What's on Your Mind '09 - Testimony Edition

Shane started What's on Your Mind '09 as a blog carnival to challenge writers and encourage conversation. I have enjoyed thinking and writing about these topics each week and hope you have, too.
This week Shane is away on a retreat (Cue the violins.) and has asked me to play hostess to the current topic. Yea! I love having friends over. Especially when I don't have to clean the house first. *grin*
For this edition of What's on Your Mind '09, Shane is asking us to share our love story about coming to Christ. She said we can visit LauraLee if we need some ideas to help us get going.

Sooooo, my love story.
***Note: This story is longer than I usually let my posts get. I hope you are willing to spend a couple extra minutes with me!

I grew up in the church. Attended worship services most Sundays (Except when I could convince my mom I was just too tired to get up.), participated in the youth choirs, went to summer church camp seven years in a row, and was active in the youth group. Somehow, though, I missed the memo that I needed to receive Jesus personally.
I knew the Christmas and Easter stories. I understood that Jesus came to earth to be the Savior of the world and that He died to pay the price for our sins. I believed He was resurrected on the third day and later ascended into heaven.
I "got" all that. And I thought that was enough. Thought I was covered and good to go, because Jesus did what He needed to do.

And that is all Jesus meant to me for the first 18 years of my life.

He was God and He was Man. He was the Savior of the world, even. But to me, there was nothing personal about Him at all. Jesus was more like a fact of history to me. Someone who lived long ago and did a wonderful thing, but who really wasn't relevant to my life "today."
Oh, there were times when I paid more attention to Him. Like when I had a couple different boyfriends in high school. One was a pastor's kid and another was a nice "church boy." And when I was going out with those guys I certainly had a greater interest in God things.
With the pastor's kid, I learned lots of nice Christian songs and went with him to a senior center to sing them. We did stuff with his youth group and I was happy to sit and listen to the leader's talk about God.
When I was seeing the church boy, I went with him to his church and Sunday school. I talked the talk, and thought I was a nice church girl, too.

But when those relationships ended, so did my attention to "God." (I put His name in quotes, because now I know I wasn't truly paying attention to Him.)

Then I went to college.
And I met a guy.
And he was cute.
He asked me if I went to church and, of course, I said yes. OK, so I hadn't been to church since college started, but that wasn't what he asked. And when he asked if I would like to go with him sometime, of course I said I would love to. I mean, he was cute, and I'd been through that drill a couple times before. The guy likes God, so you do church things with him, and everyone is happy.

I had no idea my life was about to turn around.

This guy wasn't like the others.
He didn't just "go" to church. He talked about why he went. He asked me questions about why I attended church. He read the Bible with me. And talked about it. I had no idea you could have a conversation about what the Bible says!
And this is the part that really threw me for a loop.
This guy seemed more interested in me - I mean, Karen. The person inside my body. - than in this cute little body I was walking around in. (Trust me, it was cuter 19 years and three kids ago!)
So there I was, blown away by this guy who seemed to really believe in God. Whose faith in God mattered outside of Sunday morning. And who looked at me differently than any other guy I'd ever known. I was falling in love with him, and I wanted to hear what he had to say about this church thing.

As I listened, I came to understand I was missing something. While it was true that what Jesus did on the cross was "enough," I finally realized there was something I needed to do.
I needed to respond. I needed to confess my sin and admit my need for a Savior. And I needed to receive Jesus into my life as that Savior. I already knew He was the Savior of the world. Now I needed to accept Him as my Savior.

And this is where I like to say the love of my life introduced me to an even Greater Love.

But remember? I had been through the drill before. Like the guy, like his God. But when you break up, so goes the God thing?

Not this time.
Several months - maybe a year - later the thought occurred to me, Even if he and I break up, this relationship I have with God through Jesus is not going to end! Our relationship was personal. He was finally real to me.
I cannot describe the joy that understanding brought to my heart.

In the end, breaking up wasn't an issue, anyway. I married that "guy."

And so my love story continues...
*********************************************************************
Now, in the tradition of What's on Your Mind '09, will you share your story? On your own blog, or in the comment section, I would love to hear about how you came to know Jesus personally!

And for those of you who are reading but have never entered into a personal relationship with God through Jesus, I pray God has used something in my story to call to you today. If you have questions, or would like to talk privately, please, please, please email me!

Grace-full Conversations

Colossians 4:6: Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

If you like my shirt, you can go here to order one of your own.

His Grace IS Enough

OK, I had a nice post all written and scheduled to publish for your reading pleasure Friday morning.
Then Thursday afternoon and evening happened.
And I had so many thoughts running through my head, and emotions ravaging my heart - I couldn't leave the scheduled post alone. (Don't worry, I'll get back to it someday.) Because, for as much as I want Surviving Motherhood to be a place for you to come and receive encouragement, as much as I want to offer you hope through the storms you face each day, I also want to be real with you about my own struggles.
God is my encouragement and my source of hope. My only Source. But sometimes the struggles are so overwhelming they seem to eclipse His glory.

Check that.

Sometimes I fix my eyes on the struggles, rather than on God, so I can't see His glory. And that's what happened Thursday.

It started when I took Elizabeth shopping and to run some errands. And the trip took longer than it should have, and I was stressing about some other issues.
It escalated when I got home to find Matthew had not done the two things he was supposed to do while I was gone. The two things we discussed at length before I left. The two things he knew he needed to do.
It got worse when my little ADHD friend couldn't get a handle on himself, couldn't stay focused on a task to save his life, and started yelling at me because I wouldn't let him have his door closed. (When he can't stay focused I make him leave his door open. When it's closed, he seems to think he has a license to get distracted.)
And it came close to going through the roof when he finally sat down to do his homework, needed my help, and then refused to listen to what I was saying.

In the middle of trying to make dinner, struggling to be strong in the face of uncertainty, and floundering in my attempts to understand and deal with my son, my heart simply cried out, God, is this one too big for Your grace? Is this situation finally too much for You to handle???

Oh, in my mind I know that is not true. I know there is nothing God cannot handle.

Nothing.

But in the moment - with my eyes fixed upon the struggle - the question lingered in my heart.

God gently reminded me of His faithfulness. He reminded me of the prayers of faith I have offered for so many of my dear friends. And He assured me I could trust Him for my situation, too.

In that moment, God brought a song to my mind. A song I have grown to love because it speaks Truth to my soul. He used it to give me hope again, even in my despairing moment. And now I am sharing it with you.
If you're feeling like you might be in a situation that is too big for His grace, I pray He will bring you hope through this song, too.
Because, indeed, His grace IS enough.



May the peace of Christ reign in your heart this weekend. See you back here Monday!

It's Almost April Fool's Day!

April Fool's Day is next Wednesday. Have you made dinner plans yet???
Every year for the past four or five years I have made the same thing for dinner on April 1. We have "cake" for dinner, and "salad" for dessert.

Really!

OK, not really. C'mon y'all, it's April Fool's Day!

It just looks like cake for dinner and salad for dessert. Really the cake is meat loaf, "frosted" with mashed potatoes. And the dessert is a dressed up ice cream sundae in a waffle bowl that looks like a taco salad.

Here's a picture of last year's cake:
My kids simply love this dinner, and are already asking if I'm going to make it again.

Here's the low-down, if you want to give it a try.
Use your favorite meatloaf recipe and make the loaves in two 8-inch round cake pans. Drain the fat and frost them with mashed potatoes like you would a two-layer cake. I also put mashed potatoes in a pastry bag to pipe on an edge and then add dots of mustard and ketchup to decorate the cake.

For the taco salad dessert, scoop ice cream into waffle bowls and top with shredded coconut which you have colored with green and yellow food coloring (to look like cheese and lettuce), maraschino cherries (cherry tomatoes), sliced licorice (black olives), and whipped topping (sour cream).

