls, I told them about Joshua's request this morning and told them I was going to make a sledding coupon for him.

After church I picked the kids up and Elizabeth gave me a coupon she'd made for me. I opened up my Bible and said, "Somewhere in here I have a coupon for someone, too!" I found it and gave it to Joshua, and I wish you could have seen the look in his eyes. He let out a little squeal, I assured Elizabeth and Matthew that they could come sledding, too, and then we all made our way toward the exit. On the way, Joshua saw one of his friends and said, "Look what my mom gave me!" He was so excited. His reaction to the coupon was more "reward" than I had ever hoped to receive.
So we got home, changed our clothes, ate lunch, bundled up, and went to the sledding hill. And, I'm telling you, we all had a great time. The kids went down on their bellies - without sleds, cause it was so icy you didn't need them. Sometimes we went down in a train/blob. My husband and I rode together. I even tried the side with the jump. Once.

And I 'm reminded again, there is joy in saying "No" to myself. It doesn't always happen this way. Sometimes I do what the kids want and I simply grin and bear it as I plod through the activity, smiling politely when they ask, "Are you having fun, Mom?" And I breathe a heavy sigh of relief when we're finished, thinking, "OK. I made it through that one." But sometimes, like today, I really have fun. And I'm thankful for my kids and that God is working through them to rid me of selfishness.
Sometimes the refining fire is hot and, yes, painful. In spite of the pain, I am thankful God knows perfectly what is needed in my life for Him to make me into the woman He wants me to be. And I'm grateful for the times like today when the fire doesn't even hurt, when I actually have fun by not being selfish.
Really, I've been home for over an hour now and my toes are still cold. But I haven't had that much fun in a very long time!

Being Real

I really enjoy having a blog. I love having a place where I can share my life and thoughts. When my editor first told me about blogging, she talked to me about using it to “get the word out” about my book. But, like so many other things in my life, I had no idea what it would become.
As I think about what I want this place in cyberspace to be, I imagine it being a place where readers are uplifted. I want to offer hope and encouragement, particularly to other moms, but really to anyone who happens by. I love reading the musings and experiences of others in the blogosphere, and I want my space to be a nice place to visit, too.
However, as I was making my way through the day today, this blog post was troubling me. Honestly, today had some very rough spots in it and I kept thinking, “Yuck. I can’t blog about this!” I was feeling quite down. Nothing “uplifting” was flowing from my creative juices.
The problem is, one of my life goals is to be real. I have spent enough time trying to be who I think others expect me to be, and I’m done with that. So, what’s a blogger to do? How can I be both real and uplifting when I'm having a rotten day?

When my circumstances are good, it’s easy to be uplifting.
When funny things happen in my family, it’s easy to be funny in my blog.
When the kids are cute and adorable, it’s easy to inspire with precious stories.

But…
When we’re fighting over homework,
When Matthew is telling me I’m mean and bossy,
When he’s fussing and demanding way too much of my attention,
When I’m just getting dinner in the oven and it’s after 6:00,
When I’m questioning my adequacy at being a mom and homemaker,
When my circumstances stink…it’s hard to be the uplifting encourager I want to be.

So I put in one of my favorite CDs and listen to “The Voice of Truth” (by Casting Crowns) and I remind myself of what is True.
I remind myself that, even though my circumstance at the moment stinks, Jesus hasn’t changed.
I thank Him because He doesn’t change from day to day or moment to moment, and that I can trust Him to carry me through my hard times just as He does through the good times.
I thank Him that the apparent “goodness” of my circumstance has no impact on the reality of His eternal goodness.
And I realize, even in my brokenness, I can be an encourager. I don’t need to point to my circumstance. I can point to Jesus!!!

Candy for breakfast?

My alarm went off, as usual, at 6:00 this morning. I'd been mostly awake since about 4:00, though. That's OK. It seems God wanted me to be praying. So I spent most of my waking moments in prayer about the women's conference coming up at my home church. Have I mentioned how excited I am that Kathy Troccoli is coming? And how much I hope the sanctuary is filled with women? That is my prayer.

Anyway, I rolled out of bed, donned my robe and slippers, and opened my bedroom door. Usually I look in on a sleeping Joshua and Matthew and give Joshua the option of getting up now or waiting until 6:40. (Sometimes he likes to get up early so he can play on the computer before he goes to school. Hey, whatever works!) This morning, though, when I looked into their room Joshua was already awake. He said, "Here, Mom. I got this for you last night," and he handed me a Reese's peanut butter cup which he'd taped to the side of his bed.
Joshua knows Reese's are my favorite kind of candy and yesterday when he was going over to the community center he told me he was going to get me one, but honestly, I'd forgotten. (I received a phone call from the coordinator of a MOPS group Monday evening, whose speaker for their Tuesday night meeting was nowhere to be found. I checked it out with Brian and determined I could fill in, so before Joshua arrived home with my treat I was on my way to speak.) So it really was a pleasant surprise for me this morning when he gave me the candy bar.

Besides giving me something sweet on which to feast, it also gave me something sweet on which to dwell. Whenever Joshua does something like this, I am reminded of his tender heart. In spite of the times he brings me to my knees in tears, Joshua really is a precious boy. He thinks about the feelings of others (OK, not always, but sometimes is better than never!) and he loves to make people happy. I don't fully understand Joshua, and sometimes loving him is a choice I make and takes serious effort. But I am thankful for moments like this morning when I get a glimpse of his tender heart and am reminded he's a precious boy.
Surely, I am not the only mother who struggles with loving her kids sometimes. I wonder, what are the things your kids do which remind you how precious they are, and which renew your love for them?

OK, now I need to go eat breakfast, because this candy bar sitting at my side is calling my name and I cannot (in good conscience) eat it before breakfast!

Who's on First?

Ann Kroeker writes a blog which I enjoy reading. We were chuckling over e-mail recently that we seem to be thinking some of the same thoughts, and she commented, "Great minds think alike?" (I was honored that she assumed I have a great mind!) Well, it seems to have happened again. Today as I was reading her blog I thought, "This is exactly what I'm dealing with right now!"
She spoke of the conflict we face when we want to put first things first. For Ann and I, the struggle comes from wanting to put our families first, and our writing first, and our...You get the idea. There's a clash.

I'm coming to understand it really comes down to putting others first. I just finished writing an article about saying "Yes" to my kids more often. I won't re-hash the whole thing here, but the bottom line is I'm making a decision to say "No" to myself and "Yes" to them.
Funny how God gives us ample opportunity to put into practice the good decisions we make. That is, the decisions that cause us to grow, to say "no" to self, you know, the ones that go against our sin nature.
Just this morning I was sitting down to check my e-mail when my kids started asking me for things. (Did I say "started"? Check that, they started before I'd even gotten out of bed!) One wanted to invite a friend over, which I agreed to, but the friend couldn't come. Then they wanted to invite over the neighbor kids to play, and I agreed to that as well. It continued...

"Mom, can I have a snack?"
"What do you want?"
"An apple."
"OK."

"Mom, can I have a snack?"
"What do you want?"
"A granola bar."
"Sure."

Hmmm, this saying "Yes" thing isn't really so hard.

"Mom, will you take us sledding?"
What? Can't you see I'm trying to get my own thing done here? Sledding is simply not on my agenda. I don't want to go sledding. I want to do what I want to do - not what you want to do.