I also like to make a yummy looking drink for our April Fool's dinner. For these, prepare two 3-ounce packages of strawberry gelatin as directed and refrigerate until partially set - about 2 hours. Stir in 3/4 cup each fresh strawberries, raspberries and blueberries, and pour into six tall drink or soda glasses. Insert a straw and refrigerate until set.
They look like delicious drinks, but when you pucker up on the straw you discover the trick.

That's the trick I'm playing next week. Let me know if you give it a try!

How Are Your Noisy Times?

"How are your Quiet Times?"

That is a question I used to hear frequently. Friends and spiritual mentors would check in on me - wanting to hold me accountable for spending time with God daily, wondering what God was teaching me, and generally looking out for my spiritual well-being. And somewhere along the way I acquired the belief that God's love for me and the quality of my relationship with Him was directly tied to the frequency, duration, and noise level of my daily time with Him.
Is it any wonder becoming a mother put my spiritual life in a tailspin? The quiet times to which I had become accustomed were virtually non-existent and I was under the impression it was impossible for me to grow in my relationship with God.
How could I spend quiet time every day reading my Bible and praying, when I was surrounded by needy, noisy children?
How could God speak to me if the only quiet time I had was when I was sleeping?
How could God love me when I wasn't able to devote an hour to Him every morning like I used to?

Last week I came across something I wrote several years ago. I was with a group of friends and we were talking about "Quiet Places." Re-reading what I wrote allowed me to remember how troubled I was at that time.

Quiet places, huh?
Lord, I feel discouraged, even a bit depressed. A couple of times lately quiet places, quiet times, a "special spot," or a "prayer room" have come up. These ideas sound great, but I don't see it happening for me. The when and the where seem to evade me.
No. They seem impossible.
I don't think I have the space in my house. I can't imagine truly quiet and uninterrupted time. My heart aches and even yearns for such as these!

Remembering where I was at that time in my life makes me so sad. I know now that God had not stopped loving me, but at the time - because I wasn't having "quiet times" - I basically put my relationship with God on hold. It didn't occur to me that God could love me and speak to me, and that our relationship could continue to grow, in the midst of the noise.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Have you been there, too?

Are you there right now?

If so, may I suggest to you that God is just as near to you, He is just as holy and loves you just as much when you are changing a messy diaper or mopping up spilled apple juice as He is when you find a quiet moment to read a verse or two from your Bible?
And would you believe me if I told you that God can speak to your heart through the noise of a fussing baby or a ranting fifth grader, just as clearly as He can through His still small voice when you happen to find yourself alone in a quiet place?
I didn't mean to, but now I realize that when I was struggling so much to find quiet time, I was confining God to quiet times.
And He cannot be confined.
God has shown me that He can use any situation to speak. He is not afraid of noise, or messes, or tantrums, or even long lines at the grocery store. God is present in each moment. He is loving us. And if we are listening, we can hear Him speak.

I do not mean to say that we do not need to seek quiet time to be alone with God. On the contrary, I treasure the quiet times I have with God and I encourage every one of you to find a way to have them, too. But maybe you are at a place in life where a daily quiet time isn't going to happen. Maybe you need to arrange for child care and can only have an hour or two alone with God a couple times a month.
I don't know your quiet time situation, but I do know that God is holy and good and loving in the noise, too. He is not confined to the quiet. God speaks, even when it's loud.

So my question for you today is this: How are your Noisy Times?

On My Father's Lap

I have told you before about Mindy, right? My puppy who sits on my lap during my quiet times? The one God has used to show me amazing Truths about His love for me - particularly that it is entirely possible for Him to love me when I am not doing anything more than simply sitting in His presence?

Well, He did it again. God used that sweet little puppy to speak to my heart.

I was sitting in my chair and Mindy was curled up on my lap. She was quiet and comfortable and I was rubbing her back as I prayed. My conversation with God centered around concerns and worries that were in my heart at the moment, and my eyes were filling with tears because of my fear and uncertainty.
As I was asking God to be my comfort and to remind me I can trust Him, there was a noise in the other room and Mindy started to growl. I knew the noise came from Matthew. He was just moving some stuff around. So I held Mindy a little tighter and told her, "It's OK, Mindy. It's OK." And she calmed down.

Can you see where this is going?

As I sat there with tears in my eyes, speaking words of comfort to my dog and holding her close, God held me and spoke to my heart.
Mindy was upset by the noise coming from the other room, but I knew there was no need for her to fear. Matthew was not going to harm her in any way. I knew something she did not, and I was able to be calm for her and offer a comforting presence.
In the same way, I realized God knows what I do not. He knows how these uncertain circumstances are going to work out for me. He knows there is no reason for me to fear or worry, rather that I can trust Him fully to take care of me. And with that understanding, I was able to switch places with Mindy in my mind. I was able to imagine myself seated on the lap of my Father, to allow Him to hold me tighter and rub my back, and say to me, It's OK, Karen. It's OK.
Strange to think my tears increased at that point, rather than going away. But they did.
Thankful tears this time.
I stayed there a while, on my Father's lap - with Mindy on mine - and enjoyed the peace His presence brings. And as I went through my day I reflected back on that moment often.
My circumstances haven't been resolved yet. I'm still living in uncertainty. But I know everything is going to be OK, because my Father said so.
And I can trust Him.

I'm Desperate!

For those of you visiting from Angela's place, Welcome! I hope you will find encouragement here for whatever you're facing today.
On Mondays I usually post a video devotion, and today you get to hear me admit that I am a desperate housewife. Thanks so much for stopping by, and please, come again.


Father in heaven, thank You for being our Father. Thank You for Your amazing love. Thank You for the blood of Jesus which covers all our sin and makes us new. Thank You that You don’t see us dirty – as failures – but You see us with grace because of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross for us.
God, I am asking You right now to speak Your love to my friend. I am asking You to assure her of Your presence and Your power and Your peace in her life. When she is feeling like a failure, when she is upset because she “lost it” again, Lord, will You remind her that Your grace is sufficient to carry her? Will You comfort her with the understanding that You are good – all the time – and You will make her good enough? Lord, please show her how to rest in your grace. Teach her to trust in Your mercies which are new for her every morning.
We fall short as mothers, Lord. Every day. And You know it. We struggle to be perfect. We try, but we can’t do it. Forgive us, Lord, for losing control, for not loving our children as we know we should. And help us, I pray, to fall into your arms of grace. We can’t do this on our own strength. We need You. And so we come – desperate and needy – thankful for Your amazing grace.
Thank You, Jesus. Amen and amen.

That was Easy

Have you ever noticed that children can enjoy the simplest of things? Like a great big box, or a pile of leaves, or even a clump of dirt? My adult mind cannot remember how these simple things can bring such joy. But my son reminded me of that fact just the other day.
Joshua and his friend wanted to take a walk to an undeveloped area in the neighborhood next to ours, but I didn't want them to go without an adult. Since I'm an adult, Joshua asked if I would take them.

So, I did.

It was a nice walk - rather long - and I enjoyed listening to the boys talking about important fifth grade stuff.
You know. Like, who ran fastest in gym class. And did so-and-so really mean it when she said she liked so-and-so? Because she really sounded like she was being serious. But it might be that she's just good at acting.
You know. Important stuff like that.

When we made it back to the undeveloped area (After discussing what we would do if those big paw prints we saw were from a bear, and it came out chasing us, etc.) the boys ran over to the pond they saw and started throwing rocks into it. And they threw rocks into the stream that fed into the pond.
They discovered that if they threw bigger rocks into the stream, the rocks stirred up the dirt and made a very cool fog effect in the water. And that fog thing was rather entertaining to them.
But then one of the boys picked up an even bigger rock, and threw it in with even greater force, and the very large splash it produced brought even more delight than the fog effect from the stirred-up dirt. Now Joshua and his friend were running around gathering large rocks and throwing them into the stream - with sound effects - pretending they were releasing bombs.
And as I stood back to watch, the boys busied themselves "bombing" unsuspecting piles of dirt in the stream. For a minute I forgot these were fifth grade boys, as their squeals of delight sounded much more like those of a toddler. But, indeed, they were the same boys who had been discussing girls just moments before.