Saying "yes" was easy when I could say it without having to put someone else first. It was easy when I could say it and stay in my chair, doing what I wanted to do. But one of the things I've decided to do is this: If I can't think of an unselfish reason to say "No," I'm going to say "Yes." And since all my reasons for saying "No" were clearly selfish, I said "Yes" to sledding.
My neighbor has her nieces and nephew for the weekend, so the two of us took two vans and nine kids and went to the local sledding hill. It was cold. It was icy. It was very cold. It was fast. It was a lot of fun!!!
Besides truly having a good time - enjoying racing down the hill on a piece of plastic with one of various kids between my legs - going sledding brought me joy. It brought me joy to say "No" to myself and to put my kids first. Those of you who've heard me speak at a MOPS group know I admit I'm a selfish person by nature, so it brings me joy to do unselfish things. It's almost like I'm winning a battle over the parts of me I don't like. (Take that, you selfish nature! Die!!!)
Now, if it were only easy for me to be unselfish. Ahhh, I don't think that'll be happening this side of heaven! So, I'll keep asking myself, "Who's on first?"

What a great day!

What a day this has been,
What a rare mood I'm in,
Why it's almost like being in love!

Oh, excuse me. I was just re-visiting my high school days when we performed the musical "Brigadoon." Aye, lass, those were great times!
But I have had a great day today, and it does make me feel like breaking out in song. (Except that I'm sitting in a coffee shop right now and I fear people would look at me quite strangely. So I'll try to contain myself.)
I spoke to a MOPS group this morning and enjoyed spending the hour and twenty minute drive praying and singing to Jesus. The women at the meeting were incredibly kind and receptive to me, and God ministered HOPE to many of them. They shared with me that God must've known they needed to be at MOPS this morning because of the obstacles He overcame to get them there.
I'm speaking on this side of the state again tomorrow, so instead of driving back to Lansing today and coming back again tomorrow, I'm spending the night with the woman who edited my book. We're going to have dinner together in just a short while. I've spent the afternoon in this nice little coffee shop working on my taxes, catching up on e-mail and reading blogs, and doing some writing. Ahhhh, it's been a lovely day!

Some days are harder. I get stressed, and sometimes depressed. But today I'm thanking God for a break, for encouragment and peace. And I'm remembering He's just as good on my bad days as He is on my good ones. I love that about Him...He never changes. He's always good. He's always worthy of my praise!

They're Tired. (But God isn't!)

They're tired. They're tired. They're tired.

This statement has been my mantra for the past few hours.

My mother-in-law came to Lansing yesterday, rented a room in a hotel with an indoor pool, and took my kids overnight. They swam all afternoon and evening yesterday, stayed up late with Grandma, got up and swam some more this morning, then came home for Joshua's "family birthday party." My mother-in-law warned us when she brought them back that they'd need to go to bed early tonight.
Everyone made it through the day OK. The kids and I went shopping for about an hour this afternoon, and they were quite well-behaved for our trip. However, when we got home and I was making dinner, well let's say I came to agree that bed time would be early tonight.
When I made the declaration about bedtime, Elizabeth said, "Good. I want to go to bed early tonight." Hmmmm, that was easy. But Matthew started crying and protested (read with a whiny tone), "But I'm not tired!!!" Right, and you'll probably jump out of bed and hug me when I wake you up for school tomorrow. As we moved through complaining about getting the table set for dinner, settling down to eat, and coming to an agreement that a small serving of cake and ice cream was adequate for dessert, since they also had cake and ice cream after lunch, I continued my mantra. They're tired. They're tired. They're tired.
Reminding myself about their condition really did help me not get so upset with them. They're behavior was annoying, but I tried to extend grace because their little bodies were tired, and I looked forward to the peace that would come (to all of us!) when they were asleep.

Ahhh, yes. Peace like my husband and I had yesterday. After my mother-in-law left with the kids, Brian and I cleaned the house. And it stayed clean for hours! Then we had a quiet dinner and enjoyed uninterrupted conversation with each other. Our small group came over in the evening and we talked together and prayed without the usual thump, thump of the boys jumping out of bed, or the frequent calls of, "Mom! Matthew's out of bed!" Yes, it was so peaceful here yesterday and last night!
As I enjoyed my brief hiatus from motherhood, I also realized the wonder of God's perfect love and unfailing patience. While I was cherishing the moments that my mother-in-law had my kids, I considered the wonderful truth that God never gets tired of me. God never says to Himself, "Oh, it would be so nice if someone would take Karen away from me for just a night, so I could enjoy some peace and quiet." And this is true for you, too, you know? He never wants to get away from you for just a little while. He never tires of hearing you ask for help. He never wishes you would stop needing Him.
Rather, He rejoices over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) He loves you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3) And He will never stop doing good to you. (Jeremiah 32:40) How wonderful is that???

Potty Talk

My neighbors were gone the week between Christmas and New Years, so I collected their mail for them. One day I noticed a MOMSense magazine (put out by MOPS International and Christianity Today) in the pile. I used to enjoy reading MOMSense when I was in MOPS a few years ago, so I decided to read through this issue. Ever since that day, I have been waiting for the online version of this issue of MOMSense to become available so I could share an article with you...
Have you ever been in a situation when your kids completely humiliated you? Perhaps they said something to a stranger that just shouldn't have been spoken, or they blurted out something you did which was really foolish and you wanted to crawl under a chair and hide. We've all had times as mothers when we regretted teaching our children to talk, when we've wished there was a way to erase from the air the words that just passed their lips.
But I must admit, my children have never done anything to me like the little guy in this story did to his mom! You've got to read it. You might want to stop first and use the bathroom, though, as I anticipate great amounts of laughter coming from you, and we don't want any "accidents."
Enjoy!

Because I Love You

Today's the day! The day we've all been waiting for. It's Joshua's birthday!
Over Christmas break, during one of our trips to Meijer for groceries, Joshua sighted what he thought would be the best gift he could ever receive. It was a box full of Pokemon cards, stickers, and a video. Joshua has gotten very excited about these cards recently. He has no idea how to really play the game. All he knows is he wants to collect as many cards as he can. His goal is to have 1,000 cards by age ten.
So when he saw this box full of cards, Joshua's eyes grew wide and he said he would just love to recieve it for his birthday. But he thought it was probably too expensive and didn't think I'd get it for him. He continued to remind me, though, that for his birthday he wanted Pokemon cards, Pokemon cards, or Pokemon cards. Nothing else would be necessary.
Personally, I don't see what the big deal is about these cards. Like I said, he doesn't play with them. He just collects them and yells in excitement, "Look! I got a 120!" "Oh, cool! It's a Legendary!" "Wow! This one is a holographic!" I guess I collected pointless things when I was nine years old, too.

So, as I was shopping last week, I knew it was time to pick Joshua's birthday gift. I went to where we'd seen the prized box of cards, and didn't see it at first. I saw something not quite as cool and was going to get it, but then I saw the box. I picked it up, looked at it, thought about spending that much money on (stupid) cards, thought about how much Joshua wanted it, imagined the smile on his face that would appear when he opened it, thought again about what I considered to be a waste of money, imagined the smile on his face again, and made a buying decision. I got the cards!
To be perfectly logical about it, I was willing to spend that much money for his birthday gift. I just would have chosen something more practical if it were for me. But it wasn't for me. I knew Joshua would be happy beyond measure with this gift. And bringing him joy was the thing on my mind. I bought the gift, not because it was practical, but because I love Joshua and I wanted to do something that would make him smile. (And he does have a great smile, don't you think?)
All week I've been looking forward to this morning and the look on Joshua's face when he would open his gift.

This gift decision reminded me of a conversation I had several months ago with a dear friend. We talked about the times we do things for our kids, just because we love them. The thing we do (letting them have a piece of candy, giving them a sticker they want so much, letting them sleep on the floor instead of in bed) may not seem important or special. It may not be a big deal for us to give. We may not understand why they are so excited. But we do it because we love them. And the joy they express brings joy to our own hearts and makes us want to do it again and again.

Do you suppose God might look at us in a similar way? How many times do we come to Him asking for things we really want, and he gives them to us just because He loves us? And when He has plans to give us our heart's desire, do you think He anticipates our joyful response, and that it brings Him joy when we respond with a grateful heart?
God supplies all our needs. I have seen Him do amazing things to provide for my family, sometimes when the situation seemed rather bleak. He's good that way. But I truly believe sometimes He gives us things not because they're important and we need them, but just because He loves us.

Bedtime Battles

OK, they're finally in bed. For good. I think.

Brian was gone tonight, and it was a bath night. Usually that's a terrible combination but this time things started off, well, slightly above average and I was hopeful we'd get through things without incident. Honestly, sometimes I wonder when I'll ever learn!
With the kids in bed, clean and snug, I thought my job was done. Oh, no! Joshua wanted to get up and look at his Pokemon cards. So did Matthew. I was willing for Joshua to do it because he's usually pretty responsible about going to bed when he's truly tired. But I had to say "no" to Matthew because every morning when I go in to wake him, he squeeks at me and pushes me away. He is very hard to rouse and my goal for him is to get to sleep earlier, not later.
OK, that ruling went over like a lead balloon. Yes, I understand the seeming "unfairness" of it. The fact is, Joshua has proven himself responsible in this area, and Matthew has not. At this point in time, though, reason and logic had no place in Matthew's mind. He just begged and cried and said he would get up when I tell him to in the morning. Sorry, kiddo. I'm going on history, not promises, on this one.
Soon enough, Joshua climbed back in bed and I foolishly thought the end of the fussing must be on the horizon. What did Matthew have to fuss about now, anyway? No more unfairness, right? Oh, silly girl! Lacking a reason to fuss, the boys decided to fill their time with talking which, of course, bothered Elizabeth - who needs her beauty rest. She took it upon herself to take notes about the things they were saying so she could provide me with a complete report. And I probably would've gotten the word-for-word account if I hadn't stopped her short.
So I found myself back upstairs standing in the doorway of the boys' room. I was getting frustrated, feeling like a broken record telling them over and over again to be quiet and go to sleep. And I was stuck for a consequence to give them for their behavior. I couldn't send them to their room. They were already there! I couldn't send Dad up. He wasn't home.
For lack of a better idea I just stood in the doorway and watched them. And I began to pray. Lord, I know You love these boys. Please help me to love them now. I'm frustrated with them. Thank You that Your love is perfect - toward them and toward me. Oh, please help me to love these boys! And I stood there and looked at them and tried to have loving thoughts about them. Know what they did? They said it was "creepy" to have me standing there. Whatever!
When I thought they were ready to stay quiet and was about to leave them, I came up with an idea I wished I'd had much earlier. I told Joshua I was going to go back downstairs and work on decorations for his birthday party. I said I would work on the project if he stayed in bed and remained quiet. I came up with a less impressive bargain for Matthew. But they seem to have worked because the boys are still in bed, and they're still quiet. Hmmm, I'll have to remember this tactic!
Now I must go work on that project!

Painful Honesty

OK. The music is over and now it's time to type. I've been sitting here listening to (and singing along with!) Kathy Troccoli. Did you know you can listen to her online? Except I find it hard to get anything done when I'm listening. I keep stopping to sing along. I mean, I can walk and chew gum at the same time, but sing and type. No way. See? Did you notice that pause? OK, Karen. Focus!

I think I've mentioned in my blog somewhere that I am currently going through the book of Matthew during my quiet times. This morning I read a familiar passage, but God caused me to see it in a new way. (He's good like that!) I was reading Matthew 25:31-46, you know, the sheep and the goats.
Prior to today when I've looked at this passage I have always considered "the least of these" to be basically strangers to me. I've thought of "the less fortunate" in my community, people I may or may not come across in the course of a day or week or month. People I may serve at the soup kitchen, or who may wear something we donate to the rescue mission, or whom we may serve in some capacity through our church. People whom I know Jesus loves, but who are generally not too close to me.
Today when I read this passage, however, my mind turned to my children as "the least of these." I considered how many times they ask me for things, how much they want from me, and my usual inward response of, "Not again!" I wrote in my journal, "They are needy and I admit I often see them as intruders on my time. The honesty is painful."
If I tucked Jesus into bed and He asked me for a drink of water, of course I would walk all the way downstairs and back up again to get it for Him! Why do I find that so hard to do for Joshua? If Jesus asked me to sing Him just one more song to help Him get to sleep, of course I would put off doing my own thing for one more minute so I could sing for Him. Why do I usually refuse to do it for Elizabeth? If Jesus wanted me to hug Him for five minutes at a time, I would treasure that embrace before I went off to do my "important" things. Why do I feel the need to rush Matthew's hugs? Yes, this honesty is painful.
This world is full of "the least of these." Some are far from me and I serve them as best as I can. I love volunteering at the soup kitchen and praying for the people there. But I only do that once every other month. My church has a great outreach we do for the "needy" in our community and I eagerly help with that. But that's just one month out of the year. We give clothing to the Rescue Mission. But that's seasonal, too. My children are with me every day.
Lord, please give me Your eyes for my children. Please help me have Your perspective, the wisdom to know how to shape them, and the love to serve them and meet their needs.

Jinx!

Those of you with elementary aged children are probably up-to-your-ears familiar with this game. Those of you with younger (or much older!) children will have to recall the days of your own childhood. Surely you played "Jinx."
This is how it goes with my kids: Two of them say something, word for word, at the same time. Then they yell, "Jinx" and whoever says "Jinx" last isn't supposed to talk until the other individual says their name. The way it works around here is, in addition to saying the initial word or phrase simultaneously, my kids usually say, "Jinx!" at the same time. Then they get into, "Jinx before you!" "Jinx before you again!" "Jinx before you a hundred times!" "Jinx before you'll ever say it again!" Most times it ends in laughter, sometimes fighting about who really "won," and always with Brian and I rolling our eyes at this silly game.
Tonight it was our turn to be silly. We were eating dinner when Elizabeth excused herself from the table saying, "My tummy is really gassy." As she passed by us she, uh, passed gas. Loudly. Brian and I looked at each other and said, "I guess so!" And followed our comments with, "Jinx!" Then quickly, "Jinx before you!" I was laughing so hard, I nearly spit my food out at him!
I am so mature...

Five Minutes for Mom

Oooo, five minutes for mom. Doesn't that sound nice?

While Brian was gone and I spent the evenings online, learning more about blogs and linking, etc., I came across this group and liked what they offered, so I joined them!

"Surviving Motherhood" has just been added to the Christian Moms blog directory at "5 Minutes for Mom". Have you ever visited "5 Minutes for Mom"? If not, let me encourage to go and see what all they have there... it's all for moms! They have tons of mom blogs and mom-written websites as well as a quickly expanding resource of mom-owned stores. Browse about a bit and you'll find everything from custom baby announcements to play kitchen equipment for your little girls and boys. It's a wonderful idea to try to shop first at stores run by work at home moms.

So, check them out and let me know what you think!

Trying to get it right

It's hard to believe, but Joshua is going to be nine years old next Saturday!

When Joshua was five, the father of a thirteen-year-old boy basically told me to hang in there through the hard times with Joshua. He said he'd been through similar things with his son, but now his son - at 13 - was a totally different kid, and so much easier. At the time, I thought, "Oh, so you're telling me I only have eight more years of this. Great. Thanks for the encouragement!"
Well, I've made it through four years. Does that mean I've made it half way to "easy"? Does that mean in four more years I won't have to "try" anymore? That things will come easy for Joshua and I? That when I try to do something special for him, he'll recognize it as such and be happy about it? That he'll take my correction as for his good, and learn from it? That Joshua will be convinced I am for him, not against him? Awww, I can dream, can't I?
Several moms who've "been there" tell me it never gets easy. Yet, others assure me it does. Guess I'll have to wait and see.