After a while, I looked at my watch and told the boys it was time to start heading home. Of course, Joshua had to throw just a couple more bombs first. But then we were on our way. And as we left the war zone, Joshua must have thanked me five or six times for bringing them on this walk. "This was so much fun!" he said, over and over.
All I could think was how easy it was to bring my son so much joy. In fact, I didn't "do" anything. I just walked with him, and let him be a boy. Honestly, I didn't even understand why he was having so much fun. But the squeals, the laughter, and the overflowing thankfulness convinced me. This walk was a good thing. And I felt like I had hit a home run by agreeing to it.

I wish all of mothering was that easy for me. I would love it if I always felt like the decisions I made brought joy to my children. It would be wonderful to feel like I might actually be in the running for "Mother of the Year."
But most days I fall short in one way or another. A day rarely goes by when I do not feel like I have blown it - somehow. This mother is still trying, still struggling, still clinging to God.
But one thing is for sure. The next time Joshua asks me to take that walk with him, my answer will be an immediate YES!

May the peace of Christ rule in your heart and mind this weekend!

Loving Jesus,

The New Deal

When our country was in distress from the mess of the Great Depression, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt initiated a sequence of programs intended to clean up the situation and bring relief to the people. He called his programs the New Deal.

As I have been looking around my house I have experienced distress from the mess caused by my children. Sometimes this mess leaves me feeling like I am about to enter my own Great Depression. The clutter gets overwhelming and I want to clean it up, but they come in and drop more clutter, and I begin to think, What's the point of trying to keep this place clean???
Sooooo, I have come up with my own New Deal. Yes, I have created a sequence of programs intended to clean up the situation in this house and bring relief to ME the people.
Here's how it works:
I have posted a chart on the wall with which I will keep track of any time I pick up and put away something which belongs to one of my children. And for each check mark one of my children receives on this chart, they will owe me five minutes of work. Any kind of work I choose.
If I take care of something and I don't know who is the originator of the mess (like a dirty dish left on the coffee table), all three of them will get a check mark!
And when I decide there are enough check marks to redeem, I get to put my child(ren) to work so they can pay me back for taking care of their things.

We have only been doing this for a few days, and I'm telling you - it is working wonderfully. We cleaned the house Sunday to get this program started, and it's still clean!
I love it. My kids don't like to "work" and I am able to capitalize on their dislike of work to get them to take care of their stuff. The thing is, they're working by putting their stuff away, but they think they're getting out of work. I love mind games! *grin*
And this is only Phase One of my New Deal. Phase Two will involve the counter tops in the kitchen. When everyone is good with putting their own stuff away, I am going to institute check marks on the chart for any time I have to wipe someone else's crumbs off the counter. That'll be nice.
And, I am seeing another benefit of my New Deal. Since the kids will be affected by someone else leaving a dish or other item sitting out, I intend to help them see the benefit of taking care of things laying around - even if it isn't "your" thing. Certainly, picking up and rinsing someone else's dish will be less painful than five minutes of labor assigned by Mom!

Yes, I am proud of my New Deal. Looking around at a clutter-free room makes me feel peaceful. And knowing I don't need to nag my kids to get it to stay this way does wonders for my heart!

I'm Going to Florida!

If you live in or around Ocala, Florida, or if you're going to be in that area on Monday, April 27, I want to invite you to come spend the evening with me and a bunch of other moms.
On April 27 I am going to be speaking for a moms' event at Christ the King Anglican Church in Ocala. Doors will open at 6:30 and I will begin my first talk at 6:45. There will be door prizes and a Chocolate Reception, and then I'll speak again.
I am brimming with joy and filled with anticipation for what God will do in this evening, as we gather for hope and encouragement and a touch from our Father.
Tickets are $5 in advance and $8 at the door, and you may get them by emailing Greta at gsowens@cox.net.
I would love, love, love to see you there!

What's on Your Mind '09? - Psalm Edition

This week for What's on Your Mind '09? Shane is encouraging everyone to join in on the psalm journey we took last week. Since I already shared my psalm as we were going along, today I have "dug up" the very first psalm I ever wrote.

This was written on July 24, 1994, as I sat on a big rock off the edge of Prentiss Bay in Michigan's upper peninsula, just outside of Cedarville.

A psalm of thankfulness to my God

It is good to praise the LORD;
to consider His works and marvel at them,
to consider his deeds and bow before Him,
to remember His faithfulness and give Him thanks.

My heart sings praises to You, O LORD.
My eyes behold the beauty of Your creation;
the deep blue waters extending beyond the horizons,
the towering green trees rising from the land,
the vast blue sky powdered with clouds of white.
Even the waters sing in rhythmic waves upon the shore, as birds, too, sing Your praises.
You warm me with the sunshine and cool me with a gentle breeze.

My soul sings praises to You, O LORD, in thanksgiving for Your great mercy.
For You, O LORD, created me.
You knew my needs and watched over me as I foolishly sought fulfillment elsewhere.
You fully knew my sin and wickedness;
You saw me in rebellion.
I was blind,
a fool,
arrogant,
irrational,
dead.

But in Your great mercy You reached out to me.
Though I had not listened before, yet You called me again.
And this time, thanks be to God, I listened to You!
You came into my heart and saved me from an eternity of hell.
Bless the LORD, O my soul, for He has become your salvation!
You, O LORD, have become my rock.
I look to You now, to You alone.

My spirit sings praises to You, O LORD.
You have displayed Your faithfulness to all generations.
You kept Your promises to Abraham, Issac, and Jacob;
You also keep Your promises to me.
You cause my heart to rejoice as I remember answered prayer,
reflect on Your steadfast love,
trust in Your mercy and grace.
Your ways are wonderful LORD,
beyond my comprehension,
yet within reach of my praise and thanksgiving.

And so I sing to You this psalm of gratitude, with my heart, soul and spirit.
For You are great, O LORD, and greatly to be praised!

I still remember sitting on a big rock, writing that psalm. How strange to think that was almost 15 years ago! I was 22 years old; hadn't been married even a year yet. My, how life has changed!
God has been so faithful.
He has carried me through so much.
And though I know I loved Him as much as I could at the time, because of all I've been through with Him - because I have known Him through the storms - my love for God today is far greater.
Makes me smile to imagine where I'll be with Him in another 15 years!

And so I will encourage you once again to write your own psalm. You can take the journey I led last week, or go on your own. Digging up this psalm from 1994 has reminded me again how much I love remembering where God has taken me. And I trust you will be similarly blessed.
If you would like to see the psalms that other bloggers are creating, please visit Shane.

Write Your Own Psalm, Day Six - Celebrating God's Faithfulness

Write Your Own Psalm, Day Five - The Big BUT!

Good news! We're finished lamenting and now we've made it to the big BUT! You may recall my joy with making it to the big BUT when I was going through Psalm 31. I shared about it in this post.
David poured his heart out to God in lament - being completely honest about his pain and anguish - and then he declared, "But I trust in you, O LORD, I say you are my God." (Psalm 31:14) And he spent the next four verses declaring his trust. Take time to read Psalm 31:14-18, reflecting on your ability to trust God to take care of the circumstances and challenges in your life.
As you write this portion of your psalm, recall the laments you have written over the past three days and ask God how you can trust Him to meet those needs. While you were writing the laments, I encouraged you to not look for solutions. Today I am hoping you will invite God into those moments so He can show you how you can trust Him with each one.
Here's my big BUT:

But I trust in You, Lord.
Though my heart is bruised, still my hope is in You.
Even though I struggle as a mother, still I find peace in You.
I am a broken woman, yet I know You will make me whole.