In the mean time, I am determined to love that boy. Not by myself, or in my own strength - I need God to love Joshua through me. And I'm thankful for the little things Joshua does that remind me he's a little boy who needs his mother's love.
Today he came running upstairs to tell me that two of his friends just called to say they can come to his birthday party next week. He was so excited as he told me about their conversation, and as he reminded me of the things he hopes to receive as gifts.
And I just spent time downloading images from the internet that we might use as decorations. Ooo - he just came in. Gotta go now. I hope he likes what I've done...I would really like to "get it right" sometime!

OK, I'm "irregular"

Hmmm, that sounds like a "too personal" bit of information, doesn't it?
It isn't.
I finally got to take a break today. I left the house about 10:00 this morning, went to an internet cafe and spent time e-mailing and reading blogs. Then I went shopping, and that's when I found out I'm irregular.
One of my shopping goals was to find a new pair of jeans, though I must admit I was only a little hopeful that I'd get anything because I always have a terrible time trying to find jeans that fit. As I looked through the racks I found two pair of jeans which were highly discounted because they are "irregular." My untrained eye couldn't see anything wrong with them and I sure liked the price, so I tried them on. They fit almost perfectly! So, I must be irregular because all the regular jeans I've tried on don't fit like these do. Are you ready for this? I got them for $21 -total!!!
Next, I went to the mall to find a top to go with them. I saw a jacket I thought I might get but looked around for another hour or so before going back to get it. (I am so not confident when it comes to buying clothes, unless it's a t-shirt or sweat shirt.) I decided to go back for the jacket and when I did I asked a sales clerk what kind of shirt I'd wear under it. We talked, and she advised. Then she said, "Come with me," and she lead me to a different jacket that was more fitted and she thought would look better on me, plus it was half the price!
So, now I have new black jeans and a pinkish/rose suede-type jacket that I'll wear with black heels and a black shirt that's trimmed with shiny beads. The sales clerk suggested buying some sassy earrings to complete the outfit. OK, Brian, get a babysitter - Karen's feeling hot and ready for some fun!!!

After my shopping fun I spent time reflecting on what's happened over the past year, and wondering what may be ahead in 2007. It is absolutely amazing to me when I consider what God has done, and where He's taking me. At the beginning of 2005, I had no idea I would begin speaking to MOPS groups within the year. At the beginning of 2006, I had started writing my book but had no clear plan for "really" writing, and wasn't sure I'd actually see it through to completion. At the beginning of 2007, I am excited to have published a book and to have 30+ MOPS groups on my speaking schedule.
As I was journaling today, wondering where God will take me in 2007, one thing that came to me again and again was Psalm 115:1, "Not to [me], O Lord, not to [me] but to Your name be the glory, because of Your love and faithfulness." God has been so good to me. First, in giving me hope that He is using my children and my mothering struggles to make me into the woman He wants me to be, and second, in giving me opportunities to share this hope with other moms. When I receive compliments, or words of appreciation and encouragement, it's tempting to think I've done something worthwhile. But I realize nothing good comes from me. It's all about my Savior! I want to always give God the glory for everything He has done.

Afterall, I'm just irregular!

Back to normal?

Brian is home and we were all glad to see him! (He liked his poster.) Yesterday we went as a family to the movies to see Charlotte's Web. (Whew! That was expensive!!!) Brian took the boys "fishing" for awhile and he and Elizabeth played Life. I did more laundry and took down the Christmas tree. Yes, this seems a little more like normal.
But as I said in Sliding in to Home, I believe God used last week to work on me and mold me, and in that sense I'm really not interested in getting "back to normal."
It's a new year with new possibilities. I want to take time to reflect on the year gone by and wonder about the one we've just started. What does God have in store for us? This mom doesn't want to go "back." I want to move ahead with God and embrace everything He brings my way. How about you? Will you join me?

Generation Next Parenting

I recently read Generation Next Parenting, by Tricia Goyer. Tricia is a GenXer, just like me. She graduated from high school in 1989, just like me. She loves the Lord, yet still struggles with mothering, just like me. Perhaps that’s why I appreciated her book so much.
Generation Next Parenting is filled with quotes from other GenX parents and I often found myself nodding, thinking, “Yes. That’s how I feel,” or wanting to search out an individual to say, “Me, too! How did you resolve that issue?” Tricia’s words are filled with grace, assuring us we can parent “right,” even if it isn’t the same way our parents did it. I love that she points her readers to God’s Word and encourages prayer in everything.
Besides all that, reading this book was like an enjoyable trip down memory lane. The songs I used to sing along with on the radio. The games I used to play. The TV shows I watched. The 80s were fun, weren’t they?
You can read the first chapter of Generation Next Parenting online. Tricia also has a blog and website that are worth checking out. Enjoy!

Sliding into Home

Ahhh, just five or six hours until Brian gets home! Poor guy, getting in so late. He's going to be exhausted tomorrow. Wait a minute! If he's exhausted tomorrow he's going to want to sleep all day and then it'll be just like he isn't here again. Poor me!!! Just kidding!

We had a very nice time at my grandmother's house last night. My brother and his clan creamed my kids and I in Family Fun Cranium, but we did have fun. And they only won because they rolled lots of high numbers and got around the board faster than us. Oh - am I making excuses? Oops! We enjoyed some of my grandma's yummy pie and spent time talking and laughing about things we did when we were kids - stories my kids enjoyed hearing. Everyone stayed up to watch the ball drop in Times Square and then I tucked the kids in and sang to them. As I was saying good night I thought about the many, many times I'd slept in those same beds as a little girl when I spent the night with Grandma. What fond memories!

Though I was planning to save grocery shopping for tomorrow, when I could go alone, somehow my kids managed to talk me into going today and taking them along. The truth is, they wanted to spend more of their Christmas money and I couldn't think of an unselfish reason for saying, "No." We made it through the store without much difficulty, except toward the end Matthew started getting lethargic and complained that his tummy was hurting. I put him in the seat of the grocery cart, figuring that would make him feel better and help us get finished quicker. Both things seemed to occur.
Matthew perked up on the ride home, but stayed in the van once we arrived. Joshua reported that he was playing with the toy gun he'd just bought, pretending to "protect" the van against invaders, and I figured all was well. Silly me. Just a few minutes later Joshua had a different report.
"Mom! Matthew just threw up!"
I went outside to see my sweet little boy straddling a puddle of, well, I can say it, we're all moms, right? It was a puddle of vomit. I stood with him and tried to comfort him as I made sure he was "finished" and then took him inside. After we removed all the soiled clothing, Matthew lay down on the couch and I went out to clean up. I'll tell you what - if kids have to get sick, outside is the place to do it. Two buckets full of water and a broom, and I was done!
So Matthew laid on the couch most of the afternoon, and Elizabeth and Joshua colored in and decorated a poster I had made for Brian that says, "Welcome Home!" When Matthew was up to it, he added his touch and now it's hanging in the dining room, surrounded by lots and lots of balloons. Sure to bring a smile to Brian's face when he stumbles in around 1:30 this morning.
Ahhh, that thought brings a smile to my face.

I received an e-mail from a friend today, who has been following my blog this week. The subject line read, "You made it!" Yes, we did make it. Honestly, the days leading up to this week often found me dreading the thought of Brian leaving. I didn't want to go through the things I knew I'd face as a "solo" parent. I didn't want to take on the extra pressure, listen to the fighting and whining with no one around to give me a break, serve as the sole judge and complaint receiver, or manage the household by myself.
But you know, it's times like this week that cause me to cling to God in ways, and with a frequency, I don't always practice. He uses times like this to remind me of my desperate need for Him. I called out to Him for help. I sang about turning my eyes upon Jesus. He was constantly on my mind as I sought to make it through this week.
And as I tried to remain calm with my children, God showed me things about myself of which He's working to rid me. I asked myself things like, "Why do I get uptight so quickly? Is the yelling and running around really something that needs to stop? Or am I just irritable? Why am I so quick to say, 'No'? Do I need to be more generous with my time?" Lord, sometimes I don't like what I'm going through - the hard times I face. Yet I believe You're using them to make me into the woman You want me to be. And so, I choose to trust You!

This leg of the journey is almost over. I'm glad you joined me for it. My prayer is that God would bless and encourage you, as He has done for me.

Day Six

Maybe it's because the kids are excited about staying up until midnight tonight to watch the ball drop and are, therefore, exceptionally loud and bouncy. Maybe it's because we're all missing Brian since he's been gone for six days. Maybe it's because I really need a break!
Whatever "it" is, I am feeling quite edgy tonight and I think it's a really good thing we're going to my grandmother's house to ring in the new year with other people. The way I'm feeling at the moment, I'm pretty sure I would blow my goal of not blowing it with the kids this week if I had to do tonight alone.
We're taking Family Fun Cranium along to play with my brother, his fiancee, and my nieces, and my brother told me he'll bring some games, too. We have chips & dip, snack mix, and pop. We're going to spend the night, too. I'm sure we're in for a very enjoyable evening. And I'm so glad I'm not doing it alone!
Happy New Year, everyone!

Day Five

I have been going through the Gospel of Matthew during my quiet times and just finished chapter 22 this morning. As the Pharisees and Sadducees have been approaching Jesus testing and trying to trap Him, I've wondered, How did You feel about these guys? I know Jesus loved them, but I began to wonder if their behavior might have actually made Him sad.
They just didn't get it! They had the Savior of the world, God Himself, the Lover of their souls, in their midst. They could have worshipped Him up close and personal. They could have spoken with Him, asked Him questions, served him and loved Him. But they didn't understand who He was. Rather than enjoying relationship with Him, they were fighting against Him. Oh, foolish, misguided souls! Yes, I think Jesus may have been sad that these men were missing out on the relationship they could've had.
As I considered Jesus' interactions with these men, I came to the conclusion that He operated through the motivation of love and Truth. He always had the good of mankind in His heart. And so I wrote this prayer: Lord, will You make me wise? Filled with love and motivated by Truth? Will You guide me as I raise my children and help me know how to train them and interact with them? I don't want to be like combatants, but like comrades. We should play together today. Please give me a good idea. And I determined to come up with something to do that they would consider fun.
I sat at the computer and searched numerous community calendars and some Michigan website, but couldn't find anything. Then Brian called. His idea was to go to Caesarland. Oh, but it's Saturday and Caesarland is always chaos on Saturday! But it was a good idea. My kids frequently ask to go to Caesarland, and we almost always say, "No." So, the decision was made. I would take the kids to Caesarland.
Joshua's response was perfect. He said, "Wow! That's cool, Mom! Usually we ask you to take us to Caesarland. But this time you're asking us!" (I'm not keeping score, but someone please put a few points in the "Mom" column.) Of course, I managed to work hair cuts for the boys into the deal. Hey, it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up.
We didn't even have to wait for a table when we got to Caesarland. Surely this was going to be a fun time. I gave each of the kids a dollar for tokens and they enjoyed playing games and climbing on the play structure. They got good and sweaty and after two hours were ready to go home.
After dinner we played "Twenty Questions for Kids," and I read a few chapters out of Joshua's new book Mitt the Michigan Mouse. We definitely had fun together today. Oh, don't be fooled - we had "moments," too. But the good far out-weighed the bad and, for that, I am thankful.
With a busy and active day under our belts, the kids were ready for a reasonable bed time, too. Which is a good thing since we have church tomorrow and they won't be able to sleep in, as they've become accustomed to this week!

Yes, they're getting used to a different sleep pattern, but they aren't adjusting as much to Brian being gone. This morning Elizabeth said she misses him and wants him to come home. (Me, too, honey!) She talked to him on the phone and told him so. I wondered if that made him feel good because he's loved, or bad because he isn't here. Awww, just two more days!

Rounding Second

Well, we've made it to the half way point without Daddy. The kiddos are in bed. We're rounding second base and heading for home! Overall, today was another good day. Though I failed again to know how to best deal with Joshua and I lied to Elizabeth. Let me explain.

One of Joshua's chores is to empty the trash and take the bin to the curb on trash day. And, of course, to bring the bin back to the house once it's been dumped. That should have been done oh, let's see, yesterday. I asked Joshua several times to bring it up to the house yesterday. (Note: I often get accused by Joshua of being bossy because I'm "always" telling him to do things. He doesn't like my reasoning that if he'd do it the first time I ask, I wouldn't have to keep on...) So today when I looked outside and saw the bins on the curb I decided I would try to get him to see for himself that there was still a job for him to do. You know, get him to realize it so I didn't have to be bossy. Good idea, right?
I called him and asked him to come downstairs. When he came I asked him to look outside and see if there was anything he needed to put away. He didn't get it. I said, "Look by the red car." A couple times. He said, "What? Am I in trouble?" I said, "No. You just need to bring the trash bins up to the house." Then he got mad and yelled, "Geesh! Why didn't you just tell me? I thought I was in trouble for something!" And he slammed the door and stormed off to get the bins as I stood dumbfounded, wondering if I'll ever understand him and know how to give him what he needs.

So that's how I failed. Here's how I lied.

I was making bean burritos for dinner, which all my kids love. Sometimes I put a cup of diced chicken in with the beans for a little extra protien, but tonight I thought I'd use leftover turkey from our Christmas dinner. Elizabeth doesn't like turkey, but I didn't expect she'd be able to detect the difference so I wasn't concerned. That is, until she came into the kitchen and asked, "Are we having bean burritos for dinner tonight?" I replied that we were. Then, seeing me cutting up the meat she asked, "Are you putting chicken in them?" I said, "Yes." And she skipped out of the kitchen saying, "Oh, goodie!"
What was I supposed to do? Tell the truth? Then she wouldn't have eaten dinner! As it was, I could definitely taste the turkey and wondered if Elizabeth would pick up on it. But she didn't. In fact, she had seconds. Maybe she likes turkey today. I dunno. I can't keep track of their taste changes.
Fridays are traditionally "Movie Nights" at our house, so after dinner I did the dishes and the kids picked up the house and put on their pajamas. Then we settled down with popcorn (Kettle corn! Which Dad doesn't like, but he isn't home!) and watched Little Ghost. It's a cute show and after it was over the kids had fun fantasizing what it would be like to have a ghost for a friend, or better yet, to be able to turn invisible themselves. They ran around being crazy for awhile, and now they're in bed. Not bad.

I know we're only at the half way point of Brian being gone but, somehow since tomorrow starts the weekend, it seems like we're almost done. Gotta be careful not to get over confident. I think, though, we're going to make it through this time just fine.
I wish I knew how to approach and respond to Joshua in ways that didn't get him angry or flustered. It would be great if Matthew would be consistent with using the bathroom and would stop having accidents. I don't want to tell Elizabeth any more lies. But even with a few bumps in the road, I think we're going to make it "home."

Oh! I learned something today! Bloglines doesn't send e-mails. You have to log into your account and, there on one screen, you will find all the blogs to which you've subscribed and you'll know which ones have unread posts. With just the click of the mouse you are instantly taken to them for your reading and commenting pleasure. It's so cool! Thanks go to MomTeacherFriend for turning me on to Bloglines!