You are good - all the time, Lord. And my complete trust is in You.
You, Yourself - You, Lord hold my every day in Your hands. You know my past and the reasons for the bruises on my heart. And You can bring healing and restoration. Yes, Lord, please bring it.
Let Your face shine upon me. Fill me, Lord, with all that is missing from my past. Let me find my satisfaction in You, alone. Let me not be dependent on the love of others, but let me be fully satisfied with Your love.
For Your love is eternal, unchanging, perfect and true. Your love is better than life. Your love, Lord, is beyond my comprehension and I am so thankful that You want to pour Your love out on me!

Lord, You know my future, too. You know how my children are going to "turn out." You know how our relationship will be and I can trust You to take care of it all. I can have peace because You are God. Father, I commit my children to You - and my future with them. Shine Your face upon us all. Keep us in Your hands. Lead us in Your ways. Guard our steps, Lord, and use us for Your glory!
I do not need to fear the future, Lord, because you are God - Creator of heaven and earth - Maker of the universe - Holder of time. Even my future days are in Your hands and I have peace about those days because I trust You.

And You, Lord, You are God of the present moment, too. You see me as I am - a broken woman - yet covered by the blood of Jesus. I am broken, yet I wear a robe of righteousness. Not my own robe, but the one Jesus died to give me.
So I am fully redeemed right now from the sin of my past and present and future. And You are continuing to redeem me - to make me fully Yours - to complete me and shape me into the woman You want me to be. And I trust You, Lord. I trust You with my present moment and I believe You are doing a good thing. A very good thing.
Let Your love cover me and fill me up, Lord.
Yes, Lord. I trust in You!

OK, girlfriend. You've poured your heart out to God. You've made it to the big BUT. Now let God pour His love out on you. As you seek Him today for this portion of your psalm, watch for the ways He answers the concerns of your heart.
You may find it encouraging to re-visit the words you write today several times this weekend. Be sure to come back Monday. We're going to celebrate God together as we write the final section of this psalm.

Write Your Own Psalm, Day Four - Still Lamenting

Back again, I see! I'm so glad you're still hanging on, and I pray God is working in your heart as you write this psalm.
On this third day of lamenting, God lead me to look at myself. I had spent two days crying out to Him about my hurts, concerns, and fears regarding the people in my life and now He was calling me to look inside. Not always a pleasant thing, but I have learned to trust my Father and I know He knows what's best for me, so I looked:

Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am broken.
My heart is consumed with selfishness and pride. Though I want to be like You, there is so much of me to battle that You get pushed out.
My spirit grows weary from the battle. Lord, truly my spirit wants to be conformed to You, but my flesh - O my flesh - puts up such a fight.
I am selfish.
I am stubborn.
I am prideful.
I blame others for my inadequacies.
I am insecure - I care way too much about what other people think of me!
I am weak.
Yes, Lord, I am broken. Broken, indeed. And just thinking about my brokenness - how desperately I fall short of who You want me to be - Lord, those thoughts break me even more.
I want to be who You want me to be. But I am not there yet!
I know I need to change. I want to change. I don't want to be this broken woman anymore, Lord. I am sick and tired of her!

Lord, have I mentioned that I am also impatient?
I want what I want NOW. I want to be holy - like You - NOW.
Have mercy on me, a broken, impatient woman.

Now it's your turn again. How is God leading you today? Where is He asking you to look? Is there a lament in your heart you've been holding back? Spend time sitting with Him and allow God's Spirit to stir your thoughts. Then pour your heart out to Him again. Remember, He is your Safe Place.

Write Your Own Psalm, Day Three - Another Lament

Hi, friends! How's the psalm coming? I pray God is speaking to your heart through the very words you are writing.
Although the lament section of Psalm 31 is just that - a section - I chose to spend a few days writing my laments. As I was going through Psalm 31 one verse at a time, I was very aware how much I did NOT want to spend time in the sorrowful verses. I just wanted to skip past them and get to the "good part." That's the way I operate a lot of the time, and God helped me to see that I needed to take some extended time to be real with Him - my Safe Place.

So on this second day of lamenting I focused on my fears about the future, particularly as they related to the things I wrote about the day before. And I began it by saying:

Have mercy on me, LORD, as a mother...

How is God leading you today? (This is a thought provoker - not necessarily something I'm expecting you to answer in the comments!) Ask Him where He wants you to go today with your writing. Perhaps it has to do with a worry about your future. Maybe there are still things from yesterday you need to work through. Ask Him and sit silently for a few minutes, waiting for His Spirit to lead you.
Please don't try to come up with solutions, just pour your heart out to the One who is your Safe Place.

Praying for you, Friend!

Write Your Own Psalm, Day Two - Lament

If the first eight verses of Psalm 31 establish God as our Safe Place, the next five take advantage of that fact. David pours out very raw feelings of lament, and really lets God know how he's feeling. Take time to read through verses 9-13 if you haven't already. In fact, even if you have read them, doing it again wouldn't be a bad idea.
You may recall that when I was reading through Psalm 31 I just wanted to get out of these verses of lament. But God used my time there (and the wise words of my mentor) to show me that I needed to be open to the pain and allow Him to love me through it - rather than to run away from it. So I spent a few days in lament when I wrote my psalm, and I am inviting you to do the same thing.
I am not going to share everything I wrote in this portion of my psalm. Partly because I don't want to influence your writing - I want to leave that up to God! And, partly, because I got real honest with God as I wrote and some of it is just too personal. You still love me, don't you?
So, on this first day of lament I started like this:

Have mercy on me, Lord, for my heart is bruised, and it hurts when certain thoughts touch it.
When I think of...it hurts.
When I think of...it hurts.
When I wonder if...it hurts.

And I continued on with God, pouring out my heart about past things which still affect me today.
Before you begin writing today, spend time in prayer with the Lover of you soul. Ask God what He wants you to bring out. Ask Him to bring to mind anything that you have kept closed off in your past. Don't look for solutions to the problems, just be honest about your feelings - remembering that God is your Safe Place and He can handle anything you have to say.
Come back tomorrow to write some more.

Write Your Own Psalm, Day One - My Safe Place

I am praying for you as you begin writing your psalm. Perhaps this is something you will want to share on your blog. If so, that's great. Go for it! But my greater desire is that you take this opportunity to enter into deeper fellowship with God - who is your Safe Place, who loves you so much, who wants you to pour your heart out to Him.
If you don't think you're a "good writer," please don't let that hold you back from writing your psalm. Let God love you through the process and just watch for Him to grow your faith!
I pray His blessing on you today.

The Writing Plan

With the hopes that you aren't tired of me plugging this write-your-own-psalm journey, I want to give one more invitation to join the adventure - as well as a little more explanation.
My intent in sharing this opportunity is not to begin a blog carnival. In fact it has nothing to do with blogging, except for the fact that I'm using my blog to reach out with the idea. My hope is that you will use the thoughts and suggestions I write about next week to spur you on in your own personal time with the Lord.
If you have a blog and you want to post your psalm as you write it, that's fine! I just want to be clear that I'm inviting you to participate for what God wants to do in your heart - that's all. I don't want someone to NOT do this activity because they don't want to share their writing, or because they don't have a blog.

Are we clear?

Good!

Now then, a little explanation about what you can expect from me next week...
I see Psalm 31 as four distinct sections, and that's how I wrote my psalm. I will discuss each section as we come to it, I'll share some or all of what I wrote in my psalm, and I will encourage you to spend time seeking God as He leads you in your own writing. Just so you know, I spent three days in one of those sections and I'm going to encourage you to do the same thing.
So we'll meet here Monday through Friday next week, and return the following Monday for a final celebration.
You can also expect me to be praying for you. In fact, I already have been. God knows which of you are joining me on this journey so I know He hears my prayers for you. But if you would like me to pray for you by name, please leave me a comment letting me know you're writing a psalm, or send me an email, and you can expect me to be praying for you personally.

May the joy of the LORD fill your heart this weekend.

See you back here Monday!