Day Three

Well, in spite of the fact we "slept in" again today, we experienced fall-out throughout the day from last night's late adventures. The fall-out showed up mostly in the form of bad attitudes, though "forcing" the kids to write Thank You notes even on a good day can produce bad attitudes. So, was it foolish for me to assign that task today? I dunno, but the job is finished now.

Finishing Thank You notes was the incentive I gave for enjoying a movie at the community center this afternoon. When the job was completed the kids left the house, leaving me with instructions to meet them there for the movie by 2:15 - so we could get good seats. By 2:30 we were enjoying the movie "Cars." It was my second time seeing it - cute show! I think Matthew slept through parts of it, as he was leaning on me pretty heavily, and Joshua was sprawled out on the floor wrapped up in my coat for portions of the movie, too. In the end, Matthew only had enough energy to hold on to me while I gave him a piggy back ride home.
From about 5:00 on, the fall-out became quite severe, and I announced (though I'd made the decision already this morning) that bedtime was 8:30 tonight. Joshua didn't like that decision at all, and he let me know it. He insisted he wasn't tired and could stay up late again. I knew better than that, especially as he started complainig of physical symptoms like a head ache. Guess what? He was asleep by 8:25!

As I made my way through today, several times I laughed and thought, "I'll have to blog this!" In many ways it seems my life has become one big illustration. It reminded me of when I was writing my book last summer.
One morning during my quiet time I was asking God if there was anything else He wanted me to write. Silly girl!!! Oh, did I have a "morning" that day. One thing after another went wrong. Ordinarily, that series of events would have sent me into an angry tail spin, but in the midst of it I thought, "This is going to make a great illustration!" (It's in chapter four...) And somehow it wasn't so painful.
My point? (Yes, I have one!) Perspective makes a big difference in how I handle hard times. Today I spent a lot of time taking deep breaths and reminding myself, "They're tired." Stepping back to look at things differently, and extending grace, really helped me make it through today.

Another thing I did today was learn how to add links to my blog. (Look to your left.) I have included some other blogs I've been visiting and a few of my favorite Christian women and organizations. Just give them a click if you want to visit.
I also signed up to receive e-mail notices for whenever new entries are posted on the blogs I'm following. Someday I'll put a sign-up link to bloglines on here somewhere, but for now I'm too afraid I'll mess things up. If you want to receive notices when I post something here, instead of checking on your own, click here http://www.bloglines.com/ to sign up. It's free!

So, Day Three is done. Matthew must be asleep because it's been over ten minutes since he last came down here and told me he can't sleep. And Elizabeth hasn't called me with a complaint for at least the same amount of time. The mess from last night's festivities is pretty much cleaned up. I learned a few new things today, and have entered a new post. Now, shall I go to bed, or find a new task to accomplish?

Good night!

Day Two

OK, this morning I was seriously thinking I was going to blow that goal of not blowiing up at the kids this week...
We slept in until almost 8:00, which was great because I stayed up way too late last night. Hey, the kids were asleep and Brian was gone - I had to take advantage of the time alone, didn't I? Anyway, I hid out in my bed with my Bible so I could have a real "quiet" time before facing the day. That was good. Then I came downstairs to three kids anxiously awaiting the exciting conclusion to our game of Life. (I convinced them I could eat a bowl of cereal while we played. Their plan was that I'd need to eat after the game, but I was hungry!)
I thought it would be a fun-filled, exciting conclusion. Silly me! Joshua and Matthew seemed more interested in filling the extra cars with "peg people" and driving them all over the board than playing the game, but insisted they wanted to play whenever I suggested they might rather sit out. Then Joshua started getting angry when he had to pay money to other players, and when he couldn't collect a salary for a Pay Day space he didn't really cross. Suddenly, for him, the game was "stupid" and he copped his angry attitude. I told him to get control of himself, and asked/told him to quit crumbling the game pieces. That's when he started in on me, telling me I'm too bossy. (And that's when I started thinking, "Well, if you would just respect me and behave like a mature adult, I wouldn't say the things that make you think I'm 'bossy'!" He's eight, Karen. Breathe!) I did make him sit on the couch for a few minutes to cool off, but he eventually rejoined us to finish the game. In the end, Joshua retired as a millionaire and all was well. But there was a time in there when I was really close to losing it.
I then spent some time on the computer, working on promotional stuff for the Women's Conference with Kathy Troccoli coming up at my home church February 2 & 3. (For details, visit http://www.trinitywired.com/upcoming.asp?EventID=967) Finally, I showered and we took the promised trip to McDonald's playland. The kids had a good time, I decided the Asian Salad is actually a pretty decent menu option (never thought I'd say that about anything at the Golden Arches!), and I read up on what I need to do to report and pay Michigan sales tax. All in all, it was two hours well spent. And on the way home, they hit me with the next request.
They wanted to go to the Salvation Army Thrift Store to spend some of their Christmas money. One of their friends once told my kids that he bought a stuffed animal there for 80 cents, and when we went to check it out my kids were delighted at what they could get for so little money. So they wanted to do it again. I couldn't think of a reason to say, "No," so I said I would call to be sure they were open and then we'd go.
Matthew needed a bathroom break when we got home and I needed to pick up the neighbor's mail, then we'd be on our way. If only it could have been that easy... With the kids in the van waiting for me, I ran inside to put the mail away and heard...something really strange. I put the mail down and ran into the basement, expecting to find the washer running with the lid open - that's what it sounded like. No, that wasn't it. I went to the corner and saw water pouring from the ceiling all over the furnace. Ahhh! It was from the toilet upstairs!
I went back upstairs quickly and darted into the bathroom. Yup! Water everywhere! I reached back and turned off the water feeding the toilet, and threw down a couple of towels to soak up the mess. Then I wrote, "Do not use," on some masking tape and taped the lid shut. Heading out to the van with a wet sleeve, I figured I'd deal with the toilet later. (That was eight hours ago. I have removed the towels, and Matthew has confessed that he "might" have used too much toilet paper and caused the problem when he repeatedly flushed the toilet. But, unless I get really industrious, I think we'll use the second floor bathroom for the rest of the week, and I'll let Brian play plumber when he gets home.)
So, we made it to the Thrift Store, the kids found some treasures, and Joshua was thrilled to learn that the "little" stuffed animals were only ten cents! What a bargain! His NeoPet collection is growing, and he is pleased. And it dawned on me that going to the Thrift Store was a simple thing to do, didn't require much of me, yet made the kids so happy. Why is it usually my first instinct to say, "No," when they ask me for things? It really made me glad to make them happy. Hmmm. Something to ponder.
Once home, the kids ran off to play at the community center and I worked on conference publicity a little more. Then we had dinner, I washed dishes, and the kids stuffed their shirts with extra clothing and got into a belly-busting match. It was quite humorous. I was thinking they ought to start thinking about bedtime when Elizabeth asked if they could all sleep in the living room tonight. Again, my first instinct was to say, "No." Why is that???? But I paused and said, "OK," instead. You'd have thought I'd just given her the world! She skipped out of the room to tell her brothers the good news. That news motivated them to clean up from the belly-busting match, get themselves showered and ready for bed, and all without me being "bossy"!
For well over an hour now, they have been playing games with each other, reading books together, doing math flash cards, math pages, and language arts stuff. They tell me they're playing "school" and are going to be really smart when real school starts back up in January. But it's almost 11:00. Am I a bad mom for letting them stay up this late? They're having a great time, and day two is almost over. This isn't so bad...

One Down, Six To Go

Well, they aren't asleep yet, but the kids are all in bed. There now, that wasn't so bad, was it? Today was the first of seven days I'm going "solo" as a parent of three kids at home for Christmas vacation.
My husband is on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at Michigan State University and every three years he serves at InterVarsity's Urbana Missions Conference. So this morning at 8:00 he left for Detroit Metro airport and won't return for a full week.
I have been preparing for this adventure mentally for quite awhile, and am determined to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus as I go through this week. Call me crazy, but I have made it my goal to get through the week without blowing it with my kids. Unrealistic? I dunno. Didn't Someone once say, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible"?

I'm not sure, but I think we may have already made it through the most difficult task of the week. I usually do my grocery shopping on Mondays, but since Monday this week was Christmas I went shopping today, with the kids. I have gotten so used to shopping by myself that I really was dreading this trip to the store today - especially since the kids wanted to bring their Christmas spending money and browse the toy section. But we did it. We actually made it through Meijer, toy shopping and grocery shopping, without incident. Amazing!
During the afternoon the kids played (mostly) nicely with each other. (OK, there were one or two "incidents" this afternoon.) After dinner we finished yesterday's cheesecake, and Elizabeth and Joshua washed the dishes. Then we set out to play the new game we got for Christmas, Life. (Yes, I am re-living fond childhood memories through the purchase of that game. Anyone else grow up playing it?) And now the kids are in bed. Like I said, they aren't asleep yet, but for all practical purposes I think it is safe for me to say I've made it through one day and have just six more to go.

We have plans to visit McDonald's playland for lunch tomorrow, take in a movie at the downtown library one afternoon, and play a few times at the community center. Who knows, maybe in the midst of trying to survive this week we'll make some good memories!? I'm open to that! I'll let you know how it goes.

My Merry Little Christmas

No alarm clock this morning. We all slept in until a pleasant 7:45. After breakfast we held our own Advent candlelight service and sang Christmas carols before opening gifts. Then I got started on laundry. (Hey, Christmas or not, it's Monday and I am a creature of habit!)
Between loads of wash, I made No-Bake Cheesecake. I'd forgotten to get something for dessert, but found a box of cheesecake mix in the pantry. Whew! Jell-o to my rescue! I put the turkey in the oven and then we all got in the van for a trip to Hawk Island, where we (and a few other rebels who went to the park, even though it was "closed") played hide and seek on the play ground.
Now, we've eaten our Christmas dinner. Left overs have been packaged up and stored in the refrigerator. The dishes are washed, dried and put away. And the kids are enjoying their new toys and treasures. Sounds like a great day, doesn't it?
Really, it was. And I will do my best to remember it as a great day. But it didn't come and go without tears, and moments of feeling like I'll never "get it right" with Joshua.

As all parents do, I wanted to get gifts for my kids that would light up their faces and bring them joy. And I thought I had made the right choices. They all seemed cool to me! As gifts were unwrapped, the squeals of delight indicated all was well. That is, until Joshua decided his air gun wasn't as cool as Matthew's disc shooter. In fact, Joshua thought his new toy was stupid (never mind the fact he'd been all smiles just minutes before as he was opening other gifts) and now his attitude toward life was decidedly grim.
I tried to reason with him and coach him in gift receiving etiquette. Elizabeth chimed in and said she thought the air gun was neat, and even played with it to try to convince him further. I told Joshua he could use some of his Christmas money to buy a disc shooter just like Matthew's if he wanted. (It was only $5!) Nothing was helping.
In time, Joshua and I were both upstairs and he brought up the subject of his "stupid" gift again. Joshua essentially said I must think he is dumb because I got him such a dumb gift. He really knows how to push me! I told him I was doing my best to pick nice gifts, and if he didn't like what I picked, maybe I just wouldn't buy him gifts anymore. (Admittedly, not one of my more mature comments.)
Joshua stormed off and Elizabeth approached me saying, "I know you're doing your best, Mom." I thought, "Yes, but sometimes my best just isn't good enough!" And I went to my room to have a few minutes alone when I could cry and talk with God. I told Him, though this moment was hard, I know He didn't make a mistake in giving me children. I said I know I can't do this mothering thing without His help. My best isn't good enough. I need Him. I refocused my eyes on Him, and went out to face the day again. (And many times found myself singing the chorus about turning my eyes upon Jesus...)

Ahhh, but now the dust has settled and I am able to see God's hand in the day's events. Isn't what I went through - rememebering my best isn't good enough, and that I need Him - what today is all about? Originally, I thought the lesson was all about mothering, but was it?
Christmas is all about celebrating Jesus coming to earth - God becoming man, and why? Because our best isn't good enough. We need Him! How amazing that Jesus would choose to leave the glory of heaven, to set aside His rights as God and live as a man, ultimately enduring death on the cross! And all because our best isn't good enough. We need His best, and He was willing to give it. All because He loves us. Wow!
I hope your Christmas was a merry one, and that you will take some time to reflect on God's incredible love for you today.

Christmas Shoes

Have you heard the song "Christmas Shoes"? It's about a little boy out shopping for a gift for his sick mother on Christmas Eve. He finds a pair of shoes that are her size and he is sure she will love them. He wants to buy them for her so she'll look beautiful if she "meets Jesus tonight." Apparently, she is that sick. When it comes time to pay, the boy doesn't have enough money and is frantic because he so desperately wants to get these shoes for his mother.

The love of this boy for his mother is beautifully portrayed in the lyric and expressed by the artist. (I don't know who sings it...) It is a precious song, and nearly brings me to tears each time I hear it. Though I'm often in a hurry running around in the van, this is one song I'll sit in the drive way or parking lot listening to until it's over.

I heard "Christmas Shoes" today as I was coming home from the store, having just bought new shoes for Joshua. (And I sat in the drive way until it was over!) Sitting there, listening to the words and thinking about the "shoe" ordeals I go through with Joshua, I realized why that song is so precious to me. In spite of the time a month or two ago when Joshua "hated" me because he didn't like the play shoes I bought for him, and even though he was intensely angry with me today because I wouldn't let him go out and play in the mud since he only had his "good" shoes with him, I know he loves me.

Joshua (as you may have picked up from these blogs) is, for me, the most difficult of my three children. We clash over many things. Sometimes I must make a very deliberate choice to love him. And I often wonder if he is more sincere when he says he loves me or hates me. Yet, when we get beyond our battles, I can see he has a very tender heart, and it is full of love.

To me, "Christmas Shoes" is a beautiful picture of a little boy's love for his mother. It reminds me my own son does love me, and gives me hope. I don't know if that was the intent of the song writer, but that's how God uses the song for me.

What reminds you of your kids' love for you?

Confessions

It's ten days before Christmas, but the way the family caledars work out, my family and I are in Gaylord this weekend to celebrate Christmas with my parents. That means after school today the kids had to clean their rooms, pack their things, and pile into the van for the trip up north. We've all been looking forward to this weekend with Grandma and Grandpa Sheaffer but, honestly, I was not looking forward to the drive. As our time for departure drew nearer, my disdain for the drive grew stronger.
To begin, last week the kids were told they would be in snow up to their belly buttons when they arrived in Gaylord, and that made them very excited. Today I had to break the news that all the snow had melted (this is Michigan!!!) and their disappointment was evident.
When we were packing, Joshua was in one of his "moods," which colored his world very dark. He couldn't find his boots and stomped around the house, angry that they were missing. He didn't like that I told him to get his coat and accused me of being too bossy. Matthew had left his gloves at school and was insisting that we had to go back and get them. He was sure his mittens simply wouldn't suffice. And he was mad at me for not letting him bring his comforter -his bed cover, not the Spirit!- along for the ride. So I had an angry boy and a grumpy one, and I was not wanting to road trip with either one of them. However, since leaving them behind was not an option (I'm sure it wouldn't turn out as charming as Home Alone), we piled into the van and began the trek up north.
I entered the adventure with fear and trembling and was surprised at what happened. There was the usual barrage of, "Are we there yet?" "How much longer?" "Would you cut that out?!" "Mom, make him stop touching me!" And it was peeking with Joshua's stomach ache and his inability to get comfortable in the front seat. (Riding "shot gun" had originally been a good thing. Now the seat was "stupid.") We still had nearly an hour to go and I was wondering if I was going to be able to make it through while maintaining any sense of peace or self-control.
Joshua and Elizabeth were trying to figure out how they could rework seating arrangements so Joshua could lay flat, which is when I had my good idea. (Or was it God's good idea?) We pulled over, Elizabeth took over shotgun, and Joshua came back with me so he could lay his head down on my lap.