Pay It Forward

Look at this! I am now the proud owner of a genuine, one-of-a-kind, highly collectible, priceless, handmade refrigerator magnet, which was made by none other than MyADHDMe!
It arrived in the mail this week as part of a Pay It Forward blog project. And this is how the project continues...The first three people to comment on this blog post will receive something in the mail from me. (After you give me your address, of course!) After my item arrives in your mailbox, you will post about it on your blog and send a little goodie to the first three commenters on your post. And so the fun goes on.
The idea behind the goodie is that it should be something you made, yourself. To be honest, I do not know what I am going to make. Though I like the magnet MyADHDMe sent me, and I think I might be able to do something like that. I was also thinking I might give away my books. I mean, I didn't technically make them, but I did write them! Does that count???
Anyway, the first three commenters here will get something from me, and then you'll get to Pay It Forward.
Let the fun begin!

And don't forget about beginning our psalm-writing journey on Monday!

My Compassion Child

I am so excited! I just received my sponsor packet from Compassion International for the young girl I have "adopted." Her name is Yamileth, she is 13 years old, and she lives in Ecuador. When I went to Compassion's website to choose my sponsored a child, my heart quickened as I looked at Yamileth's picture. I can't explain it any other way except that God was nudging me to know this was the girl for me.
I have written her a note and enclosed a picture of my family which I will mail out tomorrow. And I sent Yamileth an email from Compassion's website today. Having read the stories of God using people to make a difference in the lives of children who are living in poverty, it thrills my heart to consider the hope I can hold out to this little girl.

Please us me, Lord!

And if you sense God nudging you to sponsor a child, too, just click on the button in my sidebar. You'll go right to Compassion's website where you can search for a child who is in need of someone like you to hold out hope to them.

BTW, I hope you're considering joining me on an adventrue to write your own psalm next week. Please spend some time reading Psalm 31!

What's on Your Mind '09? - Devotion edition

It's time for What's on Your Mind '09? again. This week Shane has asked us to write a devotion from Mark 1:40-45, and since I didn't do a video devotion yesterday, I decided to do one today. So, please join me while I share what's on my mind...

A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean."
Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured.
Jesus sent him away at once with a strong warning: "See that you don't tell this to anyone. But go, show yourself to the priest and offer the sacrifices that Moses commanded for you cleansing, as a testimony to them." Instead he went out and began to talk freely spreading the news. As a result, Jesus could no longer enter a town openly but stayed outside in lonely places. Yet the people still came to him from everywhere.
Mark 1:40-45

In case you're interested, the verses I quoted from Isaiah are 40:12-14 and 28-31.

To see what others have to say about Mark 1:40-45, visit Shane.
May the peace of Christ rest upon you today!

Weekend Report

Look who I met this weekend! It's Shane, from Heart Reflections. She and her mom came to the Kaleidoscope Conference where I was speaking, and Shane sat in on my Confessions talk.I was in my room chatting with a couple of women when Shane walked in. It was delightful to meet her, and I was thrilled that she made the trip to Michigan for the conference. As soon as I got over my excitement, though, I asked Shane if I could put her to work. There was no one designated to run Power Point for me and, while my mother-in-law said she would skip her Focus Group to do it, I told her I thought my friend would be willing to help. (Yes, I can be a bit presumptive. Make note of that fact, in case you ever come to hear me speak...I might just put you to work, too! *grin*)
It was so much fun for me to meet "the woman behind the blog," to talk face-to-face, and to discover that Shane really is as warm and kind as she seems in her writing. I hope God will bless me with opportunities to meet other blogging friends. Truly, I love the fellowship we have over the internet, but there's nothing quite like wrapping your arms around a sister's neck!

The theme for the conference was A Spirit of Trust, and as I reflect on everything that took place, I know trusting is what I need to do.
When I went to set up on Friday night, I was invited to join the committee members for a prayer meeting that was about to take place. God's perfect timing, you know. We had a wonderful time of individual and corporate prayer and as I left that place, I was confident God had heard us and that He would be at work among us Saturday morning.

But Saturday morning, I was tempted to be disappointed.

My talks, themselves, went well. Women in the audience seemed to be tracking with me and responding positively. That was all good. But as soon as my sessions were over, they needed to report to the next event on the schedule, which didn't leave time for me to interact with anyone regarding their reaction to the words I spoke.
While I love speaking, I can honestly tell you - my favorite part of any speaking event is the time I have to talk personally with women after it's all over. I love to hear how God has ministered to their hearts and given them hope that they "aren't alone" in this mothering thing. And as my Foucs Group attendees cleared out of the room to move on with the rest of the conference, I sadly realized I was going to miss that blessing this time around.
But as I sat and listened to the Key Note speaker at the end of the conference talking about trusting in the Lord, and not leaning on our own understanding, it was as if He was saying to me, Karen, don't lean on what you think is the measuring rod for whether or not I'm moving. Don't trust in the words of women. Trust in Me. I was listening last night. I brought these women here. Each one of them. I have been speaking to them today, just like I am speaking to you right now. Meeting them where they needed Me, just like I'm meeting you now. Trust Me, darling. I am moving and I know what I'm doing.
That's just the way God works, isn't it? He knows what we need, when we need it. He knows when and how to speak to us. And I trust that God was speaking through me, and each of the other speakers at Kaleidoscope - delivering to every woman exactly the life-giving words she needed to hear.

And that is my Weekend Report - Trust in the LORD with all your heart. He is faithful!!!

BTW, I know I have been posting a video devotion on Mondays lately, so maybe you were expecting one today. Fear not - tomorrow's What's on Your Mind '09? assignment is to write a devotion. I have it in my head, and if I can get the time to record it today, I'll post it here tomorrow!

What's on the Agenda?

To Do:
Make Friday's dinner.
Make Saturday's dinner.
Fold launrdy.
Go to the store.
Go to the post office.
Get gas.
Pick up Elizabeth's books.
Pack.
Practice new talk one more time.
Leave for Holland.

OK, thanks for bearing with me as I think through my day. I am sooooo looking forward to tomorrow and the opportunity to speak at the Kaliedoscope conference - as well as to meet a couple fellow bloggers.
And thanks to a sweet email I received from Larie yesterday, I am reminded that God has already worked out the details on this To Do list of mine - hence I am able to be anxious for nothing!
If you think about me tomorrow morning, please pray that God will speak through me to the heart of each woman present in my Focus Groups. Thank you!!!

I'll be back Monday with pictures. *grin*

Coming Soon - Write Your Own Psalm!

You may recall from previous posts that I have recently finished going through Psalm 31. Well, I took my meditation of this psalm a step further than I have done with previous psalms.
Remember the day I was lamenting being "stuck" in the discouraging verses? A few days later I was meeting with my mentor and shared the experience with her, and our conversation quickly went to some of my own areas of discouragement. It was at that point, Jenni suggested the further step. She said, "When you're finished going through the psalm, maybe you should write your own psalm of lament."
Because I love writing, because I know God speaks through Jenni, and because I like a challenge to grow my faith, I decided to follow Jenni's suggestion. So for the past week, I have been writing my own psalm - fashioned after Psalm 31.

Writing my own psalm has been such a great experience that I decided I wanted to share it with you. But I don't want to just show you what I have written. I want to invite you to join me on the journey. So, during the week of March 9 the subject matter here at Surviving Motherhood is going to be writing our own psalms, a la Psalm 31.
There aren't enough days between now and then for you to go through Psalm 31 one verse at a time, one day at a time. But if you think you might like to join me on this journey I would encourage you to start now going through Psalm 31. If you start right away you could meditate on just a couple verses each day and make it through. At the very least, I want to encourage you to read through it slowly and repetitively to become familiar with it in preparation for writing your own.

I do hope you'll consider doing this with me!