As Joshua lay there, I rubbed his head and scratched his back. (He loves this kind of touch). I sang some of my favorite praise songs. I prayed for Joshua. I thought about how God is using my children to shape me and make me who He wants me to be.
Several times today as I was going through little battles with the kids I had the thought, "If I didn't have kids, things would be so much easier." For a moment I had a twinge of jealousy toward those who don't have children, or whose children are already grown. (I realize this confession doesn't make me sound very loving...) But in this moment of quiet, when I turned my eyes toward Jesus and thought about what is True, I remembered how precious my family is to me, and how very much I do treasure them - each one of them. I considered with joy the ways God has been refining my character as I go through trials with my kids. I have sooooo much growing to do, so much more refining that needs to happen, but He has been working in me. I really believe I am a more patient and kind person now than I was just a year ago.
In these moments of peace and reflection, God gives me hope.

How about you? How have you seen God working in your life?

I'm a mess

In the end of October I heard Julie Barnhill speak at a church here in Lansing, MI. One phrase she repeated over and over, and encouraged her audience to embrace was, "I'm a mess." Well, Julie, I'm admitting it to all of cyberspace tonight - I'm a mess!

I was a substitute teacher this afternoon, and that wore me out physically. My kids were quite needy after school, we got home late because of my subbing, I needed to get dinner ready early, and take the kids to church for a dress rehearsal for a Christmas program that’s happening this weekend. Of course things didn’t go smoothly getting out the door on time, there was fussing about getting costumes on, and once we were in the woods the boys didn’t want to listen to me or follow my direction. Climbing on logs and throwing rocks through the ice was much more interesting. It didn’t take long for me to become worn out emotionally.

It also didn’t take long for me to realize that having them participate in this program was a stupid idea. They’re boys! They don’t want to act like townspeople in Bethlehem. They want to act like boys in the woods! Armed with this realization, I battled with myself over calling it quits and sticking it out, trying to get the boys to "act" like townspeople and letting them be boys, maintaining some form of self-control and screaming at the top of my lungs. Only by the grace of God, we made it through our portion of the rehearsal and were dismissed. Of course we still had the task of getting back into the church, hanging costumes and finding our way back to the van, but surely the worst was over. HA!

Once we were safely in the privacy of our own van, my tears started flowing. I wished I was safely in the privacy of my own room, but I just couldn't hold them back any longer. When Elizabeth saw me, she got mad at the boys for “making” me cry. Joshua started calling himself “stupid” for “making” me cry. Through my tears I was trying to tell him it wasn’t his fault – that I was feeling bad anyway. (How do you explain hormones to an eight-year-old boy???) Finally, I asked if we could have a silent ride home - no one yelling at anyone else or blaming each other for things that aren't their fault anyway. Fortunately they complied.

The peace was good, as it gave me opportunity to pray and to remind myself of what is True. Yet I kept on crying, thinking, "I'm such a mess!" I was realizing again how desperately I need God. On my own I cannot manage mothering, a household, my sanity and PMS. What would I do without Him???

So, I reminded myself that He is good and all His ways are perfect. Though the evening was rough, my tears were plentiful, and I kept on thinking, "I'm a mess!" I have chosen to trust that God is fully in control and that He's using all these things to refine me. It hurts sometimes, but I know He is caring for me perfectly.

In the end, He used my daughter to speak Love to me. I was laying on my bed with the light off - trying to gain some composure before I went out and faced the kids again. Elizabeth came in, turned on the light and sat beside me. She started reading the "Love Passage for Kids" (1 Corinthians 13 - kid style) and when she finished she simply said, "They love you, Mom. They just aren't showing it very well right now." So much for gaining composure! But this time I was shedding "happy tears."

Isn't it good to know God loves us, even in our mess?

The roller coaster

This week at school has been dedicated to the Scholastic Book Fair, and last night I went up to volunteer. Before I left the house, the kids were describing the books they wanted and I said I would look for them and maybe buy them for Christmas gifts. (Don't you always want to be a little vauge - for the "surprise factor"?)

At the Fair I looked, with little success, for the book Joshua wanted. Not to worry...It was so heavy on his mind that he called me to see if I had found it. We spent several minutes on the phone, Joshua describing the book and its location on the book shelf in relation to the main entrance, and me walking all around looking and asking one of the librarians if she knew anything about this particular book. Finally we discovered it - in the hands of one of Joshua's buddies. James had the last copy at the Fair and when he learned Joshua wanted it, he gave it to me to buy for Joshua. What a nice kid!

Upon arriving home, I was bombarded with, "Did you get me...?" questions. I answered vaugely (that "surprise" thing), but Joshua pressed me so I said I did get the book he'd wanted. Then he said he wanted it now and I reminded him it was for Christmas. Oh - that didn't go over well! At all!!!! Joshua started crying and yelled that he wanted it now, and if he'd known it was for Christmas he wouldn't have asked for it. He started tearing paper up. He ranted about "wasting" a Christmas gift. He said he would do anything to have the book now - even offered to give me his pet mice.

Joshua has never handled disappointment well, and this display was a reminder to me he still has a lot of growing up to do. I talked about disappointment with him and tried to help him understand that he needed to get control of himself. Attempting to reason with him is often futile, but I thought pointing out that his mice really are much more important to him than this book would help him see how outrageous he was being. I'm not sure what it was, but something helped him calm down.

He came up with the idea that he could buy the book from me. He asked, "If I give you the money, could I buy the book? Just like I was buying it from the Book Fair?" I agreed to that request because if he'd given me the money beforehand, I would've bought it for him when I was at the Fair. "Ahhh," I thought, "it's settled then." But then I asked him how much money he had. Not enough. And then despair hit again as he considered it would take him "forever" to earn the money. (He gets irrational very quickly!) Surely Christmas would be here before he earned the money and, well, that's just too long to wait! I said good night, kissed him and came downstairs.

Moments later, Joshua came down, plopped $5.20 by my side and asked for the book. Elizabeth had loaned him the money he was short. OK. So I gave him the book and he went upstairs. Happy. And once again I thought, "So it's settled then."

Moments later, again, Joshua came back down as "buyer's remorse" had settled in. He was wondering if he could keep the book for a week or two, give it back for a full refund, and then accept it on Christmas as a gift. I told him, "No." He could buy it now or wait 25 days and have it as a gift. That was my "final answer." I could see the pondering going on in him. What is more important? How can I make up my mind? Can I really wait that long? Do I really want to spend my money? Finally he handed me the book, I refunded the money, and I was certain the issue was settled. Joshua went to bed and stayed there.

So I got off the roller coaster and wondered, "Did he learn anything tonight?" Times like this one make me wish for perfect wisdom, or at least a parenting manual that tells me what to do in every situation. I want to train my children in self control, help them learn how to handle disappointment, teach them to make wise decisions. And I realize I'm still working on those very things for myself. I am reminded once again of my desperate need for God and am so thankful for His grace and patience with me.

Has anyone else been riding roller coasters?