*****Edited to add*****
I won't ask you to share your writing publicly - of course you can do that on your blog if you choose. It's just that God has used this experience richly in me and I want to invite my friends to seek Him in this way, too.
Truth be told, I won't be sharing everything I wrote, either. Yes - believe it, or not, sometimes I hold back on what I write here. Not that I don't trust you, but I don't know when some people might be reading and I don't want to hurt any feelings by sharing something too personal.

Heart Laundry

I have been writing in my journal quite a bit lately - enjoying the way God speaks to my heart as I write. Today I want to share one of my recent entries with you.
A few weeks ago we were at a fun hotel for the weekend, and I found myself spending time in the laundry room because Matthew's "accidents" out-numbered the supply of pants he had packed for the weekend. Needless to say, I was not happy. So I grabbed my journal as I made my way to do the wash, knowing it would be good for me to pour my feelings out to God.
What I didn't expect was that as I was washing Matthew pants, God had plans to cleanse my heart. But I've learned that God often does the unexpected thing. And it's always good.
So if you're in need of a heart cleansing today, come with me to do some wash!

This time with my journal, I'm in the laundry room at Splash Universe. Because between yesterday and today Matthew has already wet and/or pooped in three pair of pants. Lord, I am so tired of this!!!
I know "someday" we'll be over this. I know "This, too, shall pass." But I'm living in it right now, and it's driving me nuts!
I simply cannot understand why an eight-year-old little boy cannot control his bodily functions. I'm tired and frustrated and ready to be done with this.

Pause for a moment of reflection conviction.

Lord, do You ever wonder why a 37-year-old grown woman cannot control her temper? Do You ever get tired and frustrated and feel ready to be done with me???
Father, thank You for Your patience with me. Thank You that You have compassion on me and that You extend amazing grace to me every single day. I do not deserve Your favor. I do not deserve Your unending compassion. But You give it to me anyway. Thank You for the blood of Jesus which covers all my sin and makes me white as snow. Thank You for giving Jesus so I could wear His righteousness - so I could experience your grace and forgiveness.
Thank You for giving Jesus so this 37-year-old grown woman - who ought to know better than to let petty accidents make her so angry - can be forgiven of her sin time and time again.

I am so thankful for God's grace and patience. Are you?
Whatever you're facing today, whether your heart is fresh or it needs some cleaning, I pray you will know the presence of our God and realize His grace in your life.

What's on Your Mind '09? - God's Call

What's on Your Mind '09? is a blog carnival which Shane started to challenge writers and encourage conversation. And the question of the week is, What area of ministry is God calling you to serve?
Honestly, I believe I am serving Him in everything I do. The Bible tells us to do all things as if we were doing them for God, and that really is the way I try to move about my day. Somehow folding laundry doesn't seem as tedious when I consider it an opportunity to serve my Lord, as I serve my family.

(That sounded waaaay too righteous. In reality I have moments when I pout about everything I have to do. Can't someone else do this? Why do I always have to do that? But God is shaping me, and I know one day I'll be like Him!)

Anyhoo, I know I am serving God when I'm doing laundry and making meals and getting groceries. I am serving Him when I am talking to the kids during their showers, when I am rubbing my husbands shoulders, and when I am shoveling snow from the driveway. Yes, this family is my first ministry.

Then there's my speaking and writing. I know God has also called me to serve Him by bringing words of hope and encouragement to women. This ministry to other women has been a tremendous blessing to me, and I am so thankful God has decided to use me in this way.

But there is another ministry to which He has called me, which I don't speak about much here on my blog. Though I don't mention it here, it is a ministry I simply love. This other ministry? Is caring for other people's children at Sunday School and MOPPETS.
Every Sunday at 9:15 you'll find me with the second and third grade girls at my church, and on the second and fourth Wednesday mornings of each month I'll be with the almost-three-year-olds in MOPPETS. These children are precious to me and I love the opportunity to be a part of their lives.
I see my time with my girls as an opportunity to be another significant adult in their lives - who can speak Truth to them and assure them of God's goodness at all times. Sometimes the girls confide in me about things which are troubling them at home or school. Sometimes they inspire me with their faith and understanding of who Jesus is. And sometimes we just have fun jumping rope and playing "Honey, if you love me."
While I enjoy my time in MOPPETS - playing Ring Around the Rosy, and giving piggy-back rides - I really see the time I spend with those children as a ministry to their moms. I KNOW they need that time away from their precious babies. They need encouragement and refreshing. But they need someone to care for their children, and that's where I come in. I get to play with the children while their moms enjoy themselves. Seems like a win-win to me! Who knew "serving" could be so much fun? *grin*

Serving God by loving children. That's my ministry. What about you? Where is God calling you to serve? To see what others have to say about it, visit Shane!

Do You Need Help?

Working with Compassion

I am absolutely delighted to be partnering with Compassion International to help bring hope to children around the world. If you have ever thought about sponsoring an impoverished child, I invite you to think about it again and join me in helping to change that child's life. Just click on this link and you can be on your way to sponsorship. Thank you!

My Days Are Numbered

My son, Joshua, is a fifth grader and wants to set the new pull-up record at school this spring. He has been "in training" for a few months now, working hard to acheive his goal. When Joshua began this venture, he asked me to arm-wrestle with him - just so he could see how strong he is. Let's just say, it was pretty easy for me to win.

The key word in the previous statement is WAS.

Did I mention Joshua has been working hard?

I have told Kevin (my trainer) that he needs to keep me from defeat, and he does occasionally give me exercises to work my forearm. (I have learned that's the main muscle used in arm-wrestling.) And I have fun teasing Joshua, telling him that Kevin is going to keep getting me stronger and stronger.
Well, Friday night Brian had to go back into the studio for something so the kids and I tagged along. Joshua asked if Brian would "give him a training session," and he was pleased to oblige.
At one point, I walked back to where they were to see how the training session was going. Joshua wanted to demonstrate one of his exercises for me. So I stopped and watched him. And, believe me, he was intense! As Joshua finished his demonstration, I heard Brian say, "Just don't tell her what that exercise is called," which, of course made me ask.
When I found out they had named the exercise "Karen Crusher," I became a bit concerned by the intensity with which Joshua was executing said exercise!

So, last night Joshua challenged me to an arm-wrestling match. As they have been for the past few weeks, this match was a close one. But I prevailed!
However, my little guy is getting stronger. And, as my DH pointed out, I'm getting older. Thanks, dear. Indeed...when it comes to being the arm-wrestling champ...
My days are numbered!

Psalm 31:24

Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the LORD.
Psalm 31:24

I have been going through Psalm 31 - one verse at a time, one day at a time - and today I came to the end. I always have a bit of a sad feeling when I finish a psalm, kind of the way you feel when you come to the end of a really good book. You know? You want it to keep going?

I delighted in the first eight verses - in which I was continually reminded that God is my Safe Place.
I endured the next five verses of anguish and despair, yet found God speaking to me even through the pain.
I was turned back to trusting God in the next five verses.
And I was reminded of the peace we find in the LORD through the next five verses.
Then came this wonderful summary at the end: Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD. It is as if David was telling us there will be trouble in our lives, but when we remember who God is (our Safe Place) and when we remember that we can trust Him, we can have confidence to know that all will be well.
The past few days have had "troubles of their own" around here as I have been facing challenges with my children. In the midst of those moments I have been so thankful for God's presence, and the peace He is able to infuse into my weary heart.
Today I can say, "I will be strong and take heart - because I hope in the LORD."
Are you with me?

What's on Your Mind '09? - Bad Things/Good People Edition

Shane at Heart Reflections began the What's on Your Mind '09? blog carnival to challenge writers and encourge conversation, and I am happy to participate again. Keep in mind, you do not need to have a blog to participate. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic in the comment section!

This week, Shane asks the question, Why do bad things happen to good people?
Now, I do not pretend to be a trained theologian, nor do I claim to have profund insights into this question which has been asked so often. But I have wondered about it quite a bit, and I believe God has given me as much understanding as this little brain of mine can handle. And that which He has given me, I share with you - in the hopes it will encourage you when you face "bad things."

I imagine the possible answers to the question Why do bad things happen to good people? are many, and most of the options are not very satisfying. Because we want justice and we want things to seem "fair," we don't like it when "bad" things happen to "good" people. It just doesn't seem right.
But one day as I was contemplating this question, it was as if God prompted me to consider the fact that maybe the "bad thing" is only a small part of a much bigger picture. Maybe the "bad thing" is part of a road which paves the way to a "very good thing."
I thought about the stories I had heard from some of these good people who have had bad things happen to them. And it seems each one of those people - though they didn't like the bad thing - saw that ultimately the end result was good. Very good.
*Perhaps someone has seen their character change for the better as they have faced challenging times.
*Maybe a person's faith in God grew as a result of their struggle.
*Perhaps a relationship was strengthened because of the trial which was endured together.
*Or maybe someone discovered a deeper, more personal walk with God because in their hard time they sensed His presence in a way they never had before.

And that was when I felt I had received one possible answer to this troubling query. Could it be God allows bad things to come into the lives of good people because He knows the very good lasting thing which will come as a result of the temporary pain?
I hope that in posing this possibility I do not come across as seeming unconcerned about the very real pain that good people have suffered. I know the pain is real, and I do not mean to trivialize any situation a person has endured.
But I know God is bigger than even our most intense pain, and He is convincing me that He longs to comfort us and pour His love out on His people whom He cherishes so intimately.

I thought about this truth Sunday night as I lay in bed, soaking my pillow with tears. I kept repeating, "God, I am so broken. I need You!" and I hated the way I was feeling. Part of me wondered why I need to struggle as I do. Why couldn't God just take away these hard times? I'm trying to follow Him, to be obedient, to be as "good" as I can be. Why must I still struggle???
But as I lay there, I could not deny His presence. I knew He was holding me. God, Himself, was assuring me of His love. And I was more aware of Him and His love for me in the midst of my tears, than I had been at any other point in my day.

I think sometimes God allows bad things to happen to good people so He can work very good things in their lives, and so He can draw them close to pour His love out on them.
**********************************************************************
This post reminded me of a picture of two of my children and I, which I just love. Joshua and Elizabeth were both sick and all they wanted to do was cuddle in my arms. I was not happy for their suffering, but I cherished having them so close to me.
I wonder if God feels the same way about us going through hard times?
For more What's on Your Mind thoughts, visit Shane!

Receiving His Love

TGIF

All I have to say today is - I hate "jumping lunges," I don't think I'm going to be able to walk tomorrow, and I'm glad I don't have to work out again until Monday.
Oh, and even though I sometimes hate Kevin during my workouts, I always think he's the greatest after I'm finished. And I'm always glad he pushed me hard.
Here's to growing through the hard times!

May the peace, grace and love of our wonderful Savior and King fall upon you this weekend.

Loving Jesus,

Calling all West Michigan Women!

If you live in West Michigan, or will be in the area on February 28, I would like to invite you to attend Kaleidoscope at Central Wesleyan Church in Holland. There will be a keynote speaker in the afternoon and two one-hour focus groups in the morning.
I am going to speak for two different focus groups. My first presentation will be Confessions of an Irritable Mother, and will follow the outline of my book. My second presentation is called, Don't Make Decisions While You're Running Uphill. This talk is one I prepared after writing a devotion by the same title.
I am looking forward to speaking at this conference and would love to have the privilege of meeting some West Michigan bloggers. Registration is only $13 until February 22, at which time it will be $15. I hope to see you there!

My Favorite Flair

Are you on Facebook?

If so, then you know about flair. If not, this statement is still for you.

This is the statement on my favorite piece of Facebook flair - proudly displayed on my corkborad.

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the Devil days, "Aw crap, she's up!"

The Devil is my enemy. He never wants to do anything to build me up or support the Kingdom of God. So I figure I want to be the kind of woman who makes his every day miserable.
Who'll join me???

What's on Your Mind '09? - 2 Corinthians 1

What's on Your Mind '09? is a blog carnival started by Shane at Heart Reflections to challenge writers and encourage conversation. And this week's assignment is to:

Read 2 Corinthians chapter 1 and share what moves in your heart.

Are you familiar with that chapter? The one that talks about Paul's hardships being used by God? He says we can comfort others because we have received comfort from God.
And I fully agree.
I love it when God uses the hard times I have faced as a mom to encourage and comfort other moms.
Absolutely love it!

However, as I read over this chapter again in preparation for this post, there was one verse in particular that grabbed my heart and spoke. You may not be surprised to learn that the verse starts with a big BUT. (If you haven't watched my devotion about big BUTs yet, click here!)
Paul spoke about the severe hardships he faced, to the point of feeling like he had been sentenced to death. And then he said,

But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.
2 Corinthians 1:9

I have never felt like I have received a sentence of death, but some days I have sincerely wanted to quit. I have wanted to turn in my Mommy badge and go back to being "just Karen." During those moments I have entertained thoughts of running away, and wondered if my kids would be better off without me.
And ultimately those moments have found me in tears on my knees, crying out to God as I realize once again, I cannot do this mothering thing - or any of life - without Him.
I cannot.
I cannot.
But with Him, I can.
Paul said, "But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead."
He raises the dead. He is that powerful.
And as I go through some incredibly challenging times I am reminded that I cannot rely on myself. I must rely on God - who is all powerful.

Indeed, God comforts me in my hard times and allows me to offer that comfort to others. He uses my hard times for the good of those around me. And I love it when He works that way.
Today, however, He is impressing me with the fact that my hard times are also for my good. My hard times cause me to rely on God - who raises the dead. My hard times cause me to rely on God - who can handle every single situation in which I find myself.
I cannot navigate through this life on my own, and God - in His graciousness - works in my circumstances to draw me to Himself.
He is that good.

But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.
2 Corinthians 1:9

That's how He touched my heart today. How 'bout you???
If you'd like to read more 2 Corinthians 1 thoughts, visit Shane.

This Time I Like a Big But

Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.
My life is consumed by anguish and my years with groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,
and my bones grow weak.
Because of all my enemies,
I am the utter contempt of my neighbors;
I am a dread to my friends-
those who see me on the street flee from me.
I am forgotten by them as though I were dead;
I have become like broken pottery.
For I hear the slander of many;
there is terror on every side;
they conspire against me and plot to take my life.

But I trust in you, O LORD;
I say, You are my God."

Psalm 31:9-14

When the Scriptures Come to Life

Last evening was not a good time at my house. Brian was late getting home and my kids were in rare form. It seemed everyone needed to ask me questions at the same time, no one could remember how to do simple tasks like - oh - setting or clearing the table, the boys were in a nearly constant state of "bicker," and Matthew's ADHD appeared to be in over-drive.
I was trying to speak calmly and kindly to them. I really was. But after about the one hundredth time of telling them to stop fighting and start clearing the table, I couldn't take it anymore. I made a very fast exit from the kitchen, announcing that I was going to my room so I wouldn't scream at the kids. Once in my room, I dropped to my knees and begged God to calm me down and give me strength.
In the background I could hear my children verbalizing their realization that I was really upset with them. And I wondered, Was it the storming out of the room that did it? Weren't my repetitive demands and heavy sighs enough to clue them in on the fact that their behavior was out of line???
Whatever it was, I could tell they were sorry and were ready to change their tune.
So I emerged from my room and we started over.

An hour later, I was taking Joshua to the store so he could use a gift card to get a neat hat he wanted. As we drove, he apologized several times for the way he had behaved around the dinner hour. He said if he had any money left on his gift card, I could use it for something I wanted. He even offered to share his Slurpee with me.
Knowing Joshua was trying to "make it up to me," I thanked him for the offer, but told him he could use all of his gift card on the things he wanted. I told him the thing I really want is just for him to do what he knows is right. I said, "I don't want your 'things,' Joshua. I want your obedience." He nodded and said, "OK," as if he truly understood.
And I smiled, hoping he would take my words to heart.
Then it dawned on me, I've heard those same words before, haven't I?

Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.
1 Samuel 15:22

Sometimes He really does make the Scriptures come to life!

The Surgery Story

OK. I have had some requests for the brain surgery story, so - here goes!

When I was thirteen years old I started having strange episodes when I would get a little dizzy and have sort of heavy breathing. As this was happening, I also got pictures in my head of people or places that seemed familiar to me - but as I thought about it I realized they were only familiar from other episodes. Needless to say, I thought I was weird. I never said anything about these events to another person for fear they would think I'm crazy, too.

Fast forward about ten years.

I was now a "professional" woman, working with customers, and I realized these episodes might become a problem. Whenever one of them occurred I had to concentrate very hard to continue paying attention to what was going on around me. If I let myself, I could just "check out" for a minute or two and come back to reality when the pictures were gone. I didn't want to be with a customer, space out, and then ask a question which had just been answered 30 seconds ago. So when I went in for my annual check-up, I mentioned these incidents to my doctor.
Honestly, I thought maybe I had poor iron or low blood sugar. I really didn't think it was going to be a big deal. I just wanted to take care of the little problem before it became a real problem.
But my doctor said those episodes sounded like seizures to him, and sent me to a neurologist.
The neurologist confirmed my doctor's suspicion and for the next seven years I tried various anti-convulsants in different doses, but nothing controlled the seizures. Ultimately, my neurologist said no drug was going to work. Though I had never had a grand mal seizure he said there was no way to guarantee the little ones wouldn't become big ones, and he recommended brain surgery.
At first I thought the idea of brain surgery was crazy, but as we consulted with doctors it just made sense.
I went through lots of testing and monitoring in preparation - including one test when I had half of my brain "put to sleep" at a time and then had to perform various tasks. That was fun!
On January 30 or 31, 2003 (Can't remember exactly which day...) I had one surgery to have electrodes implanted directly on my brain. These electrodes allowed the doctors to monitor my seizures and find the exact part of my brain from which the seizures originated. Then, on February 12 I had another surgery in which they removed a portion of my brain about as big as the tip of your pinky finger. And with the removal, I gained a great excuse for whenever I do stupid things. Give me a break, I don't have a whole brain anymore! LOL

In the end I realized the whole ordeal really wasn't about me or my seizures. It was about God being glorified. I had so many opportunities - to share my faith, to pray for other people, and to trust in His care for me - that I would not have had if it weren't for my situation. Once again, God showed His goodness and power to me very intimately.
And the bonus is - I have been seizure-free ever since the surgery!

Get Me Out of Here!

My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.
Psalm 31:10

How's that for an uplifting bit of scripture?
The previous few days have been like it. And it's going to stay this way for a few more.
I am going through Psalm 31 right now - one verse at a time, one day at a time. A few years ago, when I first started going through the Psalms this way I saw it as a spiritual discipline - as in "activity." Today I am thinking of "discipline" more along the lines of unpleasant work through which one must go for the greater good.
I truly must discipline myself to stay with the verse of the day. I know "better" words are coming and I sooooo want to skip past the current ones to get to the verses that talk about God's goodness, His faithfulness, and our deliverance.
Can you blame me?
Anyone else want to meditate on being consumed with anguish and grief for a whole week???
But today as I sat and thought about how I was feeling -
*trapped
*sorrowful
*desperate to move on
*knowing there is something better to come, but held in the moment of anguish
- God's Spirit spoke to my heart. I realized there are so many times I am in a situation which is difficult and the only thing I can think about is getting out of it. In those moments I do feel trapped and desperate and powerless.
And I thought about people I know right now who are feeling trapped and desperate and powerless. People who are dealing with cancer. Death. Depression. Relational strife. Economic struggles.
I thought about the fact that when we're in these situations - and we know who God is - we are desperate for the better times to come. We want to skip past the next few "verses" and get quickly to the part about God's goodness and faithfulness, and our deliverance. We know God can do it, and we want to see it right now.
Then it was as if He said to me, But Karen, I am good and I am faithful right now. And deliverance will come.

God then reminded me of what He had said before. I referred back to verse seven several times.

I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. Psalm 31:7

God used those words to assure me of His presence in our pain. He knows the anguish of my soul. He is that close!!!
When I am feeling trapped and desperate and powerless, when I just want to scream, "Get me out of here!" God is reminding me that He is here. He will hold me through the next few verses until we get to the part about deliverance.
And even then, He won't let me go.

My friend, if today you are longing to skip the next few verses, please hold on a little tighter to our God.
He is good and He is faithful right now. And deliverance will come.

What's on Your Mind '09? - To be or NOT to be...

Shane began the What's On Your Mind '09? blog carnival to challenge writers, and this week's topic - without question - challenges writers.
The assignment? Write an entire post without using any form of the verb "be." For those of you who wonder, that means no using: am, are, is, was, were, been, or be.
Shane said we could write about anything at all. Since I have received so many tags on Facebook to write "25 Random Facts" about myself, I decided to make those facts my "non-be-using" post.
Yes, I have chosen the wimpy way out. Composing 25 individual statements without that taboo word requires significantly less thought and effort than would an entire post of one flowing thought. (I just avoided writing, "Writing 25 things is easier than a continuous thought." See? Effort and thought cometh!) Nevertheless, I will write what I want to write!

So, here we go. Twenty-five random things you probably didn't know about me, and most likely will forget by tomorrow:
1. I favor hot pink over all other colors.
2. I started shaving my legs at age 11. Secretly. But the secret didn't last long.
3. I got my ears pierced at age 12.
4. At age 13, I double pierced my left ear secretly. That secret lasted about 6 weeks.
5. My mom allowed me to get the right ear doubled – even though she had initially threatened to kick me out of the house if I ever got double pierced ears.
6. I got the left one triple pierced at age 18.
7. My most embarrassing moment occurred when I fell down the steps in an auditorium filled with my peers.
8. I have had roughly 70 stitches in my head.
9. About half of those stitches came with brain surgery at age 31.
10. The rest came from various accidents between ages 4 and 10.
11. I believe some of my quirkiness may now make sense to you. *grin*
12. I used to have a dream of performing on Broadway.
13. I performed on the same stage as Barry Manilow. (OK, not at the same time, but still!)
14. I sang in Carnegie Hall during my senior year in high school.
15. During my freshman year of college I belonged to a vocal jazz ensemble.
16. Sometimes the dark still scares me.
17. I sing to calm my fears.
18. And to ease my temper.
19. I can tie a cherry stem in a knot using just my teeth and tongue.
20. I can move my eyes independently of one another.
21. With two of my fingers, I can bend my top knuckle, while keeping my bottom knuckle straight.
22. I love chili with cinnamon rolls.
23. I like dipping grilled cheese sandwiches in tomato soup.
24. And toasted peanut butter and jelly in chicken noodle soup. (Remember the head trauma! LOL)
25. I hope my "weirdness" will not prevent you from continuing to read my blog. *grin*

For more What's on Your Mind '09? fun, visit Shane.

Now, I dare you to leave a comment without using any form of the verb "be." Go ahead. I dare you! *grin*

Who Will Help Me?

For this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them. As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land. I will pasture them on the mountains of Israel, in the ravines and in all the settlements in the land. I will tend them in a good pasture, and the mountain heights of Israel will be their grazing land. There they will lie down in good grazing land, and there they will feed in a rich pasture on the mountains of Israel. I myself will tend my sheep and have them lie down, declares the Sovereign LORD.
Ezekiel 34:11-15

Awwww, I just learned that Surviving Motherhood was voted among the Top 100 Christian Womens' Blogs for 2008. That absolutely blesses my heart.

I pray every time you visit here, you will find yourself refreshed, encouraged, and inspired to draw closer to our Lord.

Thank you so much to whoever it was that voted for me. *grin*